#zhang xincheng
[ENGSUB] Steven Zhang - A Secret About You (official MV)
He recorded this for When You Be Me, but it DEFINITELY works as a Jiang Yi/The Day of Becoming You song since WYBM is also a bodyswap drama. :D
@fwoopersongs‘spost reminded me that I also loosely subbed/translated the same version of the song (曾经我也想过一了百了). So I’m posting both the video (song starts a minute in; tap the CC button to turn on English subs) and a text translation I retyped just now since I translated directly while captioning ajsklfja;dfa
I don’t really have any notes on this, other than it’s not a very textually faithful translation, I was mostly trying to translate the… vibes, and evocativeness.
I Once Thought About Ending It All
(Zhang Xincheng / Who’s the Murderer 7 concert version)
I once thought about ending it all
Because I saw a cat curled up in the harbor, looking out into the distance
The waves were battering the shore relentlessly
I wished for those rough days to disappear, never to return
I once thought about ending it all
Because the apricot blossoms were blooming on my birthday
In the shade of the sun-dappled leaves, the fallen flowers slept so peacefully
I wondered if I could do the same: turn to dust and finally rest
The expired candy, forgotten in the drawer
The abandoned bike, unable to find its way home
Not to mention the deserted harbor, waiting by the sea
All of them remind me that I’m the same
Images of yesterday and today fly endlessly through my mind
I’m desperate for tomorrow to be different
“Don’t get down.” I know. But even so…
I used to think about ending it all
It feels like everything around me is asking if I’m doing alright
The tears I can’t stop from falling pour into the desert inside me
Into the shell of my empty heart
I once thought about ending it all
Because I saw my proud self-portrait on the wall
There was nothing I could do but kneel down and say
“I’m so sorry for what you became”
The dim glow of a computerTV screen*, flickering in the room
The raucous noises coming through the walls in the depths of night
The suffocating words entering through the telephone
Trapped in my cage, I had no way of escaping these moments of torment
In the darkness, I armed myself with Don Quixote’s persistence
Fighting off the invisible enemy, my spirit was destroyed in the end
”Don’t be afraid.” I know. But even still, I…
I used to think about ending it all
Why does everyone keep calling me a hopeless case?
I’m not demanding to be understood,
And I don’t fantasize about turning back time
Because a long, long time ago, I loved someone
I once thought about ending it all
Because I was expected to be brilliant and happy
So I carried on passively, haunted with thoughts of leaving
It was when I closed my eyes that I could feel the arrival of a better tomorrow
It was you that reached me through the crowd
It was your smile that I could see through my tears**
It was your gentle voice in my ear, singing this song
————-
* I learned from @fwoopersongs’s translation notes that I apparently mistranslated 荧幕 (tv screen) as computer screen HAHA but I think that’s also my own bias of remembering bits of the original JP lyrics (パソコン) and making unfair assumptions without checking what words mean. Oops.
** 泪光中微笑的你: YJ and I have very different readings of this line haha. I’m not sure if it’s grammatically sensible to read the tears as belonging to the narrator, but this is an assumption I made from context: 1) the last 3 lines felt like they were all pertaining to an outsider reaching in, 2) I thought it was a callback to the first chorus, where the narrator was talking about unstoppable tears
YJ/fwoopersongs translated that section as You, in that vast sea of people, you smile through your tears, which also makes sense emotionally, especially for Zhang Xincheng’s character in that Who’s the Murderer case, so I’m leaving both options here.
Made this quick 12-second video edit to prove a point to my friends, which is that Zhang Xincheng’s cover of Jay Chou’s cursed cowboy song is cute.
English subs available, just click the CC button.
Song:牛仔很忙 by Zhang Xincheng (originally by Jay Chou)
I had once thought about ending it all,
because I saw a cat curled up at the harbor staring into the distance;
the waves pounded at the shore, again and again in a relentless invasion. [1]
May those events of the past disappear, never to be looked upon again.I had once thought about ending it all.
That was because on my birthday, the apricot flowers bloomed once more.
In the dazzling sunlight under the tree’s shadow, fallen blossoms slumbered.
Can I, as they have, turn to earth, to dust, and never have to wander again? [2]The expired sweet still in the drawer where it had been placed,
the lost bike left behind on the road leading home, [3]
and that abandoned typhoon shelter by the seaside,
each a reminder that I am just like them.
Scenes from last night and today keep surfacing in my mind.
Tomorrow approaches; I feel a desperate thirst for some change.
‘You must not despair’, oh I know this, and yet - [4]I had once thought about ending it all.
Everything around me seemed to ask, ‘are you doing well?’
Tears flowed unstoppably, flowing into the barren desert of my heart;
the heart that had long ago become an empty husk. [5]I had once thought about ending it all, [6]
because my existence kept bringing disappointment to others.
Never having it all means never having to fear pain we may inflict or suffer.
Even for something so simple, I still managed to mess up.I had once thought about ending it all,
because of that self-portrait on the wall in which I looked so proud.
There was nothing to rebut; kneeling down, all I could say was: [7]
‘for being born into this world, I am truly, truly sorry.’In the room, light flickers from a dim TV screen,
accompanying the late night cacophony outside this house. [8]
Those suffocating words from the telephone speaker
were a stabbing torment during my time in the cage. [9]
In the darkness, I armed myself with Don Quixote’s tenacity;
but resisting invisible enemies shattered my resolve into smithereens. [10]
‘Don’t be afraid’, oh I know this, and yet - [4]I had once thought about ending it all. [12]
Why do they all say that there is no hope for me? [11]
I do not demand to be understood, I do not ask for time to turn back,
because a long long time ago, there was somebody I once loved.I used to think about ending it all. [12]
That was because I should have been so brilliant and good.
Pessimistically, I muddled through,
ensnared in those thoughts of leaving.Closing my eyes, I can feel that a better tomorrow has arrived.
You, in that vast sea of people, you smile through your tears,
and tenderly begin to sing this song by my ear.
