#heistrp

⇒ Review: Heist RP

appearance;

THEME:

There really isn’t much for me to say in terms of your theme. It’s simple, but in a good way, I suppose; it’s an elegant kind of simple where the white background isn’t too overpowering but instead works as a nice compliment to the sidebar image and each individual post. However, I noticed that if you were to cover up the posts and sidebar text, it’d be easy to mistake this page for any other tumblr blog because the page is lacking a banner, logo, or even a simple title that gives any sort of clue as to what kind of RPG this is or even indicates that it is an RPG.  Also, while the sidebar is a nice image, it’s not telling me much about the roleplay itself—perhaps the setting, but beyond that, nothing else. I suggest using a theme that includes a title or gives you the option of having two images. If you’re adamant on using this particular theme, I think it’d be best if you created some sort of graphic that fits in well with the plot of the RP—one like the one you’re using on your “Full Plot” page would work well, in my opinion.

Speaking of your “Full Plot” page, I quite like it. Again, the white works as a compliment and the greens go well with the overall page and additional graphic. Well done.

GRAPHICS:

The sidebar graphics you’ve made for each character are not only creative, but also provide a little more detail about the character; wonderfully creative. Slight nitpick: the character graphics consist of very bold colors and while that’s not necessarily a bad thing, they create a clash between the graphics and the overall theme of softer, dull colors. As for your promo graphic, the first thing I noticed was the word “Heist” being a bit harder to read than the other words. Since the white word is set directly against her white shirt, it blends in with the background. Easily fixable though; just reposition the text and I think it’ll be fine. However, I do like the remainder of the graphic; it fits in with the mood of the RP and looks nice alongside the theme.

plot;

EXTENDED PLOT:

A couple typos I would like to point out before I get into it: I think you meant for “Bobby Bishop is stuck is Paris” to be “Bobby Bishop is stuck in Paris” and “Everyone is just try to do their job” in the last paragraph to be “Everyone is just trying to do their job”

In the first paragraph, you’ve used the whole “there’s just one problem” type of phrase twice, which creates a predictable sort of repetition. If you want to use the same mood and tone set by the “there’s just one problem” phrase, I suggest cutting one out and replacing it with something just as short and blunt such as changing “There’s just one problem. Bobby Bishop is stuck in Paris being tailed by Interpol.” to “Except Bobby Bishop is stuck in Paris being tailed by Interpol.”  Has the same sudden effect, right?

At this point, I would like to make it clear that I have not read nor heard about Heist Society before reading your plot. That being said, I think that your extended plot provides a nice set up for those who have not read the book, like myself. 

However, the biggest problem I have with it is that there is simply too much information at once that makes it hard to follow at times. The abrupt transition from the set up to Taccone to the Heist Society to the police left me lost and a bit confused. I’m not going to say you should cut out unnecessary details because to be honest, all of this detail is necessary, especially to those not familiar with the novel. But I did notice that most of these plot points are heavily character driven, so what I would suggest is for you to move (notice I said “move” not “delete” the three middle paragraphs to their own separate and respective pages and then provide links to said pages at the bottom of your main plot or possible somewhere on your “characters” page (for example, something at that says “Read more about the POLICE here [insert link]”).  This would break it up nicely instead of having one long plot that appears as if it were all over the place.

CHARACTERS:

I adore the amount of detailed information you’ve put into each and every bio. The usage of third-person omniscient POV gives me solid background info and a good feel for the characters while still leaving room for me to make my own interpretations about the character. Your relationships are open ended and serve as a good basic starting point for the player to work with.

You haven’t opened yet, so it’s understandable that you don’t have many bios up. When you do post more, I would like to see more diversity. For example, I would love to know more about Marcus Spector and learn about his past and how he felt about taking care of Hale. Non-thieves, such as members of the mob or police, would also be incredibly interesting characters to play and observe; I am to understand that the novel is mainly told from the point of view of the thief? If so, then I’m sure people would love to see the point of view of a mobster or policeman during all this.

miscellaneous;

NAVIGATION:

Very thorough and extensive; I actually didn’t know RPs did playlists until today. Your basics are properly done in order of importance, the links are all working fine, and the only real problem is that not all of your pages are up but again, understandable since you have yet to open.

There’s actually not much for me to say here since it’s so well done. Kudos.

RULES & APPLICATION:

In the fourth rule of your “applying” section, I think it would benefit new roleplayers if you provided helpful links on how to cut posts, reblog as text, and whatever else is necessary. You don’t have to, but it would be a nice little added tip for those not familiar with tumblr RP. I do like how you’ve mentioned that players must be knowledgeable of character connections; I can’t tell you how many times I’ve encountered people in RPGs who had no idea who my character was, despite the bios clearly stating that they were related/roommates/former lovers/etc., but I digress.

At first glance, I thought the application would be easy to fill out but then I saw the “How do you see your character developing?” part of the application; it’s a very nice touch. It really forces the player to carefully think about their character and their personality and how they would grow as a person over time.  However, I still think the application is a bit too simple. Perhaps you could add in a couple questions that the player would have to answer IC, such as “What do you think of your childhood?” or “Opinion on being a thief/mobster/policeman/etc.” or something along those lines. Or you could even add in a “Describe your character in 3-4 sentences” to give the player an even better feel for the character they’re auditioning for.

Also, this is just a personal preference, but you could add in a submit box to both application pages for ease of access. If you don’t know how, ask any RPCHA (myself included) and I’m sure they’ll be glad to help.

ADMIN CONDUCT:

Very professional. You give precise answers to questions and don’t clutter the blog with promotions every ten minutes. Bravo.

overall;

I didn’t have much to comment on, considering how early in development this RP seems to be, but I did like what I saw. Plot could use a bit of cleaning up, but other than that, it’s golden.

Good luck to you and your RP and again, apologies for the wait.