#interpersonal relationships
I’ve seen multiple people genuinely asking whats wrong with playing their music on a speaker/their phone in public rather than through headphones. While it baffles me that you can’t reason it out I’m taking it in good faith that you genuinely don’t know - so here’s a list of reasons you shouldn’t:
- It sounds bad. It doesnt matter if people like the song, you might be close enough to your phone speaker for it to sound largely as intended, but everyone else is getting a distorted mess.
- Unwanted noise is extra stimulation in the already overpowering public space. Yes this is particularly bad for neurodivergent people but I actually want to acknowledge that this effects Everyone. Everyone has a stimulation threshold and unwanted music easily pushes people closer to it.
- Its distracting/disruptive. People want to focus on their own conversations, listen to their own music through their earbuds, or just be alone with their thoughts. Your music is intruding.
- Differing taste. This one is less significant but people around you just dont always like the same music you do. In extreme cases they might actively hate a song you’re playing.
- People have the right to as close to silence as they can get. If they’re in a shop playing obnoxious music they can leave, they can change the radio in their car, they can skip the song on their playlist. They have no control over what you are putting on and in bus situations they can’t get away from you.
- Any other number of reasons; Maybe your music is offensive, maybe its uncensored and there are children about, maybe someone just got horrible news and your perky feelgood song feels like salt in the wound, maybe someone’s sick or hungover or in pain and your music feels like a drill to the skull.
You might think your music is good, it might make you smile after a hard day. Nobody is saying dont listen at all, just put in earphones. To everyone around you its the equivilent of a drunk guy singing loudly and off key at the back of the bus. Maybe it makes some people smile to think he’s having a good time, maybe some people are scared his lack of boundaries will mean he could act out, maybe some people wish he would just shut up.you are controlling an aspect of a public space which affects everyone in that space. That’s the jist of it. By playing music in public, you’re saying “my desired sound and its volume are all that matters, and nobody else’s”. That’s why quiet, beyond a reasonable speaking volume, should be the default in public. If quietness is unsettling to you, you can fix it by listening to something through earbuds without affecting anyone else, but if too much/the wrong kind of noise is unsettling to others, it’s much harder for them to block it out.
Shared spaces should be kept at conditions tolerable to everyone, where reasonable. That’s almost the definition of a shared space. If you dominate that space in some way, eg by playing music out loud, you are making it your space. You are making it unwelcoming for others. That is rude and anti-social behavior.
it’s the last one, really. just the last one.
sorta related but i dont like that tumblr has made “unhealthy relationship” mean “one person is an abuser and the other is a victim”
unhealthy relationship means just that. a relationship that is unhealthy. whether because a party is uninterested, both parties bring out the worst in eachother, theres just no more spark, etc
just stop using “unhealthy relationship” as if its perfectly synonymous with “abusive relationship”
abusive relationships are DEFINITELY unhealthy relationships but not all unhealthy relationships are abusive, ya dig?
1. Pay attention to the way you react to others. Are you quick to form judgments before hearing all the facts? Do you tend to stereotype people? Try and stand back and analyse your interactions with other people. Is there anything you should change, or do differently? Try putting yourself in their place, and thinking about their outlooks, opinions and needs.
2. What are you like at work or school? Do you try to get attention and be noticed for your successes? It is possible to be humble and self-confident at the same time. When you are humble, you focus on the successes of others. However, you’re also aware of your gifts and strengths, and are quietly confident about your abilities to work well, do a good job, and achieve success.
3. Be open to admitting you may have some weaknesses! All of us have areas we could work on, and improve. Admitting you’re not perfect is not the same as feeling as if you’re a failure. Do an honest self-evaluation and try to turn your weaknesses into strengths?
4. Look at the way your deal with stress, and how you react to stressful situations. Do you get annoyed and upset every time there’s a delay or your plans get frustrated? Do you take the role of victim and start blaming others? Being able to regulate your emotions and stay calm and composed in tough situations is a mark of high emotional intelligence. This is key for succeeding in relationships, at school and in the business world.
5. Be willing to accept responsibility for your actions. If you’ve hurt or upset someone, then admit it to yourself and apologise. Don’t just ignore or avoid the situation. Most people will respect you if you apologise – but you’ll lose respect if you act like nothing`s wrong.
6. Finally, always think about how your actions and words will affect other people. Is it going to make life easy or difficult for them? How would you feel if you were in their place? Then adapt and compromise so that everybody wins.
Hey tumblr! I don’t get much stuff done when I’m on my own, and I want to change that. Does someone want to team up and be productivity buddies? We could, idk, give reports and motivate each other and exchange strategies. Sound good?
(my skype name is the same as my tumblr just message me here or there :)
One year ago today, I saw this post on my dash and, being in need of a productivity buddy myself at the time, sent an ask.
We started checking in daily and talking about our progress and productivity strategies. Then we started talking about other things. Then the amount of time we spent doing this gradually increased to several hours every day. And, well, things kept going from there, and now we’re both in the first Relationship of our lives and in 40 days we’ll finally get to see each other in real life.
Happy first anniversary, Julian. I love you.
P.S. I still need a ship tag.
Two years ago, I just wanted some help with being productive; three weeks ago, I returned from another visit, already looking forward to the next one; and today, after two years of daily interaction only interrupted by lack of internet access, I still think writing that post was the best decision I made in 2015.
Rationalist tumblr is the best dating service, even for people who weren’t aware they had signed up for it.
Happy second anniversary, Taymon, I love you <3
The past year has been a bit harder than previous years, for both of us, I think. But I know I couldn’t have navigated it anywhere near as well without my partner supporting me every step of the way. And I’m hopeful that next year, we’ll be able to say that we overcame the difficulties.
Happy third anniversary, Julian. I love you.
Life is still difficult, but I continue to be very very glad we have each other. Let’s continue to improve our lives this year. Happy fourth anniversary, Taymon, I love you.
We’ve got five years, what a surprise.
I think the typical relationship doesn’t last this long. Especially if it’s the first one (for both parties in our case), and especially when almost all of it has been spent an ocean apart. Even though we’re pretty different people in a bunch of ways, we seem to be pretty good for each other.
I don’t know what the future holds. But at this point, I think we can count on staying together for a while to come. And I can’t wait to see what comes of it.
Happy fifth anniversary, Julian. I love you.
2020 sure was a year, huh. I think we both weren’t hit as hard as others, but I will be forever grumpy about international travel being too unsafe for visits. Well, fuck you, plague, we’re still here and we will get to see each other again.
I know this year would have been much harder without you. Thank you for being there. I’m looking forward to how we will master the next one. Happy sixth anniversary, Taymon, I love you.
They say seven’s a lucky number.
Honestly, this past year’s been pretty great, despite the plague. We finally got to spend together in person the longest time we’ve ever had! And we’ve had great positive developments in our lives, and in our relationship.
Happy seventh anniversary, Julian. I love you.
