#female orgasm denial
1 year. One full year of denial. It sounds so crazy and so surreal, but what’s actually crazy is that it is, in fact entirely and completely real. Today marks one full year without a single orgasm.
In hindsight it looks so easy, it feels so smooth. But then i remember all of the times i’ve cried over the idea of an orgasm, and all of the times i squirmed and screamed wishing i could just let myself go over the edge. I think of all of the times i was so close, so close i could almost feel it, but instead i close my legs and feel my whole body ache for a single second of pleasure.
It’s been this intensely paradoxical journey of extreme ups and downs, of extreme pleasure and extreme desperation. I can’t count all of the times i’ve been on the edge. I can’t count all of the times i’ve been afraid to even touch myself in fear of not being able to control myself.
I can’t forget the days where i had to edge with a paintbrush, the days where i was so sensitive i could cry from just the seam of my jeans pressing against me.
I can’t forget the days where i felt like i would explode if i didn’t get to the edge right there and then. I can’t forget how insane i would go for just one edge. Just one.
I can’t forget the days i spent on no touch and i can’t forget the days i spent edging my tiny defenseless body over and over again, not willing to let go of the finite amount of pleasure my body could possibly feel.
But here i am, one full year later, denied and dripping. Fulfilled in so many ways, and so empty in others. I can’t think of all of the days i’ve spent edging my brains out and wondering when i’ll finally cum.
To the naive girl who started this journey one year ago, i’d like to say, happy anniversary. You had no idea what you had coming.
This is incredible to me. I can’t imagine going through that, just the idea blows my mind. The longest I’ve gone was two weeks, and that was too long! A year??
The idea is intensely arousing in theory, even though I know it would never work for me in practice. I am in awe of the people on here who manage it.
Rb: You going to start edging again?
Me: I haven’t done anything today, but yes.
Me: Is that something you’d like too?
Rb: Why don’t you do 3 before you leave today.
Me: Ok :)
When it’s my choice, until I hand it over to him.
Every time I have an orgasm, I need to make a decision as to whether I want to continue with denial, take a break, or if I’m finished with it once and for all.
The longer I stay in denial, the more I want to stop and just cum over and over for the rest of my life. Because I work myself up, and I edge, and I dangle the carrot of intense pleasure and release. I build up this orgasmic goal in my mind, and my body is right there with me.
But then I have the orgasm, and it reaffirms what I already know but may have chosen to ignore: edging is better, denial is better.
Now you might be thinking, no way. I orgasm regularly and it’s fucking amazing. I’d never give it up… For you, maybe. And of course it’s amazing, it’s an orgasm. And that’s how I used to be too. I use to cum at least once a day until I tried edging and denial.
But there’s a big difference in how I feel during and after:
When you are practicing orgasm denial, while edging, it’s pleasure pleasure pleasure PLEASURE… full stop. Oh please pleaseI want more!…. Fine, *deep breath*, oh God I’m sotingly… I could keep going forever. I could clean up but I’m so turned on still, I know I’ll just be wet again in a minute. My clit feels so sensitive and aroused. I’m going to plug myself and go do laundry while I watch more porn. I can’t wait until my next edge.
When you allow yourself to orgasm, it’s pleasure pleasure pleasure PLEASURE,keep going over the top…. omg… WOW! OMG WOW! Wow… Uh… Ok stop. Stop! Bad bad bad stop! *deep breath* Mmmm, relax. Ugh, turn that porn off, now. My clit is so sensitive now it’s almost sore. Don’t touch me. I guess I’ll clean up and… Do laundry…
Granted when I’m with Rb, and he gives me the orgasm, there are always sweet cuddles and aftercare. But there is still that moment when my mind reads the signals from my clit up to my head as bad. There is a moment that the orgasm turns on me, and goes from pleasure to sharp sensitivity that needs to stop. Even when I wasn’t practicing denial.
After a lengthy time of being in denial, I usually spend the next day or so giving myself orgasms, typically in ways I’ve been fantasizing about while denied. But they never fully satisfy me, and I get sore quickly. I can edge many times a day and still want more, but 3 orgasms, even spread out over the day, leave me feeling tender and a bit raw. (Sometimes I wonder if this is because I deny myself so long, but I haven’t tested that theory)
Mentally, I start to feel disconnected from my body. I don’t want to touch myself anywhere, I don’t absentmindedly play with my nipples, I don’t feel sexy all the time. I get bored of orgasms very, very quickly. I miss my edging, I miss my arousal, I miss banking up days in denial. I miss feeling sexually adventurous (the orgasms kill my arousal and I don’t even want to think about sex, let alone explore the depths of Tumblr kinks).
So no matter how much I think I want to end denial and begin orgasms, I’m quickly becoming a lifer. It’s the epitome of that saying “the grass is always greener on the other side”. Orgasms seem more desirable until I’m having them. But that’s a good thing, because it means that denial will never get stale if I have a goal of eventually getting that orgasm, and once I get them, they will help reaffirm why I love denial. Win win.
I finally got to orgasm! It’s been 34 days and that’s a record for me but I finally got it! I’m still feeling floaty and my head is fuzzy and my whole lower body is tingly.
Rb did that thing he likes to do… Dangle the carrot. So there was definite “maybe you won’t get it… Haha jk you will…. Or will you?” But that didn’t last long.
I’m not going to type up a long post about this because I’m totally spent. I need fluids and rest and cookies. But suffice it to say it lasted a long time; we did many of my favorite things; and the orgasm was so intense that I ended up sobbing mid way through, which Rb loved.
Fantasy Orgasm #7
Bondage heavy: arms back, wrists tied, legs ties, maybe hogtied, hair tied to pull my head back. Essentially I want to be completely incapable of moving even an inch. I want to have to take any pain or pleasure given to me. Vibrator to tease me for a while; then just a single wet finger moving slowly over my clit until every bit of my focus is on that tiny little spot between my legs. Knowing that he could send me over if he would just do two or more swift brushes of his finger, but he sticks to one at a time, slowly, with just enough space between them to keep me on edge. And I have to take it, because even if my frustrations made me want to squirm away or get closer, I can’t move at all…
Maybe Tomorrow
Today I walked into our bedroom to see a kitchen chair in the middle of the room, rope on the bed, and a number of toys laid out beside it.
I was already naked, having just gotten out of the shower. Rb braided my hair, and instructed me to get on the bed. Excited, I laid down, and he covered my body with his, kissing me deeply and running his hands over my body.
“I’m going to tease you,” he said clearly. “I’m going to make you to really want it, and then, maybe, you’ll get to cum… Tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow!” I all but shouted. “Why not today?”
“Because,” he said in a matter of fact tone, “it’s a three day weekend.” And that was that. That was reason enough for him. Draw it out over three days, drive me wild with need, and then finally, hopefully, let me orgasm. I’m not going to lie, although I was disappointed, I was already extremely turned on, and seeing him take control of my orgasms, even to tell me no, was very arousing.
He pulled my long braid to tilt my head to the side and began attacking my ticklish neck with his mouth. I was too squirmy and giggly, bordering on thrashing, so he plunged two fingering inside me to still me. He’s learned that I can take tickling better if I’m being pleasured, as the two sensations play off each other. Soon I was panting, the laughter dissipating as I focuses on the pleasure of his fingers curling up inside me. He moved downward to suck and lick one nipple, then the other, as my back arched for more. He silently obliged and moved further still down my stomach until he was licking me and pumping his fingers rhythmically.
The whole time I kept thinking “don’t cum, don’t cum”… Which is a lovely mindset in which to be in, because I feel very submissive and unselfish when I’m holding back orgasms for him. It would be selfish to just cum, to give no warning, and just steal his orgasm away from him.
Once he had edged me twice, he got up and helped me up to my feet, and then down to my knees. He undressed, and as his cock popped out of his pants, I immediately had my mouth around it. He placed his hand on the back of my head and pressed into me even as he sat back down onto the bed. Leaning back to enjoy the show for a while, he watched as I enjoyed licking and sucking, taking my time at what is arguably my favorite thing do. But he knows me, and he know what I need. Sitting up straight, he used his body and arms to press my head down onto his cock, keeping me in place unable to back up, only able to go deeper or hold steady. I usually try to hold it, because if I go down further then there’s no way I’m gaining back the space that I lost. I try to stay in a place between still being able to breathe and gagging. But it drives me wild, and every pulse of his cock, every slight growth into my throat is a lightning bolt to my pussy. He grabbed my hand and moved it to my clit, and I know I’m to edge myself again. Sometimes his hand would wrap around my neck and he would either fuck my unmoving mouth or move my head up and down on him. I kept rubbing my soaking wet clit, trying to make it last, but when he pinched my nipple hard I almost came and so pulled my hand away quickly. That was his cue to pull his cock out of my mouth and get me to my feet. Then I was blindfolded.
Enter the chair. We’ve done this before, so I knew what was coming. And I’m not going to lie, I was a little anxious.
First he had me straddle the seat, backwards, and hover, as he slipped a small dildo into me. He instructed me to sit on it, and press it down so it suctions to the seat. Silently, he bound my wrists behind me, and I felt a thick collar wrap around my neck. He clicked a leash to it, and then tied it to the chair back so I couldn’t pull away any further than he wanted the leash to allow. I realized as he began tying my feet to the front legs of the chair, that sitting me backwards is genius. The back of the chair is essentially a built in spreader bar, keeping my thighs apart. But the real genius came when Rb rope tied my braid to something behind me. So I couldn’t lean forward, I couldn’t lean back. I couldn’t close my legs or move my feet. I couldn’t raise up off the dildo, and I couldn’t move my hips around because I was impaled. I was trapped.
“Time to make you work,” he said into my ear, and forced a ball gag into my mouth. He stepped away, and a moment later there was a steady vibration against my clit. I jolted at the sudden unexpected sensation, worried about how sensitive I was already. How was I going to make it through this without having an orgasm? And with the gag in my mouth, how could I get him to stop if necessary? And does he know that with the dildo inside me, the chance is high of an orgasm carrying over even after all stimulation ceases? But the vibrator didn’t stop, in fact he increased the power and changed the vibration mode to a bzz-bzzzz-BUZZZZZZZZZZ pattern. And then he teased me, moving it up and down, pushing it against me and pulling away. Finding the exact spots that elicited the responses he wanted. Pressing against me hard for a low throaty moan, or holding it back and barely touching my clit for high pitched whines. And when I did my best to back off, pulling away so hard that the leash was rigidly taunt, he would grip the leash and pull me forward against the vibrator. This would tug on my hair, and the combination of hair pulling, a vibe on my clit, and his physical strength pulling at me made me lose myself. My head was floaty and suddenly I could take the vibrations, when just moments ago I thought I’d fall over the edge any second. I was aware that I was now much louder too, realizing that I had opened my mouth around the gag. Rb reached up and, with his fingertips, wiped the drool from my bottom lip and used it to circle my sensitive nipples.
This went on, and on, and on. I could feel his excitement at seeing me drooling, watching my body struggle. After what felt like way too many edges for one girl, he stopped and untied me. My wrists remained bound, the blindfold and gag remained, and the rope stayed in my hair. With wobbly, woozy legs, he helped me onto the bed where two pillows were ready to prop up my hips. I was breathing hard still, pressing my cheek to the bed, my ass up in the air. I knew what was left to do, I knew why I was positioned like that, and I knew my purpose. In an instant I was being pressed into the bed under his weight. As he fucked me, he wrapped the rope and my braid around one hand, the other hand gripped my throat. It was one of those fuckings where you hold on for the ride and just let it happen. This was his time, his pleasure, so the only thing I could think to do was keep my inner muscles clenched so it could feel good and tight for him. He came hard and violently, his body hot against my back as he began to relax and loosen his grip. He kissed my cheek and neck, slapped my ass, and untied me completely.
After I caught my breath and could see in the bright room again, I looked at him with wide eyes. “Now… My turn?” Knowing he wouldn’t let me but thinking there was a slim chance he’d give in. At the very least it would make him laugh.
“No. You’re already getting your orgasm early. We could go back to June 3rd,” he warned.
My expression softened, knowing he was right, and I smiled sweetly up at him. “Thank you,” I kissed him and curled up into his neck for a bit of aftercare cuddles.
The last one got me thinking of a fantasy given to me by a friend.
Completely and utterly filled up/covered with stuff. Ear plugs, blindfold, gagged or tape over my mouth, collar around the neck, hood, nipple clamps… a dildo in my ass, and my pump plug in my pussy (pumped up), and my twisty vacuum pump pulling my clit up into that tube. Bonus points for any bondage. And just leave me to squirm until I can cum (which I won’t be able to), or until he gets bored and decides to fiddle with any part of this scenario until he can elicit the orgasm out of me. It might take multiple tries playing with different parts of my body, but I’d definitely cum in the end.
“You’re not going to cum today”
After a full day of anticipation, and being so damn horny knowing that it is coming this weekend….
After little hints that there would definitely be sex:
“Are you going to take a shower?”
“Make sure there aren’t any clothes on the bed.”
After obvious statements that there would be sex:
“There are plenty of things we can do today (makes fucking hand gestures)”
“I think I’m too hungry for sex now. I’m going to go to make dinner.”
After a command to edge once, even though I gently reminded him that if I was too edged and horny, I might spill over too fast.
He drops the bomb.
“Oh,you’re not going to cum today.”
He really wants to see me on all fours, with his cock in my mouth and a dildo in my pussy (suctioned to the wall/mirror). Or the other way around. His pleasure is my pleasure, so I’d love to make this one a reality.
But to take it one step further… I think I’d want our we-vibe sync in my pussy/against my clit, and the dildo/cock in my ass. Just to be air-tight.
