#haven’t looked back since

After my first dominant partner and I went through an explosive break up full of pain and betrayal, I decided kink wasn’t for me.

Kink became synonymous with the hurt, heartbreak and, ultimately, the loneliness of losing someone who was supposed to be forever - and I wanted no part of it.

I found a nice boy from a small town. Someone who defined clean cut, took me on okay enough dates, and helped me create a boring life where I told myself I was safe. Boring was safe. Vanilla was safe.

But how do you switch off a part of your soul? I asked myself this every night while I laid under this man watching the ceiling fan rotate round and round. I don’t think he was aware that the spinning fan was more engaging to me than his awkward thrusting.

I think I always knew I would come back. Even after years and an almost-engagement to Mr. Vanilla… somehow I knew that I’d find myself again.

There’s safety in my submission and peace in loving all of myself. I just needed the right partner to help me remember.