#five headcanon
Come on Get Higher
Pairing: Five Hargreeves x Reader
Word Count: 2.4k
Warnings:Language
Requested:Hahaha no. Note: this is shit. it went from me thinking it was good to being absolute shit but i’m going to publish it anyway because :p
Summary:We go through such difficult times it’s a wonder how one continues on. A song fic for Come on Get Higher by Matt Nathanson.
I miss the sound of your voice
And I miss the rush of your skin
And I miss the still of the silence
As you breathe out and I breathe in
What gave someone the will to survive?
Most people would respond with family and most people would agree. Love, overall, was an honorable and driving reason to continue on when there appeared to be nothing left in the world. However, it took a certain type of person to continue on alone and still cling to survival in hopes of finding their loved ones.
Five Hargreeves looked far from the person who would know what love was. Anyone who knew him would go as far to say he would need to look the term up in a dictionary to even get a small glimpse of understanding.
This was far from true.
Not everyone showed love the same and everyone had a preferred way of being gifted it. For some it was hugs and kisses, their touch transferred love. For others, Five amongst them, love was shown and received in less obvious manners. They weren’t grandiose, most of the actions were hardly noticeable, but if someone squinted or held their gaze on it for more than a moment, they would see the love intertwined with the notion.
Five clung to the idea of his loved ones. It was the hope that he wouldn’t admit he had that pushed him to do the unthinkable in the scorching heat of apocalyptic ruin. His hope consisted of two categories; his family… and then you, someone who fell somewhere in between.
His dreams were bittersweet as they echoed your voice in his mind. Clear, calm and composed, you had spoken to him rather honestly. There was no need for laced sweetness or false tones, only your voice and the words that flowed from them. You never dragged on conversation when it wasn’t needed, you didn’t feel the need to speak when there was silence.
Your silence was calming.
He could remember countless hours spent in the library together, neither of you speaking, both of you drowned into another world whether mathematical or fictional or perhaps historical. Some would have argued the arrangement wasn’t bonding at all but to Five it was perfect. It was presence. It was peace. It was company. It was having someone by his side in peace and quiet as he dug into the philosophies of Plato or uncovering the secrets of the universe with Steven Hawkins.
The sun burning on his skin mirrored your touch, something he had taken time to accustom to. It had first been grazes of fingers between exchanges of items; books, napkins, dishes, pencils. Little things that had irked him and made his spine cringe. But soon it had progressed to high fives, fist bumps and bumped shoulders. Small things, pathetic things to some.
But not to him.
You were his best company. His favorite company. With you conversation came easy, silence was simple. If he had wanted to he could have listened closely and heard the beat of your heart and the soft inhales and exhales of your breathing. He didn’t know he could enjoy simply being with someone. It was nice knowing that he could solve theorems and equations, translate Latin and analyze Hemingway and have someone to explain what all of that meant to.
If I could walk on water
If I could tell you what’s next
I’d make you believe
I’d make you forget
There was a lot Five wished he could tell you.
He wished you knew that the moment he had jumped in time he had instantly regretted it. He wished you knew that only a few hours later he’d be sleeping in a pile of rubble salvaging burnt bread and dirty water in order to make it to the next day. He wished he could tell you about the coming apocalypse for you were the only person he could think of that wouldn’t immediately freeze. Whose mind would turn with possible solutions and perhaps the only person who would completely believe him.
Most of all, he wished he could tell you how sorry he was. Perhaps it was because he knew you would be the only one to accept it. He doubted if he even attempted to apologize he wouldn’t know where to begin or how to end but he knew, no hoped, that wouldn’t matter to you.
To you he wanted to stumble over his words as he tried to figure out how to express all the regret he felt. He wanted to break down or perhaps collapse in front of you because he was so fucking tired and you would make sure he could rest peacefully at least for a night. He wanted to mutter the words “I’m sorry” to you because they had once been hard for him to say but with you they came easy because with you he meant it.
But that would never happen.
If he was being truthful he hoped you would forget about him. It would be better off that way. Chances of coming home were slim and if the universe could send a message to you he’d ask it to let you know he was okay. Physically, at least. Or if miracles were real you’d move on and quit worrying for him like he knew you were doing. Love was giving back and he would do anything for you, search the depths of the known and cross into the unknowing in order to get back to you.
You were the first person to ever give back to him without getting something in return.
He figured someone that genuine would search the universe for him too.
The idea of it was pleasant but he hoped more than anything that you’d stop.
So, come on get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love
Nights were easier with the shadow of you to accompany him.
Ghosts of memories lingered vaguely and he could remember those precious moments where his lips would upturn due to the little things you did. If you studied together, you always brought coffee for him. If you stayed up late together, you always made sure he ate. Your caring actions pulled his head out of the clouds consisting of logic and reason.
He craved your affection. He didn’t realize how much he’d miss it. His whole life Five had always thought he had taken care of himself. He never realized you carried a large weight that now fell back on his shoulders.
Being drowned in love seemed rather vulgar at first but he imagined your waters would bring a peaceful death.
So, come on get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love
Delirium.
It forced loose smiles on his face from things that weren’t there.
Five was afraid he was beginning to imagine you. But was that all so bad? He was surviving and that was what mattered. After all, your ghost was pushing forward.
Funny, how even if you weren’t physically there you still looked after him.
I miss the sound of your voice
Loudest thing in my head
And I ache to remember
All the violent, sweet
Perfect words that you said
The sun only intensified the illusions his mind was stirring up.
Your voice in his head, he trekked from water to water, can to can. Searching for anything he could use to survive. He could imagine your sweet scolding; angered at him for being so reckless yet proud that he had accomplished what he had wanted. There would be no hatred between you two, only understanding, empathy, sympathy.
As there always had been.
You always understood.
If I could walk on water
If I could tell you what’s next
I’d make you believe
I’d make you forget
Months went on and each one stayed the same. Sun and rubble and loose thoughts. His brothers, his sisters, Grace, Pogo, his father… you.
No one to save him.
His own memories of you resurfacing in order to save him.
Until someone did show up to save him…
So, come on get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love
FORTY FIVE YEARS LATER
The job at the Commission suited him well.
Currently the Parisian streets were cluttered and the small 1950s café was bustling with conversation and joy. He could picture you and his family here clearly. Klaus would fit right in with a goofy cap on his head, smoking a cigarette outside the café. Luther and Allison would be side by side window shopping. He’d accompany Vanya to a symphony at Versaille. Diego would be enthralled with Moulin Rouge and Ben would appreciate the louvre and you… he’d take you anywhere you liked.
He saw your face in crowds and heard your laugh in theaters. It was what kept Five from going completely off the deep end. With each murder and each assassination he imagined a happier scenario to suit it; visiting Cathedrals with you and his family, listening to the sound of their bickering which he missed so dearly. You’d make sure he ate and you’d make a joke to something he’d find funny like Freudian or Dickens and you’d smile as his lips turned upwards only slightly.
Everything would be perfect.
He just had to find his way back.
So, come on get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love
He saw you in Sacramento, Mumbai, Arizona. Your eyes were in the streams of the Nile. Your smile was the blazing sun in Patagonia. Klaus was in the ash-stained streets of Berlin. He could catch Allison’s heart in Naples and Luther’s pride in the ruins of Rome. Ben was in the boisterous air in Barcelona, Diego’s voice could be heard in the Brazilian Carnival and he almost swore he saw Vanya beside a river bank in Oslo.
Wherever Five went a part of his old life lingered and he could never truly let go. The reminder that he was once loved, or possibly still loved, was encouraging. Books soon cluttered in his bags. Theories of time travel and quantum physics of which he hadn’t studied for years but he clung to the hope that this time he’d be smart enough.
That this time he wouldn’t make the same mistake twice.
I miss the pull of your heart
I taste the sparks on your tongue
With each hour he spent studying and calculating and pouring over little infinities he was reminded of your words whenever he worked. Small sarcastic remarks that would have caused him to snap at his siblings but it was somehow alright if you said it. He could remember your handwriting, feeding him sources from beside him. The calm muse you were in whenever the two of you dove into something. He found himself trying to replicate it on his own but it wasn’t the same.
Home was so close. He could feel it by now. Numbers were crunching together and soon he’d have a plan all in set. Even after forty years you still were the one who resonated in his mind the most. It still felt like you were sitting beside him as he researched and perhaps like many quantum theories suggested, there was another reality where you were next to him.
He was determined to get back to that reality.
I see angels and devils
And God, when you come on
Hold on, hold on, hold on
Numbers upon numbers.
He was so fucking close.
And then the numbers seemed to fall into place.
Hawkins would’ve been proud.
So come on get higher
Loosen my lips
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love
Dealey Plaza was crowded with prospects of the president coming into town.
Five Hargreeves was attempting the impossible today.
Other than the order to assassinate the president, he was planning to dodge the order all together. He had found the numbers. At least what he thought were the right numbers. He’d have to be quick. His case was on the floor, his hands were beginning to glow and concentration… his family was in arms reach by now.
The anomaly formed, his eyes widened.
Without a single concern he walked straight in.
So come on get higher
Loosen my lips
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me, drown me in love
It burned like no other.
HIs mind felt as though it was tearing itself apart.
Five was instantly regretting stepping inside. Something had gone wrong. It was the end of the line for him and all because of a simple slip up on his part. At that point it didn’t even matter to him. Death would be greeted as an old friend.
But then there was a moment of clarity.
“What is that?”
“What was that supposed to do, Klaus?”
Your voice, his brother’s voice. He could hear them. Clear as day. He opened his eyes, everything was covered in a haze of blue. With a jolt the universe sent him forward. His body hit the ground with a thud.
Voices were echoing around him.
It’s all wrong, it’s all wrong
It’s all wrong, it’s so right
“Does anyone else see little number five?”
He looked up and it took everything in him to not drop his jaw in awe. There before him stood Klaus and in line with him, all his siblings and at the end you. Klaus’s words didn’t seem to matter anymore because there he stood, back at home and in his own flesh although one that belonged to the younger him.
And you were there.
They all were.
Older, taller, more grown into your features but he could recognize each of his siblings. Your smile was the brightest as though you knew somewhere deep down that he’d always return. The silence between you was still peaceful and now that he was in the moment he appreciated it so much more.
So come on, get higher
So come on and get higher
‘Cause everything works, love
Everything works in your arms
You smiled.
He gave a soft grin.
It may have shocked everyone to see him hug you tightly. His face expressionless but words quietly coming from his lips. “I’m sorry.” he whispered.
You only laughed. “It’s okay, Five.”
“It’s okay.”
—
Let me know what you thought? (I told you it was shitty). Send an ask to be part of the taglist.
The Umbrella Academy Taglist: @lxncelot@fandoms-are-my-friends-1321@jackys-stuff-blog
Silver Linings Playbook
Pairing:Five Hargreeves x gn!Reader
Word Count: 1.3k
Warnings:Swearing
A/N:Yes, I stole the title from the movie Silver Lining’s Playbook (an enjoyable movie by the way) and yes this can be viewed as platonic or romantic. I’m not writing a minor a fucking grandeur love story.
Summary:In which, Five Hargreeves didn’t see the silver lining and one day you point it out to him.
Despite the sun’s menacing glare, you couldn’t help but find it beautiful.
On the contrary, Five Hargreeves resolutely disagreed.
In his mind, there was nothing redeeming or remotely beautiful about the apocalyptic ruins in which you two walked. Survival was his main focus although what drove him, he didn’t know. Maybe it was in hopes of seeing his family again. In hopes that he could get you back to yours. These were the few miniscule ideas that kept him going despite the sun’s heat and the intense growl in his stomach.
“Today’s a nice day.” you say, pulling the sheet that clothed your hair down further.
“I think we have two very different definitions of nice.” he sighed, kicking the rocks that lay in his path.
You shake your head, taking a small swig of your water. “No. I just think you’re choosing not to stop and take a look.”
“At what?”
“The world.”
“I can see the world, Y/N. It’s shit.”
That was the thing about you that Five found odd. He had found you on his twelfth day in the future sitting in the ruins of a building with an expired can of fruit and a book in your hand. A pathetic picture to come across if you asked him. You had no recollection of how you survived or where you were from. Five had almost made the decision of leaving you but the small sliver of humanity that was left had won the mental debate and here he was.
You had an unique optimism and with anyone else it would have bothered him. The attitude typically followed with a bubbly personality and Five had little to no patience with most people but bubbly people especially. However, you talked of the silly, somewhat romantic, ideas in a serene tone that reminded him of his brother, Klaus. It was that peaceful aura of yours that kept him company through the rougher days. He wouldn’t ever admit it but you kept him from falling off the deep end.
He would say sanity but he figured he was far past gone in that department.
“I mean the good stuff. It may be hard to see from where we stand but there’s some good.”
He bit back a sarcastic laugh. “Like what?”
You fell into step with him, squinting in the shine of the sun. “Well, I finally took the time to read. I didn’t know I would enjoy it this much.”
Five scoffs. “That’s nice.”
You sigh at his sarcastic remark, though you were used to them by now. The sun was setting now similar to the hue of an egg yolk. Heat still lingered on your skin as you looked at him with a smile. “Come on. There has to be something that you’re grateful for. Something that keeps you going.”
His façade seemed to glitch for a mere second before he recollected himself once more. One thing came to his mind. Something was more along the lines of someone, that someone being you. Of course, he wouldn’t tell you that. There was no need to be vulnerable and make matters more complicated than they already were.
“Yeah. Your pestering.” he jokes with a smirk. His eyes fall on some ruins with odd books sticking out and astray. He nodded to the hideaway, lugging the small collection of necessities he had brought with him.
“Nice to know my voice keeps us alive. That’s very sweet of you, Five.” you tease, collapsing against the wall.
He rolls his eyes, taking a sip of his water. You pick up the stack of books that lay by your side, flipping the pages with a sigh. Five watches as you toss it aside, flipping through another only to do the same. “They’re in Greek.”
“Hand me those.” he calls. You lift the book to him, his fingers lightly grazing yours during the exchange. Five flips the book to its title. “Oedipus Rex.”
You raise an eyebrow. “You read Greek?”
He nods, turning the page. “η σκηνή”
Your eyes light up with curiosity. “What does that mean?”
Five looks up, your eyes the brightest he’d seen them in a while despite the need for sleep that lingered in them. He sighed, clearing his throat as you smiled. “The Scene. Before the palace of Oedipus, King of Thebes. A central door and two lateral doors open onto a platform which runs the length of the façade…”
You watched Five as he read, noticing the miniscule changes in his demeanor. The stern countenance in his eyes dimmed to a soft curiosity, similar to a small child’s. His face relaxed and his voice no longer scolded but flowed gently as he read. In his peace, you found sweet lullabies that drew your eyes closed as the journeys of Oedipus faded from your mind.
>>><<<
You and Five decided on staying at the ruins for a bit. Enough food and accessible water was around to make camp for a few days. When the sun shone the two of you worked making little to no conversation. Five preferred to scavenge in silence and you didn’t mind obliging to his few demands. It was mainly at night in which the two of you conversed, when the air was cooler and the day at an end.
“Hey, Five.” you mumble.
Both of you laid with your backs on the ground. Your eyes were gazing upwards as were Five’s. “Yeah, Y/N?”
“Isn’t it odd that the one thing that stayed the same in the world were the stars?”
He nodded. “If anything they got brighter.” he added.
“Yeah. It’s like we’re looking at one big storybook.” you say, pointing out lines of stars. “Leo, Ursa, Sextans.” Five follows your finger, a bright star lying under the tip. “That bright star right there is Regulus. Each constellation has a myth.”
“Myths by the Greeks. And the Greeks loved their tragedies.” he tapped the book that lay by his side. “Look at old Oedipus here. He’s suffering a pretty bad fate I’d say.”
“Not all stories are tragic. Actually most stories have happy endings I would say. If I were in a story this would all be so easy.”
Five shakes his head. “I disagree. Technically we’ll be a story and our ending isn’t happy at all.”
You turn to him. “You think so?”
He turns to you with a smirk. “Sure. An untold one. But I don’t see a happy ending in sight for us.”
“Now I’m going to have to disagree.” you say quietly. “There’s always a silver lining.”
A silver lining. It was something so common yet so uniquely you. Of course you believed in them. After all you still had hope despite Five’s persistent effort to get your head out of the clouds and your feet back on the ground. He had never believed in silver linings but he liked the idea when you said it. It seemed real. Genuine.
Your eyes wander to the stars once more with a smile. “I can’t believe I’m saying this but I think the best stories are the saddest ones. They’re the most real, right?”
He nods, fighting the soft smile on his lips. “Right.”
“So maybe our story is sad. But you can only know what’s sad if you know what’s good in this world.” you turned over, your head resting against your backpack and your eyes beginning to sink. “There’s a silver lining in this somewhere. Maybe you just haven’t found it yet.”
Your eyes fluttered close and your breathing came to a steady pace as Five looked up at the stars. His own open storybook clouded with your silver linings. Five’s story was a tragic one. His opinion would never change on that. It belonged to be painted in the sky for eternity, one of the many tales in your storybook. But perhaps there was a silver lining to it all.
Yours was the stars.
His was the person who pointed them out.
>>><<<
Let me know what you thought? Click here to add yourself to my taglist.
Do I tag anyone? Shit I don’t have a TUA tag nice going Bri.
TUA Taglist?: @lxncelot
