waiting room | mitch marner

work count: 3.1k

a/n: i did take this down and redo it, so if it sounds familiar to you that’s because it probably is :))

inspired by waiting room — phoebe bridgers

No matter how much it hurt, it was always for the better.

Your entire life there had been one constant, Mitchell Marner. He was your best friend, your crush, your right-hand man, your rock, the only person that made you, you. He was everything to you, but who were you to ask for more?

It started when you were little.

“But Mommy Mitch is playing! I have to go!” Five-year-old you whined.

Your mother sadly shook her head, “I am sorry Y/N we can’t go.”

Tears welled up in your eyes at the thought of missing your best friend’s game. “Why not?” You sniffled.

“Mommy has to go to the doctor, you are staying with the neighbors for a little bit.”

“You could drop me off at the rink and I could stay with Mitch as long as you need me to,” You fight.

Your mother shook her head, “I said no Y/N,” She said sternly. Tears welled up in your eyes. Your mom softened at the sight of them. “I am sorry baby it’s just one game.”

You sniffled and sadly nodded your head, walking away.

The next day at school you felt guilty. Mitch had gotten a goal, he didn’t know you weren’t going to be there. He said he looked everywhere for you and you were nowhere to be found. You started crying because of the guilt.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there Mitchy,” You cried.

Mitch sat there and watched you cry. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t understand why you cared so much. But nonetheless, he wrapped you in a hug and repeated, “It’s okay.”

In the next minute, you two were running around laughing because he said it was okay. Everything would be okay if Mitch thought it was.

You two did everything together. You couldn’t disappoint him again, seeing that sad face of his was carved into your brain. You couldn’t live through seeing it again. Mitch started to realize that you were his rock, he couldn’t play hockey without your hype speech. Every time he talked he looked at you to see if you thought he was funny, it was the little things that connected you two. It was enough to bond you thicker than metal. But eventually metal starts to rust, and it breaks down.

That’s when it really started. The dependency, the attachment, the heartbreak. Things were changing, and you had a hard time accepting that.

It was high school that made every day a challenge. He was popular, you were not. He had lots of friends, you didn’t. You followed him around like a lost puppy dog waiting for an ounce of his attention. He said you were his most important friend, but that wasn’t enough for you. He was your most important person, he was your earth, and you were just his pluto.

He talked to you about girls, about how much girls liked how he played hockey. He got a girlfriend. She didn’t like you, she knew how you felt about him, and she didn’t want you around him. So he wasn’t.

You came home, sat on your couch, and just cried. You didn’t move, you didn’t make a sound. The tears just dripped down. The easiest thing to do was cry. You had gotten so good at it. So much heartbreak and overthinking in your life that the only thing you were good at is getting hurt.

Your dad came home, you didn’t even notice him until he sat down next to you.

“What’s wrong sweetheart?” He asked you.

Nothing but tears continuously dropping.

“He doesn’t need me,” You hoarsely said.

Your father sighed sadly, he knew this day would come. He saw how you looked at Mitch. He saw how you did everything with the thought of Mitch in the back of your head. “It’s going to be okay, sweetheart,” He laid his cheek on the top of your head and smoothed your hair down as you cried.

He didn’t know that. He couldn’t tell the future because it definitely wouldn’t be okay.

You started to drift off from Mitch. You didn’t want to follow him around anymore. You didn’t want to hear the laughs of people as you followed him. You accepted that things change and he didn’t want you anymore. It was for the better.

Mitch didn’t even notice you starting to drift away. He was bathing in the popularity and people wanting to be around him. He didn’t even notice that you were gone. Not until the small moments. You weren’t next to him every class, he couldn’t make eye contact with you when that one kid talked. You didn’t go to his games, he couldn’t hear you screaming every time he scored. His parents asked questions about you and he realized he didn’t know how you were doing.

He was aware of you now. He saw you walking in the halls, right past him not even looking at him. He saw you walking on the sidewalk past his house, not even looking at his house. Like they hadn’t been best friends since basically birth. Like they hadn’t been each other’s lifeline for 15 years.

It made him sad, so he followed you one night when you walked past his house. He had no idea where you were going until you turned a familiar turn, and it could only be the location you were headed towards.

When you were kids you guys went to the same location every Saturday night. There was a bench right on the river in Markham. You could see everything perfectly: the stars, the river, the beautiful night sky reflecting off of the water. The two of you would ‘sneak’ from your houses and walk to the river and your bench. You sit there for hours, either talking or in complete silence. It was just for them to be together.

“It’s us forever Mitchy,” 10-year-old you said.

A wide smile spread across Mitch’s face. He held his pinky out for you to link it to him. “Forever,” He repeated. “You’re going to be with me when I retire from the NHL as the greatest player of all time. I’m going to be there when you get thousands of awards for curing cancer.”

You smiled at his statement, “I don’t think your part is true, but mine is,” You teased him.

He frowned and shoved your shoulder, “Mean,” He grumbled.

You pushed his shoulder back, making him do the same that started a 20-minute play fight between you two.

It brought a sad smile to his face as the memories of this place came back. Coming here was the best part of his life but now those times were no longer.

He carefully sat next to you, trying not to scare you. You didn’t even acknowledge his presence. You heard him trailing after you a while ago so it didn’t surprise you.

It was silent between you two. A comforting but painful silence. Mitch didn’t know what to say, and you didn’t want to say anything to him.

There was so much history, so much love, and memories between you two that it was impossible to comprehend. Impossible to comprehend how much he meant to you and how much he could heal you will one smile. It was unhealthy and you knew it, but you would wait in his waiting room even if there was a chance he would see you.

“We’ve changed,” He broke the silence.

You didn’t do anything.

“I didn’t want us to change,” He sniffled.

You finally looked at him. He was looking at the water. His beautiful blue eyes filled with tears and the moonlight reflection. His beautiful beautiful face filled with sadness and pain. Your body is consumed by pain because you would rather die than cause Mitch sadness and pain.

“It’s for the better,” You whisper.

Mitch’s mouth open to protest, to beg for you to be friends with him again. But nothing came out, nothing at all. Just more painful silence as this was the goodbye for this soul combination.

He desperately turned to face you. You turned to him confused.

“This isn’t our end,” He whispered before grabbing your face and pulling it close to his. Your breaths caressing each other’s face. Your eyes wide as he looks between you and your lips. His bottom lip and yours barely touching as you two pant in anticipation. And his lips connect with yours.

Your lips move together in synchronization, under the moonlight. It was so perfect, so so perfect. That amazing, euphoric, longing emotion you were feeling, was exactly why it was wrong. The overwhelming feeling of satisfaction because you were finally kissing Mitch, after years of secretly loving him. The years of being reminded that you were just his best friend was carved in your mind. That’s why it was so terrible because it wasn’t real.

It was under the moonlight when you pull back painfully, and your heart broke. You laid your head on his chest and cried. He does the same because he knows what he just did. He was so desperate to make you stay with him that he did the one thing he knew you wanted. His love, his romantic love. By that one action, he knew he lost you forever.

“You can’t do this to me, Mitch,” You cry.

“I’m sorry,” He whispered.

“You can’t fucking do that to me,” You sob.

“I’m sorry,” He cried too. “I can’t do this without you, Y/N.”

“Don’t play with my feelings to get me to stay.”

“I can’t do this without you,” He repeated.

“You don’t like me. Why would you do that? Why would you play with my feelings like that, Mitch?” You sobbed in his chest, his arm coming around your body, to comfort you.

And you two sat like that for an hour. Both of you crying in each other’s embrace. Crying in each other’s mistakes because nobody can heal you and comfort you more than the person that hurt you.

Eventually, You both stopped crying. You just sat there, still in each other’s embrace when he whispered. “I’m leaving.”

You pulled yourself up and looked him in the eyes, “What?” You croaked.

“Next month I am playing for the London Knights.”

And just like that, your eyes started to welled up again. He was moving on without you. He accomplished his dream without you, just like your worst nightmare. No matter what you knew that whatever happened to you, he would be just fine, maybe even better. That’s something you had accepted during your 'break,’ he would still flourish without you. The same couldn’t be said in the opposite way though.

You reached up and placed your hand on his cheek, smiling sadly at him. “You’re making your dreams come true, Mitch.” You said as a tear dripped down your face. “I’ll always be supporting you, even when you can’t see me.”

He nodded while wiping his face from any leftover tears. “Same for me, Y/N.” He tucked loose hair behind your ear and stared into your eyes. “I’ll always be there for you.”

And that was true. They supported each other from a distance. He called you when the Knights won the M-Cup. You called him when you got accepted to your dream school. He called you when he got the call from the Leafs. You called him when you got accepted to med school. They supported each other from a distance, and that was for the better.

They saw each other for the first time in 5 years when you got an invitation in the mail.

You came home, to your empty sad home, checked the mail, and broke down then you saw the last piece of mail in the pile. The one thing you spent the last 5 years dreading. The thing that you had spent your entire life worrying about.

You never had a significant other, you could never move past the blue eyes boy from the past. Nobody could be as good as him because he was your everything. Even after all of these years.

You accepted the invitation. More to get closure, to see what his life was like, to see how much better he was without you.

And you did that. You wore a pretty dress, but not an over-the-top dress, one that fits right with your personality. You did your makeup, multiple times due to how much you cried. You needed to do this for yourself.

You sat towards the back of the reception. You recognized people you saw on his Instagram, you tried to figure out how they fit into his life. Because you would never truely know what anybody meant to him anymore. Your invitation could have been a mistake, and he secretly hated you all this time, but you didn’t know. Because you didn’t know him anymore, and whatever happened to you, you knew he would be fine anyway.

He seemed like the same person. You watched him from afar, too scared to actually go and talk to him. He looked at his bride just like he looked at you on that day by the river. He interacted with people the same way. There were his favorite snacks at the wedding, you smiled as you saw them. You could barely even look at them without gagging. You ate so much of those because of him.

You were smiling at the countless memories when you heard something behind you.

“Y/N,” Mitch breathed out.

You turned around with a smile on your face. And there he was, Mitchell Marner.

“Hey Mitch,” You smiled at him and wrapped your arms around him. He did the same to you.

You pulled back from him.

“It’s good to see you,” You said.

“Yeah, yeah you too,” He stammered. “I didn’t think you would come.”

“I’m always here for you,” You smiled.

“Yeah,” He whispered while looking at you.

Another person comes up behind Mitch and an arm is wrapped around his waist. He looks back and sees his wife. He smiles at her but his chest hurts a little bit.

“Hi,” She softly says to him.

“Hey,” He says back.

She looks at you and realized that you were talking to Mitch. “Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t notice you were talking.” She says.

You laugh and wave your hand. “You’re fine. I wanted to meet the person stuck with this guy over here,” You joke, gesturing to Mitch. You hear him make a sound of offense.

She smiles and holds out her hand, “Hi, I’m Steph,” She says nicely.

“Hi I’m-,” You start but she cuts you off.

“Y/N, yeah I know. Every single baby picture of Mitch has you in it too, so I know who you are,” She laughs.

You’re cheeks heat up at that. “Oh, sorry about that,” You sheepishly say.

She laughs, “It’s fine, you were a very cute baby.”

You laugh with her.

Another person approaches us and you recognize him as the best man.

“What’s going on over here?” Auston asks as he heard laughter coming from the area.

Mitch puts his arm over Auston’s shoulder, “Matts, this is Y/N my childhood best friend,” He says.

Your smile dims at the use of childhood best friend. But nonetheless, keep the act up and hand out your hand for him to shake.

His smile lifts, “So you’re Y/N? I’ve heard a lot about you in the past years. Great to finally meet you!”

“You too,” I say nicely, even though Mitch has never mentioned him.

“You’re a doctor eh?” Auston asks you.

You nod with a smile.

“Yeah, buddy boy over here,” He slapped Mitch on the back. “Has a subscription to Doctor Weekly to keep up with all of your accomplishments.”

You laugh at Mitch’s red face when all you wanted to do was cry in the corner. It’s too late, it’s too late, you continuously remind yourself. He’s moved on from you and all of your issues. He doesn’t want you back, Y/N.

“I could make a list if you wanted, Mitch. You got a poster board? I need the space,” You joke.

Auston and Steph burst out laughing at your attempt at a joke.

Auston nudges Mitch, “Why’d you keep this one hidden from us?”

Mitch looks at you dead in the eyes and says, “Nobody deserves her.”

It’s for the better. It’s for the better. It’s for the better.

Mitch was sitting at the bench after his retirement announcement.

“Well, I retired. Don’t know if I retired as greatest of all time, but maybe closest,” He sadly joked.

He closed his eyes as the tears trickled down his face. Time flew by and it flew by in the worst way possible.

You were changing history and doing your life’s dream when you found out that you had cancer. The thing you were dedicating your life to getting rid of, you got. The world was in mourn when the revolutionary Y/N Y/L/N died from cancer at the age of 48.

Mitch’s hands caressed the markings of your names on the bench. The first night you two found the bench you decided to mark it as your bench. Leaving the past memory of happiness and childhood love to the future memory of heartbreak and wrong timing.

Your headstone is right next to the bench on the river. Where the happiest part of your life occurred. You had two headstones, one in D.C where you did your life’s work, and one here by the river.

Distance noise started to get close and Mitch looked up and smiled. Little footsteps coming at a fast pace towards her dad. She launched herself into his lap and laid her head on his chest.

“Hi daddy,” She happily greeted her father.

“Hi Y/N,” He kissed his daughter’s head, closed his eyes, and enjoyed hugging his daughter.

They both looked at the headstone of the person that meant a lot to them.

One who she was named after, and heard amazing stories about every day.

And the other looking at the headstone of the love of his life.

He was in her waiting room now. Waiting for whatever chance he could see her again.