#my life might as well be over

I feel so hopeless. My life has been the same all through my teen, twenties, and now going into my 30s. I’ve accomplished nothing. I have none of the skills I’ve always wanted and would’ve been good at by now if someone had just broken me out of this rut way back when I was a kid.

I want to go back and fix everything but I can’t, and that destroys me.

I dated a guitar teacher for 5 years and still never learned. If he had been someone less horrible, that would’ve actually worked out. I’ve wanted to play since I was 13. If I’d stuck with lessons, I’d have been playing for 10 by years now. I should’ve started playing 6 years ago when I ended up with a really good guitar by accident. Why didn’t I? I still have that guitar so why won’t I learn to play? That was the plan for when I moved.

I’ve wanted to sing my whole life, but I still haven’t. I’ve wanted to play piano, but still nothing.

I used to write poetry, but now I can’t.

I still want to go to school, but I just can’t get myself through the whole process to get started. I feel so fucking overwhelmed by everything.

Why do I just do nothing every day? Why am I letting myself fall even further behind? Why can’t I get control over anything in my life?

I was saying all of this this time last year and yet I’m still here. Nothing’s changed. Therapy did nothing but make me feel worse about it. I’d kill for someone to come along and just help me start things, but that’s not going to happen.

My whole life is slipping away and I feel helpless.