volition

part 1-part 2

previous chapters - XV (ao3)

The hours crawl, and there are no more songs to hum, but the haze in her head refuses to dissipate. She can’t wait it out, can’t sleep it away. The afterglow doesn’t last, the slowdown barely comforting, the whirlwind romance— like sand slipping through her fingers.

Her departure is as silent as it is swift. She takes what she can hold, including all her dirty clothes, and stuffs everything in a rolled up grocery tote she keeps in her work bag. The thought of tidying up doesn’t occur to her; she’s not that cruel, even if she recognizes the consequences when he wakes up in the morning. Gazing sadly at Kogami’s sleeping form, Akane leaves the door ajar, afraid to wake him, and, to a certain extent, herself.

***

It’s almost five in the morning, and the streets stretch wide and empty beneath her feet. It never occurs to her to go back to her apartment, not when she can’t remember when she stopped considering it as her home. Somewhere along the way she must have stopped crying, and only her muscle memory is keeping her moving. As the sun starts to break through the clouds, she finds herself standing in front of a familiar place.

Yayoi opens the door, dumbfounded and sleepy at first.

“Tsunemori! Are you okay?”

The sight of a friendly face has her tearing up again, and Yayoi doesn’t hesitate, pulling her in a warm embrace as she ushers her inside.

“What’s wrong?” She takes her to the living room and sits her down the couch, taking the bags off her hands.

“C-Can I stay here for a bit?” Akane realizes she’s trembling, cold from the air outside.

“Yes, of course! Shion!”

Shion appears from the bedroom, rushing when she realizes who their visitor is.

“Akane-chan!”

Yayoi stands to give room for Shion, heading to the kitchen to make some tea.

“Sweetheart, what happened?” Shion asks, embracing her tightly before holding her face in her hands, anger flashing in her eyes. “Who made you cry?”

Shion pats her cheeks dry with the back of her hand. It smells of her favorite rose hand cream, with a hint of tobacco. Not very often that she feels helpless like now, but of the few people who have seen her cry, Shion is the one she’s come to rely on the most.

“I did, actually.”

Shion’s gaze softens, planting a kiss on her forehead. “Well. I’d like to hear it but only after you’ve gotten a bit of sleep because my dear, I love you but you look like a trainwreck. How about you take a warm shower first, then a nap?”

She breaks into a smile, hugging her tight.

“Thank you. That would be nice.”

***

Kogami paces back and forth in the living room, ready to step out in case he needs to pick her up somewhere. A far cry from when he woke up, wanting to tease and congratulate Akane for finally getting out of bed before him, for once.

I’m sorry, Kogami-san. I need some time alone. Please don’t contact or follow me.

As if the last sentence wasn’t already painful enough, the shelf in his closet is emptied, her toiletries gone from his bathroom, leaving nothing that could have lasted with her so long as she stayed. He can only stare at her handwritten note, bitterly chuckling at the state of her writing; maybe it’s because people her age don’t write with pen and paper anymore. It’s such an insignificant thing to fixate on, because he doesn’t want to think of the alternative. Like she said, she just needs time to think. That’s all.

***

She found an old magazine to read, flipping through the pages, staring at photographs of a then tourist-filled Angkor Wat. Apparently people used to come early in the morning for group tours to watch the sunrise, and over the years, several foreign governments had been donating money to ensure that the temples were well-maintained and protected.

The past years’ wars meant that this support no longer exists, but the structure still stands today, even when being used a little differently than was intended. They passed by a ceremony earlier, so of course it remains to be a sacred temple in some parts, but most of the complex now housed the majority of the guerrillas, including their families. For Akane, who had never been outside Japan before, the eye-opening sights outside Shamballa Float were not far from what she read in books, or heard in the news, and yet, witnessing the circumstances of people having to adapt just so they could find their place in the world and fight for what they believed in— what a privileged person she truly was.

A few hours later, after she had gone through several old picture books and magazines on his shelf, she heard the curtain shuffle. Kogami appeared, parting the tarp and letting a gentle breeze flow into the room.

“Welcome back,” Akane blurted out, realizing too late how strange it was to say as a guest. The gesture seemed to have stunned him as well; unable to respond until after she averted his gaze.

“Thanks. Did the guys downstairs send you food?”

“Oh, yeah. I ate a little, but I wasn’t really hungry.”

“And now?”

“Still no. Have you eaten?” Akane stood, closing the book in her hand.

“Yeah. It’s late so…”

Kogami reached behind his head, stymied as his gaze traveled past her and around the confines of his room. An uncomfortable silence settled around them both, none of the serious exchanges that seemed to come easy when there’s work to discuss. She didn’t do much thinking when he asked her to stay the night, it wasn’t like she could go anywhere else.

Standing in this room, two steps away from bumping into each other, the logistics probably flew over their heads.

“Wanna take that off?”

“W-what?”

“Your vest.”

“Oh. Yeah.” She chuckled, turning around and realizing belatedly how strange the action was. It was only the vest, nothing more…

“Take the bed, I’ll move stuff around,” she heard him say through the audible crunch of the velcro. She slid the vest off, lifting a bit of her shirt in the process. Turning around, her eyes darted to him, noticing his gaze lingering on her exposed skin.

“I can sleep anywhere—”she uttered, once again not really thinking as she pulled her shirt down. Where is anywhere?

“And that’s why you’re taking the bed,” he retorts with a smirk. Was he teasing her?

“Take it easy. You’re my guest.”

Kogami busied himself, taking the chair she sat on earlier and placing it on the other side. He pushed the table back, making room for the storage crate he pulled from the other end of the room to line up with the chairs. Akane sat on the bed, gingerly folding the vest and the jacket he let her borrow earlier, wondering whether the table fulfilled the purpose of some sort of divider in the small room, blocking nothing yet placing them apart.

He grabbed some blankets from the drawer, handing a couple to her. “I don’t… have a pillow.”

“It’s fine,” Akane smiled. “Still more comfortable than you will be. Thank you.”

“This is better than a forest floor, let me assure you. Get some rest.”

Akane placed the vest and the folded jacket beneath the extra blanket, giving it enough padding and height to work as a pillow. In the corner of her eyes, he switched the light off, momentarily bathing them in darkness before turning on the lantern. Only Kogami’s footsteps remain, and the sound of a chorus of crickets fill her ears; the transition from sitting to lying down felt like an eternity.

She turned to the wall, unfurling the blanket over her body. The strange sensation of keeping her shoes on was less unnerving than the feel of her weight bearing down on the thin mattress, sleeping on a place he normally would, every inhale infused with a bit of his scent. Sweat, dust, tobacco. Neither unpleasant nor good, just… him.

With only sound, she traced his movements in the semi-darkness; aligning the chairs again before sitting down, his legs overflowing over the large crate, his feet hanging, the rustle of the blanket, the long sigh— a tired one, escaped him. Breathless, Akane felt his back meet the hard wood of the chair, his other foot planted, little movements to make himself comfortable.

It was quiet, but it wasn’t. Not at all.

“Good night,” he said.

“Good night.”

***

It’s his third attempt, feeling stupid and restless as Yayoi’s phone rings and rings over the line. They’ll get sick of him, and for how long, he’s willing to bear the brunt of their chagrin for a little bit of assurance.

“Kogami.”

“Yayoi— thanks. And sorry.”

“For what?”

“For calling non-stop. I just want to know if she’s safe.”

“She’s with us, so yes.”

He knew that. Still, it relieves him. “Can you tell her that,“ he hesitates, knowing he’s pushing his luck. "I’m heading to Ma’s for the weekend so if she wants, I can pick her up.”

“Kogami.”

“Shion—”

“We’ll tell her you called. That’s it.”

He lets out a sigh, hanging his head. Unfair as it may feel, he’s in no position to be requesting anything.

“I understand. Thank you.”

***

"I find it strange how at ease you are around here.”

Walking slightly ahead, his confidence was no different from when she first met him; quiet and commanding, a hint of mystery that she surprisingly seemed to be able to peel away bit by bit.

Homura looked back, stopping in his tracks. “You mean to say, after fabricating a position in the Ministry whose purpose is to quote-unquote surveil these wards, you assumed that I do not come here frequently?”

Spot on, she thought, a smile tugging at her lips.

“I would have expected you to be a regular in the country clubs more than the slums.”

They had only known each other for a few weeks. Prying aside, it made her wonder how many more stereotypical rich man traits she could hurl at him, since it seemed he possessed less than the usual.

“It’s not that I don’t go. To country clubs, I mean. There’s indeed plenty of ways to spend my time and money.”

And yet they were together for the third weekend in a row in the least fanciest of places. Akane caught up, falling into step with him as they traverse another random street that ends by the Kanda River.

“I could go shopping, but I can also just give my tailor or my personal shopper a call, ask him to surprise me,” he continued, grinning. “I could go to the casino, waste away a few.”

“How much is a few?”

“More than what should be allowed to be wasted. I hate games, but I’m not bad at them, so you can imagine I had to lose even a little bit for them to not completely ban me in their premises.”

Akane couldn’t help but laugh. “And what else, Homura-san?”

“Hmm… I could easily get on a private jet and take a vacation overseas.”

“Where, though? Isn’t it dangerous to travel outside the country?”

They reached the river with an old park. He took a seat on the bench nearest the water, crossing his legs and leaning back with a tilt of his head, gesturing at her to sit. She obliged, watching him gaze forward with a quiet serenity, untouchable, until he let out an audible sigh.

“I wish I could say this without sounding like a pompous fool, but then I’d be a hypocrite, won’t I?”

Homura looked at her with a tinge of guilt behind his eyes. Akane raises her brow, noticing the subtle deviations from his stoic expression a lot more quicker now.

“I don’t quite understand…”

“For people of my family’s economic standing,” he paused, as if every word was causing him great discomfort, “the world is round, and what we have here, we can have anywhere else, regardless of what is currently happening. Sometimes even better, since price is not an issue.”

“Oh.”

“I say I’m a hypocrite because I do not and will never deny benefitting from this privilege. I do not reject it, nor do I resent it. No matter what, I am who I am now because of my family. But also…”

Akane watched him hesitate, arms crossed as he fixed his gaze across the water, as if staring at something much farther away.

“I was born here.”

Akane did a double-take, sure that she had misheard.

“What?”

He grinned, satisfied that he got such a reaction out of her. “You heard right.”

As if that explained everything. Akane turned to the water, unsure whether they were at a stage where she could pry into his personal matters, like they were friends.

“I was adopted, taken from here when I was not even three years old. It’s not public information, but my father never made me forget that, and at the same time he took great lengths to ensure I didn’t find out anything more than that simple fact.”

“Judging from how you speak, I’d say he wasn’t very successful, then.”

“He probably should have kept a tighter leash on my bank accounts, but… as much as he’d been strict to me, I was never denied anything money could buy.”

Which is a lot, she imagined, finishing the sentence in her head. Since spending time together more frequently, learning the little things and noticing the fine details; the fabric of his suit, the shine of his shoes, the scent of his cologne, the wave of his perfectly styled hair— in retrospect, despite his wealth, the way he carried himself in the streets of Akihabara was that of someone more at home than his appearance would suggest.

“My mother was a sex worker. She died giving birth to me, leaving me temporarily in the care of my mother’s colleagues. Unfortunately that’s the extent of what I have been able to confirm without doubt.”

“There were rumors that I was an illegitimate child, the result of my father’s carelessness. Another rumor was that my father was a loyal customer who merely took a shine on my mother, adopting me out of sympathy.”

“Do you… know who she is? Her name, where she came from?”

“No.” His eyes, downcast, flickered between the glimmering water and a small stain on the tip of his shoe. “To begin with, it wasn’t like I had much to go with. Record-keeping in the blocks was almost non-existent back then. Children are born and named, or found. Regardless of where they came from, they are adopted, cared for without question by their communities. My mother’s line of work didn’t exactly promote the opposite of anonymity, either.”

“Sorry to hear that. It must have been tough not to find the answers, even if you could afford to validate it.”

He chuckled softly, sliding down the seat and putting his hands in his pockets. “What I could pay for was little information, and in the end, something else about this place convinced me I wasn’t getting anything less than the truth.”

Curious, she gave him a look that he easily understood. It occurred to her that he never held back on her account. Sometimes all she needed to do was ask, even without the need for words.

“Do you think someone like me would have been able to walk these streets untouched?”

Her eyes widened in realization… Looking back when they would first spend time together, she worried about walking the streets unarmed, side by side with him, only to observe that not only do the locals leave them alone, but that he wasn’t ever treated differently or specially, as if…

“They knew.”

“I admit I never had the courage to ask them directly, but I think I can trust my gut on this one,“ he hesitated, starting with a tone less defeated, more inspired. "My affinity to this place goes beyond my mother now. I’ve always wondered what I could do here, but at the moment it’s something so insubstantial, like spending my money.”

Akane smiled softly. “I’m sure they don’t appreciate it less.”

He looked at her then, reverent, before breaking into a smile.

Not the kind she used to associate with his cunning, calculating moves; a symbol of her premature distrust. It’s his thinly-veiled facade, broken down in a matter of weeks, shed away without her even realizing.

And all at once, a page turns. Akane looked away, recognizing a spark of emotion, barely-there, a knock on her chest, unmistakeable, irresistible pull, felt only once before…

***

Waking up, flitting from dream to dream, Akane’s restless eyes shut closed, blocking the sunlight with her arm and turning away from the window. It’s high enough in the sky that the curtains are useless, especially now she’s not even sure going back to sleep will do her any good.

Shion greets her in the kitchen, placing a plate of souffle pancakes with whipped cream, syrup and berries in front of her.

“A bit late for breakfast but too early for lunch, Akane-chan. Have a seat.”

“Thank you, Shion-san.”

“Yayoi went out for an interview, but she’ll be back later. Coffee?”

“Espresso, please.”

The machine whirrs noisily in the background as Akane takes her first bite. She used to spend weekends here when she had free time, going on spa dates and watching movies together. Lately it has been difficult, but as it is among good friends, nothing ever really changes. She takes a big bite, lighting up and realizing she hadn’t eaten a proper meal last night and is actually pretty hungry.

“How do you like it?” Shion asks, placing their cups on the table and sitting across.

“It’s good. Looks like you perfected it!”

“I know, right? It’s the whipping and folding in the whites that I keep getting wrong. Try the coffee. Yayoi got the beans from one of her contacts in the port. Said it’s from Brazil.”

Akane picks up the cup, the familiar scent ticking her nose. Sipping carefully, the taste fills her senses, uplifting and lonesome at the same time. It’s the same coffee that Chiyo made for her a few days ago…

“Kogami called earlier. Based on what I know, I was expecting someone different.”

Akane swirls a blueberry in the cream before popping it in her mouth. She expected he would. Her phone is dead, her communicator buried deep in her bag, and Shion, despite her earlier concern, isn’t hiding her curiosity while staring at the bruise on her neck..

“Wanna tell me what happened?”

“That’s why I’m here,” she says, resigned but relieved.

***

Long after her plate is cleared, and another round of espresso finished, the story she tells is less satisfying coming out of her own mouth, like a recounting of all her stupid mistakes. Shion listens intently, no judgment nor taking sides, just an open mind, a ready ear. The cards fall, the weight of the aftermath is hers to ponder, hers to bear, but knowing she doesn’t have to do it alone makes all the difference.

“For what it’s worth, maybe the mess, as you say, had to happen.”

Akane forces a smile. “I was greedy.”

“Weren’t you all? I can’t be the only one thinking none of you had any self control in the slightest,” Shion giggles, happy that Akane caught her drift. “I’ll bet my engagement ring that none of you can tell me with a straight face that it’s only your hearts that drove yourselves into this corner. Congrats on the sex, by the way.”

Shion winks, making Akane bury her face in her hands.

“It was reallygood.”

“As it should be!” Shion laughs affectionately. “Listen, since it’s pretty clear that neither of them are backing down. At least you had half a head to get yourself out of the situation.”

“And now I don’t even know what to make of everything. I feel stuck.”

Shion softens, stroking her cheek with the back of her hand.

“Do you feel pressured to make a decision?”

“I can’t help it. I do. I don’t want to string anyone along…”

“But you’re not. You all just got caught up in each other. For better or worse, you’re not the only party responsible for what brought you here. You did the right thing, distancing yourself. Give yourself time to think.”

Akane sighs. In the end, someone will lose. Maybe even her.

“Do you think I’ll make the right decision?”

Across the table, Shion reaches out to hold her hand. The gesture feels a world away from those that held her the past few days. No less loved, or cared for, but comforting all the same. Shion’s palms are soft, her painted nails a nice splash of color, her engagement ring glimmering in the late morning sunlight; a reminder of beautiful things to come.

“Well, from what you’ve told me so far, I can’t say you can make a bad one, at least. And not just for you. Don’t forget that you’re quite the catch.“

She laughs, tearing up unexpectedly at Shion’s teasing. “I just wish it were easier.”

“If it were easier, you wouldn’t be here at all.”

Shion stands up, walking to her side to pull her close. Akane settles in her embrace, welcoming the warmth she needs to set her head straight, to sort out her feelings. Always easier said than done, this she knows, as insecurity rears its ugly head, her mind trampling over her heart in front of a forked road.

There’s no turning back now.

***

Akane returns to her apartment on Sunday night; the sight of her front door serves as a stark reminder that the distraction of spending time with her friends is over, and that reality waits for her on the other side.

The lights turn on, revealing the place as she left it; fairly tidy and barely lived in. Once again, the walls of her apartment seem to engulf her in unnecessary spaces, where she finds herself searching for life in the way she let herself get used to; be it a form of a dog or a sleeping drone, a neatly folded scarf or jacket behind a dining room chair, a set of books in the middle of being read, an empty ashtray, and a myriad of other little things she won’t find there.

On the coffee table in her living room, her ring, her necklace, and Kogami’s dog tags, left forgotten, both given, regardless of intention. While she stares at the contrasting sparkle of the jewelry to the worn and beaten chain, the irony of bearing the brunt of everything in a span of a week is not lost on her. She knows, they all know, this goes back further.

Akane turns tail, walking away from a choice she’s not yet ready to make.

***

Around her were rising towers, modern and imposing over the Cambodian skyline. Far cry from the stone temples that blended their shapes among the trees, in the forests where the fighters lived. This was a place for peace, but outside its walls and beyond, a different world still existed.

She cupped her chin, a heavy thought lingering like an itch at the back of her mind. Ginoza’s words were laced with his usual overprotectiveness, and she accepted it. He knew she could see through him, and maybe, they even shared the same dissatisfaction with their parting.

Aboard the plane that would take them home, the distance grew in front of her eyes, from the land, to the sky. Where he was now, or where he was headed, it was entirely possible that she might never see him again. Their gazes lingered in a fleeting moment; only the two of them in the midst of disarray, barely escaping the clutches of death. She might have wanted to say something back then, something that would have meant more than just the little time they earned to rekindle, to get their bearings together that made her say things before they had parted, like she wanted to stay. It wasn’t the time and place. They never seemed to be afforded that.

And so Akane tucked every piece of him away, a protected corner, sacred, in the back of her mind, in the shelves of her heart. Maybe they will meet again. That hope will not drive her, but she did not let it die.

***

She cracked her eyes open in the semi-darkness, making out the shapes of the curtains, their bodies rising and falling, breaths syncing. Shizuka was neither a heavy or a light sleeper, but it was more often that he caught her asleep than the other way around, judging from the growing collection of candid photographs on his phone. It was too dark to take a photo— not that she was intending to, anyway.

She slowly separated from him, propping up on the pillow, gazing down as her eyes adjusted to the moonlight streaming from the window. Serene and defenseless, a view she’d daresay she had a monopoly on, brought a smile to her face. Brushing his hair aside, she envied the smooth skin of his forehead, his brows that rarely creased even in stressful situations. To many, he was the epitome of a perfect man.

He was far from perfect. Akane knew that he can be selfish and headstrong, not one to yield even when he is crippled and out of luck; that he often used his stoicism as a mask to make hard decisions, and that he always looked beyond what’s right in front of him, always weighing and taking on bigger things that he alone can’t carry. And yet, he always got things done. Made right choices, executed some questionable strategies, defended radical ideas, did the necessary for change. People were sometimes not ready for it. They were not ready for him.

But he was also materialistic and petty, and despite his level of discretion, she could tell that he loved showing off. Whoever the object of his affection would never want for anything, except time, which she knew they were getting less and less of.

Akane traced a finger over his lips, perfectly shaped and soft, her newest addiction. His passion was gradual, testing the waters and drawing back, holding themselves accountable as if they had a tacit agreement that whatever they were beginning to feel for each other was far insignificant than what they could accomplish without giving into something so unmistakably human.

How wrong she was, not because she knew he would be the first to break, but because she was already waiting on the other side of the door with a hand on the knob, ready to let him in.

Beneath her, his shoulders shifted, hand twitching, seeking her. Akane laced their fingers together, planting a kiss over his mouth, careful not to rouse him. She barely succeeded, feeling him reciprocate in the last second, closing over her bottom lip. She smiled, lying back down to snuggle against the crook of his neck as he ran his hand over the middle of her back. A small moment, reassuring gesture. What was held, still held, and what was felt, still felt.

"Sleep.”

***

The notification came in early that morning, and she definitely remembers reading it in a sleepier state. Between then and now is a blur, but she’s wide awake, staring at the numbers on the elevator panel as she taps her feet while they stop at almost every floor. She’s late.

Akane steps out to an empty hallway, in a sight far different from when she was here last. A switch had turned on; excitement and anxiety rising, barely contained in her small frame. This is it, the culmination of all their hard work. It feels like a lifetime ago, like she’s someone else who wanted to do big things, riding on the wave of Shizuka’s ideals, his goals that resonated with her own. She’s not running now, and even if things haven’t slowed down, the world needs to right itself, because they’re all still moving in it.

The doors open as she is in the middle of fixing her suit, and she feels every pair of eyes redirect from the center of the room, where Shizuka is standing in front of the screen, to her.

Their gazes meet. Her first instinct is to bow low, to save herself from facing the unmasking of his facade as she mutters an apology.

“Sorry, I’m late.”

“It’s fine, we barely started,” Shizuka says in a calm tone.

An awkward silence fills the air as she takes a seat, not in her usual place next to him but at the other end of the table. Belatedly, she realizes her choice might not have been the best; Kogami appears in her peripheral vision, eyes fixed on her. Part of her is a little relieved that there’s no need to be conversing with anyone at this time, and if they will need to, work has always been a reliable shield. They’re professionals, after all.

Shizuka takes her silence as a cue to continue, and pulls up a map of the Akihabara block on the screen.

“As you may already know, your case reports and all the results of the investigation last week had been directly forwarded to Sibyl for evaluation. We’ve reviewed this thoroughly as soon as we received it and even over the weekend, but before anything, of course I’d like to thank each and every one of you for the hours you’ve put in and the quality of work that we’ve received. Goes without saying but we knew we assigned the best to get this done, and the best was exactly what we got and more, so thank you.”

Akane smiles faintly, picking up on the change in his tone. Shizuka is not one to reserve praises, in fact he’s known to give them freely. Outside Division 1 this is not common knowledge, but getting the higher profile cases also means they are the most exposed to him. To the rest of the world, he’s no different nor visible than the former Kasei or Hosorogi, just a bit on the handsome side. Maybe seeing him be genuinely good-natured in front of the SAD is making her a little proud.

“Over the years, Sibyl has successfully exported its technology outside Japan. This begs the question why, in Japan’s own capital, does a portion remain hidden in society, when it’s populated by people who are not only trying to live normal lives, but deserve the same amount of resources, support and opportunities afforded to everyone else? The residents of the abolition blocks have been shunned, erased from society by forces who took away their choice and people who never bothered to give them a chance. Perhaps this was something that made sense in the early days of Sibyl, but most certainly does not make sense now.”

“Sibyl and the government had turned away from their responsibilities to these citizens, all the while indirectly benefiting through the connections the businesses in the blocks had made over the years. You’ve been there. You’ve seen them. Living despite being limited, helping each other thrive in their little world, oftentimes exploited without a means to protect themselves. Crime should not pollute neighborhoods where children are being born and raised, immigrants should be allowed to make themselves a home and feel safe, parents should not have to resort to illicit activities so that they can survive. These people deserve a better life, they shouldn’t have to live in the shadows when the closest they are to freedom should have been the moment they step out their door—”

Shizuka pauses, overcome with emotion that he reels in just as fast, as if he just remembered where he is, who he’s speaking to.

"This can’t continue. I won’t allow it.”

Underneath the table, Akane’s hand closes to a fist. Their gazes meet again, his intensity countered with softness, a proud smile ghosting the edges of her lips—a balm to quell him, to propel him to action as he turns away, swiping a hand over the screen with details on the map, colors flashing over the dark of his suit.

“Offloading the initial investigation to all of you gave me the opportunity to get everything in order; the necessary support needed from the offices within the Ministry of Health and Welfare, and those outside, including the Ministries of Economy, Trade and Industry, Land, Infrastructure and Transport, Finance, Foreign Affairs and finally the Ministry of Education. I’m happy to announce that Sibyl has approved a full integration of all the abolition blocks.”

The atmosphere shifts so dramatically from serious to mild surprise, to collective joy; Irie’s face is priceless, his eyes glistening as he leads the table with an enthusiastic round of applause. Arata gives his shoulder a firm shake, clapping just as loud.

“Wow, Chief. Wow.” Irie beams, clutching at his chest. “I don’t know why I doubted this possibility but now I can’t even think about it going other than the way you’re saying it will. I mean I—this is exactly what I had hoped, you know?”

“I’m glad. This is what we’ve hoped for, too,” Shizuka replies, casting a wistful glance at Akane before turning to the screen again. “Lots of work to do, but this is a start. It sounds so easy on

paper, but it requires many moving parts. The budget was approved last Friday for the overall project, and this involves construction of infrastructure, citizen registration, initiation and education, health and safety measures, cultural integration and of course, a phased adoption— it’s a lot, let me tell you, but I believe this is a step in the right direction.”

“This is quite a shift from what you’d expect from our government, that’s for sure,” Todoroki comments, taken aback after realizing that he said it out loud. “Am I allowed to say that?”

Mika snorts, crossing her arms. “Of course you are. It is a fact that Sibyl would not have even considered it had the Chief not pushed for it.”

“Getting your hands way too full, Homura.”

“I recognize this, Hanashiro, but I’m not doing it alone. While the role of this team is now officially disbanded, we will be dedicating resources in the CID to support the completion of this project. Sibyl has nominated Arata and Irie as ambassadors, should they accept—”

“Roger!” Arata and Irie say in unison.

Shizuka smiles, placing his hands in his pockets.

Akane, who had been distracted, staring at what looked like bandages over his knuckles, looks up to meet his gaze. She was backtracking if she saw them the night before, but he hides them with a well-timed comment, directed at her.

“I’ve nominated Tsunemori to oversee the management of CID resources for this project, should she also accept.”

“Of course,” she responds, serious this time. Her curiosity nags, itching to know the details as she realizes with a tinge of regret that she might have known all this if she hadn’t been away. Regardless of her feelings, she’s very much invested in this project, and she feels as if she missed out on something crucial because she was too engrossed in something so trivial as who she decided to spend her nights with. Impulse has words tumbling out of her mouth, right before he makes a decision to move on and change the subject.

“Whose idea was it to phase the adoption?”

“Mine.”

While he’s quick on the retort, her easy approval is understood with a curt nod, like they’re back to their usual ways. Akane recognizes in him her own reflection, someone looking ahead and beyond, putting pieces together in the background, trusting the abilities of people around him, revealing his cards when it’s time. Too soon, and too vivid, as if her dreams haven’t already been bombarding her with details, the real thing right in front of her is someone she’s most familiar with, and she finds herself in danger of being swept into a conversation that renders the room irrelevant, reducing the people around them to a heady blur in her line of vision. Akane breaks his stare, worrying her bottom lip as she looks down at her shaking fingers, clasping them together, a manifestation of the state of her heart.

“A dedicated member of the SAD will also be assigned to the field on rotation every two weeks. This will be delegated by Hanashiro—”

“It will be Kogami for the first round,” Hanashiro says, without pause. Her knowing smile shines with the tone of a friendly warning. “I expect it won’t be as smooth as you think.”

“Yes,” Shizuka chuckles, shrugging. “I do not delude myself into thinking this is going to be achieved in one fell swoop. This is why I had a proposed plan and needed dedicated resources. The details will be ironed out collectively by the rest of the teams, which I will still oversee.”

“Managing people from other Ministries will be quite the challenge, if you ask me.”

“True, but this isn’t going to work without them, either. We are specialized in solving crimes. What we can’t do, others must know better, and we need to utilize their expertise.”

“But will they have the same empathy as we do?” Kogami asks, surprising the table while tapping an unlit cigarette stick on the desk, earning a stink eye as far from where Shimotsuki was sitting at the other end of the table. “We’ve invested on this and seen the side of the blocks that these other ministries haven’t—”

“You underestimate them, Kogami. How do you think I managed to get this much support with such a short amount of time?”

“Well, you’re a smooth-talker, aren’t you?”

“Hey,” Hanashiro warns.

“If we take this on with cynicism then we might as well not start,” Mika says, rolling her eyes. “Those people, much like all of us in this room, possess the competencies to do the job. It’s really that simple.“

"But all the same, neither of you are wrong— we should just be mindful that one could exist in the absence of the other,” Ginoza says.

“Fair point. The project team will have next week completely dedicated to planning for this, though I recall the MFA will not be participating fully?”

“Correct. I’ve defined what their roles will be, my team will be too stretched if I let them go beyond that.”

“That’s clear. Based on what we’ve gathered from the investigation, the Akihabara block is the pilot.” Shizuka highlights the areas in the map, starting from the east residential side to the west. “The CID will leverage their existing network. I rely on you to nominate representatives from the blocks to ensure their collective interests are not overlooked and to ensure open communication to make this a success.”

“Yes, sir!” Irie salutes, making Arata laugh.

“He’s too into it,” Mao says, rolling her eyes.

“As he should.” Shizuka beams, glancing at his watch. “Shimotsuki will share the project team’s schedule soon. As for the rest of the team, this is the end of the road, for now.”

“It was a great experience, Chief,” Kei says, with the others nodding in agreement.

“Before I go, I know I’ve already said this but I can’t thank you all enough.” He bows fully, taking a moment to compose himself before rising to his full height. Akane watches him glance softly at every person in the room, even to Kogami, who is sitting closest to her, before looking down to put his hands in his pockets.

"I couldn’t have done this without you.”

Akane’s chest tightens as he turns on his heel, walking towards the side entrance. Those words are for her alone, and she finds herself wishing he gave her an opportunity to say the same, but the doors close behind him and she remains rooted to her seat, too quick for her to make up her mind, and too soon for her to make selfish wishes into reality.

***

The next weeks don’t come easy; the project is time and labor-intensive, where they are either cooped up in the conference room with team members from different ministries, getting to know other people’s jobs and firming up strategies with each other’s roles in mind, or juggling that with what’s still going on in the blocks that require their assistance, since there are still some groups persistent on re-establishing their illegal activities.

Akane goes through the motions, barely having the time to face the things she’s been running away from, yet time seems to stretch on and on in the hours between. She finds herself waking up in the morning reaching, wondering if part of her dreams are fabricated by the lack of a warm body to anchor her while her head swims, plunging her heart back to every memory she revisits with surprising dependency.

So when she receives the invite for Yayoi and Shion’s version of a rehearsal dinner, it never occurred to her that it would be the first time she’ll get to see Kogami outside the professional setting, where they’re not talking behind holographic screens or have a list of immediate tasks to distract them from addressing what’s been hanging in the air ever since she walked out on him.

Her phone rings, as she expected. Like good friends do, Shion seems to be manifesting the same thoughts.

“Hey Shion-san.”

“Akane-chan, you’ve gone silent on me again.”

She chuckles, guilty. “Yeah, it’s been pretty hectic lately.”

“Well, you know why I called, right? Will it be okay? Because if not, I can just uninvite Kogami, it’s not a big deal.”

“No, don’t do that!”

“Really? So you two are good, then?”

Akane pauses, staring at the ceiling. “Professionally, yes.”

“Oof.”

“Don’t worry! If anything it will probably be a good chance to talk. We haven’t been able to, at all.”

“As long as you’re comfortable.”

“Don’t be silly, Shion-san. First and foremost, tomorrow night is for you and Yayoi-san.”

“Alright, then. Sorry for the short notice, by the way. We ended up scrapping all the fancy plans.“

"I can imagine. You seem to be as busy as we are!”

“Tell me about it. Certainly feels like something that should really be momentous, and it is, but now the supposed fanfare that comes with it just feels like a hassle.”

“The most important thing is you both agree.”

“Absolutely,” Shion says, satisfied. “I shall see you tomorrow, then? In a pretty dress?”

“Yes, of course. Looking forward to it!”

Akane stares at her phone, then at the blinking cursor on the screen in front of her. It’s way past her shift and she still has one report to go through; a typical situation these days. The decision to keep working is hers, even when she knows that she doesn’t have to, despite being swamped with work. It can’t be helped; the alternative is to go home and stay home, with nothing in particular to do except maybe spar with her drone or fall asleep watching shows…

Her life has shifted to the normal, though she feels herself resisting it, even when she can’t find a replacement for the things she’s missing. Cooking for herself isn’t nearly as fun or satisfying, she has no pets to cuddle and no books she wants to read in particular. Back then it didn’t matter so much that she had no one to speak to at the end of the day, no rose petal warm baths where she’s held under the water, kissed on the cheek. Whether extravagant or simple, she can’t deny the difference it made having someone, because she’s never really given herself that luxury in the past, never gave into the weakness, or the strength it gives. She loved, and was loved— it made a whole lot of difference.

There’s no point staying; perhaps she’ll go explore around Akihabara and tire herself out before heading home. She turns off the screen, packing up her things with a dejected sigh. It’s probably the third straight day this week that she’s last to leave among her team, especially since Division 1 has been cut in half, with most of them assigned on regular shifts. They’ve kept the office upstairs that Arata reserved for them; stepping out to an even emptier hallway isn’t anything new anymore.

An otherwise empty elevator, however, is not.

***

Shizuka stares back at her, just as stunned. They stand unmoving long enough that the doors begin to close, both of them jumping to react, closing the distance that has them almost crashing into each other, as if neither of them realized what their actions would result to. He’s quick to recover; stepping aside while keeping his hand up to block the doors.

“Sorry,” she mumbles.

“Don’t be,” he says.

These days she often sees him in the center of a room full of people, never alone or unmoving, never in silence. This is the last place she thought they’d run into each other, and yet here they are, their reflection side by side in the elevator mirrors when the doors close, telling a story only they know.

They descend in silence; Akane pointedly staring at a single button on her shirt, trying not to hold her breath.

“I didn’t think you’d be staying this late…”

His words strike a chord as their gazes meet in the mirror. He seems to be getting back into the same mannerisms as before; stoic and calm as if he’s not physically there, but his voice hasn’t succeeded in hiding his concern.

“Well… I could say the same for you,” she replies, nonchalant. The pretense falls just as fast; Akane doesn’t know what else to say or where to start, but she can’t look away from him, either.

He clears his throat, likely swallowing down a retort at something he must have thought amusing. Once again, they find themselves in the same place, looking in the same direction, and, he hopes, wanting the same thing.

“I can,” he pauses, turning slowly to face her. “I can assign support if you need it.”

Just tell me.

Her gaze follows, glued to his every move, holding on to his every word. He is as genuine, ready to move mountains at her behest, and yet he asks something more, something he doesn’t say that shows so clearly in his eyes. No one knows him like she does, just as she is sure, with a little bit of arrogance, that he might never open himself up to anyone ever again.

The bell rings, the doors open, breaking them out of their trance. Her feet move, one step in front of the other, to fulfill the task of getting her home, but she pauses and turns, meeting his gaze.

“There’s no need. Thank you and drive safely.”

“I don’t drive,” he says, stepping out of the elevator.

“I know.” She smiles, a little lonely.

”You drive safe, then.“

She nods, turning away. For her heart’s sake.

"Good night, Akane.”

***

Heels clicking over the marble floor, she dashes towards the entrance to the private dining area. The usher opens the door and leads her to the balcony, bathed in bright orange as the sun sets over the Tokyo Skyline. She catches her breath, glad that her entrance is largely ignored thanks to the presence of the beautiful couple dancing in the middle.

Largely ignored, save for one.

Kogami’s eyes follow her slow steps forward, from the other side of the floor where he stands alone, cigarette in hand. Shaken, her hopes of catching her breath dissipate like the smoke billowing around him, like he’s already held her even when he’s some distance away. She briefly registers Yayoi and Shion’s favorite song playing in the background, a tune she’s come to associate with pure, lasting love that she thought was beyond her reach; Akane’s chest aches, unable to walk to him as she normally would.

“Senpai!”

Mika appears next to her, making her jump. Breaking his stare, albeit unintentionally, almost feels like a relief.

“Hello, Mika-chan!”

“You’re being uncharacteristically late these days.”

Blushing, Akane hangs her head apologetically. “Yeah, I’ve been… out of it.”

“Well, you look nice. More than makes up for it,” Mika says, averting her gaze and tucking her hair behind her ear. “Anyone would be forgiving.”

“I think maybe I should strive to be just as beautiful as you without the tardiness.”

Mika smiles, offering her hand. “You should probably show yourself, shall I escort you closer to the group?”

Akane instead, smiles and hooks her arm around her. “Please.”

***