#genre sweetly angsty

“From the Beginning” Yamachii Fiction Collection

[2] Facing the Sea and Sky: From the Beginning Series

Facing the Sea and Sky as the World Melts

Title:[2.2]Me & You
Pairing/Relationship:Yamada Ryosuke x Chinen Yuri
Chapter Rating:PG
Collection Rating: NC-17
Warnings:Chapter: None  Collection:  NSFW, Explicit Language, Erotica, Public Sex  
Genre: Romantic fluffy stupid boys in love, M/M, angst, moody boys  
Type:Collection

PLEASE NOTE:

This is a Yamachii Romance/Home Life and features the boys in a romantic/intimate relationship with one another.

“From the Beginning” MASTERPOST!

♡ ❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤

The past few days had been utterly exhausting and all Ryosuke could think about was the fact that everything with Yuri was still really off. In all fairness, they were both exhausted, not the normal type of ‘I’m a little tired’, no, this was different…they were both stressed—what with all of their responsibilities from the last few months—they were all stretched pretty thin.

Add on top of that normal work related stress the fact that there was something weird going on between them—neither of them feeling ‘quite right’ with one another causing everything in their lives to feel a little more raw, a bit more dramatic, and almost like the lens has been thrown out of focus but you don’t realize it right away because it’s just a bit wrong on the edge where you’d not be able to notice right away.

It was New Years Eve and as usual Jump was scheduled to perform for the countdown—something the usually look forward to—but the truth was, the mood that the two of them had been in seemed to be somehow contagious and most of the Jump members were not quite…right.

Ryosuke glanced over to the side, a little way down the stage and could see Yuri looking out over the audience, his hips swaying  a tiny bit to the music the other group was performing out at the middle stage. He looked absolutely adorable in his suit tonight and Ryosuke had given him the biggest smooch ever before the were called to the stage earlier, promising him that after tonight everything was going to be okay, to just go out here and do his best.

Yuri’s just really exhausted…we didn’t really have any time between the end of the tour and rehearsals for the dome performances, and then it was straight into rehearsals for today, which has been insane.

But he’s so…mad at me all the time, it’s like I can’t do anything right these days.

Plus…he’s most definitely still keeping things from me…he never does that.

Christmas is over, so even the slight chance it had something to do with a gift is long gone now.

But no..just…stop this!

I’m reading way too much into it again, everything fine, he’s stressed, we all are, it’s fine…stop being stupid.

Unless it’s not fine…why would he have struggles and issues he didn’t think he could share with me?

Why would he confide in other people and not in me?

We’re closer than this…I know we are…I just…I don’t understand.

He took a deep breath, clenching his eyes shut as he tried to center himself again, after all he was working, and he couldn’t afford to get caught up inside his own mind like this.

It’s fine, now, get your head in the game!

This is work.

Right. Work. Now.

He glanced to the side again, hoping that seeing Yuri would help him get back to being focused—maybe a gesture, something to say he might be thinking of him as well. He had to bite the inside of his cheek to stop from swearing when he discovered instead of Yuri even remotely thinking of him, he was standing still, speaking softly to Daiki, which was really grating on his last nerve because frankly–Daiki was one of Ryosuke’s dearest friends, but the truth was, Yuri didn’t really speak to him when they weren’t together. It wasn’t because there were any issues or anything there—nothing controversial or anything–it was mostly because Daiki made it impossible to fade into the background. Anyone who knew Yuri knew that his favorite spot to be when he wasn’t firmly in the spotlight in his idol form was perfectly hidden in the shadows.

No, he wouldn’t normally have much to do with Daiki, because he was exuberant, excitable, and always talking far too loudly to be in the shadows—rather his child-like enthusiasm for…well, pretty much everything meant that Yuri only hung out with him when there were other people to buffer between them. But for a while now, Yuri had been really attached to Daiki, spending a lot of time talking to him, working on projects and things, and Daiki had done a whole lot of filling in for things that Ryosuke would normally take care of like driving Yuri places and things of that nature due to Ryosuke’s incredibly busy schedule.

He didn’t mind their friendship, in fact, under normal circumstances, he’d highly encourage it—it wasn’t good for Yuri to be so dependent on him and getting him to open up to others was really important. Yuri needed people he could trust, and those who would understand him the way Daiki seemed to. No, it wasn’t something based in jealousy or worry, it just seemingly added to the mystery of the distance between them is all—just another unmatching piece of the puzzle that his life seemed to be these days—because their friendship seemed to blossom almost simultaneously with the overall strange behavior and lies began.

Ryosuke had gotten lost in his thoughts, staring over at the other two boys when, Yuri’s eyes drifted over Daiki’s shoulder, latching onto his own.

Ryosuke tilted his head when Yuri’s eyes widened slightly, and then frowned when Yuri’s eyes flashed quickly back to Daiki and he shifted, it was a small amount of movement, but it cut off Ryosuke’s view of him completely. Ryosuke stared at the back of Daiki’s head for a moment, his stomach falling out again as it had been doing regularly for several days now.

Doubts, as they are wont to do had been filling his mind for the last week.

Something’s wrong.

Really wrong.

Maybe he’s tired of me?

No, my goodness, don’t be stupid, he loves you!

I love him! Oh, God, how much I love him!

Maybe he’s just…maybe he is looking around and wondering what we’re doing, where we’re going?

Maybe he’s bored with me?

Maybe he thinks I don’t want to be with him forever?

Maybe he thinks I’m tired of him?

Maybe I’m taking too long to make this declaration to him?

Maybe I’m moving too fast and he’s scared of it?

How can I do this right?

How can I know the perfect time?

Maybe he just doesn’t feel that way about me anymore?

People change?

Don’t they?

Sometimes they grow apart?

But no…not us, we’re not like that…we’re not, I know we aren’t.

I mean…before…I was really stupid about that?

I mean he was really hurt by me not being forward with my feelings about things—right?

He actually thought I didn’t care about him and want to be with him…could…could that be what’s happened?

Could I have waited TOO long now?

SHUT UP.

Oh my gosh, just shut up, everything is fine, stop being stupid.

My own mind is my worst enemy.

He loves me, I love him.

Everything is good.

Even if he’s been worried about where our relationship is going, I’m gonna fix that tonight—I will make sure he understands, and everything will be okay!

Then I’m gonna make him tell me what is going on.

We have a week off work after today—I want everything to be perfect.

All of this nonsense is just a product of your nervousness and nothing more…stop being an idiot!

Besides, in a few hours, everything is going to be clear—at least as clear as I can make it.

His hand drifted across the edge of his coat, the fabric inlaid with some kind of metallic gold thread that was scratchy on his fingertips, grazing across his waist to dip his hand into his pocket, his fingers checking for the millionth time to ensure that the ring was still there. He slid the metal through his fingers as he felt the smooth surface, then smiled when he felt the tell-tale rise of the stone.

Still safe.

He’d spent over a month designing it, then worked with one of the staff who had a family member who was a jewelry artisan, Nakamura-san, who had crafted the ring perfectly. Ryosuke designed it to use genuine authentic crushed meteorite to create the inner band—the part Yuri would likely wear the most–something that he knew Yuri was absolutely going to lose his mind over, of course, which presented as a basic black band that wouldn’t draw much attention to the ring.

To make the design more compelling, he’d also designed a fancy inset to hold the band, something Yuri could wear when he wanted, that would make the ring a little more decorative. It held a one of a kind topaz gem stone that he’d handpicked himself.

‘Topaz is a true expression of fire energy–representing love and passion’ is what Nakamura-san had told Ryosuke when he’d been trying to decide on what gemstone to put as the main focus of the ring. As soon as he described it, he knew that it was the perfect one—Yuri was the epitome of a fiery personality—and surely the fact it was aligned with love and passion, something he and Yuri certainly had abounding in their relationship—well, he’d doubted if he could have found a better match for them.

The entire set was made in platinum, a color he knew looked good with Yuri’s skin, and all in all, despite being absolutely beautiful, it was understated enough he felt like most people would never guess what it was.

He couldn’t wait to see what Yuri thought of it!

The last two months had been filled with so many ideas, just honestly, he’d thought of a million ways to propose, some of them simple, others quite elaborate, after all, Ryosuke felt absolutely certain that Yuri deserved every single bit of whatever he could come up with for putting up with him.

Then, this morning, even with the worries and concerns about the text messages and the New Year’s concert that evening, when they were eating breakfast and Yuri was standing there with his hip against the counter, one arm crossed across his tummy as the other one leaned on it for support, nibbling on his sweet roll, all Ryosuke could think was that this was where he belonged—right there beside him—looking so adorable, so precious…so utterly right. Yuri needed to be there, right there with him, every morning for as long as they lived. His heart had soared, and he couldn’t help to think…this would mark the end of one year and the start of a new one–and suddenly, he felt a surety in his very soul that he should not let one more day pass before asking Yuri.

Not one more day.

So, despite the million ways he could do this that would reflect how much thought and care and wonder he wanted to express—he decided it didn’t matter—he just HAD to have that ring on Yuri’s finger. He knew that it was impractical—that they couldn’t really “officially” get married, but…well, even if they never figured out a better way, then… at least, they would have this…that’s all.

He turned to the audience who were still cheering for other groups at the moment, allowing them to think his smile was surely about their presence and it was, of course, in its own way, yet, at this moment all he could think about was one hour from now. Once the New Year was heralded in, they would all be disbursed to change, and in that chaos, he intended to drag Yuri away and as soon as possible after midnight, he’d ask.

Ask.

He felt his knees tremble, and all he could think was what if…what if this isn’t what he wants?

He glanced back over to find Yuri standing still looking at him. He tilted his head, blinking rapidly, and wished for a moment they could speak, that he could ask him to please tell him what was happening, what was wrong—why he couldn’t share whatever burden he was carrying with him. In truth, despite being so aggravated with Yuri over it—Ryosuke couldn’t help but feel somehow responsible—like there was something he had done, something he’d perhaps said, that made Yuri feel like he had to keep secrets from him.

Everything is good, Yuri’s going through something, obviously, and my goal is to support him and love him through it no matter what…and whatever it is, no matter what, we’ll deal with that together.

Like we deal with everything else.

Just this morning he’d awoken from a terrible nightmare where everything was dark and he could hear Yuri’s voice calling out to him, but no matter how hard or fast he ran, he couldn’t reach him–and he’d been inconsolable, his breath ragged as he tried to shake off the dream, and he’d jumped when Yuri’s hand had touched his wrist. He’d sat up and his arm had wrapped around him, pulling him closer.

“Another dream?” Yuri had asked, his voice still soft with sleep.

“Y-yes,” Ryosuke scrubbed at his eyes, willing away the visions of emptiness that were flashing through his mind’s eye.

“Why are you having so many nightmares lately, Ryo?”

“I-I don’t know…” He wanted to say ’because you’re not acting normal with me anymore, and I feel like while I’m preparing to spend the rest of my life with you, everything I do seems to push you further away’, but instead, he just turned his head and smiled at Yuri, “Everything’s fine, I’m just stressed.”

Yuri’s expression made it clear that he clearly didn’t believe him, his eyes narrowing slightly, and then he shrugged, falling back onto his pillow and huffing, “Whatever you say…”

Despite seeming upset, when Ryosuke had laid back down, facing the opposite of Yuri he had to smile when he felt Yuri’s hand, soft on his back as he slowly rubbed it to sooth him back to sleep.

When he finally woke up again, Ryosuke knew…felt with absolution in his heart, he had to stop putting off the one thing he wanted the most in the whole world, and once he’d made up his mind–he could feel the slow countdown to the moment he’d ask Yuri to be with him forever.

Yuri was staring at Ryosuke, the way he was looking out at the crowd, the smile on his face, beautiful–yet, he’d not seen it personally for many weeks. It seemed to him that something had changed, sometime in the last month or so…and to him, at least, it felt like he was hiding something.

I know he’s hiding something.

It’s not like I’m not hiding something.

It could be nothing.

Or it could be anything.

Everything.

Could be he is reacting to knowing I’m not telling him the truth.

Ryosuke is stupidly intuitive toward me…maybe he realized I was lying…maybe…he is mad at me.

Nah, I’ve been super stealthy, he couldn’t possibly be onto me!

Could he be reconsidering us? Our future?

Is he…gonna say no to me?

Did I misjudge everything?

Stop that!

He’s hiding something but that doesn’t mean it has anything to do with us.

It doesn’t mean it has anything to do with us.

With me.

Yuri had not changed his standards, despite wanting to pry, or snoop, he didn’t dig into Ryosuke’s privacy, or check his phone because what in the world would that mean? He trusted Ryosuke, their entire relationship was built on utter and complete trust, and faith in one another. Yet, he’d wanted to—which was frustrating to him on a level he hadn’t expected. If he could have done it without debilitating guilt, he would have. He tried to talk to him, but part of him was so afraid of what he might find out he didn’t really try–he just felt certain that he was hiding something, and that alone had been driving him to the brink of insanity.

Something is wrong, I wish I could understand what it was.

Ryosuke smiled at Yuri, but it was met with a pensive stare and then they were in motion, the last song beginning and they both snapped into their professional mode, setting aside their relationship worries for a time when they were not working.

As the gathered masses celebrated the New Year, the members of the many groups were in chaos as they moved through the maze of hallways to their dressing rooms, and somehow in the confusion Ryosuke had lost sight of Yuri.

He moved quickly, apologizing when he ran into another Johnny, his eyes frantically searching through the crowd, calling out loudly, “Yuri!”

He knew there was little hope of spotting him, short as he was among the people, grabbing Hikaru as he went by him, “Have you seen Yuri?”

Hikaru shook his head, “No, sorry!”

Ryosuke released his arm, nodding, and then turning around to walk back the way he’d come, wondering if perhaps he’d been held up on stage for something, then he heard it, his name called out.

He turned around, his eyes scanning the crowd and saw him, his hand waving above the others, his voice frantic, “Ryosuke!”

He did his best to not shove the other Johnny’s out of the way to get to Yuri, who seemed completely unnerved when he finally reached him, his eyes wide, his hands shaking, and Ryosuke was done with this nonsense, determined to get to the bottom of what was going on–and ideally, to get that ring on Yuri’s finger.

Ryosuke grabbed his hand, not stopping as he rushed forward, dragging him down the hallway toward their dressing room.

“Ryo,” Yuri cried out, “Wait, I w—want to talk to you!”

“We’re going to talk,” Ryosuke called back, glad when they cleared the last of the people, his hand opening the dressing room door, and then he was suddenly jerked backward, Yuri having stopped firmly in place.

Ryosuke twisted around to look at him, Yuri’s eyes narrowing, “I said I want to talk to you!”

“Damn it, Ree,” Ryosuke snapped, taking a deep breath to calm down, his nerves dancing on edge, his voice still coming out too shrill, too cross, “That’s what we’re gonna do!”

“Don’t you dare use that tone with me after the way you’ve been acting Yamada Ryosuke!” Yuri seethed, his finger coming up and poking Ryosuke sharply in the chest.

Ryosuke’s free hand moved up to rub the spot where he’d poked him, his eyes narrowing at him using his full name like that because he never did that, not ever, and it served as just another example of how weird things had become between them. Frustration flared up at how things were suddenly spinning out of control, when all he wanted to do was tell Yuri how much he loved him, the words flying out of his mouth without his permission, his voice low, “What the hell are you talking about? ME!? The way I have been acting? Really?”

Yuri frowned at the attitude he’d used, trying to jerk his hand free, “Yes! Look at how you’re acting right now!”

The words were a hiss, both of them fully aware of how many ears there were in these hallways but unable to stop themselves once they’d gotten started. Ryosuke stepped into Yuri, his face so close he could feel his breath on his face, “Chinen, I swear to all that is good and holy—will you just listen to me! Just come with me and I’ll explain everything.”

“Chinen!” Yuri’s voice was scathing, scoffing at the formality of the name, knowing Ryosuke reserved it for when he was really trying to get under his skin, “No! You’ll explain now!”

“That’s enough!” Daiki’s voice was loud, causing them to both jump, startled, this unprecedented outburst shocking them both into silence.

Daiki shook his head, pushing the two of them into the group’s empty dressing room before they could make a bigger scene than they already had, giving them both a good shove in his frustration, hissing, “You two need to stop this! Right now!”

The boys stared at Daiki with wide eyes, as he hissed, “You’re both being damn idiots, and if you don’t get this over with right this minute I swear to Go—”

Ryosuke dropped Yuri’s hand, darting forward to shove a protesting Daiki out of the room in a flurry of batting limbs and shuffling feet, his eyes wide, his mouth open in shock when the door slammed in front of him, leaving him standing out in the hall alone. He tilted his head when he heard the lock engage, and then smiled, leaning forward to press his ear against the door.

Ryosuke turned to face Yuri after locking the door, leaning his back on the door for support for a moment, feeling the swelling nervousness, the pit of his stomach rolling as he felt like the ground was shifting under him, taking a deep breath, the terrifying reality that he was about to change their lives forever—without fully knowing where Yuri stood right now.

He’s worth any risk.

He took a deep breath, blinking to stop the tears that were threatening to flow, “I’m begging you, Ree, please, I want to talk to you, I do, that was always the plan.”

Yuri studied Ryosuke’s face, his heart beating wildly in his chest because this was him, this was his Ryosuke.

The Ryosuke he knows and loves.

My Ryosuke.

“O-okay,” Yuri nodded, suddenly wanting to reach out and console Ryosuke, to calm him down, “Okay.”

Ryosuke nodded sharply, stepping forward to close the distance between them, ignoring all the rowdy noises from the post-midnight celebrations happening among the groups and staff throughout the building, beyond the door separating them.

He swallowed roughly because there was no doubt, certainly, this was nothing like the opulent, lovely space he would have dreamed of doing this, yet, he had decided–he would not go another hour without having Yuri’s promise.

He took a deep breath, steeling his nerves, trying to calm down, to stop shaking, his heart thundering in his chest, “Yuri, I..”

“Ryo, I…”

They both burst into nervous laughter, shaking their heads, Ryosuke reaching forward, just needing to feel the connection to Yuri as he linked his pinkie finger with his own, “Go ahead.”

“No,” Yuri sighed softly, his eyes not having left Ryosuke’s since they’d entered the room, “I–I want to know what is happening, you…please, Ryo-chan…”

Please just love me.

Please still be my Ryosuke.

Please…I need you.

Please…I love you.

Please…I can’t survive without you.

“…Please, tell me what is going on…”

“I…I’m sorry, Ree…” Ryosuke tried to calm his nerves, not liking the way his voice was shaking…his hand reached into his pocket, running against the smooth edge of the ring, feeling a sense of peace falling over him, “I..If I was acting anything other than…me…I’m sorry, it’s just that I was…I had planned…to tell you…”

“Oh my God,” Yuri pulled his finger from Ryosuke’s, shrinking backward, because his tone, it sounded so formal, so final, the words a whimper, “This is it, there really is something going on isn’t there…”

“Wh–what?”

“Are you….what is it? What are you…hiding from me? I’ve been so…scared….” Yuri’s words were a jumbled mess, but Ryosuke didn’t have any trouble piecing together the meaning given the fact that it mirrored his own insecurities so much.

“Wh–what!?” Ryosuke didn’t mean to say the word so loudly, practically screeching it like a scream, immediately regretful when Yuri flinched from the pitch and tone causing Ryosuke to shuffle forward, his hands moving to rest on Yuri’s shoulders, leaning his head down to look him straight in the eyes, “I didn’t mean to make you worry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, Ree…it’s nothing bad, I promise!”

Ryosuke couldn’t help but laugh, shaking his head, and then sobering, his voice soft when he spoke again, “Besides, it’s not me, it’s not me who’s been so strange, after all, it’s you! You’ve been acting weird for a while now, you know?”

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