apology

Summary:After Izuku comes home, Katsuki realizes he’s fallen in love. But no apology is enough to fix the past, and he knows it.

Fandom: My Hero Academia
Characters: Katsuki Bakugo, Izuku Midoriya, Class 1A
Pairing: Katsuki Bakugo/Izuku Midoriya
Word Count: 3,000
Rating:T
AO3:Link

Other tags: BNHA #322-327 spoilers, first kiss, love confessions

Notes: Takes place during events of #322–327 and a couple of days after. Starts with canon events including a couple of direct quotes but diverges from there.

Fic:

Katsuki started to realize a few things about himself after Izuku left UA.

First, he was worried about the nerd.

Second, he was furious at the nerd for making him worry. Izuku putting Katsuki in a situation where he thought about Izuku all the time, where he lost sleep over him, absolutely qualified as a dick move.

Third, he was furious at himself. He knew now that Izuku was better than him. He always had been, but Katsuki had been too caught up in his own greatness to notice.

Katsuki had watched Izuku risk his life over and over to protect others, and now was watching him work himself to death to keep everyone safe. He knew first-hand that Izuku had always been like that, even before his quirk. He’d always been determined and selfless and willing to sacrifice himself if others needed it.

When Izuku had held his hand out to Katsuki when they were kids, it wasn’t because he was looking down on Katsuki. It was because he was kind. It was because he cared. It was because he knew that even if someone was strong, they still deserved help and support - something that Izuku himself seemed to have forgotten right now.

When they found Izuku, exhausted and giving up under the press of dozens of civilians controlled by a villain, he was relieved but angry. This fucking dumbass. Katsuki knew it. He knew Izuku would push himself too far like this, and then would push his friends away in an effort to protect them, even when they didn’t need protecting.

The fury subsided when he faced Izuku directly. Izuku, barely staying on his feet, eyes foggy and barely able to focus on Katsuki through his exhaustion. Katsuki felt the eyes of the rest of Class 1-A on him as he told Izuku what he needed to tell him. That Katsuki had always known Izuku was strong, even when Katsuki had tried to believe differently. That Katsuki was sorry for everything he’d done to Izuku. That no matter how strong he was, Izuku needed to accept their help now.

Izuku took a long time to absorb the words, and he finally spoke with a wavering voice, clearly a huge effort through his exhaustion. “I said you all couldn’t keep up with me. I’m sorry I said something so awful.”

With the words out of his mouth, he started to collapse. Katsuki rushed forward and let Izuku fall into his arms. “We get it,” he said, but he wasn’t even sure the nerd was even alert enough to have heard him.

Katsuki started to realize something else as he held Izuku in his arms, as he looked at Izuku, his face dirty and scratched but now so free from worry now that he was asleep.

Katsuki was in love.

He was still stunned by the realization as they got Izuku home.

He was too stunned to go into action against the crowd that was preventing Izuku from entering U.A., which was the only thing stopping him from blasting his way through the idiots in their way, get Izuku some place he could rest. Instead, he stood steady and reassuring by Izuku’s side and let Uraraka convince the crowd.

He started to come back to himself when the boys of 1-A took Izuku to the baths. “We’re still rivals, including you, Deku—Izuku,” Katsuki said, splashing Izuku with a wave of water.

Izuku smiled at Katsuki’s self-correction of his name. “Too challenging? ‘Deku’ is fine, Kacchan.”

Little shit. Katsuki splashed him again and made his disagreement loud and clear, but even as he yelled, he felt warm and happy. Izuku was safe.

Izuku had said he was too wired up to sleep, but it didn’t take long before he slumped against Katsuki where they sat together on the couch, fast asleep. Katsuki glanced down at Izuku, his head resting on Katsuki’s shoulder. Izuku normally wouldn’t have gotten away with it, but Katsuki wasn’t going to move the guy when he was so tired.

And… He was cute. When had he gotten so cute? Freckles and curly green hair and a round face that radiated kindness, even when he was asleep.

Katsuki couldn’t stop staring. He smiled and brushed a lock of unruly hair away from Izuku’s face.

He glanced up and met Icy-Hot’s eyes across the room, and immediately scowled, his cheeks starting to burn. There was no judgment in Shoto’s eyes, only the soft relief that all of them were feeling now that Izuku was back, but it was a moment Katsuki hadn’t meant anyone to see. He still was unsteady in his own feelings, he wasn’t ready for others to form their opinions as well.

One by one the others filtered out of the room to go to bed, everyone exhausted from the stress and exertion of their fight with Izuku earlier that day.

Shoto’s eyes lingered on them for a couple seconds too long.

“Good night,” he said. “Be nice.”

Mind your own business, you half-assed ice cube, Katsuki got ready to say, but he bit back the retort. He didn’t want to wake Izuku up, not now.

Instead he just nodded. Shoto left and they were alone.

Katsuki rested his head against Izuku’s. He took one of Izuku’s hands in his own and ran a thumb over one of the scars. There were a few of them, representing Izuku’s determination and sacrifice, and Katsuki thought they were beautiful.

Tiredness washed over him now that everything had calmed down, and he closed his eyes, not taking long to drift off to sleep.

He woke up to the sound of giggling. His eyes snapped open and he was met with the sight of Mina and Yaoyorozu snapping a picture of him and Izuku, leaning against each other with their hands intertwined, on one of their phones.

“Hey!” he shouted, startling Izuku awake. He jumped to his feet. “Give me that, now!”

Yaoyorozu laughed and dodged his sparking hands reaching for her phone. Mina blocked his way as Yaoyorozu tapped something on her phone. The phone made the whooshing sound of an email being sent. Small booms went off in Katsuki’s clenched fists.

“Who knew you were such a softy?” Mina said.

“Do I look like a softy to you?” Bakugo shouted, his fists now starting to smoke.

“What’s going on?” Izuku says, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “Kacchan?”

“He was holding your hand,” Mina said.

“Whatever,” Katsuki said, throwing up his hands in irritation and storming out.

“You’ve really made progress, huh?” Katsuki heard Yaoyorozu say to Izuku from behind him.

“Oh, yeah… I guess…”

Izuku wandered into the kitchen to find Katsuki a couple of minutes later, still looking exhausted and ragged. He had dark circles under his eyes and he’d clearly lost weight in the month he was gone. Stupid Deku.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you like that,” Izuku said, yawning, as he slid into a chair at a table nearby.

“Yeah, of course your sorry ass would be too lazy to actually get up and go to an actual bed,” Katsuki grumbled, chopping up vegetables for an omelet.

After a moment, Izuku added cautiously, “We were holding hands?”

Katsuki scoffed. “Don’t look too much into it, nerd. I just wanted to make sure you weren’t going anywhere again.”

“Aw, Kacchan.” Izuku smiled. “You missed me.”

“Shut up.”

Izuku was quiet for a few minutes as Katsuki whipped up the omelet with the ingredients that he knew were Izuku’s favorites. When he looked over at Izuku again, he was slumped over the table with his head resting on his arms, asleep.

Katsuki slid the plate onto the table in front of Izuku and nudged him. “Hey. Shitty Deku. Wake up.”

“Mmf?” Izuku blinked tiredly and looked up at Katsuki.

“Food.”

“You made this for me?”

“Yes.”

“Kacchan…” Izuku’s eyes filled with tears.

“Shut the fuck up and eat.”

Izuku did.

“Will you train with me today?” Izuku asked as he ate.

“I’m not going to kick your ass while you’re only half alive. I have my pride.”

“I think you’re scared because you know I got better.”

“Wanna bet, shitty nerd? Even if you got better, you’re still leagues behind me.”

“Ah, there’s the Kacchan I know and love.”

Katsuki looked away, flustered at the choice of words. Love. And the way he’d said it, so naturally…

“I mean, you’ve been going kind of soft on me since I got back,” Izuku said.

“I’ll beat you into the ground at training and then we’ll see who’s going soft,” Katsuki growled.

“Good.”

It took a couple more naps and another healthy meal, forced upon him by the other classmates of 1-A, but finally Izuku was deemed fit for fighting.

Izukuhad gotten better. One month of nonstop work meant more mastery of his six quirks, and of using them simultaneously. But Katsuki had been training too, developing a couple of new moves, and within a few minutes he had Izuku pinned to the ground.

“I told you,” Katsuki said with a grin.

Izuku grinned back at him. “You did.”

God. This fucking asshole. He went through hell alone, he gave every part of himself to keep everyone else safe, and one day later he was already back to being his sunny, cheerful self. Now that he’d gotten some rest, the blank eyes he’d had yesterday were now filled with life and sparks of challenge.

“Izuku…” Katsuki groaned, and he quickly stood up and took a few steps away, running his hand through his sweat-soaked hair.

“What? Are you okay?”

“No, I’m not okay,” Katsuki snapped.

“Did I do something wrong?”

Izuku looked like a fucking kicked puppy, big pleading eyes and small frown on his freckled face and Katsuki couldn’t stand it. He wanted to walk over there right then and kiss him. If Izuku were anybody else, he would have.

But it was Izuku, who he gave shit to relentlessly for years, and he had apologized - he’d had to, to get Izuku home, though he meant every word - but that didn’t change anything. That didn’t mean he had a shot in hell with this guy, or that he even deserved one.

“Kacchan?” Izuku said, tilting his head slightly. Katsuki realized he’d been staring at Izuku for a few too many seconds and turned away, face burning.

“Forget it, nerd,” he grumbled. “Come on, let’s get back. You need some more rest.”

“I’m fine, I can go again,” Izuku said.

“No,” Katsuki replied. He couldn’t handle being close to Izuku, touching him, when all that was going through his mind was how much he wanted to kiss him. “You’re still recovering, idiot. You need a break.”

Katsuki started to walk towards the exit of the training room, and Izuku caught up with him, their shoulders almost brushing together. Katsuki gritted his teeth.

“Hey, Kacchan,” Izuku said softly.

“What, asshole?”

“Thanks for taking care of me.”

“I’m not,” Katsuki scoffed, and he wished that were true so that people - Izuku - wouldn’t think he cared as much as he did.

“Kacchan…” Izuku had stopped walking, so Katsuki stopped to look back at him.

The idiot had tears welling up in his eyes. Fucking crybaby. Izuku sniffed. The tears started to spill over, and they wouldn’t stop.

“Everything you told me, I… I never thought we’d get there, you know? I thought…” He sniffed again and then Katsuki was in front of him, Izuku’s face in his hands, wiping away the tears with his thumbs.

“Hey,” Katsuki said, his voice gentle. He cleared his throat and tried again, gruff. “Hey. Knock that shit off. The new symbol of peace can’t break down crying all the time.”

Izuku looked up at Katsuki with a wavering smile, his eyes still shining with tears. And then he threw his arms around Katsuki and pulled him close, burying his head in Katsuki’s shoulder, and all of Katsuki’s thoughts disappeared from his mind at the close contact.

“You’re amazing,” Izuku said. “I couldn’t have gotten here without you. You know that, right? You know that I think you’re amazing?”

Hesitantly, Katsuki brought his arms up to hold Izuku. “Yeah, I know. Everyone thinks I’m amazing.”

Izuku let out a little laugh-hiccup. “Thanks, Kacchan.”

Katsuki huffed. “Yeah. Don’t mention it. Pathetic crybaby. Come on, let’s go back.”

Katsuki couldn’t deal with his feelings, so he tried his best to avoid Izuku. Which was hard, because Izuku was everywhere, being fawned over by Class 1-A. And secondly, Katsuki was worried about him, felt anxious every time he was out of sight (what if he took off again?), so he moped around in the corner of the room, keeping an eye on Izuku.

They were all stressed and wired up, having to be on standby for defeating Tomura before the deadline, but they also had to do their best to remain rested enough that they would have the energy to fight when it came to it.

Katsuki had trouble falling asleep. He was sure they were all having that problem, with Japan on the brink like it was.

So the knock on his door was something of a relief. He slid out of bed and padded over to the door, opening it up.

“Izuku. You couldn’t sleep either?”

“I did, but the nightmares… With Tomura. So many people got hurt, because of me.”

“Why’d you come to me? Don’t you have Iida, or Todoroki or someone?”

“I can go if I’m bothering you,” Izuku said, starting to turn away, and Katsuki grabbed his arm.

He sighed. “You’re not. Come in.”

They sat on the floor in front of Katsuki’s bed, leaning back against it.

“It was my fault,” Izuku said, resting his head against Katsuki’s shoulder again. Katsuki went rigid for a moment before forcing himself to relax. He needed to be a calming presence right now. “I shouldn’t be at UA right now.”

Katsuki sighed. “Christ, Deku, for someone with such good grades, you’re really fucking dense.”

“Hey!”

“All for One was going to happen with or without you. What happened is not on you. You did everything right. Even right now. Listen, I’m not saying this because I care about you, but - if you run yourself into the ground until you can’t get up, you’re not going to be any good to anyone. We need you safe here so we have a fighting chance against these fuckers.”

“Kacchan…”

Katsuki was going to melt if he heard that name out of Izuku’s lips one more time.

Izuku was looking up at him, and Katsuki hesitantly met his gaze. Izuku’s still-shining eyes flicked down to Katsuki’s lips for a moment and then back up to Katsuki’s eyes.

Katsuki couldn’t breathe. Time seemed to slow, his heart pounding loud in his chest.

Izuku closed the gap between them and pressed his lips to Katsuki’s.

Katsuk kissed Izuku back. He brought a hand up to rest on the side of Izuku’s neck, the tips of his fingers brushing against the curly green hair. The butterflies in his stomach were something new. Unexpected, but good, making his entire being aware of what he was doing.

What had he been waiting for? This was perfect.

This was wrong.

He pulled back and quickly looked away.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have…” Izuku started to say, his voice embarrassed and barely audible.

“Why the hell would you do that, moron?” Katsuki asked, eyes carefully avoiding Izuku’s. “After everything? After how I treated you?”

He heard Izuku sniff and finally looked back at him. Tears were streaming down Izuku’s face again.

“We’re more than that, Kacchan.”

Katsuki considered scolding him for crying, again, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. This moment was too important.

“Even when you were mean… You were something that pushed me to improve myself. You were the ideal I wanted to reach. When we got to U.A., when we started talking again, I was so happy. I missed you.”

Fuck, this nerd was sappy. Katsuki grit his teeth to stop his own tears. “You deserve better. Anyone else. Uraraka likes you. She defended you out there. Be with her. You’re close with Icy-Hot, maybe him.”

“But I like you,” Izuku said. “I have for a really, really long time.”

Katsuki shook his head. “Christ, I’ve always told you that you were dumb.”

“How do you feel?”

Katsuki scoffed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Getting into this emotional territory is a little lame, Deku.”

“Katsuki.”

Katsuki was a little jolted by the sound of his actual name.

“I like you too, okay?” he grumbled.

Izuku beamed up at him with such excitement that Katsuki couldn’t help but let out a low chuckle. “Nerd.”

He leaned forward and gave Izuku another brief kiss, the taste of Izuku’s tears salty on his lips.

When he pulled away, he met Izuku’s gaze and held it. “This thing with Tomura isn’t going to be easy. But you’ll be there for me, and I’ll be there for you. We all will. No more nightmares, okay, dweeb?” Katsuki ruffled Izuku’s hair.

“I probably won’t have any more nightmares if I stay here.”

“Yeah?” Katsuki raised an eyebrow. “Fine. But no funny business.”

Izuku snorted. “I should be the one telling you that.”

Katsuki laughed. “I’ll hold back. For now.”

Izuku got to his feet. It was even more obvious from this position that Izuku had grown up. He had grown so much from the timid, unsure Deku he’d been just a couple of years ago.

Izuku extended a hand down to Katsuki. This time, Katsuki took it.