#nothing compares 2 u

five years. nothing compares 2 u, prince.

PREMISE: Sometimes it’s obvious why a relationship ended—but sometimes things come to an end, and nobody, not even the couple, can seem to figure out why. That’s where Xavier Cupid comes in. He’s a hard-boiled breakup detective who’s not interested in uncovering cheating or infidelity – the only lies he wants to expose are the lies people tell themselves about their relationships. This Cupid doesn’t use a bow and arrow, he carries a .44 Magnum, and he’s out to solve the greatest mysteries of all: The mysteries of the human heart.

CHARACTERS: Xavier Cupid used to run the top matchmaking service in all of Chicago, but he was forced into retirement by the rise of online dating services, and a horrific accident, involving a dozen extra-thorny roses, that killed two of his clients. Now he spends his days investigating breakups that are so emotionally complex, even the people who broke up can’t seem to explain them.
          Phylicia Cupid is Xavier’s wife of 35 years. They have a healthy, stable, loving relationship. Or do they? Yes, they do.

NOTABLE EPISODE: Martha and Mike seemed like the perfect couple, but they broke up and their friends want to know why. They pool their money and hire Cupid, who discovers that deep down, Martha didn’t believe she could ever be as wonderful as Mike thought she was, and that Mike had an unspoken fear of repeating the mistakes his parents made in their relationship. The episode ends with Cupid accidentally getting drawn into an entirely unrelated shootout with a group of drug smugglers down at the docks where Martha and Mike took a walk on their first date (S11.E11 – “Intima-Sea Issues”).

CATCHPHRASE: “Love doesn’t conquer all–but I do.” / The sound of “Nothing Compares 2 U” played over the speakers of a car parked on the side of the road, mingled with the driver’s quiet weeping.

TRIVIA/MISCELLANY: There is a significant spike in the number of illegal downloads of the show every Valentine’s day.