AU where Bitty owns a bakery and never played hockey at Samwell, but he REFUSES to sell any goods to anyone on the Providence Falconers/any hockey team as a promise to his friends on SMH, all of whom root for different teams
However, since Bitty doesn’t personally watch hockey and actively avoids it, he doesn’t think it’ll be a problem and just jokes about it to Jack, the cute Canadian guy who he’s pretty sure is a sports photographer
Jack then awkwardly laughs, but spends his visits trying to make sure Bitty doesn’t figure out he’s one of the star forwards for the local NHL team
It gets worse by the fact that Bitty highkey does NOT recognize a single player except for people not on the Falcs and the somewhat nearby teams, so Jack keeps accidentally introducing Bitty to hockey players and they keep buying stuff
Snowy follows Jack to the bakery one day and just goes ‘Oh chill’ and Bitty thinks that he’s Jack’s art friend
Tater follows Jack once and Jack steps on his foot every time he tries to say his name is ‘Tater’ (since Ransom loves him), but Bitty thinks that Tater is just a Russian dude who works at the same magazine place Jack does
Georgia hears about it and Jack tags along one day, but Bitty recognizes Georgia as a past hockey player and just jokes with her “I’m glad y'all didn’t bring your team with you!” and Georgia makes direct eye contact with Jack
Kent tries going in once (while Jack was chatting with Bitty) and before he can even get a word out, Bitty shuts down the register, closes the displays, grabs the broom and tells Kent he’s not welcome here
Kent tries to argue, but Bitty’s like “No NHL players in my establisment!!” And Kent tries pointing at Jack, but Bitty’s swatting him with the broom to get out
One day Bad Bob and Alicia have a surprise visit, but Alicia has to make a phone call and so Bob goes in first and Bitty goes “Oh hi Mr. Jack’s Dad! It’s so nice to meet you!” And he recognize the blond baker that Jack’s been telling him and Alicia about for the past few days
Bob: I’m so glad my son found such a good *friend* (gives a look at Bitty) especially with his job
Bitty: Oh really?
Bob: Yeah, I remember how hard it was for me before I met Alicia! All the fame and stuff really made it difficult
Bitty: Oh! You’re famous??
Bob: I mean, kinda?
Bitty: Oh wow! I didn’t know Jack got his photography talent from his dad!
Bob:What-
Bitty: Where can I see y'all’s work? Jack keeps it a secret, but I wanna know your’s at least!
Bob:UM-
When Alicia walks in, Bitty freaks out, and asks for a photograph since “I didn’t even realize you were in the area!” While Alicia is looking at Bob with the most ??? Face imaginable
Bob then has to pretend that he’s not MARRIED to Alicia for the duration of their visit since Bitty can’t make the connection with them to hockey or else Jack’s cover is blown
(Bob keeps flirting with Alicia and Bitty keeps smacking him in the arm since “She has a husband y'know!!”)
So it works because Bitty tried to start small talk with the hot French Canadian guy who visits his bakery, but gets nervous every time, so he never really can say anything at first. The guy is always a bit curt and quick about his business, and holds his camera like a lifeline sometimes, so Bitty makes sure not to make him uncomfortable, but is interested in him for sure.
But then towards the end of one day, Halo gets put on and Bitty starts singing along while cleaning up the bakery. Bitty turns and accidentally makes direct eye contact with Jack, who was the only person there still, who has his cup halfway to his mouth and an amused look on his face.
Bitty is obviously embarrassed, but then Jack is like “I guess you like this song, huh?” and Bitty goes “Of course I love this song, who doesn’t like Beyoncé?” and Jack goes, “Beyoncé? Is she well known then?”
Dead silence.
Bitty just drops the broom he was holding. Jack looks concerned. Bitty looks horrified.
“Hun, how do you not know Beyoncé? HOW??”
Jack just looks away and is embarrassed and tells Bitty he’s been pretty “caught up in my job, travelling and stuff” and hasn’t had the time to really know pop culture. Plus, he’s French Canadian.
Bitty then immediately starts to chat with Jack about different artists and pop culture in general, and learns that Jack genuinely just knows none of it. Nothing. Jack has no reference point, he only knows country music. Out of everything. Country. Music.
Bitty then declares that Jack has to let him teach him pop culture if he wants to keep coming to his bakery because “I will not let a single person into this establishment if they don’t know BEYONCÉ!” Bitty is worried he took that too far but then Jack laughs (and it’s a wonderful sound that Bitty unashamedly tucks into his memory) and agrees. As Jack leaves, Bitty just watches him go, realizes the first conversation he had with the hot guy was about him not knowing pop culture and berating him for 15 minutes, and Bitty justs slams his head into the table
