#im screm

Member: Joshua
Genre: Angst
WordCount: 712
Warning: death mention

Joshua was certain that you couldn’t break his heart anymore that you already had.

Granted, he was pretty sure that things wouldn’t have worked out anyway, since the both of you were fighting more than you ever had and just simply couldn’t see eye to eye. He felt awful about the way you seemed to slowly fall apart. About the way your eyes lost their light. He never wanted it to end like this.

He couldn’t bring himself to remove you completely from his life. He still lived in the apartment you once shared. The pictures of the both of you were still littered on the wall. Things you left behind had stayed in their place, long forgotten. Your favorite mug still sat in its place in the cupboard. He still kept those cheesy notes you would leave around the apartment. The goldfish that you had taken home one day still swam around in its tank, which reminded Josh that he needed to clean it more often.

Joshua hadn’t loved anyone more than he loved you. More than he still loves you. He knew you were probably happier, were in less pain now that you had gone, but he was selfish. He wanted you here with him.

He remembered that the two of you would go down to the river and watch the sunset every once in a while. He remembered your favorite drink from the local coffee shop. He remembered your favorite flowers, and how you would always keep them on display much longer than you should have, with the petals browning and the stem weakening.

But Josh knew that he wouldn’t get the chance to go to the river with you again. He knew he couldn’t buy your favorite drink for you again. He knew that if he brought your favorite flowers home, there would be no one to surprise them with. Death is permanent, after all.

The sickness came unexpectedly. Who could predict cancer? It tore you apart. You and Josh fought often. Money was a common topic. Sometimes it was about you dying, something Josh would never want to talk about.

Joshua couldn’t think about losing you. He tried to make you happy, tried to pretend that everything was alright. He knew more than anyone, though, that time was running out.

So when the day finally came, and you left the world one smile less, Josh couldn’t let everything about you die. He kept all of your things. He took care of your goldfish. He stayed in your shared apartment. And occasionally, he would go visit you.

He made sure that he got you a spot facing west so you could see the sunset. He would stop by the coffee shop, where they knew his and your orders by memory. They would ask him where you were, they hadn’t seen you in a while. Josh would just nod and leave. He stopped by the flower shop, picking out the most beautiful flowers he had ever seen in his life. And then he would go see you, at the top of the hill where you could see most of the city, including the river. 

The vase of flowers next to you had wilted, nothing more than a brown and crunchy mess. True to character, you had kept them long past their expiration. The drink he had left for you last time was gone, probably taken by some animals. Josh didn’t mind. He replaced the flowers, and put the drinks in between the two of you.

Sometimes, Joshua felt like he knew why you kept those flowers. He, too, tried to hold on to something beautiful long after it had lived its time on this planet. But his flowers were a part of him, something he couldn’t let go of, even though they were gone. He had to learn how to, though, since he knew that you wouldn’t want him to keep them this long.

The sun had started to grow heavy in the sky, and Josh could hear your voice in the wind.

“Beautiful sunset, isn’t it?” He said into the empty air. He knew you had heard him.

And together, you watched the sunset dip behind the buildings of the city below you, and vanish under the horizon.

-Alex