Still Your Best

Word Count: 1094
Warnings:Nothing much, a little angsty and borderline toxic.
A/N:Back again with my favorite toxic boy. Do I think Park Jinyoung is a toxic person, no but I don’t know him. Do I think he could possibly have a propensity for toxicity? Of course, I assume the worst about everyone, duh. Anywho this could technically, might be a continuation/same wavelength of Like I Want You. I might keep him my toxic boy, idk yet.

“Heard you got a new man.”

You rolled your eyes at the sound of his voice.  Your back going rigid as you sat straighter–taller–and holding your head higher, regal like the Queen you were, while you kept your eyes on the people dancing across the room.  It was almost Pavlovian, the feel of his presence, his voice or the sight of him making you feel more and less than all at once.  It was the best and worst relationship you had had to date.

Toxic as Joker and Harley but damn it if he wasn’t just so god damn addicting.

“Was I supposed to wait for you to remember I exist?  Sounds sad and pathetic,” Jinyoung gasped sarcastically at your words.  The words he himself used when you told him his love was bad for you.  Those words that were spoken never left him, they were the truth though and he knew that.  He didn’t think you would move on easily though.  How could you not want him back.  Jinyoung leaned against the back of your booth, his cologne wrapping itself around you.  He smelled sweet but warm, spicy yet a touch of floral.  He smelled like sex should, that beautiful blend of masculine and feminine perfectly married together on skin.  You could smell notes of peach and cognac on him, he had sprayed it within the past couple of hours.

“To what do I owe the pleasure Park Jinyoung?  As you can see, I’m out with coworkers and I really don’t need you causing any issues for me tonight.”  You picked up your drink, some overly sweet and fruity concoction the girls had ordered for the table.  Without looking you could sense the smirk on those full lips, no doubt preparing to speak something demeaning.

“It’s almost disrespectful,” he started before straightening to his full height and walking around the booth.  Once he was within your line of sight you tried to cover the slight hitch in your breath.  He looked good and he knew it, that was part of the problem.  And  you would be damned if you gave him the satisfaction of garnering a reaction from you.  His dark hair, longer now and graced with the slightest chestnut brown highlights.  His stylist was blessed, the coloring almost perfectly natural, it complimented his sun kissed skin magnificently.  Son of a bitch looked GOOD and the outfit was simple but perfect, of course.  Tight black tee shirt under an ink black leather jacket and pants so tight they might as well be painted on.

He slid into the booth next to you, long arm resting around your shoulders, never touching but close enough to feel the heat of his body.  “This new guy, it’s disrespectful to me.”  You turned to him at that, ready to start up when you saw the smirk on his lips.  Taking a deep breath you turned away from him again.  “That’s a downgrade and you know it.”

You laughed at that.  “Here I thought there was nothing lower than you.”  Taking another sip of your drink you let him stew in the silence, he always hated that.  The silence is deafening, no matter how loud the club you sat in was, your silence to him was greater.

“Just let me know baby.”  He lifted the bourbon to his lips as you turned to him, the question evident in your arched brow.  “When you wanna come back.”  His eyes crinkled as he smiled, the tumbler sitting on his lip before he downed the rest of his drink.  You’re meant to take it slow, savor it.  He can still hear your voice the first time he tried the drink with you.

His ego was bruised.  He can admit it, he was man enough for that.

“I can lay you on your back, do that thing you like, just like that.  I know you missed the way I used to grab you,” he closed the distance between you as his arm wrapped fully around you.  Rough fingers ran across your upper arm while the warm supple leather of his arm groaned as it rubbed against the booth.  “Your body knows me.  I’m still your best,” his lip caught against your bare shoulder as he spoke before leaving a wet kiss on the goosebumps he left behind.

“I hope you know,” you turned quickly, forcing him to back away or crash together.  “I hate you and I hate me for giving you enough thought to hate you.  I loved you and you couldn’t see that and accept it.”

“Love it or hate it, I’m the one that got away.  You want me back, go ahead and say it.  Baby, it’s okay.”  He placed two fingers under your chin, his head tilting slightly as if he was going to kiss you.  Goddess, you missed those lips but you made no move toward him.  You just stared at him as he studied your face deciding if he would finally destroy you with those next words.

“I don’t want your heart, maybe once before.  I don’t want you back.  You say my love is bad so you let me go but my love is more, just want to let you know.”  Jinyoung held eye contact as he watched the last flame of love you held for him extinguish.  He saw the tear form in your eyes, he promised to never make you cry like this and here he was.

Another promise broken.

He placed a chaste to the corner of your mouth before turning from you for what he prayed to be the last time.  He made his way back to the bar where Jackson sat waiting for him.

“You good?”  Jackson saw the sorrow and anguish on the faces of two of his best friends and didn’t know what to do with himself.  He saw you two through the highs and the lows and secretly he hoped you two would someday make it work.  He thought this was stupid, this was idiotic as hell.  Jinyoung made up his mind and once he had no one could talk him out of it.  He wanted to release you from him and the only way he thought to do that was to completely destroy any feelings you may harbor for him.

“Yeah man, just needed to set her straight.”  Jinyoung put on a fake smile and signaled the bartender, he needed the strongest thing behind the bar and wanted them to pour it until he forgets about what he just did to the love of his life.

JinyoungxReader

Genre: Angst/Fluff 

Word Count: 1271

masterlist 

A/N: it has been so long since i’ve written something on here, but i had this dream last night and i cannot get it out of my head. i woke up with chills and i felt them while writing it. it speaks a lot to me emotionally, and i hope you can get something out of it too! 

You couldn’t even guess what brought you to this point, what pushed things so far. It started as a disagreement, one not unfamiliar to you and Jinyoung. But today, for some reason, it turned from a disagreement to an argument to the biggest fight you had experienced in your relationship. Both of you were hurt deeply; both of you made mistakes in the mess of it all. You couldn’t think of anything else but getting away from the negative space, from Jinyoung’s hurt face, just so you could process your pain. And that’s exactly what you did.

Standing there with Jinyoung while regret reverberated off the walls was too much to handle. You walked out to clear your head and breathe, leaving the room that had tensed with silence behind you. You realized how caught up you were in your own racing thoughts when the cold of the night air bit your skin. A jacket, a sweater, even a long-sleeve shirt would have been a good idea, but you had none of these. And there was no way you were going back inside. You were too stubborn. You were in too much pain. If you looked at Jinyoung while you were in this state, you surely would have burst into tears. So you kept walking, stomping through the cold night to keep your muscles awake as your burning anger turned to a heavy sadness.

You found a nook down a stairway by some corporate building and made that your temporary resting place. It was quiet and non-intrusive, allowing you to sit with your thoughts. The shock hadn’t worn off yet. The words thrown between you and Jinyoung had been so sharp you almost didn’t recognize either of your voices. Why had it gone so far this time? Was there something bigger between you, pushing you apart? Was this distance irrevocable? Would you find only emptiness if you reached your hand out to him again? Did you have the strength to? Did you even want to?

Of course you did. It was Jinyoung, after all. He was your person, and as much as what happened hurt, you knew it would hurt so much more to give up on this relationship. You already missed him, even with the anger and sadness smacking around inside you. You ached. From the fight, from your worries, from the bitter cold. You felt small and alone, on the verge of tears but not ready to be knocked down by the flood.

And then you heard footsteps. Annoyance interrupted your emotional turmoil. The absolute last thing you wanted to do right now was to put energy into ignoring a stranger who walked by. Or worse, having to explain to that stranger why you were sitting in front of an office building in the middle of the night. You straightened your slumped body to give off the impression that you were meant to be there. As the steps got closer, you preemptively turned your head to assess what the encounter would be, if there would even be one at all. Your heart lifted as your stomach sank when you saw him.

Jinyoung was determinedly moving towards you, jacket in hand and brows furrowed as deeply as his frown. Your first reaction came from your anger; you held steadfast in your place, sitting as tall and as rigid as your stiff bones would allow. You didn’t want to admit that you were cold, that you wanted nothing more than to hold Jinyoung and recite “I love you” as many times as your voice would allow. You wanted to convince him–and yourself–that you were sure in your feelings. This stubbornness, a trait shared between both of you, that escalated the fight in the first place almost lasted. Almost.

As soon as Jinyoung was close enough to touch you, he held out the jacket. Words weren’t needed right now. They had caused too many problems at this point. What mattered was action, and Jinyoung had made his feelings very clear with a simple gesture. He had reached out his hand. And you had to decide what you would do with it.

You stood up. Jinyoung took that as his cue to lay the jacket on you, gently and assuredly. You felt your muscles relaxing and a familiar warmth spreading inside you. Its presence was overwhelming. It had only been gone for a short time, but its absence had quickly hollowed you out to your core. With its return finally came your tears. The sobs burst from you before you could even take a breath. Jinyoung wrapped you in his arms, holding you as close to his chest as he could. The silence was different now: strong, lasting, secure. Your sobs subsided to simpler cries after some time, and Jinyoung took that as a sign to get you back home. He never let go of you, looking over every few seconds to make sure you were still there. You couldn’t look at him without more tears forcing their way out of you, so your eyes stayed forward, but your anxieties slipped away as the volumes spoken by Jinyoung’s gaze replaced the lonely silence that had brought you outside in the first place.

The room was no longer suffocating, just an empty room. You two stepped in and it started to feel full again. Not complete, but not completely void of what belonged there. Jinyoung removed your jacket before he set his on a chair, and he followed you as you settled yourself on the couch. Still crying, still wondering why it wouldn’t stop, you held your face in your hands. And Jinyoung stayed right next to you, so close you could feel your couch cushion dipping under his weight. The distance between you two was closing, and you craved for it to disappear, to shatter as abruptly as it had grown. You were so desperate for some kind, any kind of contact, but you lacked the strength to say anything. All you could do was cry, let the tears dry up your insides, purge the pain from a very near past. Jinyoung understood this, understood you. Air brushed your face as Jinyoung grasped your hand, carrying it so carefully that you couldn’t be sure of the contact. The second he felt your skin against his lips he shut his eyes, absorbing and savoring the sensation of your touch. A new kind of chill ran over your skin, through your bones, as Jinyoung meticulously kissed your fingers, hand, wrist, and all of your arm up until your shoulder. No empty space existed. All had been blessed by his lips, your prayers answered without a single word spoken. As his kiss lingered on your shoulder, you felt his breath change, an inhale much deeper and longer this time. Jinyoung moved closer, changing the distance between you ever so slightly, and rested his forehead against yours. Your eyes stung but you kept them open, knowing you needed to consume as much of this contact as humanly possible. Before the silence became meaningless, Jinyoung opened his mouth. A whisper so soft you wouldn’t have heard it if it weren’t for the intent that spilled from his lips.

“I’m so sorry Y/N.”

A new kind of tears fell from your eyes as you reached your free hand up to hold his face. His grasp on your wrist tightened as your lips met his. The distance had disappeared. Your love filled up the empty space, and you were so thankful both pairs of hands reached out instinctively even when both minds were too scared to say another word.