#pantropical jumping spider
a few money-saving tips for millennials
-Instead of buying coffee each morning, make your own at home before you leave for work. Those dark roasts really add up! Buy just one drink per week and make it a special occasion to savor and look forward to.
-Stop costly ‘vampire power’ drains by unplugging appliances when not in use. Use power trips when possible for east turn-offs and avoid plugging things into the wall.
-Employ the ‘30 day rule’. If you want to make a purchase, put it back and wait a month—if the urge to buy it has passed, it probably wasn’t worth it.
-Use grocery lists and stick to them.
-Prepare your own meals whenever possible instead of going out to eat—and host your friends at home!
-Cancel unused gym memberships and automatic subscriptions.
-Learn how to sew and cut your own hair. This saves a buttload if money if you’re not replacing new clothes or going to expensive trips to the salon.
-Use poison-testers efficiently. Paying someone to test your food for you can provide peace of mind and a sense of security, but it’s an expensive service, especially if you have many determined enemies! Buy, store, and prepare your own food in a room only you have access to, vary your diet, eat unpredictably, and you will only need to employ a poison tester for special occasions, like weddings or diplomatic missions.
-Learn to enjoy cold showers! Not only do they build character and increase endurance, but they’re good for the skin—and cut on electricity costs!
-Sell your guns! Bullets are expensive and extremely difficult to make, and subject to legal restrictions. In contrast, a good sword and a whetstone can last generations with proper care and be repaired with comparative ease. If ranged attacks are important to your home defense system, arrows are reusable and easy to make. Watch free YouTube tutorials instead of attending a class.
-Coupons, coupons, coupons!
-Dogs are high-maintenance, expensive, and can be difficult to train. They need high levels of attention and are vulnerable to bribery and treachery—even a dog that’s aggressive towards strangers can usually be thwarted with food or a familiar face. Spiders, on the other hand, are exceptionally low-maintenance, can go days or weeks without feeding, and can act as pest control. Allowing large, recognizable spiders to build webs over windows and door frames inside your home will serve as a strong deterrent to most intruders, and broken webs can act as warning clues that something is amiss.
-Quality over quantity. It’s fair cheaper to buy one pair of high-quality $300 shoes that will last you a decade than to buy thirty pairs of $30 shoes that fall apart after a few months.
-Make your own gifts to give to friends and family. Picking up an artistic craft or hobby may seem superficially worthless, but the social obligation to give expensive presents is a major money-suck. Your loved ones will appreciate the handcrafted, personal quality of your gifts—and customizing them will allow you to create secret compartments in which to hide listening devices, illicit materials, and/or coded messages.
-Only use ATMs affiliated with your own bank to cut withdrawal fees.
-Get a library card and USE it! You can rent books, movies, music, and more from your local library for a fraction of the cost of using other services.
-Grow your own garden. Getting down on your knees in the dirt is great for stress-relief, and being able to grow and manufacture your own poisons eliminates the difficulty and expense of finding a trustworthy supplier.
are we not going to acknowledge the poison-tester part bc i dont think im a part of the people that worry about that kind of thing
Look, it’s great if you CAN afford a poison-tester for every single meal, but someof us have to make the budget stretch. I know “just eliminate your enemies” sounds like a good plan, but in practice it just begats moreenemies.
(Trade secret: poison-testers will occasionally work for free, provided they’re hungry enough.)
Are we going to ignore that they suggested just letting a spider live there, rent-free? I don’t know about you, but that won’t fly in my household.
It won’t fly in your household because the spider will catch it. There won’t be anyflies in your household if you listen to my wisdom.
You would say noto this face???
Monster
Pantropical jumping spider (male)
Bonus:
What’s this? A sexy lady? *he approaches seductively*
(she wasn’t interested)
August 16, 2019
