Closure

Not sure why I never published this here on Tumblr but I just did on AO3, so here it is too.
This fic = Chargestep+Steel+tears.

(Tragic anniversary)
Also. Very spoilery!

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Yet another anniversary of the tragic past, and friends gather seeking closure together.

“It’s almost time,” Ortega says checking his watch.
“I was thinking, maybe I should just stay here?”
“Nonsense, you have to come, that’s the whole point!”
“I don’t do well in crowds.”

“I promise, I’ll be right next to you the whole time.”
You frown. Of course, he anticipated you’d be chickening out right now.
“It’ll be weird.”
“It’ll be even weirder if you’re not there”
You sigh heavily. This isn’t working.
“Who else is coming?”
“Everyone. But we don’t have to talk to them”
You look away at that, but he caresses your cheek, pulling you back to face him
“Don’t do this Cyrus. If you don’t come we both know you’re going to feel like shit afterward”
“Ha… what If I go and I end up feeling like shit anyway?”
“Then you can blame it on me!” he smiles softly, looking at you. His other hand squeezes on your shoulder, coming closer until your foreheads touch.
He’s got you. He knows if he makes you smile, you won’t be able to say no.
Emotions are stupid.
“… and If it’s really bad we can just leave. You can give me one of those “I told you so” speeches”
“It feels like I’m on the other end of those lately.”
“I know. I miss them!”
“You don’t!” you smile, conceding defeat.
“Sometimes I can be bad too” he grins
“You’re not good or bad, you’re just … incorrigible”
“And that’s how you like it”
“Fine. I’ll go. And I’ll try not to blame you when I feel like shit”
“Wow really?”
“Really”
“It’s the right thing to do. It’ll help you heal… It helped me”
“I don’t know. I guess we’ll see.”
“Just trust me on this”
“Oh I trust you, but you seem to forget I’m just a coward”
“Not a coward” He whispers in your ear, still holding you
“It was in our names, Ric. You’re the guy that Charges, I’m the one that just Sidesteps”
“Well one of us has to dodge the incoming train, right?” he snorts, letting go. “That’s how it always worked”
“Not always” comes your reply, harsher than you intended.
“Hey. Look at me,” he says straightening your shoulders. “It’ll be fine. You’re strong. The strongest person I know” He looks confident as he says it.
He’s good at telling lies like that.
…………………….

“Over here,” Ortega says, but your legs aren’t responding properly. He takes your hand when he notices you’re not following, and that does the trick, as so many of your handlers learned when trying to get you to do things you didn’t want to.

You may not want to, but you agreed to do it, and now you can’t turn back, because he said you’re strong and you’re a fool that’s ashamed to prove him wrong. Feels too much like being Sidestep again.

Your shields are so tight around you that it hurts and it’s not even enough.
Shields can’t help you on a night of grief and goodbyes. The crowd’s thoughts are all too familiar, and you don’t want to let them inside

They can’t possibly want to feel these things either, so you can only ask yourself why are they doing this. Why are they gathering together like this? Why come out and share on each other’s misery? They trained you to understand humans but they’re still one big mystery.

“… how is this supposed to help again?” you ask Ortega because he’s the one who got you into this madness.
“You’re doing fine,” he says encouragingly. You don’t manage an answer, as all you can hear are your shields cracking and bending under pressure, like the hull of the submarine in the movie you saw, the one that went far too deep.
Maybe you won’t come back to the surface either.

“Here,” he says after stepping on a seemingly random spot. “How are you doing?” he asks giving you a clinical look. You don’t reply, but it seems your expression is answer enough, and so he embraces you, letting you bury your face in his chest.
Can you hide there?
It’s not as stupid a plan as it sounds… his static does numb the pressure from one side at least if you’re close enough.
Something that he knows. A secret you confessed once, during a party Sidestep had to be present in, to help catch a murderous shapeshifter.
Not that he can wrap you up entirely, but it’s better than nothing.

“It’ll be ok. It’s ok” he repeats.
Maybe he’s right.
Maybe if you can just hold your shields for long enough, you can make it through this whole ‘Vigil’ thing, until it’s over.
You can do this.
You peek into the crowd again, and the pressure comes right back as soon as you move your head away from him.

“Just keep close to me,” you ask, hoping he won’t think you’re just being dramatic.

“Not going anywhere” he reassures you “As promised”
It takes some effort, but the shields seem to be holding for the moment…

The speaker is saying something to the crowd, and the words start sounding clearer once you’re confident enough inside your fortress.

”…because it’s important that we showcase all the good, and that we can stand together tonight. That we are still strong and that we can be better, that we will not forget. I wish my daughter Jill could be here to see us…” she breaks in tears, and the wave of resulting emotions is like a battering ram, tearing your shields apart.

Listening was a mistake, it just puts you in sync with everybody else, and now there’s nothing between you and them… Ortega tightens his embrace, behind your back, arms around you looking over your shoulder, but he could be a hundred miles away for all it matters now.
The castle is breached.
Each speaker’s words hold power over the crowd. The power to evoke images that hurt… hurt so much…

“… and eight years ago, our son Louis was taken from us…” another speaker says on the stand. “There were no answers, no explanation, no nothing. And I thought I had reached the end of the line. I couldn’t believe it when they told me what he did. What others did around him. And I would not accept it. I would not believe it. He would have never done it… I denied it. I started looking for answers at the bottom of a bottle. I couldn’t get out of my bed…”

It’s overwhelming. Familiar grief. The same loss.
Many of those present lost loved ones that day. He goes on until he can’t, and another one takes his place.

“…and I couldn’t believe the things she was saying. She was happy. We were going to get married! She had just achieved her degree. I tried to stop her… and then I felt it too… and I… I opened the window and…” This one has to be helped off the stand as he breaks, recalling the painful memory. He doesn’t say it, but you know what happened and so does everyone else who lived through it.
She jumped. He didn’t.
So it’s up to him to speak because she can’t.
He’s crying. You’re crying. Ortega holds you tight but standing in his shadow is not enough to protect you from the sun.
The speaker…He’s like you. Eight years ago, he felt that filthy mind creep inside his, and it wanted him to end it all… and he wanted it too, but he lived in the end. He survived while losing someone so important to him… lost it all. You’re in his mind and you’re feeling his grief, and he’s just as broken. You need to get out… need to get out…

“I can’t do this” you whimper
“Yes, you can. It’ll help”
“How does it help?” you ask in disbelief. Why gather to feel all this pain?
“I don’t know. It just does” he whispers.

The pressure is reaching a crescendo that you can’t possibly manage. Not with broken shields and their thoughts invading your own as they please…

You need to go… you need to…

Candles?
Candles begin lighting up everywhere, as far as your eyes can see.
Ortega searches in his pocket and lights one as well, holding it in front of you.
They all raise their candles, and the speaker goes silent, the pressure is unbearable…
You brace against Ortega, preparing for the worst yet to come.

But the pressure is lifted instead then, leaving you looking around, surprised.
Everyone’s closed their eyes, holding their candles, their thoughts spent in messages, and goodbyes to their loved ones. Wishing them well. Asking them to look over the family. Promising justice. Promising to never stop looking for answers. Telling them they wish they were here. Or knowing they are…

Something cracks in you, and it’s not your shields. Something you didn’t know was there, and it doesn’t hurt. It should have cracked long ago.

There are many like you here. People who felt the truth of that horror within them.
People who wished they were gone and not have to wake up each morning, but they still came all the way to be up here, to raise a candle with others.
Looking for hope.
You can see the struggle. Long months and years spent fighting to get better. To be whole. To move on.

Another crack. This one brings a warm feeling to your stomach, and then you’re crying too, along with them, holding Ortega’s hands as he raises the candle.

“It used to be two candles” he explains “But now I have you back”
You’re not sure how to respond to this. He’s been doing this every year?

“Want to say goodbye?” he whispers “Now’s the time”
You nod, finally understanding what is it you came to do here.

It feels stupid, talking to someone you saw die before your eyes… but not in here. Not with so many people gathered for this exact reason. They all understand.
So you let Themmie know you’re sorry. Let them know that you still remember. That you’ll never forget. That you’re happy they let you call them your friend.

You notice when you open your eyes once more.

The tall figure, with the candle in front of you, he’s looking your way.
Steel. No, not Steel. Chen.
He looks at you, with an expression you’ve not seen him wear before. Guilty.
Seven times he came to these events with Ortega, always a lier, and now the truth is out, and he’s nothing more than an outsider.
You were so angry at him.
You couldn’t forget how Ortega chose to help him and not you while you were alone in that awful room?

But it’s different now.
Your anger seems so petty and hollow now, drowning into the sea of survivors.
So small. So insignificant… These are friends.
Friends who have been pulling each other out of this void, and now that you’re alive, does that mean Steel has to pay the price of the lies he told to get Ortega back together?
Unless…

“It’s ok, you don’t need to talk to…” Ortega starts talking as Steel turns to walk away, ashamed.

But your feet have already made the decision, breaking from Ortega’s arms, you walk the distance towards Chen, pulling at his shoulder.

He turns around, surprised. Surprised that you’d approach after you left at the park… after the HQ… after the fight with Ricardo…

“Cyrus. I didn’t mean to run into…” he starts.
“I know” you cut him off. “It doesn’t matter. Come”

You bring him back towards Ortega, who looks confused, and Chen follows, reluctantly, not daring to look into his friend’s eyes. Not after the argument. Ortega frowns, before looking at you…

A final crack and you take the candle from Ortega’s hands, putting it on the floor with the others, with the pictures and flowers of Themmie and yourself, surrounded by countless other departed. You let go and return to them finally knowing what needs to be done.

You’re bad at hugging, but you embrace both of them pulling them together.
It gets really -really- awkward for a moment as you’re the only one holding your arms, and Chen looks so surprised that for a moment you fear that he’s going to pull back, but Ortega finally relents and wraps arms around both of you, as does the Marshall.

That’s when the organizers start gathering the candles, placing them into the base of the fire balloons, releasing them into the sky above.

———————

The beach is quiet tonight, and the waves hit gently against the coast, reflecting the city lights and the moon.

Hurried footsteps approach, and you don’t have to turn since the familiar static is there.

“There you are!” he says panting. “You didn’t tell me you were leaving”

“I had to. You were talking to Steel and Owl showed up”
“Right… Can’t let her recognize you”
“I don’t care if she recognizes me, I just want to keep my nose intact”.
He snorts, rubbing your shoulder. “It’s been years.”
“Not taking any chances with her”.
He adjusts to your pace, walking by the rocks. It’s dangerous to walk here at night, the rocks are sharp, and there’s no one around if you fall, but this area has enough light with the nearby hotels being renovated. That’s probably how he found you.

“So you hugged Chen”.
“Yeah. As did you,” you say, before jumping on top of the largest stone in here, sitting on the edge
“I did,” he says, adding little else.
“I figured… If there’s someone to blame for this, then it’s not Marshall Steel.”
“Uhu,” he says balancing on an edged stone, before jumping onto the large one you’re sitting on.
“This was … powerful. You were right about coming there”
“I know. I would’ve brought you last year but…”
“But I was busy preparing my armor to beat you all up, I know. And I’m sorry.”
“It’s in the past”
“Like everything else,” you say, looking at the waves reflecting the light from the buildings, at the lingering fog above them, looking like an imitation of the nanoswarm…
“I still can’t believe he lied to me for so many years” he finally lets it out.
“I know. But he’s your friend. And he’s sorry”
“And you think that’s enough?” he asks, betraying some of the anger.
“I’ve lied a lot more than him. And he would have fucked up your life if he had spoken up…”
“That wasn’t his choice to make, was it?”
“Hey I was furious too… but perhaps he did the right thing, don’t you think? All things considered…”
He takes a long, deep breath as you say that, going silent, before sitting down beside you, looking at the water below.
Too stubborn, but you made your case.
“Never expected you’d be the one standing up for Steel”
“These are definitely interesting times, don’t you think?” you say, trying not to smile too much as you lean on his shoulder, letting him draw you closer, as he watches the waves go.

Your gaze goes higher, into the skies where some of the balloons are still floating under the clouds with your candles and your goodbyes.

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My Fanfiction:https://chaniters.tumblr.com/post/181692759294/my-fanfiction-for-fallen-heroDISCLAIMER: This is a work of fan fiction using characters and the setting of the Fallen Hero: Rebirth and upcoming Fallen Hero: Retribution games written by Malin Riden. I do not claim ownership of any characters from the Fallen Hero world. These stories are a work of my imagination, and I do not ascribe them to the official story canon. These works are intended for entertainment outside the official storyline owned by the author. I am not profiting financially from the creation of these stories, and thank the author for his wonderful game/s, without which these works would not exist.