#infallible dominant

There’s a belief, usually from those outside of the D/s scene, that the relationship between a Dominant and a submissive is a parasitic one. The word sounds unpleasant, for sure, but, at least in this context, it merely means that one half of the relationship sustains the other, but that sustenance isn’t mutually required. One needs the other, and the other just accepts that need. 

This is dangerous for a few reasons, but primarily I find that it feeds the ego of the Dominant in an unhealthy way. The power they have is a gift, rather than a right, something that is on loan, in a very real sense. The submissive has the power to take it away, just as you have the power to surrender it when you no longer wish to be in control of that person. 

Both parties are indulging the other. The submissive is getting the control over them that they crave, and the Dominant is being provided with the control that they, too, crave. This isn’t parasitic, in any way. What we have here, girls and boys, is symbiosis. 

Which brings me to expectation. In a very real sense, a submissive is expected to disappoint, especially in the early stages of a relationship. There’s a very strong temptation as a Dominant to ladle on the rules, establish a great deal of fundamentals that will, in the long run, cement the relationship between the two of you. 

Of course, this can be overwhelming to the submissive. It’s almost meant to be, cause a slip so that you can provide that same fundamentals in the basis of punishment and correction. Herein, however, lies the rub.

Dominants aren’t infallible. They’ll probably make just as many mistakes as the submissive, early on, and they can have far greater ramifications on the dynamic between the pair. Because there’s that expectation that a submissive will get into trouble occasionally, when a Dominant screws up, they’re showing a chink in their armour, they’re not being who they’re supposed to be.

I’m hyperbolising for effect, but there is certainly a very real expectation placed upon the Dominant, that they have it all figured out and they know exactly what they’re going to be doing from one moment to the next. And, after a while, that can certainly become the case, once the protocols and habits have been firmly established. 

But early on? Early on there are going to be some hiccups, and thankfully most submissives have the perseverance to overlook them, and for that I am eternally grateful. 

C