Nobby: A buddy of mine saw Vetinari take his shirt off in the shower, and he said that his lordship had an eight pack; that Vetinari was shredded.
Colon: What?! Your friend’s a liar, mate. Vetinari is a punk bitch. That guy looks like he weighs thirty pounds soaking wet underneath that little black dress.

The most intriguing and terrifying part of this submission is the implication that Nobby Nobbs is Vetinari in disguise.

Nanny Ogg: I said I’ve got an “acute angina”!
Granny Weatherwax: DON’T BE SO DISGUSTIN’
Nanny: You’re not listenin’ to me!
Granny: No, I DON’T want to HEAR IT
Nanny: No, ACUTE-

Hey, it’s your day to say you’re welcome

‘Cause I’m gonna need that boat

I’m sailing away, away

You’re welcome!

‘Cause Om can do anything but float You’re welcome!

You’re welcome!

And thank you!

– Om to Urn off the coast of Ephebe

reeve-of-caerwyn:

Would You Fuck Your Clone: Discworld Edition

Nobby:Yes

Vetinari:No

Ridcully: I don’t want to fuck my clone because it would be gay sex and I’m not gay.

Angua:I’m not gay but I would totally fuck my clone.

Cheery Littlebottom: I’m gay but I still don’t want to fuck my clone, that’s gross and weird.

Rincewind: I don’t want to fuck my clone because my self-loathing is THAT strong.

Moist: I’d fuck my clone because who would know better how to fuck ME than ME?

Glenda: I’d totally do all sorts of weird things to my clone I’d be embarrassed to ask somebody else to do.

Sally: To be honest, fucking my clone has always been my fantasy.

Fred Colon: It’s basically the same as masturbating, right? So no big deal.

Carrot: It’s not the same as masturbating; it’d be like having sex with your twin. Wrong and bad!

Sam Vimes: I would not have sex with my clone because what if my clone is evil.

Nanny Ogg: Not only would I have sex with my clone, I’d probably make a bunch of clones and just get it on with all of them at once because that’s how pro-clone fucking I am.

Moist: “uhh, it’s spelled T-A-A-K-O

Vetinari: tae–taa–did you name your goddamn alias Taco???

jewishdragon:

You: They Might Be Giants

Me an intellectual: We’re Certainly Dwarfs

Igorina: Hey mithtreth, what do you think about purse girl?

Margolotta: Cute, sure.

Igorina: Why don’t you get on that?

Margolotta: She’s not really my type.

Vetinari: What are you, straight?

Margolotta: Mmm… I don’t think so, nope.

Vetinari: Well what is your type?

Margolotta: Aunts primarily. Yup. Soccer aunts, single aunts, Nascar aunts, any type of aunt, really.

Vetinari: Stay away from my aunt.

Margolotta: Too late, Hav.

Lobsang:

This is a dangerous mission and you look like a school teacher.

Susan:

(offended) I am a school teacher!

nobby: you know what? we’re clever too, smartypants

angua: ok, what’s the difference between a gamete and a zygote?

colon, narrowing his eyes: don’t fall for it, nobby. she’s just making up words.

Vimes: All Cops Are Bastards

Someone: Aren’t you a cop?

Vimes: All. Cops. Are. Bastards.

the-tao-of-fandom:

Host: so you’re all set on blankets?

Angua: we actually need extra pillows. I sleep with a pillow between my knees, and between my elbows, AND under my head AND under my feet -

Vimes: okay so, we’re gonna - we’re gonna do this now, huh?

Angua: I prescribe to the Sir Samuel Vimes sleeping method

Vimes: I need to build myself a fucking exosuit of pillows. And I’m not proud of it! I’m embarrassed about it. And it makes trips with my family a living hell.

Buggy: *cackles* a pillowy hell!

Angua: you go into a room you’re sharing with Mister Vimes there’s just none there

Reg: he’s absorbed them all

Vimes: yeah. I need them for strenght, and energy.

-how i think the roadtrip to Borogravia went in MR

Nobby: I don’t know; your plan seems complicated.

Angua: To be fair, you also once said that about an orange.

Nobby: They don’t make sense. Apples, you eat their clothes but oranges, you don’t.

Stoker Blake: A buddy of mine saw Vetinari take his shirt off in the shower, and he said that his lordship had an eight-pack; that Vetinari was shredded.
Moist: What?! Your friend’s a liar, mate. Vetinari’s a punk bitch. That guy looks like he weighs thirty pounds soaking wet underneath that little black dress.

Cribbins: The gods showed me how I’d squandered my life. You know, cheating innocent people. I was just filled with shame. And that’s why I’m here, as a matter of fact, I’ve started a ministry to save souls the way the gods saved mine.”

Moist: What genius! The Gods! A credible partner who doesn’t take a cut!

(source: frasier)

Terry: So, what’s next?

DEATH: I THOUGHT YOU KNEW.

DEATH: NO, YOU MAY NOT CALL YOURSELF LE PETITE MORT.

DEATH OF RATS: SNH, SNH, SNH.