i’ve been avoiding spoilers for star twinkle precure (and will continue to do so until it premieres) but i hope they make some reference to tsubomi from heartcatch becoming an astronaut (or her dream of becoming one)

creating art is insane bc that’s a physical manifestation of something that i have brought into the world. if i were not here, or if i had never been here, then it would not exist

wild

i don’t think there’s a chance that this blog will get deleted but if it does then

my twitter - specdraws

my instagram - spectacledartist

my main blog - vanillalion

2019 is the year i get my act together and realise my own worth and value

@triplehamburgerjack (tumblr won’t let me tag you properly, sorry,,,,)

thank you so much for the advice, i appreciate it a lot. i get so stuck inside my own head that i forget that taking a break is fine and if i’m not constantly posting then i have less value and worth as an artist. i’ll do my best to remind myself of this, thank you ;;;w;;;

long vent under the read-more (feel free to ignore, may delete later)

the thing that annoys me most about my art and this blog is that i Know what’s wrong with them. like i don’t have a consistent style, i don’t post frequently, i don’t post a lot of fan art these days so i don’t get a lot of attention/notes/etc., i don’t post finished work (it’s all just WIPs or sketches or whatever), when i do post it’s usually OC stuff that no one knows a thing about bc i don’t ever talk about my OCs so it’s hard for people to take an interest, plus i think that my art style is kinda bland and generic so it doesn’t stand out at all

i know All Of These Things and Yet

i can’t find a way out of it. i just don’t have the time to work on my art and because i’m getting stressed over it i’ve started losing the passion and motivation for it. like i remember when i was a kid and i didn’t care bc i was just Drawing for the fun of it

i want to be better. i want to be a better person and a better artist but i have been suffering (for lack of a better word) from severe self-loathing for at least five years straight (maybe even longer than that, but it’s definitely been five full years without any breaks) and i constantly berate myself for every little mistake and fault that i make/have

i have applied to around four or five zines in the past three years and have been rejected each time - not angry at the people in charge at all (they have to choose from literally hundreds of amazingly skilled applicants and i praise them for their hard work), but it takes a bit out of you every time and i know they don’t mean it but it feels like you’re being told You’re Not Good Enough over and over and your brain just tells you “well what’s even the point” and you’re unable to find joy in the One Thing you’re supposed to be good at bc all of a sudden you realise you’re not even good at it anymore

it’s just a stupid cycle that i keep getting myself into as i’m sure you guys have seen many times on this blog (thank you for putting up with me)

TL,DR: i want to improve my art but i just don’t have the time or motivation these days and it’s draining me emotionally and i hate it

@mellimoe AAAAHHHHHH thank you so much!!! that means a lot to me, thank you ;;;;;w;;;;;

@lemon-teeth aaaahhhh thank you!!!! ;w;

i’m not dead dw just Very Tired

i am so glad you guys liked my precure shitposts

honestly i’m really intrigued as to what the new series’ cures are gonna look like bc from looking at the logo i got some retro vibes?

this bit in particular reminded me of the recent pokemon “saiko soda” merch aesthetic:

and on the other end of the logo we have a wing

so we may have wings more heavily incorporated into the main designs instead of just the powered up forms??