#highly recommend this song translation
I had once thought about ending it all,
because I saw a cat curled up at the harbor staring into the distance;
the waves pounded at the shore, again and again in a relentless invasion. [1]
May those events of the past disappear, never to be looked upon again.I had once thought about ending it all.
That was because on my birthday, the apricot flowers bloomed once more.
In the dazzling sunlight under the tree’s shadow, fallen blossoms slumbered.
Can I, as they have, turn to earth, to dust, and never have to wander again? [2]The expired sweet still in the drawer where it had been placed,
the lost bike left behind on the road leading home, [3]
and that abandoned typhoon shelter by the seaside,
each a reminder that I am just like them.
Scenes from last night and today keep surfacing in my mind.
Tomorrow approaches; I feel a desperate thirst for some change.
‘You must not despair’, oh I know this, and yet - [4]I had once thought about ending it all.
Everything around me seemed to ask, ‘are you doing well?’
Tears flowed unstoppably, flowing into the barren desert of my heart;
the heart that had long ago become an empty husk. [5]I had once thought about ending it all, [6]
because my existence kept bringing disappointment to others.
Never having it all means never having to fear pain we may inflict or suffer.
Even for something so simple, I still managed to mess up.I had once thought about ending it all,
because of that self-portrait on the wall in which I looked so proud.
There was nothing to rebut; kneeling down, all I could say was: [7]
‘for being born into this world, I am truly, truly sorry.’In the room, light flickers from a dim TV screen,
accompanying the late night cacophony outside this house. [8]
Those suffocating words from the telephone speaker
were a stabbing torment during my time in the cage. [9]
In the darkness, I armed myself with Don Quixote’s tenacity;
but resisting invisible enemies shattered my resolve into smithereens. [10]
‘Don’t be afraid’, oh I know this, and yet - [4]I had once thought about ending it all. [12]
Why do they all say that there is no hope for me? [11]
I do not demand to be understood, I do not ask for time to turn back,
because a long long time ago, there was somebody I once loved.I used to think about ending it all. [12]
That was because I should have been so brilliant and good.
Pessimistically, I muddled through,
ensnared in those thoughts of leaving.Closing my eyes, I can feel that a better tomorrow has arrived.
You, in that vast sea of people, you smile through your tears,
and tenderly begin to sing this song by my ear.
