#kingdom come deliverance
Cpt. Bernard: Congratulations, fuckhead! You progressed the main quest far enough to own a horse. You can have my slowest fucking horse, which is objectively the Worst Horse in the game, and which you are intended to swap immediately the nanosecond you have enough cash to buy a proper animal. Until then have fun being smoked by every mounted NPC you have the grave misfortune to encounter on this useless shit pony you slow ass bastard
*looks at horse name*
Pebbles
Henry: I would die for him sir
I tried to remain loyal to pebbles, and I did for a great time, until I happened upon a horse in a bandit camp and decided to try riding it just for the heck of it…. and by god that random horse in that bandit camp was the fastest horse in game… I couldn’t go back to pebbles….
hans capon: what you have to understand about me is that i am a bad bitch. i simply do not give a fuck. i’m crazy. i am lord of the rings. if you get on my nerves I’ll fuck your dad, I do not care. i have five hundred girlfriends and they are all hotter than you
also hans capon: *sobbing face-down in some sticks* HENRY no one will EVER love me henryyyyy pick me up
