#i am a masochist at heart

I remember a little girl in our neighborhood getting a life-sized dolly for Christmas.  I was both fascinated and terrified of the damned thing.  I so wanted to play with it and see if its clothes would fit me.  I was also scared that my stepmother might get it in her head to get me one.  

Sometimes I wish she had.  Just to see how things might have turned out.  It might not have been all that bad.  I mean, what was the worst thing that could have happened?  (o_O)

I soooo wanted to be Batman for Halloween when I was a kid.  My stepmother got me a Robin costume instead.  This was in the 1960s, so dressing like Robin meant wearing stupid short shorts, flimsy little elf shoes and a yellow cape.  Not a black or dark blue cape – but a goofy YELLOW CAPE!!!  That was for little kids, not guys my age!  <sigh>  

It was humiliating, but I wore it anyway.  My stepmother knew how much I hated it, but it was either that or not go out at all.  I did get a lot of candy that year, but the cost to my dignity and my reputation was irreparable.  

Of course, being the masochist that I am, I now treasure that memory and keep it alive in my heart.  Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and tell that little kid that things aren’t as bad as they often seem.