#ouch indeed
Inspired to write about Tali yesterday after a really interesting discussion with my students about the fantastic poem ‘This is Not a Humanising Poem’ by Suhaiymah Manzoor-Khan.
***
As Tali got closer to the front of the line, she leant past the person ahead of her to catch who it was at the desk that day. A human. Damn it.
The Turian clerks were easier. She could make jokes about how the new flavour of dextro shake from Zakeramart tasted like vomit (she hadn’t tried it herself; couldn’t afford it, but she’d heard two Turians talking about it in the queue the day before), or how sad it was that the dextro deli in Kithoi ward was replaced by a Sirta outlet (she’d never been. Even if she’d had the credits, they didn’t serve Quarians). Talking about food was always a safe bet. A great leveller.
Or she could mention that she was from a military family; throw in the words ‘honour’ and ‘service’ a few times. It didn’t always go down well, but she’d sometimes get a response.
“Really? My dad was a Navigator in the Turian seventh fleet.”
That had been a good day. The clerk had given her a blanket as well as the basic ration bag.
Her own prejudices came out as well; that’s what she hated about it the most. She’d assumed all Turians had an uncle/high-school friend/ex-neighbour who was in C-Sec, so she’d clumsily made a comment as an officer walked past the Welfare Office:
“Our Citadel Security do a great job, don’t you think.”
Fifteen minutes later she’d finally managed to empty-handedly extricate herself from the lecture on jack-booted fascists.
There was a regular Asari clerk who had proven tough to crack. Tali started off being plain old friendly: not too desperate, but not too chirpy either. A card-carrying member of the merry destitute. So stoic. So hopeful. Positive things come to positive mindsets… not much different from the everyday small injustices of “success breeds success” or “good things come to those who wait”. Not everyone can afford to wait. Sometimes if you waited you starved.
Every time the Asari clerk was there, she’d throw in something new to the conversation to see what might work. What would make her look up from the desk and see a living being and not a suit rat? She talked about Asari politics, mentioned some popular Citadel bars, gossiped about vid stars. She looked up some Matriarchs who’d written about charity and attempted to name-drop them casually into her short conversation. It wasn’t until she approached the desk whistling the opening song from ‘Fleet and Flotilla’ one day that she got any kind of reaction and her first moment of eye-contact.
“You love the film too? I’m such a Shalei! My bondmate is Turian.”
Tali jumped into this opening with both feet, but clearly with too much desperation in her voice, as she saw the Asari’s face slam closed like a safe. She didn’t get a bed in the female hostel that night, or even a sad bag of rations. Desperation was poison.
