#john winchester imagine

Summary:The reader is a hunter who used to casually date John Winchester. They left when things went wrong between them, or so he thought. When the two of them are reunited during a routine hunt, old emotions are sparked and a secret is revealed.

Word Count: 3194

Warning:Mention of Abuse, character death

Song I Wrote To: “Dopamine” by Barns Courtney

Note:I was just needing some John Winchester angst in my life.

———-

As the hour of midnight approached in the forests of Gatlinburg, Tennessee, a hunter relished in the silence. 

You had been traveling alone for months, picking up jobs wherever you could. Whether it was a vampire, skinwalker, or just the run of the mill haunting, you managed to take care of it quickly. When rumor had sprouted of a Ghoul nest in the area, you had taken the hunt from another hunter as the job had come over the wire. You were closer and in need of a distraction.

After investigating for a day and a half, you had discovered that it was a false trail and that if any ghouls had been in the city, they were long gone now. However, you still headed into the thick woods for one last look, and being among trees and nature at night had always brought you peace of mind which was very much needed at that moment. 

The leaves beneath your feet were soft from the morning rain and your breath was visible as you exhaled. However, even with the brisk weather, you didn’t feel the cold. You didn’t feel much of anything as you walked. 

When you reached the old abandoned shack near the edge of the North Woods, you slowed your pace, pulling your gun from your waistband. Knocking the barrel against the side of the old building, you attempted to draw anything outside and towards the bullet that was expertly loaded in the chamber of your pistol. It was silent for just a moment before you heard footsteps. With a sigh, you raised your gun and stepped around the side of the shack. You immediately came face to face with another barrel as you stared down at the gun with wide eyes. 

“Jesus,” a man swore and it took you less than a second to recognize the voice. When your heart finally calmed down and you looked up at the face of the person in front of you, your gun fell to your side. 

“John?” you asked, completely taken aback. 

“(Y/N),” he said. He wore his usual expression of concern mixed with caution, but his eyes always remained very warm. John Winchester looked the same from when you last saw him, but there was something about the way his shoulders were tensed that told you something was wrong. The band of his wedding ring glinted in the moonlight, reflecting off the shiny weapon in his right hand. 

“John, the gun,” you said, staring at the piece that was still aimed between your eyes.

“Oh, shit, sorry,” John said as he holstered his weapon, earning a relieved sigh from you. “What are you doing here?” he asked as you pushed past him. 

“Same reason you’re here,” you said, examining the eves of the shack. “I’m working. Though it looks like you have it handled so I will leave you to it.” You turned to leave, hoping to find more peace and quiet before the day was over. The last thing you wanted was John Winchester around. 

The two of you had casually dated years before and after it ended horribly, you had essentially disappeared from his life and never looked back. Now, seeing him in those woods, felt like a dagger to your chest. One you desperately wanted to yank out.

Deciding that silence was better than trying to explain, you turned your back on him and began walking away. John, however, was not going to let that happen. Not yet anyway.  

“Wait,” John said as he caught up to you, stepping in front of your path. 

“Move,” you ordered, but he just sighed, already dreading the conversation. 

“Come on, (Y/N), there’s two of us and if this nest is full then we should be able to take them.”

“What nest, John? All I see is a decrepit building with a whole lot of nothing. I told the hunter that gave me this case that there was probably nothing to it. Looks like I was right.”

“Or maybe you weren’t and there could still be evidence of a nest,” John said, trying to persuade you. “Come on,” he tried again. Looking between him and the shed, you finally relented and with a sigh nodded for him to go ahead. “Right, always makin’ me go in first,” John jested. 

“You’re idea, big man,” you shot back, and even with his back turned, you knew he was rolling his eyes. It was odd the way the two of you just slipped back into the routine of jabbing at one another. You didn’t like the way it made you feel, that knife only twisting further. 

You and John took either side of the main door in the end, both pulling your weapons. John counted to three before reeling back and kicking in the door, splintering the hinges. Immediately, you were met with darkness and when John clicked on his flashlight, you crossed your arms in annoyance. 

“Told you,” you said, gesturing to the empty room around you. “Not even a shred of‘ghoul-ness’.” 

“That’s not a real word,” John said and you gave him a rude gesture to which he just frowned. 

“So, you’re still an ass. That’s nice to know,” you said.

“And you are still as charming as ever,” John retorted, finally turning to face you in the dark of the shack. “The years have certainly not changed you, honey.”

“Don’t call me ‘honey’,” you shot and he raised his hands in surrender. After staring at each other for a moment, you gave up and left the shack and John behind. He silently followed after you in the woods and you didn’t have the energy to scream at him. 

“Main road is the other way, (Y/N),” John called out, his boots somehow not making a sound as he walked along the debris-littered forest floor. 

“I’maware, Winchester,” you called back. “Not goin’ to the main road.” 

“Then where are you going?” 

“Do you care?” 

“Maybe,” he said. “I’m allowed to wonder.” 

“Then you can just keep on being the curious cat you are,” you said with a roll of your eyes as you crested a small hill. John jogged to catch up and stood beside you as you looked out at the city below, all lit up in the dark of night. “John, go home.”

“I’m in no rush,” he said. 

“Maybe I am,” you whispered.

“What was that?” 

“Nothing,” you said as you began to descend. “Just go, John.” He ran to keep up with you and when you turned to snap at him again, you heard a low howl echo through the air. You froze as the sound entered your bones. 

“What?” John asked, noticing your change in demeanor. In the distance, you heard the unmistakable sound of an animal running, many animals. You didn’t even need to look at your watch to know that it was after midnight. All the negative emotions you had been feeling towards John vanished at that moment and all you could think about was that you didn’t want to be alone anymore.

And so, you just whispered one word to him, “Run.”

——-

You and John ran through the woods. 

He didn’t even hesitate or ask questions when you had told him to run. There wasn’t time and he clearly understood that from your tone of voice. He kept up with you as you sprinted, not daring to look back. When you spotted an old annex building down another hill, you picked up your speed. 

Slamming into the door, you fumbled with the lock. John arrived shortly after, pushing you to the side and aiming his weapon. With a single shot, he blasted the lock from the door and wrenched it open, pushing you inside. He followed and then slammed the door shut. “Help me with this,” he ordered gesturing to a metal cabinet. 

The two of you dragged it in front of the door, but you knew it wouldn’t hold. Nothing was going to stop them from getting in. “This is all your fault,” you rasped, trying to catch your breath.

“How?” he asked, staring at you with wide eyes. 

“If you had just listenedto me,” you said, though you didn’t mean it, “then maybe we wouldn’t be in this mess.” 

“I don’t even know what this goddamn mess is,” John shot back. “Whatever it is, we can wait them out.”

“Whatever,” you said, as you began to pace. 

“You’re still a bitch too, huh?” 

“Seriously?” you asked, not in the mood for his attitude. In fact, all you wanted was for him to hold you and not talk, but you were too proud to admit that, especially to a man like John Winchester. 

“Sorry, but it’s true and you know it,” John spat back. 

“I’m not the one that ruined us,” you said, hating the words that came from your mouth. 

“Aren’t you? You never cared about what happened to you on hunts. Hell, you were so damn reckless more times than not, always running into situations halfcocked and full of anger.”

“I never cared? And youdid?” 

“Are you kidding me? I always offered to go with you!” 

“AndI told you to stay the hell home with your boys. Or did you suddenly forget about Sam and Dean?” you asked and you knew it was low, but you couldn’t stop yourself. John’s face turned dark at your words. He stepped closer to you, his eyes almost deadly in the dark of the room.

“Don’t,” he said in a low voice, “Do not bring my boys into this, (Y/N).”

“Tell me where they are right now, because I know damn well that they aren’t with you,” you said, gesturing around you with wide arms. John was silent for a moment before taking a step back. 

“Sammy is at school and Dean is on a hunt of his own, they aren’t kids anymore.” 

“All grown up, huh? Good for them.” 

It was shortly after that when John stopped talking altogether. He wanted nothing to do with you at that moment and all you wanted was for a little human contact. Yet, you couldn’t stop trying to push him away. John was right, he was alwaysright, you hadbeen the one to ruin the two of you, but it was for a good reason.

At least that was what you kept telling yourself. 

As you sat behind those walls, the howls got louder and you couldn’t help the shivers that ran down your spine. You had been expecting this, you were ready, but you never expected to not be alone when it happened. 

“I’m sorry,” you suddenly said, getting John’s attention who saw across from you. “Your boys are off-limits. Always have been. I didn’t mean to bring them up.” John just nodded, accepting your apology. At least that was still the same, the ability to read him like an open book. He was quiet for a bit longer before he finally looked at you. 

“Bobby told me that you were attacked,” he said, trying to offer some sympathy. 

“I’m fine now,” you told him. 

“You were in a hospital for a month,” he pointed out, moving closer to you, clear worry on his face. 

“I survived. I always do.” 

“You should have had back up,” he said. 

“My back up was my other gun,” you said in defense. John ran a hand down his face in exasperation. 

“Dammit, (Y/N), when are you going to realize that you pushed me away. I haven’t felt the way I feel about you since Mary. Do you not understand that? Have you ever?” You shook your head, not wanting to hear any of it. You knew how he felt about you, he had made it abundantly clear multiple times. 

He had even offered you a chance to stay with him for more than a weekend here and there. John had wanted you to meet Dean and be with him officially. A part of you wanted that more than anything, but then you would think back to your current situation and it would all disappear, the hope and the wanting of the future. 

That wasn’t in the cards for you. Not now, not ever.

“John,” you whispered, “I am notsomeone you want to be around.” Speaking those words had felt like there were hands around your neck and you were choking them out. 

“Why not?” he asked, trying so hard to see the world from your perspective, to know what you were thinking. 

“I have demons in my past,” you admitted. 

“Honey, we all do,” he said and your heart dropped at his use of the pet name that had become very familiar to you. 

“No, you don’t understand,” you whispered. “I mean I have actualdemons.” John’s brow furrowed, confused and so you continued. “You once asked me why I always seemed on edge. Well, baby, I’m reachin’ my ten years.” 

“What are you talking about?” John asked, his eyes never leaving yours. 

“I made a deal,” you said. “In order to get away from my abusive ex-husband, I made a deal with a crossroads demon. Ten years of peace and then…then I’m going downstairs. Midnight tonight is when the clock ran out.” John was already shaking his head before you finished. He moved forward, taking your face in his hands. You could feel the rough callouses that littered his palms from all times he handled a blade. 

“No,” he whispered. “I will not let that happen.”

“It’s hellhounds, John. That’s what’s coming for me. You won’t be able to see them, but I can,” you said as the tears dripped down your cheeks. His fingers caught them as he looked at you as if his world was falling to pieces right then. “It’s time and I am being so damn selfish because I don’t wanna be alone right now.

“(Y/N)…”

“They won’t hurt you, I promise,” you explained, trying to get him to look you in the eyes. 

“No,” he said again, still trying to deny the inevitable. 

“Yes, John, I’ve already accepted it,” you said, leaning your forehead against him. 

“Is this why you pushed me away?” he asked. 

“I’m sorry, but I had to. You already lost one love, I couldn’t be the reason you lost another.

“Dammit,” he said, clutching you tighter to him. 

“Please don’t be mad. I never intended to become so fond of you. I never expected to fall in love with you because I do, I love you so much and I never stopped.” 

“I love you too,” John managed to get out. 

“I need you to promise me something because I don’t think I have much time left,” you said, choking on the riding sob in your throat. 

“Anything,” he promised. 

“The next time you see Sam, tell him you love him. For me, please.”

“(Y/N)…”

“No, I need you to listen to me,” you said, leaning back to look him in the eyes so he would understand. “I know that the two of you never get along and I also know he struggled growing up on the road. I need you to tell him that his father still cares about him. He needs to hear that whether he knows it or not. None of us hear it enough. 

“Stop,” he begged, but his voice was barely above a whisper. You kept going. 

“I know that Mary was your forever John,” you said, smiling through the tears, “but you were always mine.” John hastily rubbed at his face, not wanting you to see what he thought was his weakness, but you thought he had never looked more beautiful than in that moment kneeled before you. 

“We were never supposed to die,” he said, reminding you of a laughter-filled conversation one evening in the backseat of his truck. 

“John,” you whispered and he looked into your eyes as if he was trying to memorize every ounce of them. “Don’t forget to love again.”

“No,” he said. “You’re it. Nobody else, I’m done.” John surged forward and kissed you with every bit of love he had in his body, holding you tight to his chest. You couldn’t hide the sobs now as you kissed the man you loved. 

You pulled away just as something bagged against the door, rattling the walls. John held onto you tighter, afraid you were going to be snatched away at any second. “You’ll be okay,” you told him as you detangled yourself from his arms. 

“No, no,” he whispered as you stood us and made your way to the door. 

“Our legacy lives on, Winchester,” you said, pushing the cabinet from the door and bracing your hands on the buckling wood. “Don’t let it completely end with me or your boys. The world needs Winchesters and I was just solucky to know one of them.” 

“Please…” he begged, but you were shaking your head. 

“Don’t say anything else. Just remember what I told you and tell Sam, Dean too. They need to hear from their dad more than anything. You may not see it, but I do. The three of you need each other. One day, you’re going to change the world.” 

“I’ll tell them,” John promised. “I’m so sorry, (Y/N).”

“I’m not,” you said, shaking your head. “I got to have one epic love in my life and not many people can say that.” Reaching behind you, you unlatched the door and threw it open. “Until we meet again, John. Thank you, for loving me.” 

John cried out the next moment as you fell to your knees and long red lines appeared down your neck as the hellhounds descended. Yet, as you were being pulled away from him, you smiled, and then, in a rush of cold air, you were dragged away and you were gone. 

——–

John didn’t know how long he sat there as he stared at the space you had disappeared through. 

He didn’t know if he’d be able to find your body or even if he wanted to. He would be lying to himself if he hadn’t thought about you in the years after you left him alone in that motel room. John never stopped loving you and the fact that when he had found you again, you were taken from him was as cruel as it got. 

However, this time he couldn’t fix it. There was no singular demon to hunt and kill. You had made a deal and you had chosen to take the consequences when the bill came due. 

Leaning back against a stack of crates, John felt for his phone in his jacket. His thumbs fumbled on the keypad for a moment before pressing the number one on his speed dial.

It didn’t take long for his eldest to answer. Dean answered groggily from the other line and all John could think about then was you and your final words to him. 

So, after taking a deep breath, he finally spoke to his son, “Hey boy, have you heard from your brother lately?”