#emotionial issues
…
Roman was pacing. He was sure by now he was wearing holes in the floor, his scales up and rattling as he moved, vibrating with his frustration and conflicting thoughts, needing to burn off the extra nervous energy somehow.
Virgil’s bitter laughter was stuck in his head. The look on his face, so defeated and so devastated, so… sure, that what he was saying was true. He thought he was a waste of space, a nuisance, a… danger. And he was… right? Why did thinking that sound so bad, now, when it was what he’d been thinking all along?
Hadn’t he made it clear? He didn’t like Virgil, didn’t trust him, thought he was a danger and a threat and he hated leaving him to his own devices, hated him spending nights alone with Patton, hated knowing he could be lurking literally anywhere, how he slipped into shadows, how he could be totally undectable. If he’d had his way, they would have left Virgil on the planet they found Patton on, without a second glance.
So why did he feel so… guilty, hearing his own words thrown back in his face? That was how he felt, he’d never tried to hide it, but he wasn’t sure now that he was… right.
Because seeing Virgil sprawled on the bathroom floor, blood leaking from his head, seeing him curled on the floor, hyperventilating and clawing at himself, seeing him trapped in his own mind, in whatever horrors his brain had conjured, had shaken something within him, had broken his resolve to dislike and hate the human with all his might.
He had every reason, to hate humans, to distrust them, to not want them anywhere near his family.
But… but if Virgil were any other race, any other species, he wouldn’t hesitate to take Virgil under his wing, to protect him like one of his own, to swear him a life debt for protecting Patton, for saving him, for getting him out.
It wasn’t fair.
He… wasn’t being fair.
He jumped, at a knock on his door, taking a moment to take a deep breath, to settle his scales, before opening the door, not meeting Logan’s eyes.
“Hey, teach.”
“Roman… are you… alright?” He flinched at the question, tail swishing across the floor in agitation, considering trying to bluff his way out of this encounter, before letting out a long breath, slowly shaking his head, instead.
“No. I… don’t think I am.” He mumbled, drawing back from the doorway and sitting down on the floor, leaning against the wall and staring up at the ceiling. “I… it’s my fault, isn’t it? That he hid he was ill. He was right, about what I thought of him, but I don’t think that I was right, anymore. Does that make any sense?” He muttered the last question, feeling Logan settle into his chair, one hand tapping against the desk.
“It does. It was not your fault, not entirely, at least. Likely, your attitude did nothing to help his self esteem or self worth, and did lead to him isolating himself further, but he would likely be doing that anyways. It not a simple cause and effect, Roman. There are plenty of already underlying issues already in place.”
“those scars, Logan. What must they have done to him?” Logan shook his head, hands fidgeting mindlessly as he winced.
“They were harvesting him. Blood, Plasma, Adrenaline, other unique human biochemicals. It was much more… painful, physically, than what was done to me. And once they had drained him dry, they were going to sell him for parts.“ Roman growled, a sound so low and deep he could barely even hear him.
“Roman-”
“It’s barbaric, Logan. I know humans are supposed to be vicious monsters who care nothing for their own but… but that isn’t true! He has clan, Logan, he cried out for them. They took him and tortured him and it doesn’t matter, what species he is that isn’t right!” he yelled, shoving to his feet and starting to pace once more. “it isn’t right, and I haven’t been right, in how I’ve treated him, but it’s so hard, to look at him and not see-“ he broke off, breath catching, scales flattening, almost halving his size, struggling for a long moment to shove away the memories.
“I understand, Roman. You have every reason to be angry and conflicted over his presence here, and I know it is hard to differentiate but you must realize, just like any species, not all humans are the same. He’d been through hell, and instead of it making him cold and cruel he protected Patton, to make sure the same wouldn’t happen to him. He is so focused on everyone else’s wellbeing that he badly neglects his own.” He answered, watching Roman pace, tail swishing back and forth.
“what do I do, Logan? How… I don’t know how to stop, how to change what I feel, when I look at him, the fear that flashes through me every time he moves too fast, every time he steps towards Patton, steps towards you, I know he doesn’t mean to hurt anyone, but that doesn’t change that he could hurt everyone.”
“Stop solely vilifying him. Talk to him. Learn about him. Knowledge of something erases the fear of the unknown. If you can’t trust him, that’s understandable. But you can reach some sort of civil understanding, I’m sure.” Roman let out a soft snort of amusement.
“of course, your advice is to study. Not that you aren’t right, as always, teach.” Logan’s hand did a small twirl, his sign for relief or content in his weaving. None of them could comprehend every movement meaning, no matter how often he tried to explain them all, but they knew the basic styles and attitudes of his motions. “thank you, Logan.” He mumbled, ducking his head, a sign of respect to elders, one he rarely used, rarely admitted to not knowing something or being wrong, but Logan deserved it.
“Thank you for listening. I’ll let you sort out your thoughts.” Logan murmured, brushing against Roman gently, purposefully lingering for a moment in the brief contact in support, as he slipped out the door, and down the hall to his own room. He would try to take his own advice to Patton and get some sleep, though he doubted it would come easily. There was too much, on his mind, his hands struggled to keep track of it all.
Perhaps he’d try and draw, for a bit. He was getting rather good at using two hands simultaneously, and it would give him something to focus on instead of dwelling on his own worries and concerns over Virgil. It would clear his mind, and allow him to try and organize his thoughts into some semblance of coherency, because he was going to have to convince Virgil that they didn’t just care out of guilt, that they wanted him to have a chance at an actual life, and he was sure that was a truth Virgil both didn’t want to face, and didn’t know how to comprehend. But he would have to. Because Logan was not going to let this downward spiral continue a moment longer. Not when it had very nearly cost Virgil his life.
