#natureworshipper

I have ignored this part of me, this big, curious, wondrous, part of me, for far too long. Since I was a very young girl, mysticism has called to me. Some of it my mother would allow, some I tried to channel through Christianity, but most of what I was drawn to was considered shameful, wrong, a sin. I have done the scholarly feminist work of dismantling patriarchal systems of belief like Christianity and that has helped me shed old ideas and values that I don’t believe in, but the mystical continued to be pushed aside in my mind. Academics doesn’t exactly embrace mysticism as a real possibility as much as uses it simply as one form of thought, instead of a form of belief. Now I have finished graduate school. I’ve done the cold, critical, academic thinking and it left my heart feeling empty, my soul lost. 

It’s not that mystic thinking isn’t possible in academics, but it’s very hard to incorporate, especially from the level of a master’s student (as opposed to an established scholar). Academics took away the time I needed to be spending with my spirituality. Beyond time, it’s old patriarchal system of knowledge building stole away the power-within, the passion, the knowledge that we all hold within ourselves. Academics doubts your knowledge until you can prove it by mastering the knowledge of others, publish in their journals, and climb their version of a corporate latter. But enough about academics… 

I am going to give my soul the trust, the time, the devotion to actually follow my pull into the mystic world. So far, the tarot has been my greatest call. The cards have been speaking such encouraging, loving words to me along this journey. I am building confidence in myself, in my craft, and in what I truly believe in. It feels so right, it feels so fatefully right to be heading down this path.