#obey belphegor

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MAMMON HEAD CANON #4

Mammon cries when he’s frustrated.

Being real here, I don’t think Mammon would ever be one of those physically mad people. I think Mammon has such a will to notterrify his brothers that he holds in his anger/frustration that when he does happen to get angry/frustrated, he cries.

That’s not to say that he won’t get physical at some point. Not on his brothers but maybe his surroundings. Say, throwing things around his room because he just gets so tiredof his mistreatment but has no outlet except crying when he does.

And he absolutely hates that about himself.

Mammon messes up a lot and he knows that. He’s trying his best, he really is! But, it’s just so tiring for him. It’s tiring trying to be someone he’s not. It’s tiring trying to stop being so damn clumsy all the time. It’s tiring having to go against his sin just so he can some type of affection from his family.

He’s just so tired.

HOW IT HAPPENS

Mammon had studied so hard for his test, yet why couldn’t any of the material just stick? He knew Lucifer and his brothers would find out eventually, mocking him for not getting a good grade, despite having tried his best. He regrets not taking Satan up on his offer of helping him study but it’d likely only end in failure as well, after all he was only an idiot. Thoughts began to filter through his head. ‘How could ya be so stupid!’ ‘It was such an easy thing!’ ‘All you know is how to mess up.’ ‘Ya only had ta do one thing.’ He beats himself up about it. Reprimanding himself. Scolding himself. Wishing he could be different. Wishing he could have been better. Everything would have been so different if he had just been better.

He becomes frustrated. He can feel his eyes turn warm and begin to sting. He rubs at his eyes and curses when he can feel the beginning of tears forming at the corners. He becomes even more frustrated when tears begin to flow freely down his face. ‘Stop it. Don’t cry, don’t ya dare cry now!’ He rubs at his eyes until the area around them is a flushing red. His cheeks start to sting a bit from all the rubbing once the tears start again.

He can’t take it anymore.

Out of pure anger and frustration, he grabs the nearest object and chucks it at the wall. At first comes the shock and regret from letting his emotions get the best of him, but then comes the relief. Relief on finally being able to do something. Relief that the tears had finally stopped. He just feels relief. So, he does it again. Uncoordinated and fueled by his raw emotions he begins to rain havoc on everything in his room. Tearing and ripping at his clothes, breaking expensive ornaments, shattering all the mirrors he can see, tearing open his pillows and bed. It’s a long while but once he’s done, it quiet. All he could hear was his harsh breathing and the blooding rushing to his head. He lets out a shaky breath before putting his hands to his face.

Regret. He regrets doing it.

But the relief was so overwhelming. Finally, finally he had some form of letting everything out instead of just crying and sobbing like some helpless child. It had just felt so freeing that he hadn’t given it a second thought. Now though, sitting in the middle of his room surrounded by the destructions he created he couldn’t help but cry again. He should’ve been better.

He was just glad he was home alone. After all what would Lucifer say if he caught acting like such a child? And what of his other brothers? They’d have a field day if they found out about this! He sighs. He gets up, goes to the bathroom and washes his face. Once he comes back he sets work, cleaning and disposing of everything he’s destroyed. Bags of destroyed objects begin to pile. One after the other until there’s a mountain of them. He should hurry and finish before his brothers get home.

He does manage to finish before they get home but from then on it’s a never ending cycle. Small bit of relief he had felt in that moment was intoxicating.

How could he just forget that feeling?