#may this never come to pass

There’s no X-Files without Gillian Anderson as Scully, but that doesn’t mean Chris Carter won’t do it anyway if given the chance. As the result of having anxiety, I’ve been tortured into envisioning what awful plot lines he might actually attempt. In doing so, I’ve also thrown canon away like William in the river and “the truth we both know”. May I be wrong about everything!

Scully dies:

1)      In childbirth.

2)      On the way to the hospital because some asshole runs a red light.

3)      Or in some other way that’s recycled from how we’ve seen pregnant women die dramatically on TV 100x before.

4)      Because the cancer returns and she doesn’t treat it because she’s pregnant and doesn’t want to harm the baby.

5)      Or the cancer returns shortly after the baby is born and kills her just because.

6)      Or the cancer returns because CSM’s death somehow triggers the chip in her neck to cause the cancer, therefore allowing him to continue to fuck with Scully’s body even from beyond the grave.

***The baby girl survives all of the above scenarios***

Scully gets abducted:

1)      Because abductees everywhere are being taken again for a reason that’s unclear so why the fuck not.

2)      Because the UFO on the bridge was not just a vision.

3)      Because she decides after all that she is a mother to William and when she goes to him, his super soldier ass gets her swiped by the aliens.

When Mulder is left to parent alone: 

1)      He bumbles through single fatherhood in one episode that relies on sexist tropes about men not knowing what to do with babies.

2)      He gives single fatherhood the one-episode shot, then he ends up hiring a woman to be his nanny. She’s not a professional nanny, just someone he encounters in public who gives him a tip on soothing a fussy baby. And she just so happens to need a job! He hires her even though she seems too nice to be true and/or is mysterious AF. Oh, and she’s pretty and 35 tops.

3)      The nanny, who of course says she knows what it’s like to lose someone, gets him to open up over the pain of losing the mother of his child and comforts his broken heart. Also, Mulder does his signature ugly, open-mouthed cry, and ends up hugging her. This sets her up as a potential love interest and we want to gut ourselves with a fishing knife.

4)      Mulder exchanges an onscreen kiss with the nanny in the cruelest twist of onscreen irony ever and even though we swore we would never watch The X-Files without Scully, we tune in on this particular occasion because we heard this was going to happen and we are compelled to suffer. When the nanny says she knows she could never take the place of Scully, we actually do gut ourselves with a fishing knife.

“Lonely” William returns:

1)      Claiming he wants a relationship with Mulder, his not-dad, half-brother

2)      But he kidnaps his baby sister instead.

3)      Because his sister also has alien DNA and this makes him feel connected to her.

4)      Or because he suddenly gives a shit about family and decides he’s the only one who could understand/protect a child with alien DNA.

5)      Or because he decides she was the wanted child and feels jealous.

6)      Or because now he’s completely evil, tired of being pursued by the bad guys, and thinks he can offer her up his sister in his place.

This is what is keeping me up at night.