#neurowonderful

Hi friends! In this vlog I discuss rest and recovery and what it looks like for me as an #ActuallyAutistic and chronically ill person, #PeeMath and why I won’t be watching Endgame in theatre, and an #OwnVoices book recommendation.

This video is captioned!

Avengers: Endgame’s 3-hour Runtime is a Stark Reminder of Hollywood’s Hidden Ableism by Vilisa Thompson
http://www.mtv.com/news/3122683/avengers-endgame-runtime-ableism/
Vilissa Thompson’s Twitter
https://twitter.com/VilissaThompson

Failure to Communicate by Kaia Sønderby on Goodreads
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/34216194-failure-to-communicate
TWs: Mentions of eugenics, genocide, and slavery; reference to childhood abuse and CSA; a hunting scene, animal death, and gun violence.

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Hello, friends. Let’s talk about gifts!

“Maybe just give the person what they want? No? Too radical?”

This vlog is captioned 

(Warning and my apologies for the background hum/whine noise in this one. Transcript below the read-more.)

Autistic culture is starting any trip already exhausted from all the executive functioning and planning and decision making that goes into preparing for a trip. Which is what I’m currently doing. How am I? Yeah, no. It’s mostly that. I will talk about my trip, about where I went and what I did when I get back. What was I going to talk about?

[consults a notebook]

Yes. Gift giving. So there’s an autistic person in your life. An event is coming up, or maybe you just want to show them that you love them. So what do you do? You give them a gift. I don’t know why I’m doing this turning thing.

There’s this thing that happens where people struggle with buying gifts for autistic people. And I’ve noticed that their problems usually fall into one of three categories. The first is concepts of age appropriateness. Second is a feeling of not wanting to um encourage a certain interest. And the third is just feeling like they already have everything they could have related to that thing or that the person in question that you want to gift to has too much of something.

The easy one is age appropriateness and yet it’s a sticking point for a lot of people. So first of all, what I mean by age appropriate is when an autistic youth or adult likes something that is usually interested as being for younger people, for children. I know a lot of you are on board with me when I say that the concept of age appropriate gifts or age appropriate interests is just not cool. Even if you ignore the fact that it’s ableist, and um that people like different things and it’s okay to like things that are pure or wholesome or family friendly or for children as an adult- if you ignore all that it’s just kind of like a mean thing. To judge somebody else’s interests and decide “That’s for children, you’re not allowed to enjoy it anymore.

[looking out from behind an armful of stuffed animal toys] I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you over the sound of my happiness.

It’s ridiculous right? To say that you can’t like stuffed animals [holds up a stuffed sloth toy] or a certain television show or a cartoon or whatever it is. Music, movies, anything. To say that somebody shouldn’t like it or that it’s embarrassing or “cringey” because they do, that’s not cool. I don’t stand for that. So I’m not even going to ask you to consider why you think that some things are age inappropriate or why you might feel embarrassed or uncomfortable. I’m just going to tell you to get over it. [holds up stuffed sloth toy once more] So, don’t be a jerk. Moving on.

And so the second thing, which I’m sandwiching in the middle because it’s kind of the meanest and worst of the reasons that people struggle with gifting autistic people stuff is because they don’t want to encourage a certain interest. This once again falls into the realm of, who asked you? It’s not a gift for you. Why are you being mean? Gift giving is a little bit about the gift giver but it is much more about the recipient. The act of giving a gift is what feels nice. By having hang ups on what you want to encourage, what interests are cool or okay, then you are actually ruining the experience for yourself. Maybe just give the person what they want? No? Too radical?

If someone collects rocks and they want a cool rock you get out there and you find a cool rock. To me, again, very simple, and yet a lot of people have a problem with it. They don’t think it’s a normal interest or they don’t understand it. But you don’t have to understand something to respect it. Please do respect it.

And lastly, this is a very practical issue in some ways. And this is where we have an autistic child or an autistic spouse or roommate, somebody that you have to live with and they already have a lot of stuff. My suggestion then is to give experiences or to give consumables, things that will be used up. Themed treats or foods or cool shaped candles. Things that will be used up and won’t necessarily take a permanent place in the home but that are still themed or related to that person’s interest. And then they get to enjoy that. You get to give the gift, you get to be happy, they get to be happy, everybody’s happy!

So for example, I really love cats. Taking me to a cat café would be an absolutely amazing gift. I would love that. This one requires a little bit of brainstorming but I do highly recommend um either giving consumables related to a person’s interests, things that will be used up, or giving experiences if you are worried about the accumulation of things or if the person themself feels like they have enough physical objects. Enough books, enough tee shirts, whatever.

And basically everything I just said can be summed up with a simple, It’s not your place to judge what makes somebody happy. Your job as a gift giver is to give a gift that will be enjoyed. You don’t have to understand what is enjoyed to respect it.

Marvin came home so uh I went to go say hi to him and now I’m back for a slight change in tone to conclude this vlog. I would like to you about something that’s very important to me.

As a Métis person, as an Indigenous person in Canada, I would like to say conclusively and firmly that I stand with Unist'ot'en Camp and I think you should too. If you care about what’s right and if you care about protecting the environment and about social justice and about supporting our water protectors then please check out the links that I am going to put in the video description. Unist'ot'en Camp released a kind of FAQ and like what you need to know handbook to support them. And what they need and how you can help. And if you can, if it financially doable for you, please consider giving to the legal fund for the water protectors who were arrested simply for protecting their own territory, their own land, from unlawful invasion.

And real quick I want to give a shout out to something I recommend. It is an app called the Emergency Chat app. It is by my friend Seph, I will link to that as well in the video description.

And now wish me luck because it is time to finish packing. Thank you very much for watching and I hope you have a wonderful day.