#fairy tale reinterpretations
not a lot of old-ass movies hold up in terms of comedy but sleeping beauty is fucking hilarious. “this is the 14th century.” “that’s because it’s on you dear.” the king at the end being confused af. fucking amazing
ok yeah im watching it again and nobody ever points out but. when merryweather says “you can’t sew and she’s never cooked” that like highkey implies that merryweather was the one in charge of actually taking care of the fucking kid which is hysterical. if merryweather was the main parental figure it’s a wonder aurora isn’t down for murder 24/7
see it’s easy to say “flora fauna and merryweather are a polyam couple” but tbh i think just flora and fauna are married, they both seem vaguely maternal towards merryweather, who in turn seems a lot younger and less experienced. so i have the headcanon that over in the fae realm these two were put in charge of training merryweather as their fae apprentice or whatever which somehow makes “merryweather was the one to take care of aurora” even FUNNIER. imagine you’re trying to train under these two powerful fairies and then before you know it you’re in the middle of the woods raising a baby and it turns out that without their wands your mentors are useless lesbians who don’t know how to cook. no wonder she’s so pissed all the time
i never liked the criticism that “aurora doesn’t do anything she only has like 10 lines that’s not #feminist” because. the main characters of the movie are the fairies, she just happens to get marketed more nowadays cause of the disney princess lineup, if you actually watch the movie it’s clear she’s not the protagonist, neither is phillip, i think he has roughly equal screentime to her. gender equality they’re both useless
but anyway when disney was doing that thing where they made one-shitbillion sequels they have serious untapped potential in post-movie aurora main character. because listen. listen. first of all she went through the most wild life-changing shit all in like two hours so she’s gonna be dealing with the fallout from that
but more importantly. girl was raised in the WOODS. she runs around barefoot petting wild animals and eating shit she picked up off the ground. she now lives in a castle as the future monarch. WHERE is my comedy sequel about that. where the FUCK is it. where is my scene of the servants and royals like “we’re so happy our beloved, perfect princess is finally back :)” and then she walks in covered in mud, smelling like riverwater, carrying a live fish and saying “i caught dinner” phillip sees nothing wrong with this
prince phillip is quietly and intensely goddamn grateful that he managed to be the first man aurora ever saw because like she is the most incredible woman he’s ever seen in the entire world and he’s a dude that hangs out in the woods talking to his horse which is also her favourite activity
like, their parents are all very smug at what a great love match they’ve made in hooking their kids up together somehow–there was a dragon involved? ok??–except it turns out that the reason they get along so fucking well is they’re snarky little shits with no tact and less patience who spend as much time as humanly possible ditching out on court duties to fuck around in the woods
the kings and queens can only hope that the prince and princess are literallyfucking around in those woods, because at this rate their only hope for a halfway functional heir to the throne is going to be kidnapping their own grandchildren
or maybe just crowning the damn horse
