#in all ways except mentally
Been a little while I feel eh?
Mostly rambling and where I feel mentally under the cut to save y’all. But long story short, I’ve been feeling really disconnected recently, from both tumblr, art, and FFXIV in general. I want to get out of this headspace, but not sure how just yet.
I’m finding it increasingly harder to focus on tumblr anymore. The changes to the site that make it look like ass, aside, I just… feel like it’s so empty these days? Or maybe I’m just outside of too many circles now.
The XIV RP community feels different now, or again, maybe it’s me. I’m too old, I guess. I haven’t really RP’d in ages I feel, save for some stuff with close friends in Discord, not even in game. I can’t find a FC. It’s either I feel I don’t fit personally, or my characters don’t. I’m beginning to think it’s impossible to find what I’m looking for/need out of a RP group. Even RP aside, I find myself more often than not logging in and doing stuff alone, which triggers several days of me not even desiring to log in at all.
But… I don’t really have another game I feel I want to play either. And it’s certainly not that I want to give up on XIV, but I’m beginning to feel the same feeling I did in the final days of my RP ‘career’ on Aion (god that was so long ago). Has the XIV sphere really changed that much? I feel so lost.
I’m beginning to feel like I won’t find what I’m looking for unless I run the FC myself. But that’s such a huge undertaking and at the same time I feel I don’t have much to offer anyway. I’m just… craving the type of RP that focuses on character growth and story. A small group of like-minded people who consistently grow together, whether through big plot or just… repeated interaction, I dunno.
I did dig up my old twitter, finally putting it to use. When I stopped focusing on tumblr, I tried my hand at doing art for another fandom. Part of the reason I haven’t really advertised it here is, well, I assumed everyone who followed me here would really only be interested in XIV content. But I’ll be honest and say… I’m kinda tired of only doing art for one fandom, one game, whatever. I admittedly don’t really know much about twitter, nor how to balance creating interest in my art if it’s not singularly focused but. I’d like to try.
I really do need to do commissions. I’m still not in the greatest living situation and that money kept me afloat and kept my family off my back. I even made a new commission site and everything. I taught myself how to make Vtuber models recently, trying to tap into that market. But I’ve been gun-shy in advertising. Because I have… no real followers over on twitter and again, I feel that anyone left over here followed me for a specific type of content.
I just feel so disconnected lately, with everything. Watching streamers play co-op games with their friends, etc. I’m like, shit, I want to do that. Man maybe I’m just lonely, imagine that.
Ah well. If you read all this rambling and are curious, you can go peek at my twitter. I warn you, there’s not much there, and the stuff that is has no relation to XIV at all. Though I have considered reposting some of my old art over there. If you want to take a peek at my new commission site, it is also linked over there, though again, I haven’t begun to advertise. So I guess I consider myself… semi-open for them? A secret? Kinda?
