#not gon cry

Previous Chapters—Masterlist

Characters— Black Reader X T’Challa

Content— Trials Of Black Love, Adultery, Broken Relationships, Rehabilitation and Self Discovery

Plot— Based on the song, “Don’t Go” by Mary J Blige. In addition, I strongly suggest listening to this song on replay while reading to get further feels..

Narrative—Over the timespan of five days you’ve been able to reconcile with your children as the last hundred and twenty hours have been spent watching countless of animated movies, reenacting imaginary battles scenes, forts and lots of late night ice cream.

It was a blessing to catch-up with your children as it seemed like they were directly attached to your hip.

As with every twist and turn you made you were seemingly bumping into your kids as they refused to let you out of their vicinity even if it was to just grab a quick snack. Which you’d never complained about as you knew it was hard for them to detach themselves from you especially after these last two months.

Furthermore, you could tell they were struggling to process the rapid changes in their childhood as the signs subconsciously presented themselves to you.

As the light begging to spend the night in your room turned to adamant pleads and soft hugs morphed to death grips as they clung onto you. The drastic shifts in your children’s behavior worried you but you knew what you had to do in order change them in time. It was the only thing that helped saved you; therapy.

Making a mental note to discuss that with their father at another time you got out of your thoughts and went back to watching your kids run around the playground. Grinning as you heard the small squeals from Cebisa while Zuko chased her around the jungle gym you laughed at them before you saw your oldest run in your direction as he yelled your name before making his way towards the bench you were at.

“Umama! T’Challa is here!” He exclaimed, with the point of his finger in the direction he just ran from.

Feeling your cheeks fall you whipped your head in that direction and instantly spotted the six-foot man walking with such ease accompanied by the enticing dip that had you grappling when you two first met.

Jumping up and down Mandla continued to express his enthusiasm, “—did you invite him to our picnic?!” He inquired, with his curiosity running rapidly.

Immediately blinking to take your gaze of the royal figure as your son tugged on your hand you quickly covered your startled look and shrugged hoping it would stop Mandla’s tough questions and pleads.

Hearing the shuffle of grass as T’Challa approached you kept your gaze on your son until the outline of his shadow cascaded over you both and blocked the sun as he moved closer. However, before he could even stop his movements an eager Mandla broke out of your grasp and quickly sprinted towards him and tackled him with a hug and he held him tightly.

Avoiding the King’s gaze you heard his baritone voice say, “I’ve missed you too buddy.” before you stopped your antics and looked at them. Catching your child staring at T’Challa with a satisfied grin you felt your heart flutter before they pulled away at the squeals of the royal’s name coming from the jungle gym.

“T’Challa! T’Challa!” You heard the name amplify, as your youngest children ran across the playground to fling their arms around the King’s legs. Laughing at the action, you saw T’Challa pick up Cebisa to toss her in the air before eventually picking up Zuko too.

Slightly wincing at the high pitched squeals you smiled at your kids before they settled comfortably into the King’s brawny arms. “I’ve missed you.” You heard your daughter whisper into his neck as she was the one out of your kids who grew the closest to him.

Watching her pull away Cebisa said, “Are you coming to our picnic with umama?” before proudly showing off her newfound teeth along with her hopeful eyes while she looked up at him. Sensing that T’Challa was uneasy by the way he scrunched his nostrils you saw him send you an uneasy stare as he mentally pleaded for some type of help.

Disregarding your sweaty palms you said, “—Umm, I’m pretty sure T’Challa has things to do mnandi. He is a King, usana.” before looking up to see if she took that answer. However, you were wrong as tears filled her eyes while the rest of your kids began to pout as sadden overpowered their happiness.

Spotting your stressed physique T’Challa quickly stumbled with his words, “I-I can stay, besides I’ve missed you guys.” He suggested, instantly stopping the children’s cries. Wiping away Cebisa’s and Zuko’s tears with his loose hand he watched as a slow smile reappeared on their brown faces. Glancing over at a grinning Mandla, T’Challa drew his eyes up to your relived expression before saying, “Eh, shall we get going?” before playfully poking your kids.

Still trying to figure out how T’Challa switched your children’s behavior so inherently made you stammer out a delayed response before quickly standing with the picnic basket in your hand. “Uh, yea.” You spoke, while taking ahold of Mandla’s hand before leading the way. Feeling the King observe your body while you sauntered made you scoff as he tried to recall the familiarities of your frame despite rejecting your countless attempts to apologize.

With your feelings of annoyance beginning to override the sheer shock of his presence you rolled your eyes and marched to a shady spot underneath a tree. “This is a good area, huh?” You questioned your oldest, before he nodded. Releasing his hand you slid the basket off your shoulder before grabbing the big blanket to spread across the grass. Satisfied, with the outcome you sat and watched T’Challa finally meet you as the kids and him joined the picnic.

“Come on umama, I’m hungry!” Zuko shouted, as he dramatically fell back gaining the laughs of everyone sitting underneath the tree. “Okay, okay. Calm down, mnandi.” You giggled, while unpacking the food and beverages. Furthermore, after distributing the food, T’Challa, the kids and you ate before chatting with eachother; well mostly the kids as they rambled.

However, with T’Challa and you avoiding direct commentary the kids began to take notice in y’all behavior as it was foreign from the handholding and small kisses that they’ve seen months prior. Yet, the children didn’t speak on it and decided to enjoy the company of T’Challa as much as they could.

“—can you spend the night with us? It’s our last night with umama.” Mandla questioned, with a few ad-libs from his younger siblings. Instantly dropping your jaw you did a quick double-take before saying, “I don’t think T’Challa is up for that, he’s doing us a favor by simply eating with us sithandwa sa.”

Replacing his optimistic look with a disappointed one T’Challa immediately took notice of his mood change before coming to the children’s rescue once again.

“Uh, I can stop by for a couple of minutes only if it’s fine with you?” He inquired, giving you his undivided attention. Genuinely shocked with his answer you felt your breath hitch as your conscious and brain battled making you give out another delayed response. “Um, I don’t know if that appro— you know what, maybe just for a couple of minutes.” You reconciled, after settling your inhibitions in hopes of finally talking with T’Challa about y’all last encounter.

However, T’Challa had a different plan in mind as once y’all stepped foot in the villa he has been solely focused on the kids; which you weren’t upset about but to say that you didn’t want your own one on one personal conversation would be an understatement.

Now fisting the silk scrunchie onto your wrist while you held onto Cebisa hair with your left hand before reaching over to grab the scented moisturizer in your other you massaged the cream into her glistening coils before brushing her hair up into a bun.

Attempting to not let your annoyance display itself while you did your daughter’s hair, you immediately wrapped it up as you placed the bonnet on her head before tapping her to leave the space between your legs. Watching her run off and join the couch as the boys and T’Challa were occupied with the rerun of Moana before she cuddled underneath his figure.

Rolling your eyes at the effects he had on your kids you aggressively packed Cebisa’s hair supplies in her bag before dramatically getting up to walk upstairs.

Reaching the second level you walked into Cebisa’s bedroom and put up her stuff away before checking that she had all her belongings packed for tomorrow night before going in the other bedrooms to make sure that the oldest kids were packed as well.

Completing your task you went back into the living room before abruptly stopping as you heard snores fill your ears before the sight of your kids drooling on the King’s fine garments caught your eye. Walking in slowly you saw T’Challa flick his gaze upon you once you tiptoed towards him before bending down to grab ahold of a sleeping Cebisa and Zuko.

Following your lead T’Challa stood up and easily picked up the six year-old as he slobbered on his shoulder; which you felt bad about but T’Challa just shrugged it off before trailing behind you. Smiling at gesture you went up the stairs with him following you as you went into your sleeping babies rooms while assisted you with tucking them in even with the addition of the dead weight on him.

Returning the same courtesy as you placed the duvet over Mandla, you both awkwardly shuffled out of the bedroom and returned downstairs. Spotting T’Challa immediately go back to the living room and grab his belongings you knew this was your only chance to talk with him alone; so you took it.

Timidly stalking into the room you cleared your throat making him quickly turn his head around to face you before you harshly gulped to scramble out, “—um, don’t you think we need to have a talk before you leave?” before hesitatingly dampening your lips.

Instantly scrunching up his face before shifting his gaze back to collecting his items you heard him say, “No.” before moving to walk out your home. Quickly furrowing your arched brows you followed T’Challa to your foyer before picking up your speed to block the door. “N-No? Okay T’Challa I get that you are upset with me, but you need to atleast hear me out after spending the afternoon with me and my kids.”

With your chest rapidly rising and falling you scanned his expression to see if there were any changes in his tough demeanor; but there were none. Releasing a harsh breath at his attitude you decided to tell him anyways. “I had a drinking problem.” You started, making T’Challa roughly exhale.

“Tell me something I don’t know, no please move along.” He flatlined, with a simple wave of his hand.

Swiftly twisting your face at his action you briefly closed your eyes to swallow your sudden rebuttal before ignoring his behavior. “It wasn’t as easy as you thought, I still had personal insecurities about my divorce and as much as I tried to suppress with my children and you I-I just couldn’t.” You explained.

Shifting your eyes to see if any emotion appeared on his face you were quickly disappointed before timidly biting your lip. “Anyways, that night of your luncheon was my breaking point, so I want to let you know that from the bottom up of my heart that I’m sorry.”

“Sorry that I’ve embarrassed you and made you ever feel or think that I didn’t love or appreciate you. I’m just sorry I didn’t reciprocate my love to you the proper and healthy way.” You elaborated.

“—but I want to let you know that I’m ready.” You admitted, while you gazed up at him with glossy eyes before getting your back off the door to step to him.

“I-I’ve been taking therapy classes everyday, doing exercises j-just like that book you created for me and other alternatives. Either way, I’ve been clean mnandi for damn near three months and I-I need you to get that I’m truly sorry and if there’s a way that we can rebuild anything we’ve ha—” You hiccuped, while explaining before getting swiftly cut off by him.

“Uh, I think that enough for tonight. It’s great that you’ve gotten yourself together for the better, but I don’t think there is a chance that I could overlook the way you made me feel so vacant that night or even our entire relationship— or shit what you made me think was one.” He rebutted, with a tighten jaw making you immediately open your mouth.

“Ah, Ah! I let you speak now it’s my time to share.” He spat, with no remorse as he held his palm up while he watched the silent tears roll down your cheek. “Like I was saying, you gambled with my heart so I refuse to sit here and listen to you plead for me as if I wasn’t just good dick and a temporary support system.”

Trading spaces as he prowled and cornered you against the wall you caught T’Challa giving you a filthy mean mug before running a hand over his chin.

“Now, the only valuable relationship that even came out of this with were your kids sleeping upstairs!” He emphasized, as he forcefully pointed at the ceiling as major veins in his forehead began to protrude.

“—and don’t you even think for a second that I didn’t love them just as much as I did you. I gave you all my love and affection, but all you gave me were drunken rants and what I falsely perceived what was love.”

“Now, like I said before I’m proud that you’ve finally received the help you needed and I also accept your apology but I refuse to deny the way you’ve made me feel. Nonetheless, I’m always going to be here for those kids, but I’m no longer here for you.” He affirmed, as he backed away from you before turning around and walking out of the villa.

Feeling a unidentified pain in your chest as the tears began to cascade you released a agonizing sob while you stumbled before you slowly slid your body down and just allowed your emotions get the best of you.

Translations—

“Mnandi.” means sweetheart “Usana.” means baby “Sithandwa sa.” means my love “Umama.” means mother “Utata.” means father “Mandla.” means to have power “Cebisa.” means to give advise “Zuko.” means to give glory

Author’s Note— It’s been one year of Not Gon Cry?! Can y’all believe it? It’s finna be time to say goodbye next chapter, yikes. Anyways, T’Challa’s little speech made me feel guilty too! Do y’all think he was right to get on reader or y’all do think he was doing to much?

Taglist—@iamrheaspeaks@brittyevans@theunsweetenedtruth@wakandan-flowerz@inlovewithmakeupcomicsanimelove@jozigrrl@slimmiyagi@destinio1@ashanti-notthesinger@lady-love-and-glitter-roses@yaachtynoboat711@wakanda-inspired@kreolemami@trevantesbrat@champagnesugamama@hutchj@soldierandawar@madamslayyy@destinio1@bartierbakarimobisson@blowmymbackout@savageiz@airis-paris14@idilly@lildashofmelanin@imagine-mbaku@chaneajoyyy@chereedrop619@90sinspiredgirl@yofavcocoa@wakandamama@pupyluv247@storibambino@leahnicole1219@halfrican-heat@504queen@tsunderebaesworld@thiccdaddy-mbaku@dakotapaigelove@muse-of-mbaku@randomwordprompts@theblulife

Previous Chapters— Masterlist

Characters—Black Reader X M’Baku

Content—Trials Of Black Love, Adultery, Broken Relationships, Rehabilitation and Self Discovery

Plot—Based on the song, “I’m Goin’ Down” by Mary J Blige. In addition, I strongly suggest listening to this song on replay while reading to get further feels..

Narrative— “—alcohol is my safe haven, my therapist and my solitude. It’s the only thing that can ease my pain, the pain of feeling like such a fucking failure.”

“The number of disappointments in my life was just sucking the life out of me; suffocating me if you will and that bottle right there was my only oxygen and nobody else could help revive me.” You wept, before aggressively pointing at the bottle of alcohol sitting in the middle of the group circle.

“It didn’t matter who I got in a relationship with or how many kids I pushed out that would ever ease the pain of my broken heart. All it took was one affair with the love of my life to break me to pieces.”

Licking your cracked lips you briefly closed your eyes and took a deep breath before opening them back up and finished sharing your sorrows. “I was fed up with all of the lies, the forced smiles trying to pretend like my husband wasn’t stepping out on me, I was tired.”

Releasing a dry chuckle you begin to elaborate, “Tired of being a strong black woman so you know what I did? I caved. I went into my pantry, grabbed a nineteen forty-seven bottle of merlot that I kept from my wedding ceremony and gulped the whole thing. It felt s-so exhilarating like I could conquer the world but I only ended up destroying everything I loved.”

Slouching back in the chair, you finished sharing your story to the aa group and waited until the instructor finished writing her notes until she clicked her pen and gave you her undivided attention.

“—now throughout your explanation, you repeatedly stated that you felt alone, but was there anyone in your life who you tried to express this feeling too?”

Biting the inside of your cheek, you timidly nodded your head. “T’Challa knew I had a drinking problem but he didn’t know to a certain extent and Bast bless his heart. He tried, he really did but I would always end up succumbing to my addiction and sneak a sip or two whenever I had a chance.” You sighed.

“I remember he drew up this big plan to help me do things if I ever started to crave alcohol like take walks through the garden or paint, hell he even suggested that I take up martial arts!” You weakly chuckled.

“It was so thoughtful, shit he was thoughtful but that plan only lasted a week.” You mumbled, as a lone tear slid down your face as you recalled his wide smile as he detailed his plan step by step.

Damn, you miss that man.

It has been eight weeks; fifty-six days since the argument and since you’ve last seen T’Challa. The day after the dispute you recalled trying to reconcile with him but you were restricted access by the Dora Milaje and stripped from exclusive kimoyo beads; which halted all your contact with the King.

Shortly after T’Challa ceased all communication your drinking started to spill it’s way back into your daily life. Eventually taking control of your life it affected your cognitive abilities causing your children to fall short of a mother’s love. Noticing the drastic shift in your behavior, your ex-husband moved the kids to Gorilla City while you got yourself together.

Increasing your separation anxiety from your kids you continued your downward spiral until one night your girlfriends found you hungover with pieces of vomit on your clothes after you missed their calls.

Pathetic and disgusting they dragged you to the closest rehab, signed you up for weekly aa meetings and individual therapy sessions. Days after repeating the same eight hour programs, chanting affirmations and introducing yourself to recycled users you were making progress as you slowly allowed work to consume a small part of your day.

While your life was beginning to slowly fall back into place your relationship with your children eventually improved as you could now hold a conversation with them over the phone without slurred speech and lost thoughts. However, physically not seeing your brown babies in weeks still pained your heart as it kept you up at night while you wept and clutched on loose pictures of your children against your chest.

Nevertheless, with your improvements over the last couple of weeks, you were guaranteed to be their sole provider again. “—so, let me get this correct.”

“You still love our King, but you still managed to push him away although he attempted multiple times to help you with your addiction.” She clarified.

“Ma’am your nothing but a repetition of hurt people hurting people.” The instructor confessed, with a sight of complete sorrow in her eyes.

“Because you haven’t forgiven the sins of your ex-husband you still hold that resentment inside and you transfer that sense of abandonment around.”

“Baby, you have to let that hurt go because ever since M’Baku has pushed those feelings onto you, you have done nothing but shift those emotions onto everybody you love and look at where that has gotten you.” The therapist spoke, while staring directly into your bloodshot eyes as you sniffled uncontrollably.

With the flow of tears reaching the bottom of your chin before they started to fall you saw an inpatient offer you tissues before you accepted them. As you pressed the cotton underneath your eyes you heard the counselor continue to speak. “—your goal this week is to learn and convey the art of forgiveness.”

“You must bare your soul and confess what you felt during the course of your marriage with M’Baku and also be capable of hearing his rebuttal. Remember only you can control your actions and words, not others.” The instructor recommended, before dismissing the weekly meeting.

The thought of forgiving M’Baku plagued your mind throughout the week as sweat discharged from your pores during your early morning workout, while you cooked dinner and flipped relentlessly through the midnight hour. You just couldn’t comprehend how could you forgive a man who has caused so much destruction and chaos in your life and marriage.

However, after much internal debate, you concluded that the therapist wouldn’t steer you in the wrong direction and decided to act on the tough advice.

Adjusting the caramel colored high waisted stretch pants you traded with the worn and wrinkled sweats you looked at the matching set in the mirror one last time and grabbed the large white and tan fur coat off your bed before heading downstairs. Crossing your living room and kitchen you bent down to grab the white furrry boots sitting at the front door before going outside and getting into your car.

“—fuck.” You grumbled, as the cold still managed to ooze through the thick fur coat as the vehicle moved further up the icy mountain. It has been a couple of months since you’ve been to Gorilla City as the last time you were there you revealed M’Baku‘s tramp stamp after an explosive argument and now here you are trying to make amends and forgive.

Oh, how the times have changed.

Arriving at the kingdom the crunch of the snow underneath your boots greeted you as you stepped out of the car. As you walked towards the palace you felt the habitual but sacred land receive you again as snowflakes melted in your hair, wild flowers brighten and the echoes of the Jabari chanting sounded like a spiritual cry as you traveled towards the big arch of the door before you cautiously approached the big and scowling guards standing infront of the door.

Raising your hand up before they could get a chance to bark you into intimidation you stated, “I’m here to talk to M’Baku, not argue or cause any destruction.” while the guards exchanged glances before barking in sync signaling the guards on the opposite side to open the doors. Still skeptical about your sudden arrival you felt the guards stare you down as you were escorted to his office space.

As you approached the room you heard the faint giggles of children behind the door which instantly made you falter in your footsteps once you felt your heart beat sporadically and palms secrete. Increasing your pace you impatiently waited once you reached the door as the guards slowly opened the entrance.

Pushing past the muscular men you walked into the room and instantly spotted your children playing with eachother before your eyes began to water. Instantly dropping their toys you watched as your kids ran up to you as they yelled, “Umama!” and hugged you.

Abruptly dropping down to your knees you cradled them in your arms as tears began to flow down your face. Rocking side to side as you embrace them you sniffled before dropping your arms and sitting back to observe their appearance. “Oh, I’ve missed you guys.” You admitted, while you touched their soft faces and wiped away their stray tears.

As you chewed on your bottom lip to cease your trembling while you attempted to keep the rest of your tears at bay you caressed you children’s faces as you noted how much they’ve developed since you’ve last seen them. With Mandla towering over the little ones you knew he was going to take after M’Baku’s height and prominent features no matter how much he couldn’t tolerate him. Meanwhile, with Zuko you could tell that his personality was starting to mimic your own. Furthermore, with your Cebisa you could determine that she was reaching milestones as her gummy smile was now filled with baby teeth.

Exhaling as you played with Cebisa’s puff balls your eyes trailed to the dominant figure sitting in the back observing the kids and you interact. Flattening your smile you told your oldest son, “Mandla, take your brother and sister out for a second while I talk to your utata for a minute.” before they exited.

Hearing the door close behind them you got up and adjusted your wrinkled pants before walking towards the chairs and sitting down. With silence lingering in the air M’Baku and you just sat there staring at each other as neither of you knew exactly what to say.

As time ticked, you recalled why you were there and cleared your throat before saying, “—I forgive you.”

Not sure if he heard you correct you caught M’Baku’s distorted facials before continuing, “You’ve hurt me, cheated on me and broke my heart but I forgive you even though I still feel like you don’t deserve to hear me say these words, but I know this will be what’s best for me at the end of the day.” You spoke, as reassurance began to coat your vocal cords.

“Now, for two straight months I have been working on my alcohol problems with rehab assessments, aa meetings and therapy. I’ve been sober for these last eight weeks, so I think it’s time for us to get back to the scheduled custody arrangement in our divorce.”

While you still maintained eye contact you opened your mouth to continue, but you were interrupted by the chilling baritone voice. “—they miss you alot.” He spoke, before a weary grin crossed his face. “Mandla barely utters a word to me, Cebisa doesn’t like me to read her bedtime stories and I’m slowly losing Zuko as he is beginning to take after Mandla.” M’Baku shrugged, as tears threatened to spill.

Taking in the Great Gorilla getting emotional over your children you rebutted, “Our children are broken M’Baku and you can’t fix that overnight with a couple of hugs and kisses or with their favorite foods. Those kids need reassurance that their utata won’t replace or give away your love like you did me, so give them time.” with this suggestion you saw him take your words into consideration as he visually relaxed.

Watching your ex-husband brush his thumb against his face as he wiped away fallen tears before clearing his throat to say, “—this is long overdue but I’m sorry for everything.” before immediately catching your full attention. “I’ve pained your life in many ways that will never understand and all because I couldn’t keep my eyes from wondering. I’m sorry for making you spiral out of control, ruining your relationship with T’Challa and most importantly destroying your character.”

Feeling your tears press for relief again you sniffled before licking your lips as you briefly played with your fingers before accepting his apology, “Thank you for that.” You said, before slowly standing up.

Still speechless from his sincere words you slowly walked away from a vulnerable M’Baku. Reaching the door you paused and glanced at the melancholy man before saying, “—I’m gonna take the kids with me for a bit, they’ll be back soon. Take care M’Baku.”

Leaving the room without another word you closed the door and walked towards the children’s playroom before leaning up against the door and basking in the view of your babies playing. Making your appearance known you knocked softly on the door which quickly caught their attention as they whipped their heads around and cheesed at you. Walking into the room you grinned as you announced that you were bringing them back with you.

After packing the children’s bags you and the kids traveled down the frigid mountains before arriving at your house. Unlocking the door with a simple scan of your palm you felt your brown babies push past your body as they ran into the house with screams of joy while they raced to their rooms in excitement.

Laughing at their antics you called out to them, “Y’all stop running in this house!” before you dropped their bags and shut the door. As you crossed the foyer and walked through the kitchen before going to the living room you slipped your fur coat and boots off before the plush materials of your rug touched your toes.

Plopping down on the couch you could feel yourself begin to acquire a sense of serenity that you haven’t reached these past two months. With the tangerine rays peeking through your light curtains, body and soul at ease and the pure laughter of your children coming from upstairs, you could finally relax.

Translations—

“Umama.” means mother “Utata.” means father “Mandla.” means to have power “Cebisa.” means to give advise “Zuko.” means to give glory

Author’s Note— I know! I know y’all are tired of me updating every other month but it’s gonna change I promise! We only got two more chapters left bbys!

Anyways, how do y’all feel about readers transition after her actions (from the previous chapter)?

Taglist—@iamrheaspeaks@brittyevans@theunsweetenedtruth@wakandan-flowerz@inlovewithmakeupcomicsanimelove@jozigrrl@slimmiyagi@destinio1@ashanti-notthesinger@lady-love-and-glitter-roses@yaachtynoboat711@wakanda-inspired@kreolemami@trevantesbrat@champagnesugamama@hutchj@soldierandawar@madamslayyy@destinio1@bartierbakarimobisson@blowmymbackout@savageiz@airis-paris14@idilly@lildashofmelanin@imagine-mbaku@chaneajoyyy@chereedrop619@90sinspiredgirl@yofavcocoa@wakandamama@pupyluv247@storibambino@leahnicole1219@halfrican-heat@504queen@royallyprincesslilly@thiccdaddy-mbaku@dakotapaigelove@muse-of-mbaku@randomwordprompts@theblulife