Recently, one of my critique partners asserted that any use of the verb to be formed the passive voice and deserved to be stamped out with as much vigor as possible. This got me to thinking about that misunderstood verb form and the use of passive voice in modern fiction.
All of my critique partners write in the past tense, so we were actually discussing the use of wasandwere. I maintained that using was in any sentence does not automatically make that sentence passive voice, and avoiding any use of it can make for a needlessly convoluted sentence structure.
The Passive Voice Defined
So if using the past tense of to be doesn’t automatically make a sentence passive voice, than what does? Section 5.119 of The Chicago Manual of Style’s 16th edition defines the difference between active voice and passive voice as follows:
Voice shows whether the subject acts (active voice) or is acted on (passive voice). A rule of thumb is that if you can complete the phrase with “by zombies” you’ve got passive voice.
Example:The car was driven … by zombies.
See?
When I first started writing fiction many years ago, I took to heart the advice to avoid passive voice, but my prose sounded flat and my dialogue stilted. That made me realize there are times when you need the passive voice. Here are just a few examples:
1. The Action Is More Important Than the Actor
Example:She would be working on the other side of those mountains, where those two centuries-old dams were being pulled down (by zombies).
He was promoted (by zombies), but not necessarily because he deserved it.
In both examples, we don’t necessarily need to know who performed the action.
Those of you who’ve been through any more advanced writing classes or workshops, whether it’s in the academic world or for the purposes of creative writing, have probably already heard that passive voice should be avoided in your writing.
This is more or less true. Passive voice is a no-no about 99% of the time. However, it shouldn’t be banned from your writing outright, and there are occasions where it can be useful.
Let’s start by clarifying what passive voice is. As its name suggests, passive voice indicates that something is being done to the subject of the subject of a sentence, rather than the subject of the sentence performing some action.
Ex. “John was struck by lighting,” (passive) as opposed to “The lightning struck John.” (active)
“Angela was shocked by Robert’s words,” (passive) as opposed to “Robert’s words shocked Angela.”
The reason it’s generally suggested that you avoid passive voice is because it has a tendency to really slow a piece of writing down. It can also be a bit monotonous when used in excess, and can make a piece of writing feel almost “academic”, and very dry.
This is exactly what makes it useful in some occasions. When you want to slow down the action in a written piece, passive voice can serve as a much needed time-out for the reader.
To be a bit more specific, passive voice can really serve its purpose when you want to show your character experiencing something, rather than actively taking part in a moment within your narrative. You should still keep it brief and limit how much you use it, but the upside of that is that the less you use it, the more of an impact it will have when it does make its way into your writing.
Narrative Botox: Filler Words and Phrases to Look Out For
If you’re planning on publishing traditionally, chances are you keep a sharp eye on your word count. Literary agents and publishing houses are on the hunt for the best quality stories that they can print for the cheapest price (using the least paper and ink), so you have a higher chance of gaining representation if you can crank your novel out in the least words possible.
However, filler words and phrases aren’t only the enemies of aspiring traditional authors; every writer—fanfic, novelist, journalist, you name it!—should try to eliminate filler from their stories to assure more concise and high-quality writing. Oftentimes, filler contributes nothing but clutter, and without it, your narrative can flow smoother and in a more sophisticated manner.
But how do you know what’s filler and what’s not? Here are some tips on how to Ctrl+F and kick this narrative botox to the curb!
A writer’s worst enemy, and the bane of my manuscripts’ existences. Eliminating all the ‘just’s can cut down your word count by hundreds.
2. “That” as a conjunction
It’s an unnecessary addition to a sentence, which will be more streamlined without it.
Example: “He said thathe wouldn’t do it again.”
Revised: “He said he wouldn’t do it again.”
3.“Now” as an adverb
“Now” is essential if you’re talking about the past and present, but when you’re using it to draw attention to a particular statement or point.
Example:“Now, I didn’t think it’d get so out of hand.”
Revised:“I didn’t think it’d get so out of hand.”
4.Redundant adverbs
These adverbs serve no purpose because the verbs they’re describing already imply the way the action is performed.
Whispering softly
Yelling loudly
Crying sadly
Laughing happily
5. “Telling” words
These words are redundant, especially when using first person, because in describing an event, we can already assume that the characters are experiencing it.
Seeing/saw
Feeling/felt
Hearing/heard
Smelling/smelled
6. “Clarifying” words used to portray definiteness or indefiniteness
Although these are meant to help out the readers get their bearings on a situation, all they do is come across as wishy-washy! Be concise and sure of yourself!
About
Absolutely
Accordingly
Actually
Almost
Basically
Certainly
Clearly
Completely
Entirely
Even
Exactly
Fairly
Highly
Hopefully
Literally
Maybe
Only
Often
Oftentimes
Perhaps
Possibly
Probably
Quite
Rather
Really
Reasonably
Relatively
Seem
Seriously
Simply
Slightly
Some
Somehow
Sometimes
Totally
Very
Filler Phrases
1.“Let out (vocal noise)”
Use the verb instead!
Example: “He let out a sigh.”
Revised: “He sighed.”
2. Using passive voice
Passive voice inflates your word count by including various “to be” verbs into the prose. Passive voice involves actions happening to a subject rather than the subject performing an action, and as a result isn’t as riveting to the reader as active voice; even if it wasn’t a matter of word count, you’d still want to get rid of it anyway!
Example: “The boy was bitten by the dog on his arm.”
Revised: “The dog bit the boy on his arm.”
3. Describing the wrong noun
Many writers will be as specific as possible about what “thing” is affected by the event they’re describing, when it’s much simpler to take a step back and write about something more general.
Example:“The level of water rose.”
Revised: “The water rose.”
4. Phrasal verbs
Phrasal verbs are the combination of two or three words from different grammatical categories—a verb and an adverb or a preposition—to form a single action. Usually, these phrasal verbs can be replaced by a single-word verb.
“Ask for” can be replaced with “request”
“Bring down” can be replaced with “reduce”
“Come across” can be replaced with “find”
Etc.
5. Clarifying phrases
Same reason as clarifying words. Get to the point!
A bit
A little
A lot
In a sense
Kind of
Sort of
6. Remember your contractions!
Even if your story takes place in olden times, I can guarantee that if you never use any contractions ever, your story’s gonna be a clunky mess. But sometimes you’re in the moment, consumed by the poetic power of the muses, and forget that this isn’t a soap opera; so make sure you check that you’ve been using your contractions!
It is, it was, it would, she is, would not, should not, is not, does not etc.
7. Inflated phrases
These phrases can be replaced with more concise words.
Along the lines of (shorten to: like)
As a matter of fact (in fact)
As to whether (whether)
At all times (always)
At the present (now or currently)
At this point in time (now or currently)
Be able to/would(n’t) be able to (could or couldn’t)
