#good person
The thing that really let me think in the right way about parenting was realising that raising a good person and raising a “good child” are incompatible.
How can a child develop the ability to challenge and question authority if they cannot challenge and question adults? How can a child learn to value and defend their autonomy if they cannot refuse the demands placed upon them? How can a child learn to fight bigger injustices if they cannot fight over something they feel isn’t fair? How can a child learn to be at peace with their emotions and the emotions of others if they are not allowed the freedom to express their emotions without consequence? How can a child learn to listen to and care for their bodies if they are not allowed to sleep when their body asks or eat what their body demands?
Unquestioning obedience is not a good trait. Fear of authority is not a good trait. Always being sweet with a smile on your face is not a good trait. Being unable to create conflict is not a good trait. Being unwilling to fight is not a good trait. Compromising your boundaries is not a good trait. Prioritising pleasing others over your own needs and autonomy is not a good trait.
Good parenting means intentionally making your life harder. A difficult child is a good person. Your job is to guide your child into becoming the best adult they can be. It is not to make your own life easy. It is not to have the approval of others. It is not to make their teacher and grandparents lives easy. Your priority is your child and nothing else.
Good neighbors
