#jungwoork
it’d be a lie to say that things hadn’t changed between the two of them after jungwoo’s sudden confession. haknyeon, in all honesty, still feels terrible for the way he’d handled it; telling jungwoo that he couldn’t quite support his friend, when a part of him was aware that perhaps that was what jungwoo needed the most at that moment. but haknyeon was never a liar, or at least, he could never really lie to jungwoo. he was aware that when he spoke his truth, it probably wasn’t something that jungwoo wanted to hear, and would’ve perhaps put a dent into their relationship.
amongst that and them suddenly being thrown a new member, and haknyeon a new role in the group, he hasn’t been able to focus on much. he treats jungwoo like he normally would in moments where he forgets what had happened, but it’s different when he catches jungwoo looking at ricky for a moment too long. he wants to tell jungwoo that it’s silly of him to throw all his years of training and debut away for falling in love with a member, but he doesn’t of course. falling in love, is all the same, but it’s much different than the situation he and the other members are in; they aren’t in the same group, won’t constantly be seeing one another –– and if anything were to happen (a break up, a fight, anything really), it wouldn’t potentially have lingering effects on their group dynamics. he wants to support jungwoo, really, but he doesn’t know how to with so many of these worries. the most he can do for jungwoo, he thinks, is give him a pat on the back, and maybe for the sake of their friendship, let jungwoo deal with his career on his own.
they’re both alone in the practice room, perhaps the first time they’ve actually been alone since the incident. haknyeon’s staring at his reflection, sweat dripping down his forehead after having practiced his dancing when he turns to jungwoo. something should be said, maybe to clear the air. haknyeon doesn’t like how rigid their relationship has been feeling, and he knows that it’s his fault for speaking so honestly and being unable to give jungwoo support. “i’m sorry,” he says, “if i … no,” he shakes his head, this isn’t how a proper apology should go. “i hurt your feelings when i spoke the other day, i was being too insensitive with my words. i’m sorry.” he bites on his lip, maybe he could’ve ended his apology there, but something digs at him to continue. “i was worried about you, and your career. but i realize, it’s not my place. you’re smart enough to take care of yourself.”
truth
( … )
“i’m sorry,” he whispers, not quite trusting all of the emotions he’s feeling not to show up in his voice. that would certainly attract the attention of the staff. it’s already the second time he’s apologized for what he can’t really control, with a hundred more waiting to fall from his lips if they were in a more private situation.
haknyeon doesn’t say it’s okay. he doesn’t say that he forgives him, or that everything will be alright, or any other small lie that might make jungwoo feel a little better. it’s not realistic to expect him to, but it only makes his head hang a little bit lower, his eyes now a little unfocused where they stare into nothing. “i know,” he tells haknyeon, another confession falling right behind, “i didn’t tell him for… months after i knew. but i did. back in march. um, nothing has changed, at least.”
not for the whole group that is. he doesn’t tell haknyeon what yuchan said in reply on that quiet day in early spring. it’s not his information to share. but he can tell him, in those short words, that they’re both pretending that it never existed, it never happened. and if they can keep the act up, maybe it won’t cost the group anything. maybe the feeling will finally work its way out of his system, out of yuchan’s system too now, and they can move on as if nothing happened. when per_se is celebrating their ten years since debut, maybe they can laugh about it. maybe it will be a whole different world at that time. but for now, it’s just shame and agony.
had this been a different, had they not been idols in the same group –– if they were classmates, colleagues, pals from college, haknyeon would’ve done all he could to support jungwoo. because he found that support was important, that it would give the other party reassurance, and he wanted to be a pillar for his friends. but they weren’t and those feelings had implications, much worse than what one could imagine. he wants to tell jungwoo that he’s risking not just his years in nova, but ricky’s too. that no, he’s risking the whole group all because he can’t control his feelings. but haknyeon understands that feelings aren’t something you can control, though he would’ve hoped that there would’ve been more restraint.
this isn’t a great feeling. his immediate thought if anything goes south is what would happen to the group, because despite being as optimistic as he may seem, he’s aware that he has to be realistic. jungwoo explains himself, says that he’s already told ricky and the fear grows. “you told him already,” is all haknyeon replies with, and he doesn’t know what to else there actually isto say because the words that are barely edging across his lips aren’t words that he’d want to relay to a friend.
his eyes wander off slowly to the staff. they’re all too busy discussing things to take notice of the two boys, probably assuming that they were having just another conversation –– a lighthearted one, perhaps. “i like having you on this team. and ricky hyung too,” he says, but his words carry layers to them that maybe only the two would understand. i like having you both on the team, if you screw up, you’ll have to leave. “i can’t support you this time.” he doesn’t accept jungwoo’s apology, instead leaves it hanging in the air. a moment passes and haknyeon doesn’t look at jungwoo. he’s not too sure how he’ll be able to. because if he does jungwoo could easily tell just how much he disapproves of this, and he doesn’t want to be the person to break jungwoo’s heart.
instead, he takes in a deep breath. “let’s do well on the recording hyung,” and it isn’t like haknyeon to be dismissive of his friend’s feelings, especially about something as heavy as this. but the more they delve on it, the more he’ll show his disapproval, the more he thinks he’ll hurt jungwoo. he thinks he’s said enough.
surprise LIVE!
per_se : 1 YEAR!!! ILY!!!
initially he had planned to write a long and cheesy instagram post. yet that didn’t seem like enough to convey his gratitude to the fans –– words were powerful, but he’s sure that they’d probably at least like to see his face. now that their promotions are over, they don’t exactly have a schedule packed for the month to actually meet their fans, and haknyeon thinks it’s about time he’s started doing more vlives.
he takes a moment to think about what to title it, but settles on something simple and straightforward. “1 year!! ily!!!” he smiles and clicks start. it’s much different than an instagram live, because the hearts begin pouring in and haknyeon stares into the camera for a good few seconds, unknowing if anyone’s gonna watch. but they do and he smiles as he looks at the numbers increasing. he begins to read the comments.
“oppa, are you just going to stare at the camera? say something!”
immediately he turns to look at the camera, away from the comments and laughs shyly. “oh! sorry! i was really fascinated!” he laughs. at that he clasps his hands together and notices that the viewer count has increased, there’s a good number of people watching him now.
“everyone! it’s our one year already!” he beams, and he claps his hands together, smiling wide. “can you believe it’s already been one year with per_se? i wanted to celebrate it with all of you, that’s why i decided to do this vlive!” he continues, and he watches as the number of hearts continue to increase. “it’s something really special to me, and something that i think could only be achieved thanks to our fans! i can say thank you a million times but it’ll never be enough,” his words are sincere as he speaks, and he knows they aren’t face-to-face, but he hopes that his genuine gratitude can reach them. “i was going to write a long… cheesy… instagram post… but i wanted to be able to share this moment with all of you!” he smiles.
from the corner of his eye he spots a comment that says “do you miss hugo?” but he ignores it –– he has to. he’s not too sure if he’s allowed to speak on it, if the company might come after him if he does. it’s not exactly a situation that he can speak so candidly about.
the vlive proceeds, and haknyeon continues to read other comments. “what have you been doing lately?” a comment asks.
“me? i’ve been practicing of course~ i’ve been working really hard on my rapping and dancing and singing too! i want to make sure ceo hyunbin doesn’t call me a terrible singer!” he adds the last part cheekily, referring back to when the ceo had called him a terrible singer on television. it’s not as though hyunbin would watch these vlives, right? he’s sure a little playful jab wouldn’t hurt.
another comment catches his attention.
“i didn’t know you were friends with anna!”
he smiles as he answers, “we are! anna noona and i went to the same highschool! she’s a year older than me and we didn’t see each other much in highschool since she was a trainee back then, but we got a lot closer after i debuted! she’s a dependable senior!”
“are you close to convex?”
“definitely! i have a few friends in convex~ we’re buddies!” he smiles widely. it’s always fun to talk about his friends, and the friendships he’s made. “sang–– ah, link, haru, micha and i were actually all in a dance crew before we became trainees. it’s crazy right? then i became a trainee, and then link hyung, then micha, then haru… then we all debuted! they’re really close friends of mine! and they’re really talented too! how can i not be a consta when they have so many handsome members right?” he cheekily raises his eyebrows. “ah… but my bias is actually jinwook sunbaenim,” he laughs before he makes a heart with his hands. “jinwook sunbaenim, i love you!”
more comments continue to flow in, and it’s getting a little tough for him to read them one by one. but he notices the interest in his idol friends, and decides to speak about it.
“other idols i’m close to? i’m really close to de:code’s shion and a.c! jihoonie… seonho…” he calls out their name playfully. “i remember crying at jihoon’s graduation because i was sad that he was leaving school! super embarrassing right? but that’s how close we were,” he smiles fondly at the memories, and makes a mental note to check on jihoon. “and i’m really close to seonho too! we have a lot of history together,” he smiles, but ends it at that –– he isn’t going to disclose just how much history they have of course.
“of course i’m close to and*roma! they’re our sister group!” he says with a smile. “darae noona is like my nova mum! she took such great care of me when i first entered nova, i’ll forever be grateful to her!” he beams. “speaking of which, and*roma just had a comeback so be sure to listen to the song lots! i’ve been listening to it nonstop because it’s so good,” he holds up his phone and shows the and*roma album that he’s liked on melon. “and*roma is the best!” at that, he puts a thumbs up.
“if darae is your mum, then is hui your dad?”
haknyeon laughs out loud before he nods his head. “yes! you are one hundred percent correct!” the accuracy in that statement has him giggling a little more. “actually, let me tell you a funny story about hui hyung and i! when i first entered the company, hui hyung was like… a legend! like a legend among legends in the b-boying world! so of course i had to ask him to practice with me and help me train, right?” the comments begin pouring in with yes huidong oppa is a legend! and haknyeon nods. “and once while we were training, he was teaching me how to do this trick. it was really tough, but after trying a few times i got it! i was so happy and excited that i looked up at him and i said thanks dad! i called hui hyung dad!” he’s giggling as he tells the story, his encounter with hyung. he doesn’t think he’s shared this story anywhere else before, but what better time to share it then now during his vlive, right? “that was so embarrassing! and he just looked at me all surprised,” at this, he attempts to imitate huidong’s expression at that time, but he’s still laughing. “hui appa, hui appa,” he adds, smiling as he reads the comments, most of which were full of laughter.
“i actually have a lot of funny anecdotes with all the members! like that one time jungwoo hyung and i got matching couple bracelets but we lost them and had to get new ones! and when i accidentally back hugged ricky hyung when i was still a newer trainee! that was actually quite scary,” he shudders a little, “but we’re closer now of course! and when hosung hyung and i went on an adventure in morocco!” these are fond memories of his, and he almost lets slip a memory he’s shared with hugo, but catches himself before doing so.
he’s careful not to let his expression slip, and quickly he turns back to the comments.
“can you say i love you noona?”
haknyeon reads the comment out loud and looks at the camera. “okay! be sure to record this alright?” he smiles. “noona, i love you!” he says, before he continues. “and for our male fans, hyung, i love you!” lifting both his arms, he makes a heart shape over his head.
“hyung loves you a lot junju”
he giggles at the comment and makes a heart finger. “i love you more hyung!” he says, scrunching his nose in an attempt to cutely show how serious he was at loving.
another comment immediately catches his attention, and at this haknyeon bursts into laughter.
“5 hyunbin sajangnims or a 5 year old hyunbin sajangnim?”
he’s laughing as he reads the comment. usually you’d expect to see this question about the members but seeing one about your ceo is something he honestly didn’t think would happen.
“ah… do i have to answer this? i’d rather not…” he replies. “it’s so funny just thinking about it. imagine me bowing 90 degrees to a five year old and greeting him with hello sajangnim!” he laughs. the image itself is funny to just think about. “for this… pass!”
haknyeon continues to read the comments, unaware of how much he’s been talking –– mostly because he’s having such a great time communicating with the fans.
“put on some filters!”
“filters?” he repeats, fiddling with the screen. “ah… here we are!” he begins to play with a bunch of them, from a cat filter, to one of him in a beret, to a filter of him as a dinosaur.
he opens his mouth wide, like how a dinosaur would and smiles. “this is how much i love you!” he says, and he attempts to open his mouth even wider, only to accidentally choke on his own spit.
there’s a lot more talking during the vlive, most of which is full of haknyeon thanking the fans, and sharing stories that he can remember. like how nervous he was during their debut, and how happy he was when they celebrated his birthday with him. it’s only when a notification saying “your phone is at 20%” pops up, does he gasp a little.
“everyone! i didn’t realize i’ve been on vlive for so long!” he says, blinking at the screen. “i had so much fun talking to you that i didn’t notice how fast time flew by!” he smiles at the screen, glad to have spent his time talking and communicating with the fans. “i wish i could stay and talk for another hour but the phone is running out of battery! and i need to go back and practice,” he pouts a little at this, but he knows that he has to train. “thank you so much for loving per_se! we only made it to this one year milestone because of you guys! please look forward to what else we have in store!” he reaches out for the phone and feels a little sad, honestly, that he has to end this vlive. “bye bye everyone! i love you!” he kisses the screen and the live ends.
Post link
truth
he was nothing short of thrilled when the nova staff, when reviewing their schedule for the month, had revealed that he and haknyeon were going to their own schedule together. of course jungwoo knows it’s not really about them, it’s about the group and the new song to be promoted. per_se’s faces are about to be everywhere in the media; no one can forget about nova entertainment’s up and coming boy group.
they have a moment to chat with each other, away from the regular cast of the show and other guests and staff, when haknyeon’s words wipe the smile off of jungwoo’s face. it starts off only vaguely ominous, a question from the younger. jungwoo only means to take it seriously, not to become so grave himself. but haknyeon keeps talking before jungwoo ever has a chance to respond, and suddednly he has to realize what exactly he’s talking about.
eyes dart around nervously, watching the staff carefully in case anyone looks as if they might listen in to this conversation. it’s not breaking contract to likesomeone, it’s what those feelings can lead to. and it’s dangerous to admit to anyone in nova entertainment how diverse the objects of his affections can be; their ceo has openly admitted to detesting people like him. jungwoo can’t imagine he’ll still have a job here if the truth ever made it that far.
but he can’t lie. not to anyone, really, despite being trained in acting, but especially not to haknyeon. they were best friends almost immediately, at first just comparing faces but soon learning that they’re compatible in almost every way. it hasn’t been terribly long since they first met, only a couple years, but they’ve lived together, trained together. it pushes people closer quicker than usual. so jungwoo takes a deep breath, tries not to look too much like he’s swallowed a whole wasp nest’s worth of nerves, and finallymeets haknyeon’s eye.
“you can’t tell anyone,”he whispers, voice as low as he can get it while still allowing the other boy to hear him. it’s an admission, though an unwilling one. and he still isn’t sure if he should just reveal it all now that the cat’s at least half out of the bag. he wonders if haknyeon already knows that much already; as careful as he’s been, as much as they’ve pretended that nothing ever happened, he knows he looks at yuchan a little differently than anyone else. jungwoo knows he’s probably acting a little differently with him lately too, a little more playful than he would have been previously. but there’s nothing they can doabout it, even if they wanted to.
“i’m sorry,” he croaks at haknyeon, knowing that the other probably thinks exactly the same thing he does: he’s going to ruin the group with this crush.
he may never have been the best in school. his grades, weren’t exactly something you’d brag about, but for what he lacked academically, he probably made up with how perceptive he could be. though he’d hoped that he was wrong in this case, that this mysterious person jungwoo liked was someone out of their circle, just so there’d be no overlap career-wise and well, in general.
though he needed to know, to perhaps put these suspicions to rest. the question is asked and even before jungwoo replies, haknyeon already has his answer from the older boy’s facial expression. his own eyes widen, and the smile that he’d donned so often, one of comfort and understanding eases away as his own expression changes.
he blinks as he attempts to piece it together. almost everyone in the group had a significant other, except for… jungwoo and yuchan. this in itself answered his next question –– who.his mouth opens momentarily, as if to speak, but the words don’t leave his lips because he’s not too sure what to say. he’d always been someone positive, someone who’d attempt to be supportive. but he wasn’t quite sure how to take this. “it’s ricky hyung,” he says, voice soft. this is terrible, is the first thing to pop into his mind, but he can’t say that out loud, not in front of jungwoo. though he wonders if it shows on his face, just how torn he is about it. “i really hoped it wasn’t true,” he says instead, and he forces himself to laugh, but it’s brief and he can’t keep up the smile for long.
the implications this would have on the group; what if the both of them got into a couple’s argument? what if they broke up? where would that leave the group? it wasn’t as though they could simply side with one member and ignore another. that wasn’t how it worked. they were a group, a group of people that worked together. his mind is reeling but none of these words leave his lips. because none of it are as supportive as he’d liked them to be. but haknyeon isn’t a liar, and he can’t tell jungwoo that he’s happy for him; not like this.
instead, he nods his head and looks away. “i see,” is all that he says. “you can’t help who you like,” that much is true, haknyeon is aware of that. and yet, at moments like these he’d hoped that jungwoo could. “this might not end well. you know that… right?” and his tone isn’t accusatory, if anything it’s filled with worry, he wonders if jungwoo actually knows what this means, what it could do to both his and yuchan’s career.
their schedules slowly begin to get a little more and more packed with variety shows, and etc, as they ease themselves into the industry. something that haknyeon is thankful for –– it’s always great to have something to do. the more schedules, the better, really. and it’s actually been a while since he’s last had a schedule alone with jungwoo. or this might actually be their first schedule together as a duo without the other members.
haknyeon thinks of jungwoo as one of his closest friends, a best friend, even. they were both pretty similar in age and he found himself easily going along with whatever jungwoo did, and sharing whatever concerns he had with the other. still, with more schedules came the lack of time for the both of them to truly sit down and simply just… talk things out. it wasn’t as though there was anything between them that needed fixing ( at least, haknyeon didn’t think so ); but the last time he’d spoken seriously to jungwoo, the older boy had professed his attraction towards another man ( man, still unknown to haknyeon ). and whilst haknyeon was nosy in his own right, he didn’t exactly want to push jungwoo for answers. even though he really wanted to know.
ever so curious, he’d spent the last few weeks watching jungwoo. his eyes always trailing the older boy and his gaze in an attempt to figure out who exactly had caught his heart. from the little deduction that he’d made, haknyeon was sure that it was either a) a staff member or b) his worst fear –– a member. and through his sort of discreet observations, he was worried that perhaps it had been option b all along.
there was perhaps no better time to confirm his suspicions than now, seated in the waiting room before filming began. “hyung,” he says, turning to look at the older boy. “there’s something i’ve been meaning to ask you,” there isn’t really any smooth way to ask this, and haknyeon doesn’t think that there need be any, really. “remember the last time we spoke… when you told me about… someone you liked,” his voice is soft, so as to not attract the attention of anyone around them. thankfully, the staff seem pre-occupied with something else altogether. “i might just be overthinking this,” he shrugs, and he really does hope he’s wrong, “but it’s a member, isn’t it?”
