#jihoon imagines

your second kiss is your first real kiss. [or: five times you kissed Jihoon, and the one time he kissed you].

He sits still, feels it first. Let’s it linger.

On the corner of his mouth, resting there on his pale skin and the sliver of pink. Soft and sweet, and fleeting, a breath of warmth stuttering over skin, flesh, past bones, through him. Then gone, setting his nerves to tip over, prickling all over inside of him.

And then he stares, watching as your face sets ablaze, makes his throat dry.

“I… — I like you so much, Jihoon!”

Chest heaving, cheeks tinged pink – and in a heartbeat, your face twitches, eyes glossen, then you’re gone. Steps brisk, almost dashing. There is only Jihoon, and a loneliness once you leave.

Burning, “… Me too.”

He sits still, feels it first. Let’s it linger.

It burns.

—

Your second kiss is your first real kiss.

His palms sweat, together between his knees. Thumb tracing the joints in his fingers, stretched, open-palmed.

“– Color?”

His face twists, frowns. A crease between his brows. “Sorry?”

You smile, knees folding beneath you on your bed, the bed creaks – your head tilting just a bit, “What color?”

Four tubes held up to his face, they all look the same to Jihoon, – he chooses the glittery one, the one you wear, that gets hair stuck to your lips. Light pink, full of sparkles – glossy. And smells of strawberry, or something sweet.

“This one,” You smile at him. Cheeks reddening, eyes brightening. “That one’s my favorite!”

He knows, you’ve told him before. More times than he could count.

You hold it between your faces, twisting the lid off.

Then you’re holding his jaw between gentle fingers, pressing against bone. Brows coming together, face coming close, a warm breath, “Stay still, okay?”

He sucks in a breath, holds still. Stares at the crease between your brows, shifting to the slope of your nose, the pink tinge of your cheeks – then at your lips.

It drags across his bottom lip, and you pull away just a bit. “Go like this,” You rub your lips together, and he does too.

You run a finger at the corner of his mouth, beneath the line of his lips. Hands coming to his cheeks, holding him in place.

Then you see Jihoon.

Face burns, just like his chest.

Then you bring your mouths together, slow. Then fleeting.

Hands coming to your mouth, stammering, “I’m… — I’m sorry!”

Gone again, dashing out of your own room. Into the hall, and into the bathroom, where the door slams shut.

He doesn’t catch his breath, instead sinks into your bed, into the softness of your room – and burning, “… I’m sorry too.”

Jihoon wonders if you know how much he likes you. And the lipgloss sticks to the corners of his mouth, it must be everywhere.

—

In summer, Jihoon licks the side of your face.

“Ew, Jihoon!” You’re grabbing napkins, shoving your ice cream cone into his hands. Your nose is wrinkling, hands rubbing your cheek hard, and a discoloration comes after, red and rubbed raw – “You had ice cream on your face,” He smiles, making you frown.

You scoff, holding out your hand for your ice cream. Fingers brushing when he hands it back. He says, “It didn’t even taste like strawberry anyway.”

And you elbow his side. “Never do that again,”

Jihoon watches as your face reddens, and smiles. Notices just how beautiful you are, wishes he’d noticed before.

You smile again, lean closer into him. Eyes twinkling, “Can I have some of yours? You can have some of mine!”

Jihoon holds his ice cream out, a hand held out at the bottom of your chin, ready to catch any if it leaks out.

“Mint ice cream is just toothpaste,”

“You’re dumb for saying that,”

You sputter, mouth opening and closing – you whine, “But I’m right! It does!”

And the sun sets, sinks lower into the horizon. Jihoon watches, and you watch him.

He looks to you, and you press a kiss to the corner of his mouth, soft and sweet. You redden, standing and holding out your hand.

“Walk me home.”

He does, he always does – Jihoon wonders when the burning will stop, that fades, or etches itself somewhere else in his mind when you squeeze his hand.

—

Jihoon stares at your eyebrows, the crease between your brows.

Your hands rub sunscreen on his neck, tilting his head up, neck stretching. Then onto his ears, thumbs gently tracing the shell of his ear, his shoulder comes up, head presses close to it. “It’ll come off,” You say and he’s looking up again, this time at the blue sky. Feet digging into the sand.

“There,” You smile, patting him on the head. And pressing a peck to his mouth. “Go play!”

Jihoon burns, and not from the sun.

Smiles at you, and watches you tinge red.

(You take a bus home after, sitting close together. Hands in his lap, you trace the ridges on his knuckles, his head on your shoulder. You tell him you love him, and he can’t breathe).

—

You’re overthinking, face downcast.

“Jihoon,” It’s a breath, you breathe his name out. Eyes glossed over, looking at his mouth.

“… Jihoon,” He’s staring at you, hand touching your wrist. “Are you –”

It’s just a press of lips, mouth together. Gentle, but it sets ablaze in his chest. Spreading all over his body from the inside.

You pull away, mouth twitching.

You leave again, slower. Face down, eyes glossened. And Jihoon is afraid of the loneliness that comes once you’re out of his room, the door slamming.

Kissing you burns, and it makes him wonder.

—

+ 1.

“I’m in love with you.”

Your brows furrow, “I mean, that’s why we’re together, right?”

His hands come to his hair, tugging, and he paces, “No, like I want to be with you all the time, and… — I don’t know how to be without you,”

You’re sitting still on his bed, listening. Always focused on him, always aware of him – “I can’t be without you. You’re always with me, you’re like a… — A leech.”

“Jihoon, that’s not very nice…” Your hands rubbed your upper arms. Grounding into them like pulp, digging into flesh.

“CanI kiss you?” He’s staring at you. Watching you redden. You say too softly, “But you said you don’t like kissing…”

“When?” His head is tilting, eyebrows knitting deep together. A crease between his brows. You sigh, “Before we started dating… I thought that kissing made you uncomfortable –”

“But that was before. I don’t like kissing, but I like kissing you! There’s a difference…”

You stare at him, nodding soft. Gentle, eyes tender. And face red.

When you barely stand, and Jihoon takes your face into his hands, kissing you.

Your hand takes hold of his wrist, grounding into his pulse. The thrum of his heart in his veins, throughout his body. Heartbeat at his wrist, and the other hand grounds onto his chest, fingers unfurl, spreading open. Pressing into his breastbone, into the soft flesh of his chest – it beats just as fast as yours.

Then the kiss is different, more certain. Different than yours – his tongue drifts across your bottom lip, making you melt into him. Your knees together, sinking.

Jihoon pulls away, and you smile so beautifully at him. Cheeks darkened, flushed.

“I like you so much, Jihoon!”

His chest heaves, burning, searing. He nods.

*this post was commissioned | based very lightly off seventeen - fallin’ flowers
tw: break up mention/general angst

“something in your gentleness entraps him
you make it look so easy, to love and provide for something
he knows a flower is one thing, a human is another - but
could you do that for him too?”

• you had thought jihoon was going to marry them
  
• so standing in the middle of his studio with the remnants of their relationship, a broken vase of lilies in the corner, his undone portrait of them dripping down with the streaks of paint he’d thrown at the canvas in a fit of confusion and pain
• feels ………. wrong
• as if you were the one who was broken up with, and not jihoon who is on his knees a couple of feet away
• hands stained in watercolors, eyes blank and burrowing
• you reach for the wilting lilies first, you’ve known jihoon long enough to be aware of the fact that trying to use words to comfort him right now won’t work
• so you silently begin to clean up, plucking items that belong to his ex and placing them out of sight
• you take the ruined canvas with half their face sketched out and turn it over
• jihoon doesn’t move from his spot as you work - doesn’t say anything - doesn’t even look at you
• when you’re done you finally kneel down beside him, bring the hot wet towel to his hands and start to scrub the dry paint from his palms
• you try to be gently but jihoon finally speaks
• “harder, you have to scrub harder if you want to get rid of them.”
  
• you can’t tell if he’s talking about the paint or of the memories that must be flooding into him
• you had remembered how happy he had looked, being in love, being with someone who seemed to understand him 
• now he was empty and you were scared of what could happen if he was left like this alone
• you don’t argue, you scrub harder and finally you get some of the colors off his skin
• there’s still smudges thought, the same way there will still be those pieces of his ex scarred across him 
• time heals everything - you want to say that, but its too early to start preaching 
• instead you tell jihoon he should go to bed now, you’ll take care of the rest of the cleaning up and put his art supplies away
• he gives a vague sort of look toward the bedroom and then back at you
• “i broke the vase, the one with the lilies.”
  
• “it’s ok, ive already cleaned-”
  
• “i should go buy fresh ones.”
  
• his eyes glaze over, he gets up and you scramble to your feet in the process
• you put a hand on his chest to stop him and jihoon stares at you, but you can tell he isnt focused 
• “ill buy them, please jihoon. go to bed.”
  
• somehow you manage to get him to turn around
• and you are standing now in the doorway to his apartment, with a trash bag full of his exes things and the pathetic looking lilies 
• you had bought them as a gift when you’d come over to celebrate jihoon’s successful art show
• his ex had put them into a vase and gushed over how pretty they looked - jihoon had never been one to be so romantic, but he had said that they looked almost as pretty as his ex did
• you had watched them be so loving toward each other just days ago
• but now it was all gone and part of you is angry at both of them
• at jihoon’s ex for leaving him, out of the blue and with no real reason but the excuse of having “outgrown” him
• and at jihoon for calling you after it had happened
• but that anger toward him is really just a cover for something else
• the hollowing pit in your stomach that has always been there since you met jihoon in college. 
• the pit you’ve covered with years of support for him and his relationships and his art
• the pit, in which sits the actual emotion you’ve been hiding from the world
• if you had picked me, i would have never hurt you like this
• the thought is cruel and you tell yourself never to think such a thing like that again
• but its there, it will always be there, because you love jihoon
• not that you ever plan to let that truth come to the surface…… 
• the next morning, you stop by the florist to pick up the lilies you promised you’d buy
• you look at them, watching as one of the petals sags to the side, threatening to fall 
• you dont know what it is about lilies in particular - they bloom so big and beautiful that they often steal the attention in a garden
• they’re quite the opposite of you
• who has always found yourself more of a queen anne’s lace, playing a side role in the main stories of all your friends
•  but you adore them above all other flowers, touching the petal made of velvet and suddenly remembering that you had seen lilies when you first met jihoon
• you had taken art in college as an extra credit class
• you weren’t at all any good, but it was enjoyable to take a course that didnt demand much from you but creativity
• one of the first assignments had been still life: drawing baskets of fruit, books on tables, flowers in vases
• you had ended up with a vase with one purple lily in it. 
• the only other person who had also chose it was jihoon
• you didn’t know his name back then
• just that he was so beautiful, like he had been drawn himself and came to life off the page
• his eyes like umber, russet sunsets - his mouth slightly parted in concentration as he let his pencil flow across his canvas
• you had trouble focusing on the flower, which is probably half the reason it came out terribly
• but it had also allowed jihoon to look over and offer with a quiet tone, that you maybe work on shading here - and dimension here
• you had told him you weren’t in the art major and he had given you the kind of look that read, i could tell
• before smiling to himself in the way you caved your head in a bit of embarrassment
• it wasn’t like you ever thought the meaningless, sometimes only minute long conversation you’d have with him in the art room would turn into a friendship which harbored its way into one-sided love
• somehow you had just ended up being invited warmly into his small knit circle
• jihoon extending his hand to you after getting a text about dinner with seokmin and jeonghan
• jihoon allowing only his and your eyes to fall upon his works in progress, you taking the free time you had to spend at his studio mixing paints and organizing his drawing materials
• he never ask you to do those things - but he also never chided you for it
• jeonghan had mentioned it once, when you were all walking in the summer evening after a movie outing 
• that you being able to earn jihoon’s trust was a higher honor than one might think
• you had looked from jeonghan to jihoon - who had been walking a bit in front with the rest of your friends
• head turned, his profile against the setting sun
• “ah - are you buying another bouquet for your artist boyfriend?”
  
• you jump at the sudden question and shake your head
• “he’s not my boyfriend.”
  
• you swallow and find that your throats gone dry
• “he actually just got broken up with so……”
  
• the florist frowns, taking you gently by the hand and leading you away from the lilies
• “then those are not the flowers you should be getting him, you need to get him something that will say cheer up! there’s someone better out there for you - could i suggest tulips?”
  
• you give a polite smile
• “no, i think i have to take the lilies.”
  
• when you arrive at jihoon’s apartment, the door is unlocked and jihoon is still in bed
• from the way the kitchen is untouched and he’s wearing the same shirt he was yesterday you assume he hasn’t moved in all this time
• “jihoon”
  
• you softly speak
• “it’s already well past lunch, have you eaten?”
  
• he pulls his feet up so they disappear under the covers again. you look around the room and find a vase full of old paintbrushes
• you take it and tell jihoon you’re going to go make him something to eat and that you’ve brought the lilies
• he doesn’t reply, not until you turn in the doorway and his voice is smaller than you’ve ever heard before
• “can you put the lilies in here?”
  
• “you don’t want them in the studio?”
  
• “no, please put them here.”
  
• you quickly fry up an egg and make some coffee, which you set down on the night table beside jihoon’s bed
• you move his sketchbook away and realize that it’s open to an empty page
• your eyes briefly glance to see if jihoon has reacted at all, but he’s still
• you go back to wash out the waves and put the lilies in
• you wrap a rubberband around his paintbrushes and set them by the others which are stock piled in the studio room
• a small ping of relief floods through you when you enter the bedroom and jihoon is up, holding the cup of coffee in his hands
• usually people would suggest you make conversation to help ease jihoon’s mind out of whatever dark place it has wondered into it
• but you just put the lilies down and tend to cleaning up whatever other paper and things you can see on the floor
• even though jihoon only finishes the coffee and maybe a quarter of the egg, it’s still a start
• the pain he’s feeling is fresh and you don’t want to push anything
• but as you tell him you’re off to leave again - you remind him that he does have another exhibition planned in two weeks
• on the way back home you hope his love for painting can cradle him through this all
• whenever you think of the sadness that comes with being unloved, you throw yourself into your hobbies, scribbling down poems or re-reading novels from your time in school
• you’d done it all to stop thinking about jihoon - you hope he does the same too
• about a week passes when you return to jihoon’s again, and it’s only because this time jeonghan calls you with a serious worry about jihoon’s exhibition
• “he isn’t painting, that’s the problem.”
  
• “what do you mean he isn’t painting?”
  
• “when i came over, he was sitting in front of the canvas with his hand pressed against it - but …….. he wasn’t drawing or painting or doing anything.”
  
• you show up to the apartment after the call and take a deep breath before you let yourself in
• today might be the first time you mention the breakup to jihoon, and you don’t know if its too early yet
• to make the dread bubble even harder in your stomach is the fact that sitting outside of his apartment is that undone portrait of his ex
• its half shrouded with other trash bags left to be collected
• you look at the familiar face and clench your fist a bit tighter
• if you hadnt done this to him, if you hadnt made this mess - i wouldnt be stuck cleaning it up.
• you chide and immediately fall into regret
• its not a mess, taking care of your friends is not a mess.
• you knock on the door and wait for a moment till you hear jihoon turn the lock
• you’re relived to see that his hair is wet from a fresh shower, but the bags under his eyes like crows wings cancels it out
• as well as the fact that he looks as if he’s seen the devil himself
• “what’s wrong?”
  
• jihoon’s shoulders shrink
• “do i really have to answer that?”
  
• you step inside and the door closes behind you two
• “jeonghan said you’re having trouble painting”
  
• jihoon’s head drops and the darkness of the hallway makes everything feel closer and more intense
• he turns and starts to walk toward the studio and you follow, gasping a little at the sight of it
• canvases broken in halves, paint spilled on the floor  - but not a single new painting, not a single completed project
• jihoon sits down in the middle of it all and puts his head in his hands
• he looks like he’s in agony, silent and torturous
• is this what happens when an artist loses their muse?
• you don’t know how to help and that makes it all the more worse
• you just sit down beside jihoon 
• he lets you take his hands in your own
• in the corner of the room those fresh lilies youve bought have wilted again
• on one of the broken canvases, the only thing jihoon has been able to paint is those scattered and browning petals
• you start to come by everyday after that because as much as you share jeonghan’s worry about the art
• you are more so worried about jihoon shutting down
• now he has nothing to focus on, just the fact that he’s lost the love of his life
• so you try and entertain and keep him alive to the best of your ability
• with groceries and company, bringing over his other friends - trying to coax him into going outside
• jihoon reacts on some level, but you can tell that he just wants to paint again
• all he’s done is brush strokes on the white paper, the shape vaguely like that of a flower but you cant ever tell what kind
• he also keeps asking you if you can bring him lilies again
• you do, and this time they live longer because you tend to them - and when you do you fail to realize that jihoon starts to watch you
• he takes note of the way you move the vase with both hands
• the way you keep the steams between the same two fingers every time
• you arent burdened by the little chore because its takes at most five or so minutes out of the day
• but jihoon unfolds each step you take like a storybook page
• something in your gentleness entraps him
• you make it look so easy, to love and provide for something
• he knows a flower is one thing, a human is another - but 
• could you do that for him too?
• he looks into his hands and the cup of coffee you made for him is sitting on the table to the left
• have you already been doing it, all this time? 
• which is why on the day before the exhibition
• when you ask him if he wants you to help him cancel it 
• he says no, he thinks he can fish something in time
• you light up and ask if he’s finally found a new muse, but jihoon blinks slowly
• “a new muse?”
  
• “yes, i mean i thought - well i thoughtthey were your muse and losing them meant you couldnt paint but if youre saying you can now then-
  
• jihoon’s eyes turn to ice at the mention but then he shakes his head
• “they …… i never saw them as a muse.”
  
• he stops to think on it, he isn’t lying
• “but you loved them, i mean -”
  
• he keeps his eyes down and you fidget, “sorry, let’s not talk about that.”
• “i did, you’re right i did love them but that doesn’t mean they inspired me.”
  
• he taps a finger and then looks at you
• sitting across from him, how you’ve done a million times before
• suddenly jihoon thinks if he can look at you like that for a little while longer
• he can create again
• he can paint something
• so when he asks you to stay still, you do - and jihoon brings his pencil down to paper
• only to get up half an hour later and take you with him
• he sits you down again and sets up a bigger canvas this time, brings his paintbrushes
• and then he moves the vase with the lily from behind him to sit at your feet
• “jihoon, are you going to paint me?”
  
• “yes”
  
• “why?”
  
• he looks from the lily to you
• “because i want to, and it’s the first time in a while that i think ill be able to.”
• you don’t realize it yourself not until you’ve fallen asleep in your position and jihoon is deep into his painting
• that the muse you were talking about and thinking he’d lost
• had been you all along
• jihoon knew it, even when he was in a relationship, that there was no one else in this world that could make him paint
• he’d felt it the first time you met in that art class, he’d watched you fumble through your drawing
• and usually he wasn’t inspired to draw the mundane, the everyday
• until he started seeing just how much it could mean to him
• he had been painting that portrait of his ex out of obligation, they had asked him to do it 
• and so it had been taking a while - it had been unfinished not even because of the breakup but because jihoon didn’t want to do it
• and yet here he was, the brush strokes pouring out of him in an attempt to capture every little detail there is to you
• he had been wallowing in his pain and hadn’t bothered to look at you again
• until you started to be there, everyday, like those lilies 
• and those lilies, beautiful and sweet 
• they were yours, you were theirs. to jihoon something about the silk of the petal and the sway of your hair made sense 
• he doesn’t wake you up, he’s been your friend long enough to know the parts of you he wants in the painting
• he only stops when he’s done and his hair is stuck to him with sweat and the sun is rising outside his window
• you’ve slumped over completely onto the couch and jihoon comes closer to move you into a more comfortable position
• this is the first time in these weeks that he is taking care of you instead of the other way around
• when his fingers touch your skin he suddenly feels the kind of sparking urge he has only felt with others who hes been intimate with
• your small stir in his arms causes him alarm and excitement all at once, when your eyes open slightly he jumps back before he fears he’ll do something you wont like
• in the morning, jihoon is passed out cold in his bed and you get up and rub your eyes 
• finally you let yourself move toward the canvas to see what jihoon has painted
• its you………its you in every way……….you stare at that face of yours like a mirrored reflection
• seeing it like this something ties a knot in your heart
• “is this what its like to be a muse?”
  
• jihoon’s voice floats through the room
• “you’ve always been mine.”
  
• you turn - because you don’t think you’ve really heard it - maybe its just your drowsy imagination speaking
• but jihoon is there and the phone is ringing, jeonghan about the exhibition
• neither you or jihoon reach for the phone
• instead you ask him,
•  “what do you mean?”
• he doesn’t know how to explain it
• instead he looks at you and then over his shoulder into his room
• the exhibition doesnt start until the afternoon, and you are in his studio and you are whats brought him back from a point of emptiness
• you are more than a muse
• somehow you end up with his hand on yours again and this time that spark is searing up through both of you
• jihoon’s paint stained fingers splay on the small of your back
• you are still a little scared that its too early for this, if its just the wounds on his heart speaking
• but jihoons lips only centimetres from yours promise that its more than that
• its all that time wasted, his attention was yours that day in the art classroom 
• and he was an idiot for ever trying to put it on someone else
• but like all good things - they come with time and if you want him how he wants you then hes here 
• and he’s ready to let this between you bloom into something more
• you giggle when his breath tickles you before you finally kiss 
  
• you wonder if everyone will be surprised by that painting jihoon has done of you when its up in the wall of the gallery
• when the lily petals fall from the flower in that vase and land at your entangled feet. 

시에서 정말 스트레스를 많이 받았나 봐. The city must’ve really stressed her out.

Description: A spontaneous visit home coincides with your stay at home and suddenly after a couple years of not talking, you and your best friend confront the reason you stopped talking in the first place. 
Warnings: Mentions of a past cheating boyfriend (NOT JIHOON SOME OTHER BUTTHEAD), swearing
Genre: Angst, Fluff, idol!Jihoon x Fem!Reader
Word Count: 2.9k

SeventeenMasterlist|Masterlists

When Jihoon opened the door to his house, the familiar smells hit him like the biggest and warmest hug. It’d been many months since he was able to break away and take a trip home but the second it was an option, he was made to take it.

“Jihoon, is that you?” His mother called from the kitchen.

“Yeah, it’s me.” He answered while walking further into the house.

His mother sat at the kitchen island while his father was busy chopping up vegetables for dinner. She set down her wine glass before getting up and giving Jihoon a vice grip hug.

“How are you doing?” She asked him pulling away and letting him breathe.

He nodded, “Been pretty good and busy. Just happy I can rest for a few days.”

“Rest.” His father repeats and used air quotes to emphasize the word. “I’m sure he’ll be composing another song until the wee hours of the morning.”

“No, I’m serious this time.” Jihoon chuckled, “I’m resting during this visit. I’m under strict orders from Seungcheol.”

His mother sighed, “I can’t believe someone has to order you to rest.”

He just shrugged, “Some people don’t have an off switch. What’s been going on with you guys?” He asked, wanting to divert the attention off him being a workaholic.

“Nothing too crazy.” His father commented, picking up an onion, “We had dinner with (y/n)’s parents last week.”

“Oh, how are they doing?” Jihoon asked, a little thrown off to hear your name pop up. You had moved away to the city years after he did and he wasn’t really in contact with you. Though he wished he was.

“They’re doing good. Apparently (y/n)’s been staying with them for the past couple weeks.” His father continued, “Something about the city being too crazy.”

His mother swallowed her sip of wine, “The city must’ve really stressed her out.”

Jihoon scrunched up his eyebrows, “Why do you say that?”

“She’s gone and made a fire in the pit pretty much every night.” His mother nodded towards the window where a clear view of the beach was visible.

“Well, I now need my sous chef.” His father stated and Jihoon shook himself out of his thoughts.

“Yeah, yeah. Where’s my apron?” He wondered and his mother just pointed to the drawer where it had always been.

You walked up the front steps of your parents’ house while the dark sky peered down at you curiously. You had intended to only take an hour walk but it turned into a two hour excursion. But the night was just too nice to go back after an hour.

——–

“Is that you, (y/n)?” Your mom called from upstairs as you opened the front door.

“Yeah!” You answered, “Sorry it took so long.”

“No, it’s fine.” She told you, coming down the stairs. “How was it?”

You smiled at her lack of worry for you now that you were all grown up, “It was very relaxing.”

“Well, I’m glad that you had a relaxing time.” She smiled and steered you toward the kitchen. “Any ideas of what your plans are going forward?”

“Nothing yet, but I have a plan to start looking at things tomorrow.” You explained and she nodded in approval.

A small orange light drew you to the windows facing the beach. The pit where you usually set up a fire was lit and you were sure you were the only person who used it.

“Mom, is dad out at the pit?” You wondered, still staring at the fire.

“No, he’s in bed.” She chuckled, “One beer and he’s out like a light.”

“Oh, okay.” You said, distracted and trying to figure out who would be using the pit. “I’m going to go down to the beach.” You told her and didn’t wait for an answer before opening the back door.

There really was only one other person who would use the pit now that everyone on the block had grown up and moved out.

“When things are hard and you’re tired, light a fire, and it’ll be like I’m next to you.” His words rang through your head as you made your way onto the sand.

As you neared the pit, Jihoon’s silhouette sitting on a log was unmistakable. Your mouth dropped open in surprise because he almost never came home and if he was on a visit, you would’ve heard about it and regretted that you weren’t able to leave the city also.

“Jihoon?” You called out his name, finally reaching the pit.

His head whipped back towards you and in an instant a smile broke across his face. “Hey, you.” He rose and pulled you into a hug. “It’s been quite a while.”

“It’s been ages.” You corrected him and lightly shoved him back.

He chuckled and sat back down, “I know.”

You sat next to him and stared into the fire. “You could’ve texted.”

“You could’ve texted first.” He bantered back, feeling like you were on edge, like there was something you were trying to hide from him.

“Touché.” You pointed a finger in a random direction. “What brings you home this time?”

“Seungcheol.” Jihoon answered almost with a pout.

“What did you do to Soonyoung this time?” You wondered with a smile on your lips.

“NOTHING!” He exclaimed, “I swear. Seungcheol just sent me home to rest. He sent everyone home really.”

“Rest.” You repeated with air quotes and unbelief dripping from your voice.

“Stop that.” He smacked your hands away, “My dad did the same thing but I swear I’m here for a rest. I’m not going to work one bit.”

You looked over at him with eyes that didn’t believe a word he said.

“Believe me.” He deeply pleaded.

Shrugging, you looked back at the fire and let the conversation point dissipate.

“What about you?” Jihoon asked once he knew he’d won the banter. “What brings you home?”

You sighed and spit out the reason you and your parents told everyone who asked, “The city was starting to stress me out and I just needed a break.”

“Anything in particular?” He pushed further.

You shook your head, not ready to admit what happened to him. “No. Just missed home.”

“And the reason for the fires every night?” He inquired, repeating information he’d heard from his mother.

You looked at him with a faked playful smile, “Can’t a girl make a campfire because she misses her best friend?”

“Is that why you came home? Cause you missed me?” Jihoon asked, not ready to give up the search for the real reason you came home.

“Partly.” You admitted because it was partly true.

“Will you tell me the other part?” He questioned with a soft voice.

Chewing on your lip, you watched the flames flicker and dance in a wind that only it could feel.

“I had a huge blowout with my roommate and she essentially kicked me out.” You began to tell him all the shit events of probably the worst year of your life. “My job is turning into something I didn’t even sign up for, let alone, know how to do. My boyfriend and I broke up because he cheated on me. A lot of my friends have stopped talking to me, whether it be because they’re all busy or they just legit forgot about me. It really all came tumbling down so I decided to work out of the office and come back home until I could figure out what I was going to do next.”

Jihoon stiffened when he heard you were cheated on. And it sparked a flame of anger inside of him for some reason.

“Was it the same guy you were dating when you came to Chilhong’s wedding?” He wondered, picturing the guy in his head. The one he never liked from the second you started dating him. Only because he though he would be better.

“The one and the same.” You nodded, “I never thought he’d be the time of guy to do it but then again, everyone seems to be proving me wrong lately.”

“For the record, I never liked him.” He muttered, intending for you to hear.

You let out a breathy laugh, “You never seem to like anyone I date.”

“Why didn’t you tell me that all this happened? I could’ve helped.” Jihoon turned towards you with a questioning look.

You shrugged, “We hadn’t talked in almost a year and I kept seeing news articles about schedules that Seventeen was having. So I didn’t want to burden you with my own problems. I’m sure you had your hands overflowing with your own.”

He scoffed, “I wasn’t that busy.”

You raised your eyebrows at him, silently calling him out on his blatant lie.

“I wasn’t busy enough to not have time for you.” He corrected himself. “I always have time for you. You’re my best friend. You always will be.”

“You could’ve called me first.” You jabbed, “So I would’ve known when you had some free time.”

Jihoon smiled softly and nodded, “I could’ve. But it’s a little hard to bring yourself to contact the person you like when you know she’s in a relationship with someone else.” He blabbered before he could stop himself.

It took both of you a couple seconds to process what was just said. Jihoon, rightfully, froze and waited for your reaction. You were startled at his sudden confession and a little frustrated that he would mention it when you were offloading about how shitty your year had been.

“You could’ve done without saying that.” You said lowly, looking out towards the water and away from him.

Jihoon, though shocked he let the words slip, didn’t really regret saying it. “When else would I have been able to tell you?”

“Next time.” You stated, “When I had some of my life figured out.”

“And when will next time be?” He questioned, “Five years from now? We never see each other, we never call or text. I get your life updates from my parents who get it from your parents and let’s be real, I know you don’t tell your parents every single detail of your life.” He was starting to get frustrated with you and he couldn’t stop it.

But you were beginning to feel the same and you couldn’t stop it either.

“Well, maybe if you would’ve just picked up the damn phone and called me to let me know that you actually had time for me, then maybe we would talk more.” You spat him, the burn of tears appearing behind your eyes.

“You were the one who stopped talking to me first.” He accused you, “I was always waiting for you to contact me first. So why didn’t you?”

“Because I thought you’d forgotten about me!” You exclaimed the truth with tears in your eyes.

Jihoon blinked at you. “You thought I’d…” He hadn’t realized how his messages and timing had seemed from your point of view until then.

“It’s what all my friends said.” You breathed out, “I didn’t believe them at first but then your texts started getting farther apart and shorter and the conversations we were having started becoming repetitive. And then I figured it must be true. You were forgetting about me. So I gave up first before you could give up.”

“But I would never.” He breathed out.

“Well, with everything that’s happened in the last couple years, you’ll have to forgive me for believing it.” You told him and wiping at your eyes. “Nothing good happened and I didn’t want to be hurt by you so I gave up first.”

“So in the timeline of things, when did you give up?” He asked, not sure if he really wanted to know the answer to his question.

You took a deep calming breath, “After I broke up with him.” You revealed. “I thought I was going to be okay but moving back here and seeing your house everyday made me miss you and regret cutting off communication with you. So I came down here, made a fire, and wished that you would come to the fire like you promised. I missed my best friend. Though I didn’t think you’d confess.”

“Neither did I.” Jihoon admitted. “But I did. And I guess the ball’s in your court. Though your wish did come true.” He stood and shoved his hands in his pockets, “I came back.”

You watched him as he walked back to his house. Hugging your knees, you looked back at the fire and let the dying light dry out your eyes. He was right, he did come back. Just when you needed him.

But now you were confused, did you need him as your best friend or as something more. Sure, you’d always had a little crush on him but you squashed the idea down to grain of sand a long, long time ago. There was no way you were going to date him you had decided. He was Jihoon and you were (y/n). Two people destined to be best friends forever.

Yet, knowing he had a crush on you began to make you wonder if you two could become something more.

Sighing, you dispersed the logs and let the crashing waves distract you while you waited for the fire to die out. It wasn’t the night you wanted and in the dark of the night, you let a few tears slip out.

The next morning, you woke up, made your morning drink, and strolled back onto the beach. The sun was shining and the skies were clear and the air was fresh.

When you reached the pit, your spoken and unspoken words hung in the air like smoke. Thick and heavy. You were about to grab your phone to text Jihoon when you noticed an envelope tucked into the sand. Not remembering it from the night before, you picked it up to see your name scrawled in Jihoon’s handwriting across the front.

Settling yourself on the log and your drink in the sand, you pulled out the folded papers.

“I had to leave early this morning for an emergency meeting at the company but I thought I’d be a little romantic and leave you a letter instead of a text.” Jihoon had written. “I guess the word ‘rest’ really isn’t in my vocabulary but this is for you. You don’t have to do or say anything in regards to what I confessed last night but know that I’m always here for you. I will try my best to show you that I have never and will never forget about you. You’re my best friend and nothing will ever change that. I promise.”

On the second piece of paper were lyrics written and the title was simply 'Campfire.’ As you read through the lyrics, a tear fell down your cheek. You wiped it away and chuckled at your own emotions.

“Asshole.” You muttered at him but it was all in humor.

You pulled out your phone and called him, hoping he wasn’t yet in the meeting.

The car was filled with calm conversations as Wonwoo, Seungcheol, and him were being driven into the city. Jihoon was startled out of his thoughts by his phone ringing with a call. Your name appeared on his screen and he quickly hushed the other two who gave him confused looks.

“(y/n)?” He answered the call and Wonwoo and Seungcheol gave each other knowing looks before looking away to give Jihoon some privacy.

“You, sir,” You chuckled, “Are one emotional asshole. You know that?” You spoke the words with a light tone that made a giggle rise in his chest.

“I’m guessing you went down to the pit this morning.” He concluded.

“I did.” You confirmed. “And I think a text would’ve sufficed just fine.”

“Psh, where’s the fun in that?” He bantered.

You laughed and then fell silent for a second, looking out at the horizon. “Uhm, what are you doing on Saturday?” You asked, heart beating a million miles an hour.

“Saturday? I might have rehearsals for most of the day.” He told you, thinking about their schedule.

“Do you think I could steal you away for an hour or two?” You wondered, “So I can buy you dinner or something?”

Jihoon’s smile grew when he figured out what exactly you were asking him, “No, you can’t. Because I’m going to buy you dinner.” He told you before your heart could crack.

His words ballooned in your chest and you couldn’t hold back the smile on your face.

“If you buy dinner, I get to buy dessert then.” You stated, determined to buy him something.

Jihoon nodded, “Sure, you do that.” He said though he’d already resolved that you wouldn’t be spending a penny on anything.

“Great. Text me when you know your schedule for certain.” You said, a little giddiness seeping into your voice.

“I will.” Jihoon agreed, “I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Yupp.” You said, “Bye.” Then you hung up the phone with your heart excited and fluttering.

Jihoon lowered his phone and could not wipe the smile off his face.

“Someone’s happy.” Wonwoo commented, side-eyeing him.

“Good news?” Seungcheol wondered, looking back.

“Good news.” Jihoon nodded, “Thanks for making me go home.”

Seungcheol shook his head, “Not my idea. Thank Hoshi for the idea.”

❀ genre: college life + romance + a dash of angst 

❀word count: 5491

❀ a/n: just read the tags below but if ur too lazy to basically: don’t expect lots of updates and i just wrote this as a form of therapy for me. i guess i missed writing and needed to rant /shrugs/ 

also this title sucks but idk what to do with it either LMAO 

❀ ❀ ❀

It was a quiet, winter evening; the snow was gently falling outside and the laughter of college students filled the dorm hallways. 

I, on the other hand, was curled up in a ball on my bed, reading a book. The soft sounds of my hand turning the pages lulled me in a dreamland of swoon-worthy boys. 

Suddenly, I heard a loud bang. 

I flinched and jumped up on my bed to see what had dropped. 

“Sorry! Just dropped my pan, how’s it going?” I sighed thankfully, realizing it was just my roommate, Naeun. Naeun was a freshman like me; we hadn’t talked much before rooming together. We got along most of the time, but being around people just irked me sometimes.

I pointed at the book, trying to hide the girlish daze in my eyes. 

“Just reading, like usual.” I kept my words short, hoping she would get the hint that I wasn’t in the mood to talk. It wasn’t like I was mad at her or anything, but I need my breaks with all the socialness of college. I don’t think people understand how tiring it is for introverts to have to be “on” all the time; “on” meaning social. 

She nodded. “What book?” 

“It’s called ‘Win Some, Lose Some’ by Shay Savage. It’s a really amazing novel about a boy who was Autism and a girl who …” I trailed off when I realized she had her back towards me. The sound of her pots and pans flying into her drawer was distracting. “A girl who befriends him basically. How was your day?” I asked politely. 

I braced myself for her long winded answer. Most people just say “good” or “it was pretty alright” but not Naeun, she pops off and talks about things no one really needs to know, and no one really cares. 

“It was okay. I saw one of my friends on campus and I waved to her because it’s so weird, right? Seeing people you know on such a large campus. And then I walked to English and my professor was just such in a good mood today, she’s so nice, I love her.” 

I smiled carefully, hoping she doesn’t realize how much I do not care about who she waves at or how her professor looks. 

“Then, I went to the library and did some of my math homework and I got started on the next chapter. And then I started to do my English homework which I got kind of stumped on. Anyway, all I could think about is this big burrito when I was studying.” She took out two large burritos and plopped them on a blue plate. 

I nodded and told her I was going to go back to my book. She nodded and right as I was about to plug in my earbuds to drown out her voice while I read, she stopped me with her voice.

“Hey, I’m bored, do you think Ahyoung and Somi are busy?” I took out my earbuds once more and shrugged. 

“Probably not.” 

“Hm. Is it cool if I invite them over? I mean, you don’t have to say yes if you just want to be alone, I know how you get like that.” 

I forced an awkward smile. “Um, I actually want to just chill and be alone, but you can always go to their rooms… they live in the same building.” I tried not to let my annoyance show in my voice, but it was rising. 

She furrowed her brows and sighed. “Yeah, but they’re so far…” She whined. 

Don’t roll your eyes. Don’t roll your eyes. Don’t roll your eyes. 

“I mean, they always come to our dorm, maybe go to them today?” I really didn’t care what she did, I just wanted to be alone. 

I turned on my music and opened my book so I didn’t have to hear her complain. She went back on her phone and I was content reading in peace. 

Five minutes later, I heard loud knocking on the door. 

What? She did not just…

“Oh, hey, Ahyoung! How’s it going?” 

No way, she did not just invite people over after I told her not to. 

I felt my blood boil, but I tried to keep my calm. I was not going to make a scene, especially since Ahyoung was my friend. 

I locked eyes with Naeun, who I visibly glared at. 

“It’s chill, y/n, you don’t have to talk we are just gonna hang a bit and then go watch some TV.” 

I bit my tongue to not snap at her. Her insensitivity was rubbing me the wrong way, but I didn’t want to blow up. We were all adults here, I didn’t want to seem like a child who got irritated when they were forced to socialize with their mom’s friends. 

Soon, I heard another knock. 

“Hey, Sooyoung! Come in, we are picking a show to watch.” 

I tried to calm down and read my book, but when I say I want to be alone, I really mean I want to be alone. 

I felt myself boil over in anger as I could still hear them over my earbuds. Their laughter and constant chatter couldn’t be tuned out. 

“Ok, we are gonna go to the lounge and watch TV. High five!” Naeun held her hand right in front of my face and I hit it just to make her leave. I swear, I’d rather hit her face instead. 

As soon as I heard the door slam shut, I pulled out my earbuds and went to rinse my face. 

How insensitive of her! I explicitly told her not to invite anyone over to the dorm, and there she goes. She can’t walk up one flight of stairs to see our friends?? So fucking rude. 

Living in the dorms as an introverted person was terribly hard. I don’t even know if introverted is the right word for it anymore if I want to go days without talking to people. And it sucks when no one truly understands me and doesn’t take my words seriously. 

I groaned and stared at myself in the mirror.

“Just two more quarters and you’re free for the summer.” 

I sighed and wiped my face on my towel. 

College was hard. 

I had found my group in college, but unfortunately, I had made the same mistakes as I did in high school. First, I stayed connected with some friends from high school who I had planned on cutting off. And most importantly, I put too much time and effort into people who disrespect me and don’t care for me. 

And now I live with someone like that. 

It angered me to feel so out of place, so alone in the dorms even when I had friends. Whenever I wanted to escape, there was no where to go. All my friends were here. 

I clenched my fist. 

All of a sudden, I couldn’t just sit down and read. I glanced over in the corner of the room and saw the camera from my photography class sitting there. 

I looked outside my window and saw the soft snow falling down. 

I quickly pulled on a warm, puffy jacket, jeans, and headed out to take some photos with my trustworthy camera. 

—–

The air was colder than I remembered. I felt my nose crinkle as the wind blew snow into my nose. 

The city was beautiful; it was painted in white sparkles. I snapped a few photos and took a deep breath. 

I loved being outside and having no one notice me; this was one of my favorite things about living in the city and college in general. I snapped pictures of groups of people walking across the street. The blur of the street lights combined with the softness of the snow captivated me. 

“Some nice pics you got there.” 

I jumped at the voice and almost dropped my camera; thankfully, it’s always wrapped around my neck.

“Oh gosh, I’m so sorry! I didn’t think you’d get so scared.” 

I looked up and saw a boy around my age staring at me. And dang, was he cute. 

I thanked God for the weather because my cheeks were already red. 

“Uh, um, it’s fine.” I fibbed quickly. I felt awkward because I didn’t know how to act around guys my age, especially ones as cute as him. 

Be friendly, be friendly. He just wants to be friends.

“Um, I’m y/n by the way.” I took out my hand to shake his. He chuckled and reciprocated the action.

“Jihoon, Park Jihoon. You live in this building too?” He pointed at the building next door to me. I shook my head and watched as the snow fell onto my shoulders.

“Oh no, I live in this one.” He nodded. “Are you a freshman?” I asked. 

He laughed heartily. I liked how he didn’t hide his emotions. “Oh no, I’m a sophomore this year but I’m an RA in this building.” 

I made an “O” shape with my mouth. “Ah, a resident adviser. I’m applying to be one next year, kinda nervous but hopefully I’ll get the job.” 

His eyes widened. “Oh really? I rarely meet people who want to baby a bunch of freshmen.” I laughed at his comment. “But hey, it’d be cool if we were in the same dorm next year. You could teach me to take such pretty pictures.” I laughed and flipped through the photos on my camera out of habit.

“Don’t get your hopes up, I haven’t even been accepted for the job yet. Also, I’m taking photography 101 with Professor Lee Miyoung, I’m sure she’s a better teacher than I am.” I teased. 

He shrugged. “Well, I doubt she’s as pretty as you.” 

My heart froze. 

W-what? Did he just flirt with me? Oh god, what do I say now? How do I flirt back? I-

“Sorry, was that weird? I wanted to call you pretty but I didn’t mean to lowkey talk about a professor’s beauty either.” He looked mildly embarrassed when he shook out his hair full of snow. 

I gave him a small smile. “Um, no, not weird, it was actually kind of smooth. I don’t really know how to respond to flirting.” 

Oh my god. I just said that. 

His eyes lit up mischievously as I tried not to blush even harder.

“Oh flirting? Is that what we are doing?” He teased.

“Technically, that’s what you are doing.” He laughed loudly and his voice echoed throughout the streets. I only hoped to have that loud of a voice as an RA. 

“You got me there.” He then looked down at his watch and frowned. 

“What’s wrong?”

He looked up at me with his soft brown puppy eyes. I swear this guy is too cute to be real. “Um, my shift is starting soon.” He then took out his phone. “I know we just met, but you seem pretty cool-”

Before he could finish, I took his phone and typed in my number.

“There, now you can teach me how to be an RA and I can teach you how to take photos.” I said as confidently as I could. 

He seemed a bit surprised at my voice, but nodded.

“Sounds great, see you later.” He waved to be as he walked away, but slipped on a patch of snow. 

“Ah, be careful!” I shouted. He gave me a small smile and walked back into his dorm.

Well, at least this day ended on a high note. 

—–

“Hey, where’d you go last night? We were wondering where you were at.” 

I’m an adult, I don’t have to tell you everywhere I go.

I bit back the words and forced a small smile. “Oh, I just went to take some photos for my photography class. The snow looked really pretty last night.” I left out the minor detail that a cute boy started to talk to me. I wanted to keep the giddiness to myself. 

“Oh cool. I just came back from the gym. I saw a really cute boy in there. He was really fit, dark skinned, dark hair. And he smiled at me and I smiled back. We didn’t get to talk because I was so out of breath, but I hope he’s at the gym again.” She went off without me asking her too. 

I understand that I’m being a bit tough on her, but she irritated me first by inviting people over when I told her not to. People always talk about communication in college, but sometimes people just don’t listen to you. 

“Cool, hope you see him again.” I said nicely. I have to put on a nice face with my roommates, as I don’t want to be in an awkward living situation. 

“Yeah… how was your day today?” 

—–

“And then she just invited you guys over, disregarding what I had just said before! Isn’t that rude?” I voiced to Ahyoung, my best friend. I’d known her before going to college, well, I’ve known her since we were 8. 

She looked a bit hesitant on what to say. 

I went on about the situation. “I’m not saying I hate seeing you guys, but you know how I get when I want to be alone. I…I just want to be alone and it makes me crazy when I see people. Plus, I told Naeun I wanted to chill out and be alone and then she just invites you guys over, without telling me?? I’m not crazy.” I ranted. 

Ahyoung sighed and took a sip of her coffee filled with milk and sugar. 

“I mean, she did say she was inviting us over in the groupchat.” 

I glared at the younger girl. “Excuse me, I was sitting right next to her, she knows I didn’t check my phone. It’s rude to not tell your roommate you’re inviting people over, and it’s even ruder when we just talked about how I didn’t want her to invite people over. It’s not like she forgot within the five minutes.” 

“True. That wasn’t nice of her.” I noticed she hesitated on saying anything bad about her. We were all friends, but I was the one who had problems with friends in the group, as usual. I didn’t like very many people, but I was civil and nice to everyone; that’s what being an adult is all about. 

“Yeah…” I trailed off. I don’t know when it got so weird between us, but it felt like I couldn’t talk to my best friend about things in my life. I didn’t even tell her about the cute guy who flirted with me. Deep inside of me, I knew she didn’t deserve to know these things about me when she didn’t want to hear the bad parts of my life. 

It felt like everyone wants to be around me when I’m laughing and joking, never when I’m serious and want to talk about my feelings. No one wants to listen when I want to rant about real things in life, yet they love when someone rants about some “dumb” thing a girl did in the hallway. 

I didn’t get why they judged people before they knew them. I always tried to talk with people before I made judgements, yet people think it’s weird when I judge people I talk to. That’s the way you’re supposed to judge people… when you get to know them personally. Duh.

As I was talking, I saw her eyes focused on something far away from me. 

I turned around and saw her crush standing there. She stopped listening to me as he waved at her. I saw her eyes bright up when she saw him and I grew annoyed. I was telling her about something that was bothering me, and then she chooses a boy over me. Not cool. 

“Hello? Earth to Ahyoung??” I teased. She shrugged me off. 

“He’s so cute. I know he doesn’t like me, but I can’t help myself.” 

I snorted. “Yeah, he doesn’t like you and actually, he only dates white girls and you my friend, are not white.” I knew I was being harsh, but I hear about him every single second and it angers me when I want to vent about something in my life and she doesn’t think I’m as important as her crush.

She flinched at my harsh words. 

“You just wouldn’t understand, you’ve never had a crush before. You’ve never been in love before.” She said matter of factly. 

Ouch. 

This was all true, but it hurt when she said it like that. I’ve never felt romantic love, wow, thanks for reminding me. Maybe I’m too busy taking care of my dumb friends who don’t care about me. 

Maybe.

—–

“Bye, see you later.” I waved her off as we both went to class.

As soon as I turned around, I saw a familiar face. 

Jihoon. 

I fixed my hair and prayed none of my mascara had smeared on my face. 

Be confident, make friends. 

“Hey, Jihoon.” He turned around with a confused look on his face. I felt a leap in my heart when he smiled at me.

“Oh hey y/n, it’s weird to see you without a camera.” He joked. 

I felt my heart skip a beat when he said my name; I was so used to people forgetting about me. 

“Hah, well it’s weird to see you in the daylight.” I joked. When I saw him left an eyebrow, I knew I said something wrong. 

I felt my face burn up at my own words. 

“Not like that.” I blubbered out. He let out a light laugh. 

“Well, I mean, you’re right.” He took note of my embarrassed state and changed the subject. “So, what class are you headed to?”

“History of the Ancient Greek and Roman worlds, how bout you?” 

“Woah, what an interesting class. I’m heading to choir practice actually.” That made me stop in my tracks.

“Wait, you sing?” 

He chuckled. “Yup, that is what you do in choir.” I felt a bit embarrassed at my statement. “I’m joking, I’m joking, but yes, I do sing. Have been doing so for my whole life.”

“I did choir up until high school, I didn’t feel good enough for college. I still don’t know how to read music and it’s been years.” 

“It’s hard, but you get used to it. You should give it a shot if you really want to though. Or come watch one of our performances.” I smiled at him.

“One day.” I stopped walking and pointed at the building in front of us. “This is me. I’ll see you later?” 

He nodded and smiled. 

“I’ll see you later.”

—–

Two weeks had passed and I hadn’t seen much of Jihoon. We waved to each other in passing, but it was midterms soon, and exams were the only thing on my mind. We sent each other memes daily though and we just got each other’s humor- that was rare. 

I was filling out my history study guide until I heard my roommate, Naeun, walk in.

“Hey, y/n~ Ahyoung, Sooyoung and I saw you talking to a boy yesterday~ Oooooooo what’s his name?” 

She sat right in front of me, not giving me any personal space. 

I tried not to blush but honestly, my face was turning red because I was so annoyed at her.

“His name is Jihoon. He’s an RA in the dorm next to us, we met at an RA informational meeting.” I lied. I didn’t want to tell her I ran out of the dorm because I couldn’t handle her and people.

“He’s cute, nice body too.” I felt a an overwhelming sense of jealously and protectiveness wash over me. I hated it. I didn’t want to be this person. I probably only felt this way because I didn’t like Naeun right now. 

“Yeah, you can have him if you want. I’m not into him.” I lied. 

She raised a brow. “Really? Don’t be upset if he falls for me then.” I knew she was joking when she flipped her hair dramatically, but I wasn’t into it. 

I felt my buried insecurities rise when I stared intensely at her face. Her eyebrows were neatly plucked, which I was always too scared to do. Her skin was tanned and even, not blotchy and red like mine. Her fashion was trendy and most boys liked her because of her socialness, on the contrary, I was awkward and mean to boys, unintentionally. 

I just went back to doing my homework, shaking off the comparison. 

—–

Later that night, I saw a message pop up in my texts which was weird because I usually mute everyone.

‘hey midterms are killing me and i dont understand anything… want ice cream?’ 

I tried not to laugh even though both my roommates were at the library. 

‘uhhh shouldnt u be studying if u dont understand anything?? mayb??’ 

‘LOL thats not how it works young padawan’ I rolled my eyes. He thinks he’s so much older than me. 

‘also I don’t eat ice cream, i don’t eat dairy’

‘… aight imma head out’ 

I snorted and tilted my head back in laughter. 

‘ok, no ice cream… what DO you like?’

You. I like you. 

… Definitely not sending that.

‘UMMM i like hot chocolate?’ 

‘okay, i’ll be at your dorm in 5. what is your room number again?’

‘303′ 

‘aight’ 

I looked down at short shorts and tank top and then at the harsh winds outside. I threw on a pair of cute leggings and a heavy sweater. I put on a black jacket over it and placed a beanie on my head. 

I did my brows and put on a few swipes of mascara. I carefully applied my lightly colored lip balm and sprayed face mist to look dewy and cute. 

Is this a date? Or is this just two friends being adventurous? 

Whatever, I want to look cute at least.

Seconds after I finish, I hear a knock at my door. I took a deep breath.

This isn’t a date. This isn’t a date. Calm down.

I opened the door. 

He was wearing a puffy jacket and dark black jeans that outlined his thigh muscles. Yum.

I also noticed he was wearing a gray beanie… which was identical to mine.

“Cute hat.” I noted. He grinned and tugged on my beanie. 

“Same goes for you. Ready for some hot chocolate?” 

“Yes, where are we going to get said chocolate caliente?” 

Jihoon gave me a weird look. “Chocolate what?” 

I stared at him, stunned. “Chocolate caliente. Caliente means hot in Spanish. Therefore, hot chocolate. You didn’t take Spanish in high school?” 

He shook his head. “Nope, I took Japanese because I’m a weeb.” I snorted. 

“Wow, I should be surprised but I’m not.” He pushed me playfully and I tried not to freak out over the warmth of his skin. 

“You’re telling me you don’t watch any anime?” 

I rolled my eyes. “Of course I watch some anime. But am I full blown weeb… no.” 

He narrowed his eyes at me. “I can change that, don’t worry.”

“You still didn’t tell me where we are going.” My fingers felt crisp from the cold air. It wasn’t snowing tonight, but the ground was still white. 

“Aha, we are going to my favorite cafe called ‘Pink Heart Cafe’. It is decked in pink hearts.” 

“As expected from a Pink Heart Cafe.” I joked. In the near distance, I noticed a sign that had a baby pink heart that wrote ‘Pink Heart Cafe’ in cute lettering. 

I crinkled my nose from the cold air. “What, you don’t like pink?” 

“No, no, I love the color pink actually. It’s just kinda cold out here.” He nodded. 

“Maybe it would be warmed if we held hands… maybe.” 

For the first time, I felt comfortable with someone’s flirtatious comment.

I smirked and hooked my hand with his. I felt my heart beater faster. Much faster. And I loved it. 

I saw him smile widely and hide it with his hair. 

“I’m a lucky guy.” He whispered. 

We walked into the cafe. 

“Hi! Welcome to Pink Heart Cafe, for here or to go?” 

“For here, please.” The woman nodded. 

“Please take a seat. We will come take your order soon.”

We took our seats in the corner, next to the pink fairy lights. I was in love with the aesthetic. 

“Cute place. And fancy it seems, they come take our order at the table.” I sang a bit of Twice’s Fancy. 

“Oh gosh, you love Twice?? Me too!” I shrugged nonchalantly. 

“I mean, I like them, their songs are cute and catchy but I’m not a diehard fan.” 

He frowned. I can change that too. 

I sighed and rolled my eyes dramatically. “Wow, it seems like there are a lot of things you want to change about me. What do you even like about me?” I teased. 

He smiled harder and I noticed a blush on his face. 

“Uhhh, that’s a good question. I like… I like how you’re honest with your emotions. I like how you’re good at photography. I like that you want to become an RA because of the money and–” I gasped and pushed him on the arm.

“That’s not the only reason! Yes… the pay is good, but I like helping people.” 

Our laughter died down as he gazed at me intensely. 

“You like helping people? Tell me more about that.” 

I paused. No one had asked me that before. 

“Um, no one’s asked me that before. I guess I just like to see people happy. I like appealing to people’s emotions and most times, I’m pretty good at making people like me.” I said honestly. I saw his face light up at my words. “And I also want to be a teacher after I graduate, so being an RA would help improve my social skills and teach me how to interact with those younger than me and work through their problems. I don’t know, people say it’s hard and that it can be tough if kids come to you with suicidal thoughts and feelings of anxiety and depression, but I mean, I just want to do it and give back to the community somehow… I don’t know. ” I mumbled off, feeling like I said too much.

His gaze was so serious, I was scared I bored him to death.

He leaned closer to me and I freaked out. I held my breath, waiting for what was next until he spoke. 

“You’re so awesome.” He finally said. 

That… that was surprising.

“Um, thanks?”

“I’m serious! That’s so amazing why you want to be an RA. Honestly, I took up this job because it pays well and I’m good at talking to people, but sometimes I couldn’t care less about my residents. I like how you’re so kind to people.”

I laughed, “I’m not that nice.” 

“Yeah right, you were nice to me the first time we met. And I could’ve been a creepy dude and I almost made you break your camera.” 

“Well, I was nice to you because you are a cute boy.” He choked on his drink at my blunt words. I grew shy all of a sudden and laughed with him. 

“Jesus, give a boy a warning before you say such words.” He was pink in the face and I felt my heart warm. 

“It’s true, you are attractive. But it is also true that I’m not nice. My roommate is irritating the heck out of me and I have to tell myself every time I talk to her to say nice things and not hurt her feelings ‘cause she’s so damn sensitive.” 

He paused for a moment. I was nervous he would think I was a bad person. Which… technically is what I’m trying to convince him of. 

“Wow, you just got ten times nicer.” Now it was my turn to choke on my drink. 

“What? I just told you I have to force myself to be nice to my roommate even though I just want to snap at her all the time.” 

Jihoon leaned back in his chair with a smug look on his face. “Exactly! Most people would’ve just called her a bitch and moved on! Moved out or from what I’ve seen, some girls do mean shit like throwing another girl’s clothes out of her closet or flirting with her boyfriend. You… you just be nice when someone is mean to you.”

“She’s not mean, just rubbing me the wrong way.” Jihoon rolled his eyes.

“See? You are still defending her even though I’m sure she’s putting you through more than other people would take.” 

I shrugged. “I don’t know, most people don’t take me seriously when I talk about it.” 

“Try me.” 

I hesitated at first, but when I saw his open and honest look, I spilled.

“Well, I’m quite an introverted person so I need my alone time. And when I told her, this was actually the night that I met you, um, I told her that I wanted to be alone. And then she invited people over to the room and yes, they left soon, but when I’m in my isolation mood, I just… I just don’t even want to look at people.” 

He stared at me with a curious look so I rambled on. “I know, it’s dumb-”

He placed a gentle hand on top of mine.

“No, that’s not dumb at all. She should’ve respected your words. I would be so mad. Give me more!” He pounded his fist on the table for dramatic effect. 

I felt my heart lighten when he wanted to hear more of my words. I was so used to people ignoring me and brushing over my concerns.

“Uh, well, just… well not just Naeun, my roommate, but some of my friends in the same dorm as me. They are just really judgmental and the negativity just pains me. I don’t like judging others before getting to know them, so hearing them talk bad about random people they don’t know just pains me. And I’m no saint, yes I judge people, but I make sure I talk to them first and get to know them before I make judgments.”

Jihoon smiled. “You keep getting better the more I get to know you. I do the same thing, my friends think I’m crazy when I say ‘hey that dude looks kinda mean and no one likes him, i’ll be friends with him’!” 

My eyes widened. “Oh my god, that’s how I met most of my friends!” 

We laughed as we bad mouthed our friends and the people who have hurt us. 

“Why do you stick with such crappy friends? No offense, you deserve so much better.” 

I shrugged. “I mean, everyone says that to me and truly, I don’t even know. I just feel so connected to them now and they have their good moments-”

“Good moments aren’t enough if they consistently hurt you.”

“I know, I know! I just… maybe I’m not that good of a person then if I stay with them. Like people say, you are who your friends are.” 

“That’s bull, you’re a good person, I know that. And your friends don’t even care to listen to you rant, I can tell I’m the first person you told all this stuff too because you have flames in your eyes. You deserve friends you can trust and are able to rant to. I promise.” 

I bit my lip, thinking of what to say. 

“Thank you, I guess I just think I am helping them by staying with them. I don’t want to hurt their feelings.” 

“Just know that you have me now, and if you ever need to rant or vent or whatever, I’m here for you. You have me now.” 

I felt a wave of emotion wash over me. No one’s ever said that to me before and meant it. I know he meant it, it was written all over his face. 

I nodded slowly, accepting the moment we were having. 

We sat in a moment of silence until the waiter came for the check.

I dug through my pockets to get out the ten dollar bill I stuffed in there. 

“Hah funny,” Jihoon chided when he whipped out his card before I could do anything. I gasped. 

“Ah, Jihoon, I brought money!” 

He tsked and stood when the waiter gave him his card back. “Yeah right, I’d never let a girl pay on the first date, that’s like… illegal.” I rolled my eyes, until I realized what he had just admit.

“Date?” I questioned carefully. 

He looked away from my gaze, like he didn’t mean to say the word. 

“Yes… date. Do you have a problem with that?” 

I grinned.

“Nope.”