They had spicy jalapeno pineapple chicken . . . Sylwia was so fucking tempted, because Carter was irritating. Was she just supposed to know magically? And men wondered why women would take everything when they left a relationship. “Wouldn’t be the first time.” Sylwia said, allowing herself a small smile as she took another drink, finishing their order. They had a full spread: two pizzas, wings, pop, and dessert.
She set her phone on the counter, idly scrolling through a random app filled with text and numbers, her attention purposely divided with him and her phone. “Oh?” Sylwia smiled, leaning forward on the counter. “Something like that.” The thought that Sylwia was unemployed probably didn’t cross Carter’s mind. He was probably a trust-fund baby.
If it wasn’t Carter, for some undesirable reason, that would have been the plan. Hell, she didn’t meet most of the people she stole from . . . She was good with a computer! And for the most part, when it came to ordering things online, the money left in accounts and gift cards was forgotten. No one even noticed.
Opening his mouth to speak he snapped it shut again. Part of him truly believed she’d add anchovies on the pizza just to annoy him. Carter reached over and took the bottle back taking another drink. He took a swing and set it back down by her. Normally, by now the person would be eating out of his hand, but not her.
Carter leaned back and pulled out his own phone. Except, his attention remained focused on her. Occasionally trying to sneak glances at her screen. “Oh, come on, don’t most people want to take some rich guys money and give nothing in return?” He’d seen it a million times, but he couldn’t quite figure out what her game was. “I mean it’s practically stealing,” he said, not realizing what he was implying.
A little while later, the buzzer signaled someone was at the door. Carter tipped the delivery guy and carried in their food. He’d nearly dropped the pizza before setting it on the counter. “Plates are in the cabinet,” he mentioned to the cabinet behind her. Carter grinned, opening the pizzas. Only one had pineapple. “Well, well, I guess you don’t dislike methatmuch.”
Where did the vodka come from? An old girlfriend? Or was it kept around as part of a set? Chocolates, wine, a roaring fireplace and something harder for bitches who wanted to party. Sylwia decided she didn’t care. All she could hope was that she didn’t drink Carter under the table too early in the night.
“Nothing physical. Perhaps a chance at morality then? If they broke free from their hollow, ridiculous lives, they wouldn’t be afraid.” There was so much more to morality, and she wasn’t really one to talk since morality had been a constant failing point in her life, but she wasn’t afraid . . . “Nothing’s ever been solved by rich people.” Sylwia snorted, scrolling through an inactive chat room, rereading old messages and looking away whenever a video came up.
Wow. Carter wasn’t kidding when he said he hated pineapple. “Smooth.” Sylwia said, stepping past Carter to get their plates. Didn’t he have any paper plates? Was- was she going insane? Was she looking in the wrong spot? “That’s debatable.” She said, placing the china in front of them because she was tired of looking. “Maybe I’m just waiting for a chance to swipe the wallet from your pocket.”
Again, this is one of those things I don’t want to judge Pearl for. Because she lost someone she loved dearly, and who seemed to love her back. Of course she would feel like her whole world turned upside down when that happened. And even before her death, obviously Rose was with Greg and had a child with him. That’s another layer there. But she never stopped loving Rose, clearly. This could be one way she’s expressing extreme grief.
I do want to share why I worry about this, though. Pearl has so much devotion to Rose, that it seems to have impacted how she feels about herself. Not that just she forgets about her own self-worth, but that her self-worth is all about needing Rose to perceive her a certain way. Even now! Rose is gone. Rose can’t say how she feels about Pearl. Leave aside the possibility of her still being around in Steven’s Gem or something. But Pearl is still sitting here worrying about it. I don’t know if Pearl has other issues going on that make her so concerned about this, or if Rose didn’t make her feel loved enough, or something else in between, or what. It’s not something that’s going to go away overnight, but needs to be recognized, I think. Because it also contributes to some harmful actions against others, that I don’t think Pearl wants to be doing. And it makes Pearl miserable.
Despite the shitshow in the house, Pearl has a family right here, right now, who love her. Pearl sounds disappointed in herself, but they don’t see her as a disappointment. They might get mad, but they don’t care that she’s a mess. She’s Pearl, they love her no matter what. At least, I think they do. It’s really hard, and I feel so badly for Pearl… when she is ready to move on (and I think she will need to start doing so, to be healthier and happier), they will be there for her. Rose is gone, yes, but Pearl is still here… and Pearl is worthy of love NOW. Not when she’s “better” or “perfect” or has earned it or whatever else. Even if Rose isn’t around to confide in her.
The other worrying thing here is the way Pearl talks about Rose to Steven. In more ways than one… but like, somehow it feels like it reinforces this idea of Steven needing to be like Rose?? Or that he already is? This idea that she kept so many secrets and that it’s SO great that Pearl was the only one entrusted with them all. And gosh, earlier, with emphasizing how he never knew Rose… but now, it’s “I wonder if Rose can see me through YOUR eyes”.
Just getting really tired of all the feminist bullshit posts because in today’s society, feminism doesn’t = Equality, it is nothing more that female-chauvinism.
Remind me to remind you of this when you’re a rape victim and men are blaming YOU for it. You’re just as misogynistic as a man and if you don’t see that, well, you’re screwed. Self-loathing women are hilarious.
All those women that fought for YOUR rights would be ashamed by the shit you wrote.
…but hey, I am just a feminist who doesn’t want to take sexism from men AND from women. Now go back into whatever hole you crawled out of <3.
it’s kinda weird how people fixated on light deprivation* as a means of torturing Stevonnie and Pink Diamond as opposed to, you know, solitary confinement
*which turned out not to be as extreme as some people were thinking, considering the tower had open windows
