#hanabi yasuraoka

So in these episodes we follow Hanabi’s thought process, and we begin to see Hanabi’s descent. 

She starts of criticizing the girl in her class for running from responsibility. In not knowing which guy to choose, the girl was running from the responsibility of telling them which one she liked. At first Hanabi mocks this, since she knows she is singularly minded toward Kanai. But later, she realizes that in being too much of a coward to tell Kanai she loved him, she was running from responsibility of choice, too. In not choosing one guy, the girl will lose both. And in not choosing Kanai, Hanabi lost him.

Hanabi begins her day after her sleepover mulling over her encounter with Ecchan. She wonders whether she’s disgusted by Ecchan’s feelings, as Hanabi was with the guy in episode 1, but decides that due to her emotional bond with Ecchan, Ecchan’s love is heavy instead. 

Hanabi now has to face that she is doing to Ecchan what Kanai is doing to her. In rejecting Ecchan, Hanabi is causing her pain. On her way from the grocery store Hanabi runs into Moca, and realizes that she is stealing Mugi from Moca, too. Hanabi is causing Moca pain as well.

Side note, in my first analysis I talked a little about how Hanabi focused on the pain of her unrequited love, while Mugi acknowledged the pleasure of love. I still stand by what I said, and I think it comes into play a little bit.

Anyway, episode four. 

Hanabi again lements that she lost Kanai. She ran from telling him the truth, and she has lost hope in attaining him: “It’s too late.” Hanabi almost goes to Mugi’s house, but then stops. She realizes that she does not want to use Mugi’s feelings of pain. Instead, Hanabi uses Ecchan’s pleasure.

When Hanabi sees Ecchan she exclaims, “Please forgive me for not knowing. I don’t understand the significance of this. I can’t understand for you.” Hanabi wants forgiveness for causing Ecchan pain, and claims that she doesn’t know what the significance of having relations with her will be. Directly after, Hanabi admits to herself that she does know the significance- Hanabi knows she is using Ecchan, and that it is not okay. This is a little repetitive, but Hanabi has moved on from using people’s pain. Instead, she’s going to use people’s pleasure, in order to feel that at least she isn’t causing the pain of unrequited love that she knows so well.

I found it a little interesting that while Ecchan and Hanabi hug, Hanabi mentions, “I can’t see your face like this.” She also says it in regards to Mugi during one of their physical encounters: “oh good, he can’t see my face like this.” However, with Mugi, Hanabi is trying to hide her identity and fulfill Mugi’s desires. With Ecchan, however, Hanabi sounds disappointed and scared. She doesn’t know what Ecchan is thinking, and she doesn’t understand Ecchan, either.

So there’s possibly a little controversy about this but I’m going to come right out. Both Ecchan and Hanabi are using each other. During their encounter, Ecchan first coldly reminds Hanabi that she used Mugi. Then she notices that Hanabi is about to cry, verbally offers her a way out of their physical relationship, but then immediately admits to herself that she knows Hanabi can’t refuse her. Ecchan wants to take Hanabi’s “warmth” to sustain herself.

But there’s a part of Ecchan, too, that hopes Hanabi will return her feelings. Ecchan attempts to take charge of her destiny by desperately trying to create love between her and Hanabi. Hanabi isn’t opposed to girls necessarily, so in Ecchan’s eyes, there’s technically a chance. She tries to coerce Hanabi that what she experiences is love: “Can’t you feel my warmth? …That’s what love is.” This isn’t a cute or loving relationship. In my opinion, Hanabi and Mugi’s relationship was more healthy (not wonderful, not necessarily even healthy, but MORE healthy), as neither cared for the other. But here, Ecchan is utilizing Hanabi’s platonic love, and Hanabi is using Ecchan’s romantic feelings. This relationship is flawed from the start, and I think this will only hurt more feelings. 

Mugi laments that he feels like a toy for adolescents, but is trapped in a cycle where his “type” are those who will use him. Mugi turns a blind eye toward the flaws of his crushes, puts them on a pedestal, allows them to use him, and then is dismayed when he discovers that he has been their toy. Mugi’s flashback occurs when he and Hanabi are in bed together, perhaps symbolizing that his love for Minagawa-Sensei is like his love for the middle school girl, or perhaps that Mugi feels that Hanabi is using him. This thought might come into play in episode 5, as we see in the preview that Hanabi and Mugi loose their connection.

And lastly, we have Hanabi’s “If I’m no match for her now, then I’ll change however I have to.”

Can’t wait to see where this goes!