#i might do this for other characters too lol

Mikes worst hookup story (Headcanon)

Mike came back from a rough expedition and wanted to unwind at a bar, possibly look for a one night stand. Mike had one too many, he normally is good with controlling his liquor but he just didn’t give a shit that night. The only woman in that bar that peeked his interest was definitely attractive but there was only one issue, her perfume smelled god awful and strong but he really wants to get his dick wet so he tells his nose to get over it. He doesn’t have to do much to woo women. Anyways she walks him to her place. As much as he wants to admire her cleavage and curved figure, he couldn’t stop thinking about that awful perfume smell that the wind kept pushing towards his direction. He was walking a little uneven from a mixture of him being tipsy and holding his breath for too long. Anyways they get down to business, she wanted to ride him which was fine, all the same to him but her hair was long and bounced on his face. It smelled like she bathed in toxicity. He couldn’t take it anymore and began to gag. She obviously was mortified and ran to the bathroom thinking her coochie stunk. Mike knocks on the bathroom door to apologize but she kicks him out. He arrives the base at dawn.

Erwin: What happened to you Mike?

Mike: I don’t feel like talking