#woozi scenarios

LIVE

*this post was commissioned | based very lightly off seventeen - fallin’ flowers
tw: break up mention/general angst

“something in your gentleness entraps him
you make it look so easy, to love and provide for something
he knows a flower is one thing, a human is another - but
could you do that for him too?”

you had thought jihoon was going to marry them
so standing in the middle of his studio with the remnants of their relationship, a broken vase of lilies in the corner, his undone portrait of them dripping down with the streaks of paint he’d thrown at the canvas in a fit of confusion and pain
feels ………. wrong
as if you were the one who was broken up with, and not jihoon who is on his knees a couple of feet away
hands stained in watercolors, eyes blank and burrowing
you reach for the wilting lilies first, you’ve known jihoon long enough to be aware of the fact that trying to use words to comfort him right now won’t work
so you silently begin to clean up, plucking items that belong to his ex and placing them out of sight
you take the ruined canvas with half their face sketched out and turn it over
jihoon doesn’t move from his spot as you work - doesn’t say anything - doesn’t even look at you
when you’re done you finally kneel down beside him, bring the hot wet towel to his hands and start to scrub the dry paint from his palms
you try to be gently but jihoon finally speaks
“harder, you have to scrub harder if you want to get rid of them.”
you can’t tell if he’s talking about the paint or of the memories that must be flooding into him
you had remembered how happy he had looked, being in love, being with someone who seemed to understand him
now he was empty and you were scared of what could happen if he was left like this alone
you don’t argue, you scrub harder and finally you get some of the colors off his skin
there’s still smudges thought, the same way there will still be those pieces of his ex scarred across him
time heals everything - you want to say that, but its too early to start preaching
instead you tell jihoon he should go to bed now, you’ll take care of the rest of the cleaning up and put his art supplies away
he gives a vague sort of look toward the bedroom and then back at you
“i broke the vase, the one with the lilies.”
“it’s ok, ive already cleaned-”
“i should go buy fresh ones.”
his eyes glaze over, he gets up and you scramble to your feet in the process
you put a hand on his chest to stop him and jihoon stares at you, but you can tell he isnt focused
“ill buy them, please jihoon. go to bed.”
somehow you manage to get him to turn around
and you are standing now in the doorway to his apartment, with a trash bag full of his exes things and the pathetic looking lilies
you had bought them as a gift when you’d come over to celebrate jihoon’s successful art show
his ex had put them into a vase and gushed over how pretty they looked - jihoon had never been one to be so romantic, but he had said that they looked almost as pretty as his ex did
you had watched them be so loving toward each other just days ago
but now it was all gone and part of you is angry at both of them
at jihoon’s ex for leaving him, out of the blue and with no real reason but the excuse of having “outgrown” him
and at jihoon for calling you after it had happened
but that anger toward him is really just a cover for something else
the hollowing pit in your stomach that has always been there since you met jihoon in college.
the pit you’ve covered with years of support for him and his relationships and his art
the pit, in which sits the actual emotion you’ve been hiding from the world
if you had picked me, i would have never hurt you like this
the thought is cruel and you tell yourself never to think such a thing like that again
but its there, it will always be there, because you love jihoon
not that you ever plan to let that truth come to the surface……
the next morning, you stop by the florist to pick up the lilies you promised you’d buy
you look at them, watching as one of the petals sags to the side, threatening to fall
you dont know what it is about lilies in particular - they bloom so big and beautiful that they often steal the attention in a garden
they’re quite the opposite of you
who has always found yourself more of a queen anne’s lace, playing a side role in the main stories of all your friends
but you adore them above all other flowers, touching the petal made of velvet and suddenly remembering that you had seen lilies when you first met jihoon
you had taken art in college as an extra credit class
you weren’t at all any good, but it was enjoyable to take a course that didnt demand much from you but creativity
one of the first assignments had been still life: drawing baskets of fruit, books on tables, flowers in vases
you had ended up with a vase with one purple lily in it.
the only other person who had also chose it was jihoon
you didn’t know his name back then
just that he was so beautiful, like he had been drawn himself and came to life off the page
his eyes like umber, russet sunsets - his mouth slightly parted in concentration as he let his pencil flow across his canvas
you had trouble focusing on the flower, which is probably half the reason it came out terribly
but it had also allowed jihoon to look over and offer with a quiet tone, that you maybe work on shading here - and dimension here
you had told him you weren’t in the art major and he had given you the kind of look that read, i could tell
before smiling to himself in the way you caved your head in a bit of embarrassment
it wasn’t like you ever thought the meaningless, sometimes only minute long conversation you’d have with him in the art room would turn into a friendship which harbored its way into one-sided love
somehow you had just ended up being invited warmly into his small knit circle
jihoon extending his hand to you after getting a text about dinner with seokmin and jeonghan
jihoon allowing only his and your eyes to fall upon his works in progress, you taking the free time you had to spend at his studio mixing paints and organizing his drawing materials
he never ask you to do those things - but he also never chided you for it
jeonghan had mentioned it once, when you were all walking in the summer evening after a movie outing
that you being able to earn jihoon’s trust was a higher honor than one might think
you had looked from jeonghan to jihoon - who had been walking a bit in front with the rest of your friends
head turned, his profile against the setting sun
“ah - are you buying another bouquet for your artist boyfriend?”
you jump at the sudden question and shake your head
“he’s not my boyfriend.”
you swallow and find that your throats gone dry
“he actually just got broken up with so……”
the florist frowns, taking you gently by the hand and leading you away from the lilies
“then those are not the flowers you should be getting him, you need to get him something that will say cheer up! there’s someone better out there for you - could i suggest tulips?”
you give a polite smile
“no, i think i have to take the lilies.”
when you arrive at jihoon’s apartment, the door is unlocked and jihoon is still in bed
from the way the kitchen is untouched and he’s wearing the same shirt he was yesterday you assume he hasn’t moved in all this time
“jihoon”
you softly speak
“it’s already well past lunch, have you eaten?”
he pulls his feet up so they disappear under the covers again. you look around the room and find a vase full of old paintbrushes
you take it and tell jihoon you’re going to go make him something to eat and that you’ve brought the lilies
he doesn’t reply, not until you turn in the doorway and his voice is smaller than you’ve ever heard before
“can you put the lilies in here?”
“you don’t want them in the studio?”
“no, please put them here.”
you quickly fry up an egg and make some coffee, which you set down on the night table beside jihoon’s bed
you move his sketchbook away and realize that it’s open to an empty page
your eyes briefly glance to see if jihoon has reacted at all, but he’s still
you go back to wash out the waves and put the lilies in
you wrap a rubberband around his paintbrushes and set them by the others which are stock piled in the studio room
a small ping of relief floods through you when you enter the bedroom and jihoon is up, holding the cup of coffee in his hands
usually people would suggest you make conversation to help ease jihoon’s mind out of whatever dark place it has wondered into it
but you just put the lilies down and tend to cleaning up whatever other paper and things you can see on the floor
even though jihoon only finishes the coffee and maybe a quarter of the egg, it’s still a start
the pain he’s feeling is fresh and you don’t want to push anything
but as you tell him you’re off to leave again - you remind him that he does have another exhibition planned in two weeks
on the way back home you hope his love for painting can cradle him through this all
whenever you think of the sadness that comes with being unloved, you throw yourself into your hobbies, scribbling down poems or re-reading novels from your time in school
you’d done it all to stop thinking about jihoon - you hope he does the same too
about a week passes when you return to jihoon’s again, and it’s only because this time jeonghan calls you with a serious worry about jihoon’s exhibition
“he isn’t painting, that’s the problem.”
“what do you mean he isn’t painting?”
“when i came over, he was sitting in front of the canvas with his hand pressed against it - but …….. he wasn’t drawing or painting or doing anything.”
you show up to the apartment after the call and take a deep breath before you let yourself in
today might be the first time you mention the breakup to jihoon, and you don’t know if its too early yet
to make the dread bubble even harder in your stomach is the fact that sitting outside of his apartment is that undone portrait of his ex
its half shrouded with other trash bags left to be collected
you look at the familiar face and clench your fist a bit tighter
if you hadnt done this to him, if you hadnt made this mess - i wouldnt be stuck cleaning it up.
you chide and immediately fall into regret
its not a mess, taking care of your friends is not a mess.
you knock on the door and wait for a moment till you hear jihoon turn the lock
you’re relived to see that his hair is wet from a fresh shower, but the bags under his eyes like crows wings cancels it out
as well as the fact that he looks as if he’s seen the devil himself
“what’s wrong?”
jihoon’s shoulders shrink
“do i really have to answer that?”
you step inside and the door closes behind you two
“jeonghan said you’re having trouble painting”
jihoon’s head drops and the darkness of the hallway makes everything feel closer and more intense
he turns and starts to walk toward the studio and you follow, gasping a little at the sight of it
canvases broken in halves, paint spilled on the floor - but not a single new painting, not a single completed project
jihoon sits down in the middle of it all and puts his head in his hands
he looks like he’s in agony, silent and torturous
is this what happens when an artist loses their muse?
you don’t know how to help and that makes it all the more worse
you just sit down beside jihoon
he lets you take his hands in your own
in the corner of the room those fresh lilies youve bought have wilted again
on one of the broken canvases, the only thing jihoon has been able to paint is those scattered and browning petals
you start to come by everyday after that because as much as you share jeonghan’s worry about the art
you are more so worried about jihoon shutting down
now he has nothing to focus on, just the fact that he’s lost the love of his life
so you try and entertain and keep him alive to the best of your ability
with groceries and company, bringing over his other friends - trying to coax him into going outside
jihoon reacts on some level, but you can tell that he just wants to paint again
all he’s done is brush strokes on the white paper, the shape vaguely like that of a flower but you cant ever tell what kind
he also keeps asking you if you can bring him lilies again
you do, and this time they live longer because you tend to them - and when you do you fail to realize that jihoon starts to watch you
he takes note of the way you move the vase with both hands
the way you keep the steams between the same two fingers every time
you arent burdened by the little chore because its takes at most five or so minutes out of the day
but jihoon unfolds each step you take like a storybook page
something in your gentleness entraps him
you make it look so easy, to love and provide for something
he knows a flower is one thing, a human is another - but
could you do that for him too?
he looks into his hands and the cup of coffee you made for him is sitting on the table to the left
have you already been doing it, all this time?
which is why on the day before the exhibition
when you ask him if he wants you to help him cancel it
he says no, he thinks he can fish something in time
you light up and ask if he’s finally found a new muse, but jihoon blinks slowly
“a new muse?”
“yes, i mean i thought - well i thoughtthey were your muse and losing them meant you couldnt paint but if youre saying you can now then-
jihoon’s eyes turn to ice at the mention but then he shakes his head
“they …… i never saw them as a muse.”
he stops to think on it, he isn’t lying
“but you loved them, i mean -”
he keeps his eyes down and you fidget, “sorry, let’s not talk about that.”
“i did, you’re right i did love them but that doesn’t mean they inspired me.”
he taps a finger and then looks at you
sitting across from him, how you’ve done a million times before
suddenly jihoon thinks if he can look at you like that for a little while longer
he can create again
he can paint something
so when he asks you to stay still, you do - and jihoon brings his pencil down to paper
only to get up half an hour later and take you with him
he sits you down again and sets up a bigger canvas this time, brings his paintbrushes
and then he moves the vase with the lily from behind him to sit at your feet
“jihoon, are you going to paint me?”
“yes”
“why?”
he looks from the lily to you
“because i want to, and it’s the first time in a while that i think ill be able to.”
you don’t realize it yourself not until you’ve fallen asleep in your position and jihoon is deep into his painting
that the muse you were talking about and thinking he’d lost
had been you all along
jihoon knew it, even when he was in a relationship, that there was no one else in this world that could make him paint
he’d felt it the first time you met in that art class, he’d watched you fumble through your drawing
and usually he wasn’t inspired to draw the mundane, the everyday
until he started seeing just how much it could mean to him
he had been painting that portrait of his ex out of obligation, they had asked him to do it
and so it had been taking a while - it had been unfinished not even because of the breakup but because jihoon didn’t want to do it
and yet here he was, the brush strokes pouring out of him in an attempt to capture every little detail there is to you
he had been wallowing in his pain and hadn’t bothered to look at you again
until you started to be there, everyday, like those lilies
and those lilies, beautiful and sweet
they were yours, you were theirs. to jihoon something about the silk of the petal and the sway of your hair made sense
he doesn’t wake you up, he’s been your friend long enough to know the parts of you he wants in the painting
he only stops when he’s done and his hair is stuck to him with sweat and the sun is rising outside his window
you’ve slumped over completely onto the couch and jihoon comes closer to move you into a more comfortable position
this is the first time in these weeks that he is taking care of you instead of the other way around
when his fingers touch your skin he suddenly feels the kind of sparking urge he has only felt with others who hes been intimate with
your small stir in his arms causes him alarm and excitement all at once, when your eyes open slightly he jumps back before he fears he’ll do something you wont like
in the morning, jihoon is passed out cold in his bed and you get up and rub your eyes
finally you let yourself move toward the canvas to see what jihoon has painted
its you………its you in every way……….you stare at that face of yours like a mirrored reflection
seeing it like this something ties a knot in your heart
“is this what its like to be a muse?”
jihoon’s voice floats through the room
“you’ve always been mine.”
you turn - because you don’t think you’ve really heard it - maybe its just your drowsy imagination speaking
but jihoon is there and the phone is ringing, jeonghan about the exhibition
neither you or jihoon reach for the phone
instead you ask him,
“what do you mean?”
he doesn’t know how to explain it
instead he looks at you and then over his shoulder into his room
the exhibition doesnt start until the afternoon, and you are in his studio and you are whats brought him back from a point of emptiness
you are more than a muse
somehow you end up with his hand on yours again and this time that spark is searing up through both of you
jihoon’s paint stained fingers splay on the small of your back
you are still a little scared that its too early for this, if its just the wounds on his heart speaking
but jihoons lips only centimetres from yours promise that its more than that
its all that time wasted, his attention was yours that day in the art classroom
and he was an idiot for ever trying to put it on someone else
but like all good things - they come with time and if you want him how he wants you then hes here
and he’s ready to let this between you bloom into something more
you giggle when his breath tickles you before you finally kiss
you wonder if everyone will be surprised by that painting jihoon has done of you when its up in the wall of the gallery
when the lily petals fall from the flower in that vase and land at your entangled feet.