How DARE Tolkien omit in the final draft the information that the traditional hobbit marriage custom is to have unspoken vibes for years and then disappear without explanation for an indeterminate length of time!?
I had to find a picture of this 2017 article again because it’s just so iconic.
1. LotR’s Casting was fucking ON POINT because this is exactly the phone and complaints Gimli would have in a Modern AU.
2. I had that phone too and can verify: went two weeks on a single battery charge, and if dropped off a twelve-story building, it’ll bounce, and not drop the call.
3. This will terrify your mother, who thinks you fell off the building with it, and your jackass friend Glen will not help by grabbing the phone and screaming into it while you run down the stairs as fast as possible to retrive it and promise your mother that you are, in fact, still alive.
4. This is OK though, because two weeks hence you will get to Wax his Hirsuite Idiot Body for charity and the resulting expirience will make him Meet God and leave the Catholic Church at the same time.
5. There will not, unfortunately, be pictures of the incident, because the Nokia 6310i does not have a camera.
“This is our son Iruma~! He’s the one who summoned you~ so you can have his soul for ¥200,000, it should make a lovely snack~!” “Right right,” he waved a hand dismissively. Ignoring the two adults in front of him, he kneeled down and clasped both his hands on the tiny child’s shoulders. “Iruma,” he said, trying very hard to make himself seem the same height as the child, (it was very hard, everyone was small to Delkira, but not usually this small! This was tiny! Exactly how old was this kid?!?) “I am not supposed to be here.” “I’m sorry!!!” The little child (tiny, tiny child. One of his hands alone could cover the kid’s entire upper back! Easily!) looked contrite. Panicking like a cheating student caught by the teacher, he was repeatedly bowing his head in rapid apology. (His upper body was held in place by Delkira’s hands, which almost completely enclosed him despite Delkira making a concerted effort not to do exactly that. He was so. Small!) Okay, maybe Delkira needed to try that again. “I’m supposed to be dead.” Well, that at least seemed to get the appropriate level of seriousness across, although unfortunately the kid was just displaying the same level of terrified confusion that Delkira currently felt, instead of jumping up with an answer as to how exactly death had been rendered inconsequential. One of the adults made a sound from where there stood behind the kid. “Ehem, about the—“ “You’re not important to this, you can you go.” Delkira cut them off without bothering to look up, taking one of his hands off of the child’s shoulders to make a shooing motion again. “Actually,” he paused for a moment as their earlier comment caught up to him, “actually no.” He finally looked away from the kid before him to glare up at the two taller humans who towered over the child from behind. “You just offered to let me eat your child. If you don’t start running I am going to kill you.”
Ah yes, right, most children were attached to their parents, even if their parents were horrible.
“So, would you please come back to my palace with me so we can sort this out there?” “O-oh— sure!”
“Right, so this is not my palace, but I have to make a pit stop first. Get some stuff together.”
“Su-chan~!!!”
“This is my…” Thing would be way too rude— Iruma was a person. But Delkira really didn’t think there was a word for the situation. Summoner? Contractee? Person who by means unknown to both of us has managed to raise me from the dead? “Child.” He settled on. That was objectively true at least, Iruma was Delkira’s something, and whatever else he was he certainly wasn’t full grown. “He’s the reason I’m back.” He added as an afterthought. This would come back to haunt him. It would be a very pleasant kind of haunting most of the time, but also very much of the ‘jump out of the floorboards behind you when you least expect it and scream BOO! in your ear’ type.
(52/100) Written/posted for the #100daysofwriting challenge by @the-wip-project
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