#kink lifestyle
Welcome to the wonderful world of BDSM! Be it searching the internet, browsing Tumblr, watching the awful movie 50 shades of gray or even an adventurous partner, something has peaked your interest. Well you may ask… What now? I’m going to give you a quick (well as quick as possible) run down of how to successfully enter into this amazing world of kinky fun!
S S S & M M M *What is BDSM?*
BDSM is an overlapping acronym. BD (Bondage and Discipline), DS (Dominance and Submission), and SM (Sadism and Masochism). “Oh but Liddo Renissance,,, what does all of this meeeeaaannn?” Well My future kinky friend I shall break it down in the most basic terms I possibly can. Now probably the part of BDSM that even the most vanilla of people understands is the bondage and discipline aspect. Well what about the dominance and submission? There are people within the lifestyle who enjoy being in control and those who enjoy being controlled. There are also ones who enjoy switching between the two. Now what equates as “control” is totally dependent on the people involved. I could go on and on explaining and breaking down the BDSM acronym, but instead we will move on to…
Tops are not always Doms but Doms are usually tops? *Terms and such*
Now just like almost everything in the world the BDSM lifestyle has its own language. One of the first things with learning something new is understanding the different terms. I am by no means going to attempt to list every term in this humble post but I will link a very good list of the terms I feel you should know.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glossary_of_BDSM
These are a good start to understanding things and even seeing whats out their that you might be into, These are just basic terms and not a list of all fetishes because their are TONS! However I will break something down for you. The aspects and inner workings of BDSM branches out like a family tree. Lets think of it as if we are classifying plants. *put your elementary science hats on* An apple tree is a vascular plant, but it is also an angiosperm. A pine tree is a vascular plant as well but its not an angiosperm… its a gymnosperm. When thinking of identities I always like to say people usually… emphasis on usually… fall into either Dominant, Submissive or somewhere in between the two. Masters/mistresses/daddies/mommies/caregivers are all technically taking on the dominant role and are known as D-types. Slaves/littles/pets/middles are all technically taking on the submissive role and are known as S-types.
Books and blogs and videos oh my! *Research*
Whenever someone comes to me with interest in the lifestyle I am always willing to answer any and every question they might have. However, the one things I also make sure to tell them is to do some personal research. There is only so much any one person in the lifestyle can tell you no matter the experience level. Its always good to do some good old personal research as well. Even the most experienced kinksters learn from research. Simply because their is more and more information produced everyday. It might be a specific fetish you’re interested in or a certain aspect of the lifestyle. Tumblr is an “OK” place to look around. This blog and others like it can be very informative. Google is also your friend. There are books, videos, diagrams, and all kinds of other forms of kinky information.
Who am I? What am I?
After you have read all your books and scrolled the blogs you might feel as though you have to quickly give yourself an identity. Most people won’t know exactly what they identify with as soon as they decide they want to be apart of BDSM and you don’t have to! Its definitely a good thing to give yourself time to explore and figure out who the kinky you really is. Even when you do find an identity you might not always stick with it. Most people within the lifestyle are ever evolving.
Kinky Folks like Me? *Community*
Well now you’ve done your research, you know what you like and don’t like… Now what? How do I get to people who like the things I do? I’m a personal advocate for Fetlife. It’s like a kinky Facebook, and fr new comers it’s best feature is the events page. It’s a great place to find kink events in around you. Munches (Kink meet ups in a vanilla setting for discussions and getting to know like minded people. Usually hosted at bars, restaurants, or coffee shops) are great for going to alone to meet people in a safe and vanilla setting. Once you feel more comfortable you can start looking for play parties and educational events for various fetishes.
Partners in Kink *Dynamics and Play partners*
Once you’ve gone out and explored the kinky life. How do relationships begin to form? There are different types of relationships in the world of BDSM. The most basic are dynamics and play partners. Play partners are pretty self explanatory, kinky partners that you play with! Dynamics are a bit more complicated. This is like the boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, bae and bae of all kinky titles. Honorary terms of endearment. Dynamics can be formal or informal, romantic or non romantic, sexual or non sexual, monogamous or non monogamous. It’s all about personal preferences. Formal dynamics can include contracts and even be 24/7. The things I feel are a must in dynamics are trust, communication, respect, consent, and honesty. Just like with vanilla relationships it’s good to know your partner, and this goes for play partners as well. This brings me to my final point in this humble post…
You’re Kinky… I’m Kinky…Let’s get Kinky! *Safety and vetting*
When it comes to meeting people in this kink nasty (freak nasty… get it..) world, consent and safety are a must. The first thing that should be established is consent. Whether this is non consenting consent over a long period of time or temporary consent for the night. IT. IS. KEY! The next thing that should be established is safety. The process of vetting is an ongoing thing. It begins from the moment you meet someone all through the beginning stages of the “relationship.” Taking time to get to know your partner in and out is important to having a successful dynamic or partnership. Get to know their kinky self, their vanilla self.. being able to know your your partner’s non-verbal queues is an important trait for the structure of the relationships within the BDSM lifestyle.
And there it is folks! That’s my spill on how to enter into this wonderful world of fetish, pleasure, pain and kinkiness! I wish you all the best and the most successful moments in this lifestyle. Take your time, learn, grow and be happy.
-Liddo Renaissance
