Sex happens mainly in the brain, more than in the body. The penis is basically a tool to influence and affect your mind, while your mind is in fact where everything is truly happening. Granted, the penis is a powerful tool.
A tool is only an aid to help you reach your goal, but the end result depends entirely on the operator. Everyone can bore a hole in a plank using a drill. Everyone can play a tune on the piano. But what a pro can do, he can only do because he knows his tool well. A tool is only as good as the one who’s using it.
A penis is just like any other tool : anyone can make a guy shoot his cum, but far from everyone know how to operate a man’s sexual organs like a pro. A penis is much, much more than an ejaculation device… learn to use it fully. Take pride in being proficient with one of the tool you probably use the most. Learn to use your own tools like a maestro, and you will make your brain resound with a symphony of pleasure you wouldn’t have thought possible !
Allow yourself to be sexual, like you allow yourself to breathe. Freely. Without over analysing your thoughts and feelings. Let yourself flow instinctually. Don’t try to be anything or copy anyone. Allow yourself to be swayed by this liberating acceptance of your inner sensuality !
Sexual energy is the primal and creative energy of the Universe. Indeed, all things that are alive essentially derive from sexual energy.
Pure sexual energy is as unstable as dynamite and just as explosive. It can transport us to sublime states of bliss and delight, or cast us into the darkest pits of anguish, terror and depravity.
The volatile and wild nature of sexual energy has convinced some religious traditions to view it as an impediment to spiritual development, characterizing sex as demonic and the act of masturbation as sinful.
These beliefs still continue to perpetuate in the popular imagination, preventing the development of a sexual spirituality arrived at through the act of masturbation.
Sexual energy is natural, sacred and chaste. It is the suppression and demonization of sexual energy that is unnatural, ugly and unchaste.
The notion that sexuality and spirituality are antithetical is misguided because sexual energy forms one of the cornerstones of human happiness.
If we ever hope to secure long-lasting happiness in a loving relationship, or indeed true contentment within ourselves, we must heal our socially conditioned distortions about sexuality and the act of masturbation.
We must erase the invisible line we draw with our minds around our beltlines, above which lies the greater part of human nature and below which lies the lesser.
In essence, we must spiritualize our sexuality and reclaim our masturbation as a sacred act.
During masturbation, there is a union between flesh and spirit. The error of most western religion has been to deny this union and view the physical act as base and unspiritual.
In truth all experience is physical because we are physical, sensual beings. The act of masturbation is spiritual BECAUSE it is physical. Spirituality must be sensual because it is only through our senses that we can experience the world.
It has been the view of many religions that we must resist the supposed sinful urge to masturbate. Resistance is born of fear. All resistance is mental and implies a judgment against what is being felt – an opposition to the sensual.
Thus masturbation becomes a subjective problem when it gets imbued with emotions such as shame, guilt and anger. This blocks the route to spiritual enlightenment through masturbation.
All problems related to sexuality; deviancy, sexual violence and abuse, can be traced to resistance, suppression and repression - not to the sexual urges themselves.
We must allow ourselves to discover our sexuality without external inhibition, through the act of masturbation. When we discover our sexual spirituality through masturbation we will have no need to go to deviant extremes.
Extremism, in any form is a reaction to repression, inhibition and suppression. Aggression and violence are the shadows of fear and disempowerment.
In truth, masturbation is the road to an experience of true empowerment and freedom because it is an area of our experience in which we can become completely uninhibited and free.
Through masturbation we can discover our essential selves – our deep spiritual nature experienced through sensuality.
Masturbation is a means of escaping our little self or ego (the ego being a construct of and for the external world of sensual repression).
Masturbation is many peoples’ only experience of meditation and is a means of overcoming the shadow of fear and the suffocation of repression.
Masturbation is an act of intimate discovery of the Self. It is the union of flesh and spirit; body and soul. Sexual energy is sacred energy. When we have restored masturbation to the realm of the sacred, our world will be chaste and divine, holy and healed.
JohnnyHorneXXX
Masturbation should not be scoffed at or belittled. Masturbation is beneficial, both physically and mentally. Masturbation is sensual. Masturbation is an act of intimate discovery. Masturbation disinhibits. Masturbation is empowering.
Several years ago I used to be a HUGE popper masturbator. I got into in my 20s and it was seminal (get it? lol) in turning me into a bate fanatic. I’d get locked in edging and then hitting poppers. Fuck that rush was so good. I’d lose control of my senses and become a fucked up pig-bate-tard. The only problem was it was literally fucking up my senses.
I was noticing that my sense of taste was altered. I’d get this bad metallic taste. My sense of smell was off too. I started getting headaches every time I’d hit poppers. Plus anyone who has used popper extensively notices what it does to blood flow (or lack there of to the Penis).
Poppers were such an integrated part of my masturbation. I would edge to just the thought of the brown bottle. I loved cracking a new bottle and feeling that deep goon from a few deep nostril huffs. Getting coached to hit the brown bottle and edge was such a turn on.
After months and months of these problems I decided to lay off the poppers. It was definitely a tough transition. Poppers were part of my bate. I threw out every bottle of poppers and swore to not get any more.
My masturbation changed. At first I didn’t feel that intense animalistic pleasure I’d get from a few good huffs of poppers. It took a few months for my body to readjust. Immediately I did notice my erections were harder than ever. I was able to edge longer too. Popper rushes always made me ejaculate.
Now years later I’m totally off the poppers. I don’t get the immediate satisfaction of a popper huff. But I can say that I can edge just as hard and deeply. Plus I’m edging longer and longer. Without the popper rush I’ve been getting into cum denial and going multiple days without ejaculation which turns me into a crazed horny bate addict.
I’m not advocating that you necessarily give them up. Obviously addictions run deep. I still masturbate for multiple hours a day and there is no fucking way I will give that up. But if you do notice that things aren’t as they used to be with poppers, give them up. It takes time to adjust to the non popper bating but you will keep on masturbating you penis.
Poppers (nitrates) act on the smooth muscles throughout the body, causing them to relax.
Smooth muscles are involuntary muscles[1]. They are found in many organs throughout the body and are responsible for many bodily functions like the shifting of foods throughout the intestinal tract, for instance. In the blood vessels architecture, smooth muscle form one of the layers.
The later is important for popper users. Poppers, having a paralytic effect on the smooth muscles, cause blood vessels to dilate. This results in an immediate lowering of blood pressure, causing a reflex increase in heart rate and blood flow throughout the body. This increased heart rate and blood flow induce the sensation of heat and excitement that popper users love.
Unfortunately, nitrates (sold as poppers) have a very short half-life[2], so the effect of poppers is short-lived. This explains why poppers will have to be inhaled repeatedly. This causes the blood pressure to vary widely in short intervals, increasing the risk of strokes and other vascular mishaps. This pressure-lowering effect also explains “the lack of blood flow to the penis” described by @addictedmasturbator and the resulting “semi-rigid cock syndrome” typically seen in popper users. (The transient glorious erection after huffing poppers is the combined result of the increased heart rate and blood flow caused by rapid hypotension induced by popper, but this increased heart rate does not last as long as the hypotensive effect, hence the “semi-rigid cock syndrome”.) Don’t forget that the erect penis is basically a pressurised blood vessel, so if you use vasoactive drugs, you will get an under pressurised penis, the “semi-rigid cock syndrome”.
Another negative side effects of nitrates is a strong tachyphylaxis. Which is a rapidly diminishing response to successive doses of a drug. What this means for the user is that he needs more and more to have the desired effect. Yet the byproducts of nitrates remain in the body for a while, and they too impact the body’s metabolism : this explains @addictedmasturbator’s symptoms like the metallic taste.
Every time I’ve published comments on poppers, I’ve received a lot of hate mails from popper users, as if I was attacking God or something. So I’m very happy to have found this comment by @addictedmasturbator : he clearly explains why poppers are not the holy grail some would like them to be.[3]
Poppers are not addictive, so you can try them without fear (unless you have a vascular or heart problem to begin with, of course). Yet, if you end up having to use them all the time, you do have a problem. As a rule, if you need drugs to have fun in life, you have a terrible problem.
[1] Smooth muscles cannot be controlled by will, as opposed to striated muscles that are wilfully contracted. Striated muscles are those that allow us to move… biceps, pectorals, abs are examples of striated muscles. [2] In biology, half-life is the time required for a body to eliminate half of the dose of a given drug. Since metabolism is influenced by the amount available for transformation, the constant is not how long it takes to eliminate all of a given product from the body, but half of it, as the next half will take as long, and the next half, etc. Elimination of a drug is in fact an asymptotic curve towards null. This is why athletes can be tested for illegal drugs they may have used many weeks ago (or even months in some cases) : it takes “ages” to get rid of all traces of a given drug. [3] Yet I have to disagree with him on the fact that masturbation, just like sex in general, is not addictive. Fun, yes. But addictive, no. Thankfully so. And proven too (by live imagery).
If you believe you are satanic because you are masturbating, understand that you have been brainwashed by your church into believing this. This is absolutely ridiculous : you have been manipulated. Sex is natural, and masturbation is simply a manifestation of one’s thriving sexuality. And a natural and harmless manifestation too.
Granted, sex can be sinful. For instance, when one cheats on one’s significant other it then becomes a sin. A sin, because it is a breach of trust in one another. But (solo) masturbation[1] cannot be cheating since one is not reaching to somebody else to have sex. No one’s trust is being breached. Hence, there is nothing sinful in masturbation contrary to what you have learned. And if there are no sins, then consequently (and logically based on the principles of your church’s teachings) there is nothing satanic going on.
No sins, no Satan : it’s as easy as that. But wait, there’s more ! In fact, it gets even better.
As males, we are designed to have a high sex drive.[2] And, as we all know, when our sex drive isn’t met, we become lustful. That’s it : full of lust. You might remember what lust is : according to the Bible, lust is a sin. One of the seven deadly sins in fact. So, obviously, we have to control our lustfulness. Of course, intercourse can be a great way to relieve ourselves of our lust, but it is not always available and even more : it’s far from being always the right thing to do. So nature has provided us with other ways to take control of our lustfulness before it makes us make mistakes. Of these other ways, masturbation is clearly the most important. Thanks to masturbation, we can take care of our sex drive so we do not become the puppets of our lust ! Where’s Satan in this, where the sin ? In fact, it’s the complete opposite. Masturbation is the white knight getting in the way of Satan ! Masturbation allows us to take control over our sex drive before it takes control of us.
All this is tongue in cheek, of course. In all factuality, there’s no need to recycle a false belief to make up for the false beliefs you were taught, but this is simply to demonstrate that the internal logic of this religious discourse on sex is flawed. The Bible is right about the seven deadly sins, but the human interpretation of what truly is sinful leaves much to be desired (and lose all credibility especially when the admonishing reverend is fat [because : gluttony]).
Re-educate yourself and stop uttering the falsehoods you’ve been taught in your childhood. Stop feeling guilty for something that’s not harming anyone !
Stop hailing Satan : hail a taxi instead. And go on with your life, happy and delighted that masturbation is a natural and normal part of your sex life.
[1] Masturbation, in the true sense of the word, is a solo act. With someone else, even if only manual stimulation is involved, it becomes some form of consensual sex and – potentially – a breach of trust. [2] Males have to always be on-the-ready, to ensure successful reproduction of the species, because the fertility window of females is variable. Whenever females are in oestrus, males have to be eager to dispense their semen, otherwise the species’ survival would be jeopardised.
I saw a poll posted on Bateworld tonight when I was cruising for bate fuel after dinner…
Use of the word “addicted”
I know some of us use the phrase “chronic addicted masturbator.” And I know some object to the idea that sex is addictive in any form, and I think most psychologists agree it isn’t addictive. But for some of us, the very idea that it MIGHT be addictive is a turn on. So the word has become a fetish for some. Question: Does the idea or word have a positive or negative effect on you? Or none at all?
Here’s how the results lined up:
And here was my written response:
I seem to be in the minority here but you asked so here’s my response…
You know, I respect everyone’s right to use language for the best effect, particularly when it’s about enhancing and maximizing sexual pleasure for themselves and their play mates. I accept that this is a thing for many of my bator brothers, but for me, it has the opposite effect. I hate it.
In 1989, after 14 years of constant and daily drug and alcohol abuse, I began my recovery from drug addiction. I was deeply depressed and suicidal from an absolute inability to stop doing this thing that was killing me. That is, to me, the core characteristic of any true addiction: It’s life made unmanageable through powerlessness over something that is killingus.
It is exciting to assert that we are powerless over the bate, but I am far more excited by the knowledge that I choose to masturbate, to indulge and cultivate my sexual desire and gift myself with time and focus purely for sexual pleasure and satisfaction. I carry with me every day the living knowledge that I am a sexually vital man, feeling living exuberance radiating from my penis and infusing my moments with fundamental joy.
Masturbation is my purest sexual expression and the sex I share with others is an extension of that, would be much less connected without it. Masturbation enhances and celebrates my life. It is me expressing gratitude for my manhood, the life I have, just as it is, and my capacity to make it better by committing to it.
That’s not addiction. That’s its opposite.
I know you didn’t come to bateworld to read this kind of thing, or to read anyone’s opinion of your jam being wrong somehow. You visit BW to enhance and share and magnify your masturbation. If proclaiming yourself a “chronic addicted masturbator” makes you happy, you get to do that! You do you, my brother.
For me, “addict” will always invoke disease, destruction and death. That doesn’t make my dick twitch with excitement. It makes me change the channel.
My thoughts, exactly : while it may sound exciting to assert that we are powerless and unable to resist the urge to masturbate, truth is, we are not. We actually choose to masturbate, and this is what makes masturbation so wonderful. It is something we do willingly, and it is something that’s fun and relaxing.
If masturbation were an addiction, it would quickly become a chore, and we’d soon hate it. Ask anyone who’s addicted to heroin if he’s having fun. The first time ? He most likely did. But as times goes on, less and less. Yet, he’s got no choice but to get his fix. The heroin user is definitely addicted. The masturbator, however, not at all.
This fetish belief in addiction actually finds its roots in the demonisation of masturbation that became prevalent during the nineteenth century[1]. People, having learned and internalised that masturbation is bad, tend to seek some negative sounding explanations for their enjoyment of the act. In other words, if masturbation is bad, and you like it, you might as well find an explanation that absolves you of any responsibility. Both addictionanddemonic possession have become favourite excuses over the last centuries (addiction, nowadays, more than demonic possession, but it can still be seen in imagery associated with masturbation).
While the source of this fetish can be understood, continuously emphasising this falsehood is actually detrimental for both the act (masturbation) and humanity at large. Insisting that one is a chronic addicted masturbator only serves to depict an individual who happens to masturbate in negative terms. There is no beauty, no beneficial or positive repercussion to this description. For anyone feeling bad about masturbation — and this still applies to many nowadays — this only serves in making them even unhappier about something they almost certainly do, while simultaneously obliterating all the positive impacts of masturbation on one’s life, andthere are many. (Yes, there are many sexual, emotional, physical and interpersonal advantages to masturbation.)
Agreed, one can be said, informally, to be addicted to something to illustrate how one is enthusiastically devoted to a particular thing or activity. Yet, considering all the negative portrayal masturbation has suffered in the last 150 years, it seems to me that we should strive to stop using stigmatising terms to describe this benign yet beneficial behaviour.
Masturbation is not an addiction. It’s a celebration.
I know this post will not be popular, and this saddens me.
[1] Before the 19th century, masturbation was not even considered a problem. The actual turning point was the discovery of the spermatozoids, thanks to the invention of the microscope, towards the end of the 18th century. The initial theory was that spermatozoids were complete small humans and the scientists of the time were horrified by the thought that every useless ejaculation inexorably led all these small humans to their demise (they conveniently forgot that the same thing happens for all but one of these small humanswhenbreeding). Hence the emergence of theories shining a negative light on masturbation as the century went on, as well as the apparition of more or less dramatic remedies to eradicate the habit.
Yet another infographic with data most likely pulled out of the graphic designer’s ass. If the source isn’t mentioned, you should take for granted that the information given is false. And see what we have here ? No source ! So should you believe this infographic ? Not at all. This pseudo-information has no credibility.
Case in point : the USA penis length data point. Basic historical knowledge teaches us that USA citizens mainly come from Germany, Africa, Mexico, Ireland and England (in this order, altogether making up 56,3 % of the US population). Notice that most of these countries’ men are labelled as having a longer penis (on average) than USA men. This fact being accounted for, how can you explain the low average length for the USA ? Unless Germans and Africans decided to only send short dicked men to the US (yes, sure), the math doesn’t work out.[1] On the other side of the scale, Chinese immigration only accounts for 1,2 % of the US population, and people of Native descent (who also came from Asia) represent 0,9 % of the population. All this to say that this US data point is a strong hint to the ludicrousness of this whole infographic.[2]
I’m not saying that there are no geographical or genetic differences in penis length among humans. What I’m saying is that most of these infographics should not be considered as reliable sources of information on the subject. (A lie, repeated 20 times, is still a lie.)
(This post is not meant to blast the original poster nor the previous rebloggers.)
[1] For the fun of it, we could always make up a story for German immigrants, but we know for a fact that the vast majority of African immigration didn’t happen wilfully, to say the least : we can be unshaken in our belief that penis length wasn’t a focus for African “immigration” to the USA. [2] To be clear, not being a US citizen myself, I’m not impacted by the information given for the USA. So my comment isn’t borne out of frustration ! [Based on the data above, I’m apparently from Congo…]
Prostate orgasm, a how-to. Experiencing your first prostate orgasm is usually not easy. You need to let go and accept that you’re not really in control. Prostate orgasms are not as reliable as penis-based orgasms but, in return, they are more intense, more holistic, and also tend to happen serially. Although we are not used to this as adult men, prostate orgasms are not always associated with an ejaculation (usually not, in fact) and may even happen while your penis is limp. Because the reward isn’t as immediate and as dependable as penis-arising orgasms, most men do not tend to work on this ability of their prostate… missing out on a terrific and sublime experience.
I’m often asked how often one should masturbate to truly feel relieved. While I believe this question unveils a real vexation, I believe it doesn’t focus on the true stumbling block. How often you masturbate isn’t as influential on your satisfaction as your motivations to masturbate and how you feel about solo sex. If you masturbate four times a day because you feel like it : fine ! But if you masturbate four times a day as a kind of revenge for withholding to masturbate when you were younger, then it’s not fine.
There’s no need to exaggerate or over do it : you’ll never make up for the lost time, anyway. What you missed out is gone. Of the essence is to celebrate your own sexuality, to enjoy yourself, to be proud of your maleness. Of importance is to purge yourself of negative thoughts, ideas and opinions about masturbation (in particular, but about sex as a whole too). All-important is to enjoy the beauty, awesomeness and legitimacy of solo sex. Not as an act that replaces all sex, but as a worthy, important component of your sex life. For your own good, not only is it is essential to masturbate, but to do so blissfully.
A well-grounded masturbator, fully connected to his needs will give himself delicious, deeply soothing orgasms that will leave him feeling happy and relieved. A superficial masturbator will also orgasm (it’s not hard, after all : ejaculation[1] is inherent to maleness), but will end up feeling empty and un-soothed, prompting him to keep on questing for sexual stimulation in a relatively vain attempt to feel subdued at last.
The key to success is generally not a technical one. Basically, if you cum after longitudinal caresses on your penis, then you’re doing it right. Yes, there are various techniques. Yes, there are various tools (sleeves, prostate massagers, poppers, etc.). But none of them, on their own, will allow you to reach a state of post-orgasmic bliss. The penis is an incredible sensor that is beautifully designed to soak up all the fillips and stimuli it is exposed to. With even the most clumsy, unskilled approach, it can (and will) daze your encephalon until your brain is triggered and the ejaculation reflex is set in motion. Tools can enhance masturbation, but the penis is all you really need. The hurdle is thus not technical.[2]
The key to sexual satisfaction is an emotional one. And this is why it is so hard. Making it even harder is that there are no recipes that could be easily applied to everyone. Yet, there are a few things that can help you get on track.
Your first and most important aid in this endeavour is to strive to become aware of all the things you do when you masturbate (or any other kind of sex for that matter). If you do certain things or act in certain ways because this is what you’ve been told to do, or because it is how you believe you should behave, then you have a problem. Sex is a highly emotional, deeply seated event that does not mingle well with prohibitions or interdictions, just as it does not either with obligations. All these imperatives act like a lead weight that crushes your sexual pleasure. All these oppressive thoughts have no place during healthy sex. And even more so during masturbation (solo sex), since you are all by yourself : no one is there to judge you, no one is allowed to, and no one can since you are alone. You feel like moaning ? Moan ! You feel like moving in certain ways ? Do it ! You want to dwell upon some fantasy ? Go for it. Nobody can see you move, hear you talk or see your thoughts : you are doing this for you.Allow yourself to be natural. Keep on masturbating a guy you feign to be, and all you’ll get will be sketchy orgasms. Masturbate the real you and you’ll get the deepest, most formidable orgasms ![3]
The second thing, although related to the first in a way, is to learn to love yourself. When stating this, there’s always someone to bring up the fear that one could become arrogant as a result (cocky or cocksure, says a certain moralistic language). It is important to realise that arrogance is a personality trait, so one does not become arrogant out of nowhere. The peril of suddenly becoming full-of-yourself is relatively slim (unless you already were to begin with), and any improvement in your confidence is worth it if we consider the massive harm done by self-deprecation. (And not only for sex.) Masturbation is a great opportunity, a privileged moment to show yourself some love. Erase from your mind the concept of jerking off, as you do more than empty your balls when you make love to yourself. Yes, when you masturbate, you take care of yourself, you make love to yourself, you take the time to please yourself. You must welcome this gift. You must learn to receive favourably the pleasure you are giving yourself. Take the time to let in this well-being, to bask in the delight you are giving yourself… because you are entitled to this elation, you deserve it. Confine masturbation to the utilitarian ejaculation, and you won’t get much satisfaction. Make love to the real you and you’ll get the deepest, most formidable orgasms !
The third and last thing is to learn to focus on yourself. Masturbation is all about you,yourneeds,your pleasure. Stop drowning those emotional needs in external stimuli. Walk away from your computer. Don’t always watch porn when you masturbate. Learn to pay attention to your ownfeelings,your sensations. Learn to recognise yourarousal,your bodily response. Explore yourself (even those areas least explored) without interference. Granted, there’s absolutely no question that porn is thrilling : it’s perfectly designed to cater to the male mindset… as a result, it awakens all your senses and keeps you on your toes, it makes you horny, hard, lustful and leaking.[4] But because it pushes all the right buttons, it also keeps you exclusively focused on the everlasting trove of desirable sexiness that is porn, making you mostly unaware of your own sensations (except when you get to the point-of-no-return and beyond, of course). If you walk away from porn[5], and take the time to explore yourself without disruption, you will not only become aware of your needs, but you will also become aware of the pleasures you give yourself in all its detailed splendidness. Masturbating without using porn as an excuse will allow you to enhance and expand your sensual vocabulary. Focus on making love to the real you and you’ll get the deepest, most formidable orgasms !
Ejaculation is not a synonym for great sex, and that remains true for masturbation too. Take some time for you, take time off from porn, and masturbate the real you. Take the time to make love to the real you. You’ll be impressed how much better your sexual satisfaction will be. You might also be surprised to discover that you don’t need to masturbate as much as this self-love will make you sexually glowing.[6]
How often is not a good metric. How good it feels should be your goal.
[1] I am aware that orgasmandejaculation are not the same thing, but for the superficial masturbator, they are understood as being the same. [2] I’m not saying that skilful techniques and proficient tools are useless. Far from it. Only that, by themselves, they won’t work miracles. Just like the best jigsaw won’t morph you into a great carpenter. Yet, for the same level of expertise, tools are useful and help us reach better results. [3] This is what gooning attempts to do, although a certain school of thought amongst gooners insists on a certain set of grotesque behaviours (like drooling, for instance) that may end up being yet another cast on your true self. The key element to remember here is that you don’t have to do anything specific. Spontaneity is the key word. Allow yourself to be the real you without cultural or societal interference. If you drool (to go on with this example), then fine. But if it’s not in your nature to do so, it’s just as fine. When you masturbate, everything you do or say is manly. [4] And just like the next guy, I love it too : after all my blog is full of porn ! [5] I’m not saying you should forever avoid porn. What I’m saying is that you should devote some time totally to your own self. How can you take care of yourself if you never look at or listen to yourself ? [6] There are no upper or lower limits, though. You decide how often you masturbate, based on your needs. Masturbation is all about you.
Earlier this week, in reaction to a picture showing a man masturbating with a Fleshlight, someone wrote : “I’m sorry. But what’s wrong with fucking people???”.I already replied to this in the reblog’s thread, but I feel the need to talk about this further.
Not that I want to keep on castigating this particular guy (I think it would be disrespectful and unwarranted), but because I believe his reaction is symptomatic of an issue many guys have with masturbation and, in particular, what I’m going to call augmented masturbation (basically, masturbation using something more than the hand).
In the privacy of their own homes, most guys will admit (to themselves at least) that they masturbate. They have to : they demonstrate the truth of this fact to themselves twice a week on average (and in many case even more often). Yet, years of chastisement and scoffing obviously has taken its toll on many guys’ propinquity with their own sexuality. They have learned to be ashamed of it : male sexuality is sinful, dirty, filthy or stinky. Indeed, these are the adjectives you will often find equated or linked with an evocation of male sexual urges in the communal sphere. No wonder, then, that any attempt at meeting one’s need also gives rise to feelings of shame and even disgust. That is to be expected when one has been trained to believe that the only acceptable male behaviour is to fuck, everything else being an ugly failure.
The problem being, of course, that this assertion (fucking as being only acceptable male behaviour) is wrong. Even the most sexually active guy (in a way that’s in accordance to societal expectations) is never going to be active enough to fulfil his own sexual needs[1]. And most guys are respectful enough anyway (and have other obligations too) to refrain from fucking as much as they’d need, in order to quench their sexual appetite.[2] So the expectation that a man should only fuck, to the point of excluding any other sexual frolic, is doomed to failure.
But more than that : being forever sexually primed (see note [2]) means that an outlet is needed. Masturbation, as a matter of consequence, is an integral part of a normally constituted human male’s life. Masturbation, simply put, is the corollary of a man’s virility. If a man is fit enough to fuck, then he obviously needs to masturbates. In other words, a man masturbates because he’s sexually potent. It’s a demonstration that he is sexually fit.
This is not, obviously, how masturbation is usually explained to young people. And if it was, men would likely feel much less guilty for the time they set aside to masturbate.
Yet, everything would still not be all rosy and upbeat. Because if one can get to grips with the idea that masturbation can be normal, it is apparently much harder to accept that masturbation can also be pleasurable. Once again, a totally inadequate guilt rearing its ugly head, spoiling an innocent deed.
When bringing forward the idea that male masturbation can be pleasurable (past the expected basic orgasm and ejaculation) a lot of uneasiness surfaces. The suggestion of augmented masturbation techniques (such as edgingorgooning) or tools[3] (such as dildos [Aneros] or sleeves [Fleshlight, Tenga Flip…]) is enough to create embarrassment and elicit dismissive comments such as the one stated in this text’s intro. As if masturbation could only be acceptable if utilitarian and (relatively) boring. As if such augmented masturbation could be so satisfying as to make a man uninterested in sex !
Absolutely not.
In fact, it’s quite the opposite. While great sex provides a fantastic feeling of relief and satisfaction, great sex also makes you want to have even more sex. Good sex doesn’t extinguish desire, it boosts it. And in case you forgot, masturbation is sex. Thus, augmented masturbation techniques, by exposing you to great pleasurable sexual stimulation, both increase your sexual satisfaction and make you even more sexually alive. In case of doubt, read comments made by edgers or users of sex tools and you’ll see that, as a rule, they are far from being sexually doused. To the contrary. To be honest, the only downside to augmented masturbation is that it won’t make you settle for stale and meaningless partnered sex anymore. But you will never turn away from good partnered sex because of this. No one has. Masturbation isn’t a substitute for penetrative sex.[4]
Augmented masturbation techniques help us tune into our penis, connect with our penis, and nurture the pleasure we get from our sex. As they breed pleasure without a story line, they help us connect to our bodily needs, without filters or screens to hide our needs from view. Augmented masturbation techniques help us get in touch with our sexuality and increase our sexual happiness.
Despite all the negative undertones given to masturbation as a whole and to solitary pleasure in particular, the fact that a man masturbates is a demonstration of his sexual readiness and fitness. Moreover the fact that a man takes the time to connect to his sexuality through edging and masturbation-enhancing tools simply means that he’s making the most out of his sexual abilities. And, once again, fucking a Fleshlight (for instance) won’t bore him from partnered sex : to the contrary, it’ll kindle his fondness for it.
Masturbation in general, and augmented masturbation techniques[5] in particular, are good for you. They are non-toxic, non-addictive, unobjectionable, wholesome and certainly pleasurable. Stop shrugging them off.
[1] Unless you have a harem, I guess, but that isn’t a socially acceptable solution nowadays either. [2] It should be noted that sexual drive of males (of any species) has to be much higher than that of females in order to ensure the availability of semen whenever the female is in oestrus. Hence, a healthy male is more likely to be in a horny state than not, as he’ll never fuck enough to be sexually sated. [3] I refer to them as tools rather than toys, as I find the latter a bit dismissive. Besides, we guys love playing with tools ! [4] Penetrative sex isn’t a substitute for masturbation either. [5] Once again : edging,gooning and the various masturbation enhancing tools.
For starters, please realize that you are on your own for this : here is the recipe, but the decision to try it is yours.
Be careful : hot liquids are involved, so you could burn yourself if you are careless.
Also, don’t use your mother’s beloved cooking utensils, unless you want to take part in an emergency family summit conference.
For homemade sex toys, nothing beats the thermoplastic elastomer gel which has similar consistency and feel of human flesh (as we have already seen). All you need to make TPE gel is a source of mineral oil and some thermoplastic elastomer resin powder or pellets. The recipe is similar to making gelatin. The mineral oil and thermoplastic elastomer resin will need to be combined in proper proportions, then heated together. After several minutes of heating, the mineral oil and resin will form a sticky syrup that you will need to pour in a mould. The sticky syrup will then gradually become a soft solid material as it cools down to room temperature.
While you successfully obtain some thermoplastic elastomer gel each time you follow the recipe, some experiment will need to be done to find the ideal mineral oils and resins, and the ideal proportions of those too. Don’t forget to take notes to be able to replicate your recipe, in case you find a revolutionary blend !
Mineral oil : The best mineral oil for elastomer gels are of pharmaceutical grade (FDA-gradeorUSP-grade for instance) because they are 100 % safe for human contact and ingestion. Technical oils are also safe for human contact, but they cannot be ingested. Never use motor oils, machine oils and engine oils because they contain additives that are toxic and carcinogenic. Weight of mineral oil does not correspond to its volume : 500 ml of mineral oil will not weigh 500 grams. To learn the actual weight, you need to check the specific gravity of your mineral oil by looking at the manufacturer’s website… or use a cooking scale, of course. Most mineral oils that can be bought in grocery stores or drugstores can be used in homemade thermoplastic elastomer gels, but not all of them will provide great results. Johnson’s Baby oil, for instance, will reportedly yield very weak gels that tend to break easily.
Thermoplastic elastomer resin : Use only specialized food-grade thermoplastic elastomer resins. Do not use ordinary thermoplastic elastomer resins that are designed to make rubber tires and grips; they are unsafe for human contact and they break easily when combined with mineral oil. A reader named Dave wrote to tell me that he’s been using Platinum cured silicone with great success.
Other stuff needed
A stove (ideally gas because it generates constant heat)
Lab thermometer
1000 mL Pyrex beaker or an aluminium pot you won’t mind losing if things go wrong
Stirring rod or metal spatula
A mould of your choosing
Procedure
Mix the resin and mineral oil into a glass beaker or aluminium pot (according to the proportions mentioned below).
Heat the mixture at low-medium heat. Keep the temperature of the mixture between 120 and 170 degrees Celsius.
Slowly stir the mixture : after about 15 to 20 minutes, the resin and mineral oil will gradually meld together.
Mix the ingredients thoroughly until you get a consistent viscosity.
Once you have evenly mixed the TPE, pour it into your epoxy or glass mould.
Allow the elastomer gel to cool down to room temperature before removing it from the mould.
Basic 10:1 elastomer gel : This is a combination of 10 parts by weight of Food Grade mineral oil or Technical Grade mineral oil mixed with 1 part of FDA-grade thermoplastic resin. If you have 100 grams of FDA-grade thermoplastic elastomer, you will add 1000 grams of mineral oil to make a 10:1 Gel. The 10:1 elastomer gel is used for heavy duty sex toy application because it has higher tear-resistance compared to the 12:1 gel. The resulting 10:1 elastomer gel is also harder than the 12:1 gel, so if you want extra sensation from the ribs or knobs from a sex toy then this type of gel is the right one for you. On the downside, the 10:1 elastomer gel will be more viscous when melted compared to the 12:1 gel, making it harder to pour in moulds. Increasing the temperature of the stove will make the 10:1 gel less viscous but care must be taken to avoid burning the gel.
The 12:1 elastomer gel : This gel is composed of 12 parts by weight of Food Grade mineral oil or Technical Grade mineral oil mixed with 1 part of FDA-grade thermoplastic resin. This formulation is known as the 12:1 Gel. If you have 100 grams of FDA-grade thermoplastic elastomer, you will add 1200 grams of mineral oil to make a 12:1 Gel. Most sex toy manufacturers use the 12:1 gel formulation. The higher the amount of oil, the softer the gel will be but at the cost of decreased tear resistance. The 12:1 Gel is also less viscous when melted and pours out more easily from the melting pot.
Troubleshooting notes
Burned gel or burned rubber smell : If you smell burning rubber then you have set the temperature too high. Take your time in melting the TPE by setting your stove at low heat. Make sure the temperature never exceeds 170 degrees Celsius.
Gel is too viscous and does not flow out of the glass beaker or pot : The temperature is lower than the optimal level. You can resolve this issue by increasing the heat.
Too many bubbles in the Gel : The number of bubbles trapped in the gel can be reduced by mixing it slowly and by using a metal or glass stirrer during the mixing process. Ideally, a magnetic stirrer would be used, but this would require a specialized heating plate.
Basically, sex toys are made of one of three common materials. These materials vary in softness, texture, cost, strength… and toxicity (yes, you read that right !)
Elastomer Oil Gels — Also known as thermoplastic elastomer gels (TPE gels). This is the type of material which comes very very close to the real feel because TPE gels can be made as soft as possible. Human flesh can be seen as a type of gel (which is why it is quite jiggly), and thermoplastic elastomer gels can be considered as a very simplified synthetic version of it. TPE gels in general are very safe health-wise since they are made using food grade mineral oils and FDA-grade polymers. Elastomer gels are hypoallergenic and it is the material of choice for allergic people. The only downside to TPE gels is their low tear resistance, and this explains why TPE gel toys are usually encased in a hard plastic shell. Two known examples of TPE gel-based toys are Fleshlightsand Tenga Flip-holes.
Silicone — Silicone has long been a favourite material for sex toys. Its main advantage is its strength. Silicone is stronger compared to TPE gelsorPVC sex toys but its feel is harder and it is less flexible. Silicone is the material of choice for full-size sex dolls (with or without an internal structure) due to its resiliency. It also offers a smooth non-porous surface that is found to be very enjoyable to rub against, especially when lubed. (Sex toys such as the Cobra-Libre take advantage of this property.) Be aware that solid silicone is totally incompatible with liquid silicone, so choose your lube wisely !
PVC — Polyvinyl chloride (embedded with phthalates to enhance its softness) was traditionally used a lot and still is in lower quality toys. Although this material is also good for sex toys when it comes to feel, the main problem with phthalates is that they are a real health hazard : they are toxic for your testicles… So, basically, PVC-made sex-toys enhanced with phthalates will make you more sterile the more you use them. Duh ! It is the reason why most of the time you now see “phthalate-free sex toys” labels on many sex toys.
Conclusion When it comes to feel and texture, elastomer oil gels are the best to realistically simulate the feel and softness of the vagina and rectum. Elastomer oil gels are also extremely safe health-wise, so this material would be ideal, except that TPE gels are weaker and this is why they are cannot be used in full sized sex dolls. For these bigger sex-toys, silicone is still the material of choice. Unfortunately, it is not very realistic in simulating flesh because it is harder and less pliable. As for PVC toys, they should be avoided altogether.
When urinating or defecating, the muscles you use to stop the urine flow or to pull back the anus are the pelvic muscles.
2- Identifying the bulbocavernosus (BC) muscles
The muscles you use to stop the urine flow are the bulbocavernosus (BC) muscles. Even though the urethra does have a sphincter (just below the prostate) to stop urine flow, contraction of the bulbocavernosus (BC) muscles pumps and squeezes the urethra. The bulbocavernosus (BC) muscles can also be felt with the fingers by placing them on the perineum (the area between the scrotum and the anus) : the contractions felt through the skin at this point are mainly from the bulbocavernosus (BC) muscles.
3- Differentiating the pelvic muscles
Initially, your main goal will be to attempt to mobilize each muscle group individually : the elevator and group (formed of the pubococcygeus [PC] muscles and the iliococcygeus [IC] muscles) and, on their own, the bulbocavernosus (BC) muscles.
Because you’ve been working on them since you were young, the levator ani muscles are the easiest to identify. As you contract them, you will feel your anus be pulled forward and upwards. Developing good control of these muscles is a good investment for anal sex : contracting them after the guy has penetrated comfortably into you will make him crazy, while you also have a better feel of his girth. As for your own orgasm, while these muscles won’t make you shoot any further, their strength will definitely enhance your orgasmic experience.
Once you’ve become better at mobilizing the levator ani muscles, it’s time to learn to mobilize the bulbocavernosus (BC) muscles on their own. Try initially to stop the urine flow without contracting the levator ani muscles. Put a finger on your anus, and stop urinating. If you feel your anus move or retract, then you have mobilized the levator ani muscles too. Try again. After a while, you should be able to mobilize only the bulbocavernosus (BC) muscles. Take all the time you need. Depending on the individual, some may only succeed after many weeks of efforts, while some may succeed much faster. Since the goal is mainly to work out the bulbocavernosus (BC) muscles, learning to precisely control these muscles is a key point and you should not bypass this step.
4- Working out the bulbocavernosus (BC) muscles
If you had a hard time mobilizing the bulbocavernosus (BC) muscles on their own, it means that they were very weak to begin with. Simply succeeding in individually mobilizing them you should already notice some changes in both your orgasmic experience and ejaculation strength.
Now that you have better control, the first step is to try to mobilize the bulbocavernosus (BC) muscles without urinating. Once again, put a finger on your anus and another on your perineum, then try contracting your bulbocavernosus (BC) muscles. You should feel a contraction in your perineum, but your anus should remain relatively motionless.
When this is easy, you can go on the next step : serial contractions. Start by doing series of 10, then 20 of short contractions. Then series of 10 long contractions progressing up to 20. Then alternating short and long contractions. At some point, you should be able to do this without always checking that you are in fact doing them right (by placing your fingers as explained above). This is when you’ll be able to practice anywhere : while waiting in line, in the bus, at the red light while driving, etc. Still, once in a while, I recommend that you check at home that you are still contracting solely the bulbocavernosus (BC) muscles…
How long and how many should you be doing ? Some say to start with 20, twice a day, and work up to 100 doing them daily for six weeks. Others suggest working up to 300 per day, holding each contraction for a few seconds, and doing that many every day “for the rest of your life”. There’s no set answer. Each man must evaluate his situation and exercise accordingly. You’ll know you’ve achieved good results simply because the quality and intensity of your orgasm will improve. As your bulbocavernosus (BC) muscles’ strength improve, you’ll also be able to slightly move your penis around : you can then further improve your experience my contracting the left and right bulbocavernosus (BC) muscle individually…
Don’t overwork them, at least not too much ! Like any muscles, you might experience pain in the next 48 hours after an exercise. The pelvic area being very touch sensitive, discomfort can be very unpleasant if you go overboard.
5- Reverse Kegels
The Reverse Kegel Exercise is the same movement as letting the urine go when you get to the toilet. Learning to control these muscles is important too : all muscles act in pairs, and if you only strengthen the bulbocavernosus (BC) muscles, you will end with a muscular imbalance. Granted, most men have a learned muscular imbalance in favour of the muscles mobilized in the Reverse Kegel Exercise to start with, so working out the pelvic muscles as described above can only be a good thing. Yet, there’s no advantage of creating the opposite imbalance, hence the importance of including the Reverse Kegel Exercise in your routine too.
Ejaculation is a serially organized complex succession of reflexes involving, amongst other things, involuntary and voluntary muscles. Luckily for us, the muscles used to propel our semen are largely voluntary muscles. This is important, because voluntary (striated) muscles are the one we can strengthen.
Even if a muscle is voluntary doesn’t mean we are aware of its existence. As we grew up, we became aware of some muscles more than others and we practiced a lot to control and strengthen some of them. For instance, as infants, learning to walk, and as first graders, learning to write. Other voluntary muscles, having no obvious use, were for the most part ignored. The pelvic muscles fall in this latter category… once you learned to control your anal sphincter, that is.
The major problems are thus learning to identify these muscles, then learning to differentiate them, and then learning to work them out.
The first person to study the utility of these muscles was Arnold Henry Kegel (1894 – 1981). He invented the Kegel perineometer (an instrument for measuring the strength of voluntary contractions of the pelvic floor muscles) and the exercise referred to by his name as non-surgical treatment of genital relaxation in 1948. Being a gynaecologist, he was obviously more interested in female pathologies, and the exercise he developed was thus for them. The exercises you will usually find for the pelvic muscles, when you search the web, are his. Following Dr Kegel’s recommendation will do marvel for women since the pubococcygeus (PC) muscles encircle the lower vagina. As for men, even though Kegel’s recommendations do improve their orgasmic experience, they won’t see any improvement in their ejaculatory strength.
Why is that ? In men, the pubococcygeus (PC) muscles are located in such a way that they are above and behind the base of the penis. When they contract, they push the pelvic content upwards and pull the rectum forward. While their action on the rectum may add a little to the pull on the penis, they aren’t the main muscles to work on for a stronger penis. The pubococcygeus (PC) muscles, along with the iliococcygeus (IC) muscles, are flat-shaped muscles working together as the elevator ani group and serving as the funnel-shaped floor of the pelvis, keeping your abdominal contents from sliding into your perineum. They also play a role in bowel movements, by pulling the rectum back up into position after a bowel movement (hence the Latin levator ani name). The pubococcygeus (PC) muscles are attached in the front to the pubic bone. The two halves sweep along the sides of the pelvis and attach at the rear to the coccyx (tail bone). The iliococcygeus (IC) muscles attach to the pelvic bone on the sides and at the coccyx in the rear like the pubococcygeus (PC) muscles. As you can see, the muscles you work on while doing the Kegel exercises are not even part of the penis anatomy, and this is why the Kegel exercises cannot improve your ejaculation strength.
The muscles that do and are part of the penis anatomy, are the bulbocavernosus (BC) muscles. The bulbocavernosus (BC) muscles have two main purposes.
One is to force liquid (urine or semen) out of the urethra. The bulbocavernosus (BC) muscles have interlacing muscle fibres which, as they contract, milk the urethra toward the meatus (opening at the tip of the glans). It also happens to cause the penis to be pulled into the body. This happens every time a man urinates. The same contractions are performed, although with much greater force and with rhythmic contractions, when the man ejaculates. The BC muscles are thus the main ejector of semen. This is why ejaculation improves by reinforcing them.
The other function of the bulbocavernosus (BC) muscles is to squeeze blood into the corpus spongiosum and the glans. The bulb of the penis is a reservoir of blood. At the time of greatest arousal voluntary or reflex contractions of the bulbocavernosus (BC) muscles amongst others force blood into the corpus spongiosum. This is why the penis becomes maximally hard a few seconds before ejaculation. Strong BC muscles thus also improve the penis’s rigidity during erection.
So, to summarize :
You now have a better understanding of the male anatomy
You now understand why you should concentrate on the bulbocavernosus (BC) muscles and not (as much) on the pubococcygeus (PC) muscles everybody’s referring to.
