Am I a horrible person?

Idk how to feel about my attractions. I feel guilty…. but I know I’m attracted to East Asian men more than any other man. I’ve gotten over the whole “I don’t see race.” “I’m color blind” Lie I used to tell myself. Yes I do see race and color- in all its beauty and complexities and diversities.

What is it that attracts me to them. And this isn’t a wiaboo/Koreaboo thing. I’ve felt this way loooooong before I knew anything about Idols and Kdramas. This been a thing for since high school, well over a decade. In fact the first major Asian crush I had happend to be Soutest Asian; Hmong. And the next guy I was into for yearswas Vietnamese. Nationalities that are very much slept on.

But is it fetishizing if when one particular race stands out to me? Is it ok for me to be attracted to them more? It’s not that I’m not attracted to men of evey other race. There is no ethnicity that I think isn’t beautiful. ….however Asian men just do something different for me. I know I’m an eye person. When I was in Korea is was shocked at how down they are on their eyes shape. With their “corrective ” surgeries and double eyelid glue/tape. However when I see a man with monolided eyes, I swoon.

But I do feel tad guilty sometimes. I know fetishizing is very bad. But on the other hand I feel like that isn’t what I’m really doing. And now that BTS has gotten so popular Asian men are “the wave.” But I was on that team for a long long time. I’ve always been rooting for y'all.

Idk idk. It’s my porogotive, right? In the big picture I’m single as a pringle and forever alone anyway.