more than friends ? | s. eric

pairing: neighbour!eric x fem!reader
wc: 2.8k words
synopsis: you’re kinda feeling down in your bedroom, but your mom comes in to tell you something that will make you feel a bit better.
genre: fluff, angst, a bit cliché, comfort, self-indulgent
tw: the reader is not doing her best mentally, she’s lonely and insecure.

╰☆☆☆☆╮

Headphones glued to your ears, you didn’t hear your mother frantically knock on your bedroom door and call your name.

“Y/N, I know you hate us coming in without knocking, but you couldn’t hear me,” she said as you jumped when you saw the door swinging open, removing your set from your ears after pausing the episode you were watching. Your mother’s eyebrows slightly furrowed as she noticed the frown on your face but didn’t raise it, leaning her hand on your desk.

“I just saw Ericleaving his house as I was taking out the trash, he asked me to tell you that he’s going to the beach to chill with some friends, and you are more than welcome to tag along,” she explained, and you nodded, not showing a lot of enthusiasm, much to her dismay.

A few months ago, your former neighbours had to move out because of the father’s job abroad, welcoming another family into their home instead. They were quiet and nice, the son frequented the same college as yours and was legitimately a bundle of energy which was quite your opposite.

“I don’t feel like hanging out with anyone right now,” you emotionlessly said after sighing deeply.

“I know that you’re disappointed since you discovered that your friends betrayed you, but that doesn’t mean everybody will be fake and abandon you!” your mother exclaimed, and you just shrugged.

“You never know, not everyone has a kind heart. And it seems like I’m stupidly naive enough to be friends with toxic people without intending it,” your mother sighed at your stubbornness, but she didn’t insist. She knew that you were already suffering enough to be alone, feeling loved by no one. She kissed your temple and gently rubbed your back, telling you that she allowed you to join Ericand his friends if you wanted to, before leaving your room.

Groaning in frustration as the episode you were watching was the last, you closed your computer screen and stared at the logo, feeling jealous that all young adults around your age were having fun in groups while you were alone in your bedroom, your brother not even talking to you on the rare occasions he was home.

Walking to your closet, you lazily got out a swimsuit, quickly putting it on before covering yourself with a pair of sweatpants and a large t-shirt. You didn’t plan on going in the water, but maybe hanging out with people your age would get you out of your comfort zone and turn acquaintances into new friends. Or simply meet new people, because you were getting tired of the long process it was to become close with someone, only to end up disappointed by them in the end.

“Mom, I’m going!” you yelled from the entrance, and she hummed in response.
“Have fun and be safe! Text me when you get there,” you promised her to be careful and walked out the door, following the pavement till you arrived at the beach.

You removed your light shoes from your feet and sunk them in the lukewarm sand, feeling at ease as the sound of the waves crashing on the ground reached your ears over the wind. Many groups of friends or couples were there, eating and laughing together. It made you feel even more like a loner, but you quickly chased this thought away by shaking your head, not wanting it to change your mind and force you to go home.

“Y/N! Over here!” you heard a bright, familiar voice in the distance, turning around as you involuntarily walked past your neighbour and his group of friends. A few of them raised their arms in the air to draw your attention, Ericvisibly happy that you eventually decided to join them. He jogged towards you and wrapped his arm around your shoulders, his display of affection startling you.

“I’m so happy you’re here, it’s been so long since I last saw you! Come on, the water is still warm!” he said as he drew on your arm, but you answered negatively to his offer.
“I don’t really want to get in the water Eric, I’m tired,” you explained, and Eric’s eyes widened, disheartened at your answer.
“Are you sure you’re okay? Because Y/N saying no to going in the water, you must not feel good at all,” his face twisted into worry, but you offered him a tired smile.
“I just have a lot going on right now, and it drains me out a lot,” you repeated, and you were happy that Ericdidn’t pressure you into telling him what was wrong.
“Okay… you can talk to me if you need it, I’ll gladly listen,” you thanked him and watched him hurry in the water with his friends.

“Hi,” you said with a slight smile as you sat on the sand next to Sangyeon, the only one you knew best aside from Eric, and he shifted on the picnic tablecloth to make some room for you.
“Hi Y/N, thank you for coming. Ericwas becoming very whiny since you weren’t showing up,” you almost lost your balance as you looked at him in bewilderment, your heart panging in surprise at his words, and Sangyeon confirmed them by a nod.

“Since that time you helped him take pictures for his Instagram, he won’t shut up about you and your skills,” he giggled, and you were surprised, to say the least, not really expecting your neighbour to enjoy your company that much.

“Well I’m glad I managed to make him happy,” you mumbled as you watched him and his friends acting like fools in the water, the sight tugging a smile on your face. You were tempted to join them, but for some reason, tonight felt different. You were too much in your thoughts to even consider having fun, going there was just an attempt on clearing your mind from everything.

“Y/N! Come have fun with us, please!”Ericwhined from the water, slapping its surface in a groan as you negatively shook your head with a small, amused smile. He looked like a child throwing a tantrum, making Sangyeon next to you laugh. Kevin, Juyeon and Changmin joined the youngest in his sulk, encouraging you to change your mind.

“Ugh, fine,” you said as you stood up, the guys cheering when they saw you take off your shirt. You shook your head again, Sangyeon removing his as well. The sight of his bare, broad torso had your eyes widening and quickly turning your back to the beach, trying not to let any emotion show on your face.

You giggled as some of the guys whined and groaned in frustration when they saw their friend shirtless, comparing the size of their abs and biceps with him, while Ericwas too busy silly dancing in the water as you arrived near him, his goofy attitude making you smile. He tried sprinkling some water on you with his fingers, but a quick, stern look was enough for you to make him stop.

“Keep doing that and I’m going home,” you warned, and Ericshook his head, immediately apologising.
“Okay, okay, I’ll stop. But come on, don’t just wet your feet!” He whined, and you rested your hands on your hips, letting the small waves crash on your calves.
“The water is a little bit cold if you didn’t notice, I’m just taking my time to come in,” you explained, and Eric got closer, wrapping his arm around your shoulders to pull you quicker in the water.
“Wait, wait-” you said, but next thing you know, you were sunk in the ocean to the neck, feeling the freshwater surrounding your body. You hissed but smiled as your neighbour stood in front of you, offering you a piggyback ride.

“Hold on, Eric! Do you think Y/N would want to play at ourgame?”Changmin asked, and your neighbour immediately nodded, showing you how Younghoon let Chanhee sit on his shoulders, Sunwoo doing the same with Kevin, the two guys on top trying to push each other and lose balance to fall into the water.

“I think yeah! Okay Y/N, get on my shoulders!”Ericexcitingly said, but you stopped him right before he sank in the water, his surprised face making you giggle.
“Not to upset you or anything, but I don’t want to break your back,” you explained.
“Come on Eric, she needs a strongman,”Sangyeon approached the two of you, a teasing look painted on his face as he emphasised the adjective, slightly nudging Ericaway. Your neighbour grunted, and you rolled your eyes at their little game filled with testosterone. Ericswam towards Juyeon and jumped on his shoulders like he was as light as a newborn, the older feeling the aftermath of Eric’s weight on his body with a groan.

Sangyeon sunk in the water, and you wrapped your legs around his shoulders, the young man standing back up like he was carrying a feather. His strength surprised you, and you struggled to find your balance as he walked closer to Juyeon and Eric, who seemed determined to get you off his friend’s shoulders. Sangyeon’s hands gripped on your knees as you started to fight with Eric, giggling in anticipation as you could find yourself in the water in a matter of seconds.

However, this fight broke between Sangyeon and Juyeon as well, the latter trying to tickle his friend, giving you and Eric unstable foundations to fight. You still managed to push Eric in the water, earning cheers from Sangyeon and the rest of the group.

“Nice job, Y/N!” Sangyeon exclaimed as he squeezed your ankle, shyly thanking him right before the rest of the group started a water fight around you two. You shrieked as Sangyeon sunk underwater to get you off his shoulders, and both swim away from the fight. They all laughed as you thought you could reach the ground, but you disappeared underwater, lacking a few centimetres to be able to stand on your feet. You coughed out water as you involuntarily swallowed some, making you shiver at the saltiness of it as the boys giggled.

“Younghoon can barely touch the ground where you are, come back to us!” Sangyeon said, and you obeyed, the water fight now finished, leaving them exhausted and laughing at Eric, who tried to justify his defeat against you.
“You can get your revenge next time we come here,” you said as you exited the water, feeling tiredness and hunger taking over your body.

You let out a groan of despair when you noticed that you had forgotten a towel to dry yourself, shivers starting to seize your body violently. The air was cool since it was already the evening, and you didn’t know what to do.

“Fuck,”you cursed under your breath, and Ericappeared next to you, a questioning look on his face.
“What’s wrong?”
“I forgot my beach towel at home,” you said as you started collecting your clothes and your small bag, sliding your wet feet in your shoes, ready to rush back home in the hope to get some warmth. Ericemitted a small noise of surprise and fumbled through his bag quickly as if he could find anything in his bag before you left.

It’s with surprise that you watched him withdraw a huge towel from his backpack, still wondering how he could fit it in his small sports bag.

“Here, take it,” he whispered before shoving it in your hands, watching him run back in the water. You didn’t have time to thank him that his whole body was back underwater, playing again with his friends as if nothing had happened.

You were too cold to refuse anything, so you wrapped the towel around your body after dropping your stuff back in the sand, sitting on the floor next to the calm figure of Sangyeon. He looked so peaceful and serene that you couldn’t help but envy happy, carefree people.

Bringing your knees to your chest, you were enveloped in Eric’s towel, watching the rest of the group enjoying themselves in the water as you smelt the comforting scent of his laundry. They were coming out of the sea one after the other, running to their towel as they were shivering. Once you felt dry enough to put your clothes back on, you stood up and rushed to the seaside with your friend’s towel as he sprung out of the water and huddled himself in the cotton fabric.

“I wish I had taken my own so you wouldn’t have to dry yourself with something so humid, I’m really sorry,” you apologised, but Ericjust laughed, happy that you were taking care of him by vigorously rubbing his back.

“It’s okay Y/N, it’s nothing,” as guilt was starting to eat you, you offered him a saddened smile, which contrasted with the bright one that was decorating his lips, your hand on his back gently pushing him to go back to his friends in the sand.

“We’re gonna get pizzas,” Kevin said as you both arrived next to the group, “we would all love if you joined us,” he said while his eyes shifted to you, him smiling as you blinked a few times.

“Hum, sure!” you said, showing him the brightest smile you could as your mind was still surrounded by dark thoughts. Your heart felt warm in your chest, happiness sparkled in your brain, but for some reason, you weren’t able to show it, and you mentally cursed yourself for that.

When you were all sitting down in booths with pizza shoved in your mouths, you felt like your sorrow had reduced by half. You were seated between the wall and Eric, Juyeon and Sangyeon facing you two. The atmosphere was light as your stomach was starting to hurt at how much you were laughing. It felt almost right as if you were part of this group since the beginning.

You noticed that Ericwas sometimes glancing at you just to see if you were okay, and his heart skipped a beat when he saw you with a bright smile on your face, his lips mimicking yours. Yes, bags under your eyes made you look exhausted, yet your neighbour still found you beautiful. Sangyeon and Juyeon exchanged knowing looks as Ericcouldn’t tear his eyes off you when you were telling a story, his frank laugh echoing in the booth each time you told something funny.

Your happy mood slowly faded as the time to leave was getting closer, each going in separate ways, except for you and your neighbour. You still managed to have a slight smile on your lips as you were talking about everything and nothing, arriving too soon at the gate of your house.

“Thank you for offering me to join you, it’s really nice of you,” your voice trailed as you wrapped your fingers around one of the spikey metal bars of your gate, Eric’s smile almost illuminating the neighbourhood sunk in plain darkness. You felt like crying but thickly swallowed the lump in your throat, compensating your emotions with a smile. He pretended not to see your eyes slightly glistening more under the street light, but his heart cracked as you were battling with the demons inside your head in front of him, feeling as helpless as ever.

“We all love to have you around. I noticed that you tend to eat alone during lunch breaks at college, so if you see us, please free to join us, even if it’s just to hang out, okay? We’ll always be here, and you’ll never bother us,” you nodded and thanked him, eyes soon diverting to your house.

Eric’s hand lifted to rub your shoulder, and you stared back at him, his lips drawn in a gentle smile.

You took in a deep breath and smiled too, your heart fastening as you couldn’t keep eye contact. He smiled at your shy attitude and leaned forwards, pressing a gentle kiss on your cheekbone. You blinked a few times as you got startled by his actions, the tip of his ears going red as he took a step back, his hand scratching the back of his head.

“Goodnight Y/N, I’ll see you soon,” he started walking backwards, and your heart fluttered weirdly inside your ribcage, feeling a new emotion.

As if he was slipping away from your fingers, you rushed back to him and wrapped your arms tightly around his neck, nuzzling your face against him. He remained shook but eventually wrapped his arms around your figure as you were about to pull away, humming the mix of your shampoo and the sea that fragranced your hair.

You felt both shy when you pulled away from the embrace, regret invading your heart as you wished it had lasted longer. You wordlessly waved at him before trotting back to your gate, slamming it shut as you rushed inside your house. Ericfondly smiled, feeling lucky that he was part of the reason for your growing happiness.

He couldn’t wait to see your gauge of joy at its maximum capacity, thanks to him.

☆ friends-to-lovers!eric au
tw:quite a bit of angst and unrequited love, suggestive themes, breakups, and alcohol

“when we went to the history museum for our last trip of eighth grade, eric and i snuck off into the egypt exhibit. we were the only ones there and i had never seen eric so afraid - so raw and vulnerable and clinging onto me for dear life - he was taller than me back then, yet he felt so small like i should have held him my palm and closed my fingers. i wanted nothing more than to keep him safe.”

• eric doesn’t understand how to convert improper fractions to mixed numbers and that’s the real reason why he becomes your best friend in the tenderfoot walls of your sixth-grade classroom
• you like math and eric gags when you say that
• he has friends everywhere and you only really talk and hang out with two other people
• it shouldn’t work, but it does
• you mumble divide the numerator by the denominator in the shy voice of someone who still has a curfew
• eric goes “OH!” like you’ve just told him the secret to life
• in high school you become more open and confident
• eric helps a lot with that, he pulls you out from the shadows, and soon enough you aren’t afraid of the light that shines brightly from other peoples attention
• you still really like math and eric still really hates it
• you spend all four years over at his place before math tests trying to teach him the entirety of a months curriculum in the span of two hours
• it’s enough that he doesn’t flunk any of his core classes - but you admit that most of the studying is just an excuse to hang out and watch tv and talk about all the gossip that happens when you’re sixteen and have nothing to lose
• it’s also in high school that you get your first boyfriend
• and it’s in high school that eric realizes
• oh shit, im in love with them?
• it happens over spring break, eric bikes past your house and stops to ask your parents if you’re home
• your mother touches his shoulder softly and singsongs about how you’re out on a date with some boy you met at the mall
• eric learns about changmin when class starts again and you have hearts in your eyes and people are gasping when you walk by in the halls because changmin is in the year above you and he’s on the school’s tennis team
• eric doesn’t think that’s impressive, he’s on the soccer team and he can skateboard
• he says this to sunwoo who eats his lunch in total silence as eric runs his mouth a mile a minute about every little thing he doesn’t seem to like about changmin
• “have you ever even talked to him?”
• sunwoo finally points out, mouth half full of rice, and eric scrunches up his nose just at the notion
• “no.”
• “then how do you know he’s all those horrible things?”
• eric picks his board up and leaves his lunch on the table to stalk off in response
• sunwoo rolls his eyes and reaches for the leftovers
• the big green monster that eric doesn’t yet understand completely is jealousy rages on for the month you date changmin
• eric hates that he isn’t happy for you like everyone else seems to be and he wishes he could actually feel something that isn’t a thunderstorm of anger, shame, and loneliness
• he gets told it’s puberty - his body shakes its head and explains that heartbreak can be a fickle thing
• “don’t be stupid, sixteen-year-olds don’t fall in love.”
• your friend says to you when eric passes you in the hall in tears
• he doesn’t stop the natural reaction to squeeze past all the mumbling bodies to get to you and wrap his hands around your wrists
• “eric?”
• your voice is small and he hasn’t properly spoken to you since you and changmin became….whatever
• he’s been doing so fucking bad in math
• “what happened?”
• “changmin and i broke up……he broke up with me….i don’t know what i did wrong?”
• eric confronts changmin who is laughing with some other upperclassmen outside of the gym, eric is shorter but he has slightly more muscle
• of course - he’s never been in a fight in his life
• and when he asks changmin, what the hell his problem is, changmin doesn’t get all in his face like eric thinks he should - like boys do in movies
• his eyes just soften a little and he tells eric that he likes you, he does, but it’s just he likes someone else a little more
• eric doesn’t wrap his head around that answer - who could changmin, actually who could anyone in the world, like more than you?
• you’re smart and you’re kind and you’re always putting other people first and you have lips that look like they’d taste faintly of peaches and eric lays in bed every day thinking about what it would be like to touch them you know…….with the pad of his finger or with his own mouth
• he stares at changmin and changmin smiles back like he knows something better than eric does
• eric decides he still doesn’t like him but he walks away from the situation because he knows you can’t fault people for falling in and out of love
• but seriously - who in this school even measures up to you? changmin must be out of his mind.
• eric repeats the sentiment to you when he’s sitting criss-cross on your bedroom floor and you’re rolling your eyes and telling him to shut up and do problem number five on the trig worksheet
• in what feels like the blink of an eye, you and eric enter your senior year, and eric decides he’s going to do something about how he feels
• sunwoo claps him on the back as they skate into the school parking lot
• “finally gonna ask them ou-”
• his words die in his mouth when eric slides himself into a full stop in front of a student who has been puppy dog eyes for him since they transferred here last semester
• they giggle when eric says something, sunwoo doesn’t like where this is going
• eric kicks his board up into his right hand and offers his left to them, sunwoo really doesn’t like where this is going
• eric turns to his friend over their shoulder before the couple disappears into the school doors, he gives him a thumbs up and sunwoo flips him off
• what a goddamn idiot
• you hit it off with eric’s significant other right away
• they’re bubbly and they want you to tell them all about eric and you love eric (as a friend) so you’re ready to spill the secret to making him happy
• except when they start asking about specifics you don’t know exactly what to say
• “what’s his favorite food, color, game, band, etc. etc. etc.”
• you know all the answers but those aren’t the things you want to let them know about eric
• you want to talk about the face he makes when you roll over and try to wake him up after you both fall asleep in the summer sweetgrass after camp, all nose twitching and hands up to shield his eyes from the sun
• you want to talk about how eric actually hates big empty spaces because it makes him feel like he’s lost, you want to say
• “when we went to the history museum for our last trip of eighth grade, eric and i snuck off into the egypt exhibit. we were the only ones there and i had never seen eric so afraid - so raw and vulnerable and clinging onto me for dear life - he was taller than me back then, yet he felt so small like i should have held him my palm and closed my fingers. i wanted nothing more than to keep him safe.”
• you don’t know how to describe it in words
• the closest you get is that you want to tell them about eric’s soul
• you want to tell them they’re the luckiest person in the world
• to be loved by eric sohn is something … magical, exceptional, all the adjectives you can cram into a sentence
• but you don’t because as much as you find yourself itching to share these details, you also for some reason find yourself selfishly hoarding them
• they feel special and they feel intimate and like they areyours
• but you are happy eric is happy, or at least he looks it
• looks blissful and beautiful when he leans in to kiss his partner’s temple, holds his big hands around their waist, helps them skate around the school parking lot
• and one afternoon when you seek him out to ask how he did on a math final you have been helping him prepare for
• you stumble on something you probably would have been better off never seeing
• eric has his back against the wall of the gym building, fist in his mouth and eyes blown out and you see parts of his skin you haven’t seen since you were too young to feel shame
• if you hadn’t stopped yourself out of habit you think you might have been caught by him and his partner
• but your hand had flown over your mouth and you’d tripped backward in shock
• when your heart had stopped racing, you’d found yourself in front of your locker and staring into the empty space at the back
• sure im surprised, who wouldn’t be - seeing their best friend like that? but what’s this other stupid feeling in my gut?
• “-jealous”
• you jump back and see sunwoo beside you, popping gum and giving you a blank and long blink
• “h-huh?”
• “that idiot eric snuck out in the middle of physics and left me to die in that boring lecture. im so jealous, i want to sneak around instead of calculating the-hey are you ok?”
• you slam your locker shut and sunwoo clicks his tongue at you with even more suspicion than before
• you can’t form a response so you just give him an abstract gesture toward the library
• he nods and just as you vanish, eric appears red-faced and sweating over his shoulder
• he opens his mouth, but then looks at your locker and back at sunwoo
• “wait were you talking to-”
• “ah there’s prince charming - you left your backpack in physics.”
• after the ‘incident’ you subconsciously start to avoid eric
• eric notices and stares at you from over the shoulder of his significant other or sunwoo
• tries to catch you before you leave after school and texts you with questions about his math homework
• you respond with lackluster links to youtube videos on formulas or just the answer in hopes he’ll get a hint and give you space
• but eric just looks confused and hurt when you bump into him in the halls
• it’s not his fault he doesn’t know why you’re like this - stop expecting him to read your mind!
• you tell yourself, but don’t act on it. don’t make the effort to explain or let eric back in.
• before you know it, it’s the day of prom and you go stiff when your parents ask if you’re going with eric
• “why would i be going with him, we’re just friends?”
• “can’t friends go with each other?”
• you don’t see eric the entire day and you assume he’s getting ready for a memorable night with his date
• sunwoo slides into the seat beside you at lunch without eric’s laughter following behind him
• “are you going?”
• he asks and you look down into your plate
• “probably not.”
• “do you want to go with me?”
• sunwoo shows up (to your relief) in a suit and your parents know him as 'eric’s friend’.
• you drive to the school in silence and when you park you want to just get in there, show your face, and leave
• when sunwoo stops you
• for a second your stomach drops and you think he’s going to confess, or worse, tell you that he knows
• knows about how you really feel about eric.
• knows that you might have been all happy and cheerful when eric started dating and having his own love life and then how that was just a veneer for the fact that you are too scared to cross the barrier of friendship and love for someone like eric.
• someone you think for some reason you just don’t deserve.
• instead, he does neither
• “let’s not dance too much. i get tired easily.”
• “o-ok.”
• it’s crowded and loud and you don’t like the way the bass is turned up on the speakers
• sunwoo doesn’t seem to be too interested in anything other than his phone and you can’t help but instinctively look around for eric
• you talk to some friends, dance with a group of other people who came stag and then you see him
• he’s sitting next to sunwoo with his head in his hands
• you’ve seen eric through thick and thin, you’ve seen him bruised up in the hospital after falling off his skateboard - you’ve seen him screaming his head off at the top of a rollercoaster - you’ve seen him red all the way up to his ears after being caught in a prank
• but you’ve never seen him ……. like that
• you rush over, sunwoo gives you a tilt of the head - silent but enough to let you know something is seriously wrong
• “eric?”
• “i don’t want to be here anymore.”
• he lifts his head and the glitter under his eyelashes is wet and sparkling - his tie is done up the wrong way
• “what happened? did you - did something-”
• you don’t know if you should ask if he got dumped or if he and his partner had a fight
• either way, your assumptions are all wrong because sunwoo mouths to you
• “he broke up with them.”
• and suddenly you don’t understand - if eric is the one who broke up with them, why is he the mess?
• sunwoo adds
• “they didn’t take it well.”
• you help eric up and if he wasn’t so haggard with emotion - you would have lost your breath
• his hair is cut nicely, slicked back and a pair of small hoop earrings highlight the way he’s grown into the sharp, marble-like cut of his jawline
• his lips are open just a bit, and they look softer in the low lighting than you ever remember
• he’s wearing the suit he wore to a cousins wedding two years ago but it’s been tailored or maybe he’s also grown wider
• your mind swims through thoughts that you pretend don’t exist about how strong he feels under your hands
• “let’s go outside, ok?”
• “are you mad at me?”
• eric asks through it all and your eyes widen
• “no. i was just - i was just stressed about college, but we’ll talk about that later.”
• outside you wipe eric’s cheek with your sleeve and he starts to smile a little bit again
• “why’d you break up with them?”
• your voice is small, but he hears you even over the music that comes from inside
• “i don’t love them.”
• “how did you know?”
• eric stares at you without a word.
• he used to have eyes like a puppy that’s always asking for a snack or a kiss, now that he’s older the warm brown is still welcoming but it doesn’t feel pleading anymore
• right now you feel seen in a way you wouldn’t categorize as friendly and that fact alone makes your heart beat a little louder in your ears
• this is the first time in your life that you feel like eric is going to kiss you
• after being friends for so long you feel like you’re swaying back and forth between excitement and dread
• did you know you didn’t love them because you actually love -
• a loud sound breaks both your concentrations, it comes from inside, and for a second you think someone set off fireworks or knocked over a display
• but it’s just the dj playing an obnoxious soundbite to announce the crowning of prom king and queen
• eric gets up and inhales and you follow, about to ask if he wants to go inside and see
• but eric takes his phone out and tells you he’s going to text sunwoo that he’s leaving
• and that he’s taking his date with him
• “your date?”
• “sunwoo’s date.”
• it clicks for you and you laugh when eric suggests a drive to your favorite fast food place
• you spend prom eating greasy fries and talking to eric about which college acceptions he’s looking forward to the most even though you pretty much already know
• not like you and him haven’t divulged your dreams of the future to each other a hundred times before
• eric tells you that he learned a new trick on his board and that he finally unblocked your ex-boyfriend changmin on instagram
• you ask what that’s all about - and eric snorts that he just didn’t like his vibe from the beginning but it turns out he’s ok
• he doesn’t mention the fact that changmin had sent him a message last year when he was graduating asking if eric could promise to take care of you
• eric hadn’t answered but knew intuitively what changmin had meant by 'take care’ of you
• you balance one long fry over the radius of your cup of diet cola and make the cutest face when it falls right in instead
• you had thought about eric kissing you back in the parking lot, but right in that second is when eric wants to kiss you the most
• the night ends with nothing of the sort - just you and eric and happiness that seems to have slipped through the cracks these past couple of weeks
• when eric drops you off, your parents are bright eyed at the sight of him and it makes you embarrassed
• when you get to your room you close the door and fall backwards onto your bed
• eric’s big smile comes to mind and it makes your chest feel like a frenzy of butterflies
• you close your eyes and that smile turns to the face you’d caught eric making behind the gym and you have to sit up to shake it off
• your skin is hotter to the touch, but you force yourself to ignore it
• you graduate soon. there are other things to worry about than having seen your best friend……well.
• eric ends up getting into his first choice which he says is all thanks to you because he would have totally flunked the math portion of the entrance tests if he hadn’t had you pushing him through the woes of trigonometry
• you also want to say something about him being on the soccer team all four years of highschool, but you keep that to yourself as he showers you with praise
• you get your first choice too, it’s different from eric’s, but it’s only a two-hour train ride away
• when you both ask sunwoo where he got in he tosses the letter and you and eric nearly scream because when was he going to tell everyone that he got into SNU? eric says he didn’t even know he applied!
• one of the other seniors invites everyone to a post-graduation party and you and eric go together to pick up your gowns
• and it all seems to be ………. better
• you and eric are both going off to your dream schools (single and ready for adventure!) and you still have this day to cement another memory you’re sure you’ll look back on when you’re older
• the only issue is with all the bursting bubbly excitement you feel a ghost of something follow you around
• are we going to drift apart now that we won’t see each other every day? will eric still be my best friend?
• you look at him and you don’t see that ghost or those questions or anything but positivity and light
• so you tell the ghost to fuck off and let you enjoy the time you two have left
• of course, eric has the same ghost and when he tries to tell it to fuck off it just sneers big and nasty in his face
• are we going to drift apart now that we won’t see each other every day? will i still be their best friend?
• eric gets too drunk at the party and jumps into someone’s pool with his cap still on
• sunwoo and you fish him out, scolding him and laughing at the same time
• eric kisses sunwoo’s cheek and turns to kiss yours too, he gets you on the corner of the lips
• and then
• you’re both in college and it starts happening
• eric is still that outgoing, talkative, and inviting kid who was bad at math
• except now he’s older and more handsome and even better at talking and he’s studying criminal justice so he doesn’t need math anymore
• but you revert to old ways a little bit too much and throw yourself into your major with as much force as you can
• you pile on classes and you ignore flirtatious glances from your partners for projects or the campus barista
• it doesn’t really make sense why you’re doing it - you know you can handle a social life if you wanted it, but something about a new environment with no one you know around makes you feel weird
• eric’s instagram is flooded with new faces and old ones because he attempts to keep up even though you don’t even try
• you look at a photo of him and sunwoo, meeting up on a weekend at a skating event and it just hurts
• it’s been hurting to look at eric for a while now
• and one day you realize you have had an unread text from him that’s been sitting in your messages for over two weeks
• you delete it with a shaking hand
• “hey, you’re in my pre-requisite class for linear algebra right?”
• you blink and realize the voice is directed toward you, so you turn your head and see a blindingly handsome smile beam down at you
• “y-yes im in math 240.”
• “i knew you looked familiar! im haknyeon and ive been wanting to ask for your help since the first week i am super bad at math but i need linear algebra for my major and so i wanted to know-”
• his words jumble together, foggy in your brain until he’s repeating himself and you nod along out of instinct
• “so you’ll do it?!”
• you open your mouth and he grins wider
• “do-do what?”
• “tutor me?”
• for a moment you’re transported back to the sixth grade where eric is handing you his fractions worksheet with a frown
• something twinges inside of your heart and you are about to say sorry, i can’t help you
• when haknyeon leans forward and plucks a stray leaf that’s fallen onto your shoulder and his touch is light and full of sweetness
• “looks like fall is really here!”
• “ill tutor you.”
• haknyeon is like eric in a lot of ways, they have this high strung energy and when they’re in a room they tend to attract people like they’re the sun
• but they’re different too
• haknyeon has a bit more maturity and focus, he talks about growing up in a rural area and understanding the concept of hardwork that seems to fly over the heads of other people
• he is also what you would call undiscovered
• unlike eric who has been there for every major life event up until now, haknyeon knows nothing about you and you know nothing about him
• he’s also better at math then eric ever was and at some point, you even suspect he’s dumbing himself down to drag out your study sessions
• you briefly catch him looking at the line of your neck one day when the heat is up too high in the study hall so you shrug off the baggy sweater you usually wear
• maybe he likes me?
• you wonder when you’re working on a late night paper and your phone lights up with a text
• haknyeon: just checked my score for our math test - an 86, you’re turning me into a genius!
• you smile but before you can reply another text comes in
• eric: hey - long time no talk, are you doing ok?
• eric knows he’s popular
• he knows that the people who hang around him are sometimes, more often than not, trying to get his attention in other ways than just casual
• he doesn’t get a big head about it or anything, but he’s also never been good at rejection so he spends a lot of time putting himself in big group situations, making friends with everyone, being equally as nice to everyone
• and when sunwoo asks if he’s dating someone when they meet up eric just laughs
• “dude im not interested in that right now.”
• “you’re a freshman in college - so don’t lie to me.”
• “so are you!”
• sunwoo raises an eyebrow and turns his phone around to reveal his lockscreen - it’s a photo of him and his partner and eric tackles him almost off the park bench
• “since when!”
• “since last week - now get off of me and tell me why you’re really not dating anyone.”
• eric peels himself off of his friend and his own phone, full of notifications and college emails is devoid of the one person he wants to hear of the most
• eric doesn’t have to say your name for sunwoo to know
• “just tell them-”
• “they haven’t responded to me in almost a month……i guess childhood friendship really doesn’t matter when you grow up.”
• sunwoo wants to argue, but he has nothing to prove otherwise, he hasn’t talked to you either
• “hey. if that’s true then you gotta stop jerking off pathetically to someone who you think isn’t ever gonna love you-”
• “dude ew c'mon-”
• “eric, seriously - are you going to move on?”
• you and eric continue to float on without each other
• he pretends the hole in his heart shaped just like you isn’t there and you get closer and closer to someone that isn’t him
• your first post on instagram after a while is a photo haknyeon took of you outside of the library, it was the consequence of a bet
• you’re holding your test and his - it’s the same score - you had bet he wouldn’t be able to get it and he did
• your losing punishment was making a post on public social media confessing that haknyeon was just as good at math as you were
• eric hovers over the photo when it pops up on his refresh
• you’re scowling, but even eric can tell it’s fake. whoever took this photo is someone you like being around
• eric wants to double tap and leave a comment about how grumpy you look
• but the confidence and free caring attitude he prides himself on seems to disappear
• is the person you’re with more than a friend? is he what you’ve been so busy with?
• fall turns to winter which turns to spring which starts its slow crawl to summer and to a long break after your first year as a quote-unquote adult
• you and haknyeon are still just friends, you still haven’t responded to eric and eric has given up on trying to get a hold of you
• then you get a call from someone unexpected
• “sunwoo?”
• “are you going to visit home during your break?”
• “no…why?”
• “oh.”
• there’s a long pause and you somehow feel dejavu - transported back to the silent car ride to prom
• it had always felt like sunwoo knew your secret, it had always felt like sunwoo would be the one to break the ice first
• you don’t even recognize your voice in your head as it starts to taunt again
• wishing he’d say something about eric? want to know if eric is going to visit home? want to ask if eric has been ok? eric? eric? eric? why are you calling me sunwoo why isn’t it-
• “just wanted to ask. hope you’ve been good, are you and that guy on your instagram dating?”
• “hak-haknyeon? no we’re not.”
• sunwoo makes a noise on the end of the line and tells you it was nice hearing from you
• neither of you bring up eric.
• haknyeon shows up at your dorm with a duffel bag over his shoulder on the last day of classes
• “want to come to the beach with my friends and i, we have a place for the week and we have an extra spot.”
• “an extra room?”
• he scratches the back of his neck and shakes his head, “n-no you’d have to share with me.”
• something tells you this is the pivotal moment you have been praying for
• something that will set the trajectory of your life that’s been consumed with studying and loneliness to something better, something brighter, something sweeter
• you want to fall in love with haknyeon, the little voice in your head pleas, so just say yes
• but you don’t. you lie and say you have plans with your family and haknyeon hangs his head in disappointment
• as he waves and heads down the hall - you also realize that you aren’t going to get a second chance
• haknyeon - whether or not he likes you or not - is going to go to this beach vacation and wash you off of him in the rolling waves
• someone else is going to come and steal his attention
• “just like highschool.”
• you mutter and lock the door behind you
• your cheeks are wet with tears before you can even process the fact that you’ve started to cry
• eric’s ears ring the entire time he’s waiting in the airport
• his parents and university soccer coach had agreed, without much of his consent. that it would be good for him to attend this soccer camp during the break from his studies
• it’s in germany and he’s supposed to be going with three other teammates who are running late to board
• he looks down at his shoes and the laces are mismatched, one is the original pair from these sneakers and the others are a way flashier neon purple
• suddenly your voice fills his head
• “hey, are you serious about going skating in sneakers without laces eric?!”
• “they’re not without laces - i just lost the laces off my left one but they’re perfectly good sneakers and i haven’t rubbed the soles off the bottom like i have with every other pair!”
• “don’t be stupid, if they fall off in the middle of a trick and you eat shit and end up in the hospital you’re going to be bothering me for chicken soup. here take these.”
• “these are NEON purple!”
• “just like your personality, here let me fix your sneakers-”
• without thinking about it his feet start to move and he doesn’t know where the nearest bus or train is that’s going to take him where he wants to go
• but it doesn’t matter - he just knows that germany is not where he’s supposed to be, at least not now, not when he thinks about what he’s going to give up again
• what he’s been giving it up since he was a scraggly kid, since he couldn’t do multiplication in his head and since he understood what it was like to watch his heart break over and over again
• you are in the middle of packing your bag when someone knocks on your door again
• you half assume it’s going to be haknyeon again, or maybe a little part of you wants it to be him so you can have another shot at moving on
• but when you open the door you forget to wipe your face and eric is meet with your puffy-eyed expression
• “why are you crying?”
• he blurts out and his backpack falls from his shoulders as you feel your throat go dry
• “are you hurt? is there someone i should go kill?”
• your trying to say something - force a word or even a hiccup up and out of your mouth
• “i haven’t seen you cry since you got second place in that math competition when we were fifteen, i didn’t think-”
• “eric?”
• you say his name like it’s foreign and eric thinks a knife would hurt less being lodged into his side
• “hey, yeah it’s me.”
• “why are you - why are you here?”
• because i love you, i have loved you since i almost threw a punch at that kid changmin for daring to say there was anyone else in the world he could love that wasn’t you.
• “i don- i just-”
• his eyes fall on your open suitcase
• “are you going home for the break?”
• “are you?”
• “no, im supposed to be in germany.”
• you sound out the word germany in response and he just stands there in the doorframe too scared to go inside
• this is your room - but it isn’t your bedroom, the room that he knows and has been in a million times - this is different so it feels like he can’t tread with ease
• your body blocks his way and you don’t show any intention of moving
• so you both stand in limbo for a moment before you sniffle back whatever tears were left and go
• “should we go somewhere to talk?”
• it’s the museum you went to when you were in the sixth grade, not that you and eric even really think about that fact - just that it’s the closest thing near your university that you could think of
• cafes felt too close and intimate, parks felt too expanse and strange
• a museum was the perfect place - you and eric could talk, but not lean in too close and not raise your voices in fear of disturbing others
• the issue though is that it’s pretty much empty and the egypt exhibit is still the same
• “im not scared anymore!” he jokes - pointing a hand at a wall of mannequins dressed as pharaohs “i just remembered that i was clinging onto you for dear life last time we were here.”
• you nod and look at your hands - you had been packing that bag to go home, you thought sunwoo had dropped a hint that eric would be there too
• you had wanted to plan out what to say when you got there on the trip back
• you wanted to be prepared, but as always he’d bulldozed that plan to shreds
• and now it was kind of awkward, like picking at a fresh wound on your knee
• “hey- can i ask you something.”
• “oh - sure?”
• “why haven’t you texted me back.”
• eric stops and so do you and you’re in the part of the exhibit that’s the darkest because it’s overshadowed by a large sculptured pyramid
• you can see shadows on half of his face - he looks sad and you wish you could do anything to make him laugh
• “i just didn’t want to bother you.”
• “bother me? you’re my best friend-”
• “we’re not best friends anymore.”
• eric takes the hit that you don’t mean to throw out, it just comes out because it’s what you’re feeling
• “no-not that i don’t want to be, it’s just you moved on - so fast - became everything and more eric and im not like that. im not super great at new places, things, and people.”
• “i know.”
• he steps closer to you and there’s a weight on your shoulders that feels gross and shameful but eric crouches forward a little like he’s got some kind of weight on him too.
• “you’re shy and you sometimes self yourself short - you don’t see yourself for everything you’re worth so you avoid conversations and interactions that might turn out bad.”
• he says the words like a grown up and you almost can’t believe it’s really him
• “i knew that when we were younger - and you knew it too, you knew that under all the class clown antics and open hearted idiocy i was also insecure and scared and..and bad at math.”
• “you were never an idiot eric - don’t say that about yourself.”
• he swallows and his lips don’t stretch into a smile like you thought they would
• he looks at you and you think as much as it hurts in this moment, your blood boils at the sight of him
• he’s everything someone could dream of - all perfect lines and hard-earned slim muscule
• “it feels like i was and like i am because maybe im not good at math or whatever but i also was never good at understanding my feelings and like an idiot i confused everything in my heart for - ”
• he stops himself and you bite your tongue because you don’t know how that sentence is going to finish
• “if i tell you how i feel, will you promise you’ll tell me how you feel truthfully?”
• “feel about what?”
• “feel about you - if i tell you what ive really felt about you since i can remember, will you promise to tell me the truth and only the truth about what you’ve felt about me?”
• someone scuttles by you two - pushes past and through the long exhibit hall before turning the corner and disappearing
• it gives you the ten or so seconds to steady your breathing and agree
• “i promise.”
• eric’s phone rings in his pocket and his ringtone is still the same, the one he set for his mother
• you guess she’s probably calling to find out why he isn’t in germany and you almost tell him to pause and pick up because she is his mother
• but eric lets the call go silent and he looks at you again
• “i have loved you for a long time - at one point i thought it was the way a friend loves someone, maybe even a brother but then i knew that it was different because i didn’t want your help with fractions and i didn’t want to be your buddy during camp i wanted to kiss you the way people kissed other people in movies. when i thought about someone else doing it, even sunwoo, i thought i would throw up - and i did once when you kissed that guy at one of those dances we had during the summer - not the point, but the point is-”
• “i love you too. i knew when i saw you and your partner at the time behind the gym and they were giving you a-”
• the blaring voice of the main desk comes on and over the museum speakers, it tells you there is fifteen minutes left before closing
• eric seems paralyzed by your admission and you think you’re a teenager again with the way your heart leaps in your throat
• “oh.”
• “yeah. oh.”
• when eric kisses you for the first time there is so much force behind it that you’re scared you’re gonna topple over and ontop of the glasses cases full of ancient egyptian jewels
• you have to clutch his shoulders and dig your nails in just to let him know that as excited as he is the museum is closing in fifteen - well fourteen minutes now and it’d be creepy to do anything more than talk in front of all these pharaohs
• eric laughs so loud it echoes seemingly through the whole building, you two get an annoyed look from the guard at the door when you blunder out of there giggling and holding hands
• you agree you two should go back to your hometown for the rest of the break, but before you do you head back to your dorm
• and eric is kissing you again before you’re even through the door
• and when you ask in the middle, out of breath and hair a mess
• “where did you learn to kiss like that?”
• he grins
• “i know you really well - did you think i wouldn’t guess the ways in which you want to be loved too?”
• it’s the kind of line you think you’d both gag at if you heard it in a movie
• but that just earns eric a swoon-worthy look and your hand back around his neck
• sunwoo is not surprised to see you and eric all cuddled up close when you all meet up back in your hometown
• he looks between you two and shakes his head
• “it took you two so long, i thought i’d be waiting till we were in our fifties.”
• you and eric are too infatuated with each other to answer the snark with anything except
• “hey sunwoo - you’ll be at our wedding right?”
• sunwoo groans, which just translates to
• wouldn’t miss it for the world, idiots.