see I don’t dislike bulls, another farm animal known for aggressively headbutting people. if you get trampled or gored by a bull, it’s like being mauled by a bear. that’s just what happens. you can’t be surprised about it. fuck around and find out—it’s a little romantic, even. but if a ram kills you there’s no honor in that, none of the numinous poetry of a great and terrible beast, it’s just getting your ass owned by a smelly sheep that majored in concussions. dishonorable.
some animals it is honorable and sort of cool to be killed by:
-bears
-WHALES!!!
-bulls
-horses (being thrown from (while hunting boars (actually I’m pretty sure being thrown from your horse during a boar hunt is just medieval code for being murdered by your brother)))
-venomous snakes
-birds of prey
-crocodiles
-sharks
-anything venomous I guess
-elephants
-rhinos
-BISON
Dying of poison is classy, but platypus venom is a freakish substance that isn’t lethal but WILL drive you mad with excruciating, long-lasting agony that cannot be dampened with painkillers. Which is, frankly, cool as hell—if you’re the first person to die from platypus venom, you’ll be new to science, which is itself an honorable thing. HOWEVER, you can only be envenomated by a male platypus during mating season, so you’d really have to be at the end of a long series of dishonorable mistakes to be stabbed by one in the first place.
“What about if a rat or a mouse kills you?”
If a rat kills you it’s because of some unspeakable societal injustice that has left you vulnerable to vermin or part of some elaborate and perverse execution, and is dishonorable to those responsible but not to you.
If a mouse kills you, that is incredibly honorable, but not to you. To the mouse. If a mouse kills you that mouse gets the deed to your car and your husband and becomes a constellation and a parable and a feature film. It’s not really dishonorable to be killed by a mouse because it does sort of cast you in the role of a dragon slain by a humble and unlikely hero, which is probably more respect than you deserve if you’re the guy who got killed by a mouse.
this has to be said because i just saw the stupidest post ever (and i’ve been here forever so thats saying something) but if you call real people disgusting and vile for hating f*ysand and comparing fictional character rice to shitty billionaires (which he is btw) you need to go to therapy and im not joking. this is not a healthy mindset; that you’re so obsessed with fictional characters that you think their feelings (they dont exist they dont have them btw!!) matter more than real people’s. i promise you he’s not gonna fuck you no matter how hard you go for him on tumblr
but also this trend of saying “well why are you reading it if you dont like the main couple how dare you” like 1, other characters exist beside them, thank god and 2, i bought the books so its my god given right to think whatever i want of them.
these characters are fictional, they don’t know nor care what people think of them because they are not fucking real, but the people you call names daily for disagreeing with you are.
Also this whole “if you like/dislike certain characters you need to go to therapy”. Since when is mental health a gotcha? Liking or disliking fictional things has no indication of one’s mental health and going to therapy isn’t something you should borderline shame people for or act as if it’s derogatory. People who go to therapy don’t do it because they are “insane” or have bad opinions that need to be fixed.
Allow people to like you, to enjoy your company, to want to be your friend. Allow them to compliment you, allow others to think you’re cool and funny even if you think you’re not. It is not up to you to tell others how to feel, and remember that people might see the positive things in you and qualities that you have been failing to see while being too self-critical. Allow yourself to be liked by other people, even when you don’t see why they should. Don’t self-isolate because you think you are not good enough for other people.
You can literally make anything and anyone problematic if you try hard enough seriously give me people and things and I’ll make them all “problematic” right now.
Dogs.
I don’t even have to do this one because PETA did it first by insinuating domestication is inherently abusive.
The sky
Used to trick and mock anyone who asks “what’s up?” A bullying tactic.
Super Mario Bros.
Stereotypes Italians, enforces the narrative of women who need men to rescue them, and encourages violence against turtles.
John Mulaney
He was over on the bench and he SAW what they did to Tyler and he did NOTHING.
Omfg
Pokemon
Making your pets fight repeatedly is animal abuse.
OP
OP literally argued that dogs were problematic but go off I guess
This is a work of art and should be sent to everyone as soon as they sign up for Tumblr so they know what they’re walking into
Its actually a very good illustration of why the “X is problematic it/they must be harshly cancelled!” model of thinking is flawed, as well as why purity culture as a concept is flawed since NOTHING is pure enough to never be construed as problematic
Sure a lot of them are stretches, but that’s certainly never stopped folks from reaching so hard they gotta be dislocating SOMETHING to find reasons to cancel things or people in the name of purity culture
Just to add on. Libraries in many cities have 3d printers you can use that charge you only the price of materials. So if you can’t wait for the shipping from the engineers, try your local library.
trans friend groups are so funny because everyone’s names make them sound like the most regular person you’ll ever meet or an evil wizard and there’s no inbetween
trans friend groups be like this is james and amy and this is xythan and bermuda triangle (we call them B.T. for short)
there are only two genders: “i just want a normal name that fits me” and “if you’re going to change your name anyway, why on earth would you NOT change it to Captain Neptuna Fortuna Vacuuma III?”
I just want to sit on someone’s lap in my underwear and an oversized shirt and make out until we’re both so horny we’re delirious and then they can throw me down and fuck me until I’m trembling is that too much to ask?
this pride month I am wishing everyone a very stop overanalyzing yourself and just have fun with it. have gay sex. don’t have any sex. try on a new gender. stop caring about gender at all. talk to your doctor about hormones. go on a date. break up with the person you dont love. whatever it is you have been putting off doing by dithering about it in your head. just do that and fully experience how it feels without trying to put it into words. if you still need a word for it later there will be one. they aren’t going anywhere. but people were here before language and there’s only so far language can go in giving you a fulfilling human experience. so if you are hiding behind finding the right words for whatever it is your heart wants i hope this month you get the courage to just do it instead.
