#more to life

I don’t usually post much here but I need my voice and opinions out there. If you take the time to read this I just want to thank you and ask for an open mind and a kind heart.

Today I had written on my window ACAB, 1312, and Land Back. My parents took it down out of fear. They feared that if police were to see it, they would not help us if and when we are in need. They feared we would become a target for hate crime and be targeted by conservatives and possibly groups like the KKK. That broke my heart. I could feel it tear apart. I could feel the muscle rip. I didn’t show it though. They believe that after all of the protests and fighting is done things will go back to “normal”. Our “normal” is African Americans being killed on the streets by police officers. Our “normal” is indigenous women going missing and the police officers and government not caring or searching. Our “normal” is full of hate and sorrow and people being ignored and pushed aside in order for the U.S. to continue to keep up the appearance of being a perfect country. I don’t want to go back to normal. I won’t allow it. But there is nothing I can truly do to stop it from coming back. I ache to do something. Even if that means protesting. Even if that means writing simple messages on my window. No family should fear what would happen to them because of what they say or believe. It’s hurts that I don’t do anything to a point where I can’t handle it. I can NOT be just a bystander. I can’t continue to fill my days with fantasies because I am unhappy with my life of NOTHING. I can’t just sit and watch while hoping for the best. I have always felt a power within me and I know and hope others feel it to. A craving to be something and do something that children will read about in the history books. Something that will inspire others. I can’t continue to sit and watch as normal returns. I NEED to do something and I need to do it now. I need to release this power and energy out into the world. I have no idea what I can do though. Writing on my window won’t be enough. I see that now. I don’t wish to anger my family or put them in danger which is why I am currently a sitting duck. Just another person being lost in the crowd. The crowd of people who refuse to do anything. Being a bystander and allowing the “normal” to be in the U.S. and to be in the world. Being a bystander causes my depression and I see that now. I have to do something. I need to do something. Something. Something that will show the power that an indigenous woman like myself has. That many other people have as well. I need help. I need guidance. Guidance that will allow me to DO something. That will allow me to BE something. Because I am taking a stand and am no longer allowing myself to sit and hope. Hope will only go so far.