Harley’s Plea for Help, Chapter 9

Chapters…1…2...3...4...5...6...7...8... 9 (you are here)

I don’t know why, but this chapter was so hard to finish omfg. I’m sorry if the ending is a little awkward and not as well written as usual, I blanked hard.

—*—*—*—*—*

It was only six in the morning. Tim had already left the manor half an hour earlier, on his way to pick Marinette up from Ivy and Harley’s place and deliver her back to the hotel. Right as Bruce was about to call him, he got a text from Tim saying that Harley and Ivy’s apartment was empty but covered in very angry looking plants. Sending only a quick response ordering Tim to start a search with a Code Green, he closed his phone again and turned back to the two very wound-up ex-villains in his foyer.

“Put the bat down, Harley,” Bruce nodded to the weapon that she was still holding, ready to use at a moment’s notice. “Red Robin is already starting a search. But even though I have him on high alert, I doubt it’s Joker. Marinette and Adrien were both staying with you and Pamela, right?”

Heaving a sigh, Harley reluctantly lowered her bat and propped it up against a wall as Ivy fixed the doors that she had partially ripped off of their hinges. Luckily the door was all wood, so Ivy could actually work with it and get it back in its proper position and quality.

Truth be told, Ivy still had some issues equating her old nemesis Batman with her… actually fairly good image of Bruce Wayne. Sure, there was that one incident where she accidentally mistook the Wayne Enterprises tearing down rainforests thing as something Bruce had actually been a part of (spoiler, she later found out that it was done behind Bruce’s back and he had gotten some very tasty, if perfectly legal, justice against the people responsible) and almost killed his butler Alfred in the process of trying to get revenge for said rainforests…

But she made up for it later. That was all in the past, and Alfred… Well, he was never scared of her. But Ivy knew by now that if Alfred had truly held that old grievance against her, then she would likely be dead. The butler was not one to be underestimated.

Regardless, Harley was the one that figured out Batman’s identity first. In fact, Harley had figured it out even before fully separating from Joker. But Ivy’s fianceé was really good at keeping secrets when she wanted to be. Harley hadn’t even come clean and told Ivy about the Bat’s true identity until the week after they got engaged, a little over a year ago.

And Poison Ivy didn’t exactly have any legitimate reason to visit the Wayne Manor often, so she was still having problems seeing The Bat when she looked at the face of Bruce Wayne, the slightly airheaded but very well-meaning conservationist.

“That’s right,” Harley was answering Bruce as Ivy listened in. “We let her and Adrien sleep in the living room, we had tons of blankets and pillows laid out. Adrien said he’d never had a real sleepover before, and Frank was there to chaperone so we didn’t think much of it. But then this morning, Pam woke me up and said that Frank and the other plants in the house were sending up a silent alarm,” Harley looked back to Ivy, so she could explain better what the foliage had told her.

“I wasn’t panicked, at first,” she explained. “Frank and the flowers were all giggling, something about Marinette and Adrien sneaking off to the bathroom together. But that didn’t make sense to me, since they’re about as platonic as you can get. So I woke Harley up to investigate, and the bathroom was unlocked. No sign of the kids. Adrien’s bags are still at the apartment, but Marinette’s backpack and purse are gone.”

“Are ya sure this isn’t Joker, Bruce?” Harley asked softly, eyebrows pinched in worry. Theoretically, she should know best. After all, Harley spent more time alone with the joker than pretty much anyone else still alive. Hell, she used to be his fucking therapist. But Batman was the only one who could truly claim to know the guy, who actually had an idea how he behaved and how to predict his erratic actions to some degree. Harley trusted Bruce’s knowledge of Joker more than her own.

Bruce pursed his lips, but didn’t seem panicked. “I do have a theory,” he admitted slowly, briefly making eye contact with Damian. His youngest son quickly nodded, taking off at a brisk pace out of the room— probably to the Batcave. “But no, I don’t think this was Joker. Tim would have already texted Jason, though, so that’s two of them searching the city for her or any movements from Joker just in case. We do know that he’s more than capable of quick, silent kidnappings, but that was mostly when you helped him with them, Harley. With only himself and his usual thugs, he’s had to rely on brute strength more often than not when he wants to be intimidating. Sneaking into your apartment, or more specifically your bathroom, under not only you and Pamela’s nose, but also without any of the plants catching him first? Or your hyenas? Not a high possibility,” he shook his head.

“Then what’s your theory?” Ivy asked, eyes narrowed. Putting aside her old impressions about Bruce, she instead tried to focus on what she knew about Batman. And this was a pretty easy tell; Batman didn’t admit to having theories unless he was almost certain he was right. And even on the rare occasion that he’s wrong, he’s always at least close to the truth. Bruce frowned at her— and yeah, she recognized that frown even without the cowl. Ivy’s glare deepened. “Don’t get all stubborn on us now, Bats. This isn’t just anybody, if you have a theory about our daughter I wanna hear it.”

Harley straightened up a little, the confirmation that Bruce didn’t think this was related to Joker meant that she was able to relax a little. Enough for Ivy’s words to shoot straight through her heart, and she spun around to look at her fiancée while mouthing the words ‘our daughter’ silently. If Harley had a few happy tears in her eyes, nobody mentioned it.

Bruce’s frown stayed in place as he pulled his usual prolonged silence schtick. Harley (still a little starry eyed) and Ivy both waited him out patiently. They weren’t leaving his manor until they found out for sure where Marinette and Adrien were, so in their minds he could stall all he wanted. They weren’t moving an inch.

Eventually he seemed to realize this, and chose his words very, very carefully.

“… Marinette has actually been in contact with us, the Bat side of us,” he admitted evenly, drawing out the sentence almost too slowly. “Before you ask why, I’m getting there. According to her, there is a… situation, in France, that she is acting as a civilian aide for. Though upon closer investigation, it seems that Marinette is stepping slightly over the line of ‘civilian aide’ and into the territory of a more involved informant. She actually told us about an issue with the JLE that they were able to keep a secret from our main branch,” Bruce kept careful eye contact with both women as he spoke. “It seems that she had actually entered the WE scholastic competition as a plan to come here to Gotham behind your backs, for the primary purpose of requesting our aid with the situation in France. Again, we have done investigation into it over the past few days and have found everything to be legitimate. However—“ he held up a hand to stop Harley from saying whatever she was about to say. She looked angry, and Bruce didn’t want to hear it yet. “Before you accuse me of anything, let me make this very clear. She approached us for help, and we accepted. We are not involving her in our investigation beyond asking for whatever she already knows, and we are not putting her in the field in any way, shape, or form. We are still primarily focused on her safety while she is in Gotham, and anything we might do with the Paris situation will be handled from here on directly with the Parisian heroes that she has acted as an aide for up until now. And even though Marinette has not said anything about it, we do suspect that Adrien is also a civilian aide for the same heroes, if less involved because of his strict household.”

“…” Harley and Ivy shared a long look with each other, before Harley slowly let out a deep sigh. “I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again. I have no idea how I gave birth to such a goodie goodie,” she turned from her fiancée and back to Bruce. “But you swear she’s not fightin’? Even with her training, she’s not goin’ out there in a mask like your kids?”

“Harley,” Bruce said evenly, letting himself even give her a small grin. “If your daughter ever becomes a hero or vigilante, you have my word that I’ll buy you and Pamela your own condo— no, mansion if you want one. In the diamond district if you want.”

“Get us a good yard,” Ivy instantly piped up. She shrugged when Harley shot her a dirty look. “What? Even if it’s not likely, we might as well be prepared. At this point, I’m not gonna think of anything as impossible when it comes to Marigold. She snuck away from the both of us without a hitch.”

Harley grumbled a little, conceding to that being true. “Anyway, Brucie,” she once again locked eyes with the billionaire. “What does all that have to do with Mari and Adrien sneaking out? You think they were giving those French heroes you mentioned a report or something? Why not come right back inside if that’s the case?”

Bruce shrugged. “We know that one of the Parisian heroes is capable of teleportation. It could be that they felt it best to have their discussion somewhere more secure than an apartment complex in Gotham City. Regardless, I’ll head out on patrol right now with Red Robin and Red Hood if you want to be extra careful. Robin is already on the computer monitoring the internet feeds and cameras. The two of you should go back home immediately,” his face got very serious very quickly. “The thing that worries me more than Marinette and Adrien sneaking out, is Joker noticing that you guys left your house in such a hurry. If he starts asking questions about why you both came to visit me in such a frenzy, with weapons and powers on display…”

Harley and Ivy immediately grimaced. They’d have to come up with a cover story, the Gotham underground was full of dirty gossips that would spread word of their weird behavior in no time if they hadn’t already.

“We’ll tell Marinette and Adrien to steer clear of our apartment for a while, and to act as if they don’t know us if they see us,” Ivy assured Bruce. “Until we know for sure that things have cooled down, we’ll keep more distance.”

Bruce nodded. “That’s for the best, for now. No visits to her hotel, either. I shouldn’t have to tell you that any connection between you and where the class is staying is far too risky. If you have to, say that Damian tried to steal one of your pets again, Harley. It would hardly be the first time.”

“He’s not getting Joe, no matter how much he offers me!” Harley immediately yelled back, arms crossed.

“You’ve tried to steal his pets too, Harley. Don’t act innocent,” and suddenly Ivy was entirely disillusioned. Bruce looked exactly like every other tired dad all of a sudden, the bags under his eyes more obvious than ever and the long suffering look on his face provoking sympathy. This guy was Batman? This tired old dad who had way too many kids and not enough patience in the world for their shit?

Actually, wait, no. That description fit Batman perfectly nowadays.

Slowly, a large shit-eating smirk overtook Ivy’s lips as her eyes landed on Harley. Everything made sense now.

“I told you that Robin was your arch enemy.”

—*—*—*—*—*

“Your mother and Bonus Mom are totally gonna kill us,” Chat Noir hissed as he ducked behind a chimney. Ladybug joined him half a second later, swiping her yo-yo in a rush and snapping it open so that she could snatch the glasses stored inside. She sent him a frenzied glare.

“I know that! You don’t think I know that? We need a cover story!” She shot right back. She called on the transformation that merged the Horse and the Ladybug, biting her lip for a moment. “I’ll call the portal a short distance away, so we can plan on the walk back to the apartment.”

Chat Noir grimaced, reaching out to stop her before she could call on the horse’s ability.

“Hold on, is that a good idea?” He asked, eyebrows pulled low over his domino mask in concern. “This is— you know what it’s like there,” he barely stopped himself before he could say anything too telling about their destination. You never knew who was listening. “What if we accidentally go somewhere that lands us right in the lap of you-know-who?”

Ladybug cringed at the mere image of that. Not only the fact that it would mean ending up in Joker’s lap, exactly where she was trying to avoid ending up, but also the fact that Chat Noir’s scenario would mean Joker finding out about Ladybug’s abilities. Teleportation not being the least of them.

“… I’ll keep the location near the apartment,” she offered, still considering their options. “H— they control that area, and you-know-who holds pretty much no power there. If we stay within their territory, we stand a better chance of being okay.”

“But it’s not a guarantee,” Chat Noir pressed. “Why can’t we just teleport straight in and explain everything to them?”

Ladybug froze, and slowly turned her head so she could level her partner with the most deadpan glare possible.

“…Not even ten years ago they were both still wanted criminals.”

“Annnnd?”

“Neither of them control their emotions, and you know Mom is overprotective. There’s no way telling them the truth ends well, not before HawkMoth is dealt with. Even out of our costumes we can protect ourselves against most idiots who might try anything against us. I’ll double check that our landing spot is clear and within the boundaries of their territory, and it’ll be fine.”

Chat Noir ran a hand through his hair. He didn’t like it, but he knew that Ladybug had a point. Until HawkMoth was taken down, it was safest to keep their identities on a very strict need-to-know basis. Right now her moms didn’t need to know. If either of them came to Paris and became a target… he shuddered at the mere thought. They hadn’t needed Akumatization to become extremely dangerous terrorists before, the addition of an akuma to either of them would be nightmare fuel at best.

That settled, Ladybug focused so that she could create a portal that led somewhere safe. Leaping through it led to both heroes almost soundlessly landing in the shadowed space between a wall, a dumpster, and a pile of trash bags. After a quick glance around to assure that no windows had a view of them and nobody was around, they both allowed their transformations to slide off and adjusted back to the Gotham gloom.

“Alright,” Marinette whispered to Adrien. “I think I know the way back from here. Before we get going; any ideas for an alibi?”

The blond boy tilted his head, thinking. Either way they had to go back to the apartment, he had left his stuff there. Just as he opened his mouth to reply he was cut off by another voice in the alleyway.

“Those idiots’ll neva find me here!” The familiar knockoff-Boston accent drawled softly, followed by a faint chuckle. Someone snapped their fingers. “Ey, you’re supposed to be watchin’ for bats! Long as we stick ta Harley and Ivy’s neighborhood, we don’t gotta worry ‘bout other rogues. You! Help me find a place for us ta crash!”

Slowly, Marinette closed her eyes and tilted her head back so that it silently hit the wall behind them. Adrien looked like he was struggling to decide whether he wanted to laugh or cry.

Of course they’d end up in the same alleyway that Duella Dent decided to turn down before they could move out of it. The rogue-wannabe had lost the bats after her failed museum heist, but all of her loot had been confiscated and returned to the museum. She was broke and on the run. And, apparently, once again placed right in Marinette’s way.

Apparently the woman wasn’t in any hurry to find a new place to hide. Being in Harley and Ivy’s territory afforded some minor safety, enough for her to send two of her thugs out to find somewhere to hide and keep her last non-incarcerated thug on lookout. Meanwhile Duella herself plopped down on a slightly soggy crate and lit a cigarette, deciding that it was the perfect time for a smoke break.

Marinette and Adrien turned to each other, doing their best to communicate solely through facial expressions. Of course, being best friend and hero partners for several years allowed this to go… somewhat smoothly.

Marinette grimaced and flicked her eyes to where Duella was smoking, before looking back at Adrien and raising both her eyebrows. Adrien shrugged, glancing out at Duella and her lazy lookout before pointing to himself and then raising his eyebrows in return. A little more back and forth, and something approximating a plan was made.

Adrien jumped out of their hiding place. The little show off even did a front flip, landing right in a puddle that splashed all over Duella and soaked her now useless (and unhygienic) cigarette.

“Hey, didn’t see you guys here!” Adrien said chipperly, hands on his hips and a large smile on his face. Something not many people knew or seemed to talk about often was Adrien’s talent with languages. And not even just languages, but accents as well. He took to new languages and accents like a fish to water, so much so that he could fool even people that saw his billboards every day into thinking he wasn’t French.

And right then? The contrary little shit took full advantage of his talent and used a perfect Metropolis accent. His back was to Marinette so he couldn’t see her face palm at that.

“You know,” Adrien continued even as Duella stood up and her thug tried to approach him from behind threateningly. “You really should try to stay hidden better. A kid could just stumble on you like I did and tell the bats! Or the cops. Wouldn’t that just rain on your parade?” He held up his phone and wiggled it in the air to punctuate his point.

The thug took that moment to try and lunge for the phone, but Adrien had been keenly aware of the man behind him and easily danced out of the way. “Oh, are we playing tag? You’re it!” The thug lunged again, and Adrien just used the man’s broad shoulders as a platform to plant his hands and flip right over the guy’s head.

“Gotta be faster than that!” The only warning Adrien got was the sound of something flying through the air, but he heard it just in time to throw himself to the ground. Right above where he had just been, a bright yellow orb exploded in a fiery display of both flame and glitter. He winced at how he had almost been hit by that bomb, before another sound made him roll out of the way of Duella’s foot aimed at his head.

Marinette would give Duella only one good point. The woman knew how to fight acrobatically. Marinette even found herself begrudgingly making mental notes on some of the moves Duella pulled off, hating that the wannabe actually had skill.

Adrien was at a slight disadvantage considering he had to fight two criminals at once without any powers, and couldn’t even risk showing off his full skill since he didn’t want them to get too suspicious of him. And yet even with the metaphorical Training Wheels of Misdirection on, he was still able to slam a random piece of metal that was probably from an old AC unit on the back of the thug’s head and knock him out.

With the numbers now even, Marinette flew out of her hiding space to land on Duella’s back. The added unexpected weight sent the fledgling rogue face-first into a Gotham Alleyway puddle, filling Marinette with petty satisfaction even as she slammed her elbow into the back of Duella’s head. Of course, she immediately pulled Duella’s unconscious body out of the puddle afterwards— they didn’t wanna kill the idiot. But she didn’t make any moves to dry the woman off.

“Nice,” Adrien complimented as he dusted his hands off, faint French accent back in it’s rightful place in his voice. He held out his fist, earning an eye roll and a fist-bump from his friend before the two of them started to make their way out of the alley.

“There you are!” The new voice made both of them slide back into combat stances on reflex, before they could make out the very clear sight of Red Robin on a nearby rooftop and relaxed. He jumped down to join them on the ground, stopping for a second when he saw the two unconscious bodies also down there.

He blinked, then decided he had more important things to focus on.

“Ivy and Harley noticed you guys were gone,” he informed them both. The two teens instantly tensed, and Red Robin’s frown wasn’t helping. “They immediately ran to Batman in a panic. We’re pretty sure the gotham underground knows about their panic by now, everyone’s a secret gossip. Your orders are to lay low, pretend you don’t know them and not to return to the apartment.”

“But—“ Adrien started, only to be cut off by Red Robin again.

“Don’t worry, I already got your stuff and dropped it off in your hotel room. But neither of you are off the hook. Batman covered for you, so now he wants me to bring the both of you to the Batcave for a much needed Talk.”

Marinette and Adrien shared a glance, Marinette grimacing while Adrien looked… slightly excited?

“On one condition,” Adrien held up a finger. “Teach me how to do the disappearing trick?”

—*—*—*—*—*

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Incorrect Quotes #2

Marinette: Hey Bruce, Jay, *shudders* Damian. Guess what I drove today!

Jason: where too?

Marinette: the post office, Tim needed to drop off some packages, and Alfred was busy! *Smiles*

Bruce: That’s good. I was thinking you went somewhere better than that though

Marinette: No, where would I go?

Jason: The world is your oyster.

Marinette: And my room is the best part of it

The others:…

Marinette: Plus at home I have Netflix, HBO, and Hulu!

Marinette: and my sewing supplies and WiFi!

Bruce *annoyed by his daughter’s not wanting to ever leave the house*: I guess.

Marinate: Also what would I do, look around Target for fun? I’m not Dick

*Jason and Damian try not to laugh*

Marinette: If I was gonna go out I’d like to do something like see a movie, fight a dragon, or take over the world

Bruce *he’s trying*: you could go feed some ducks?

*Jason losing it and Damian getting hopeful eyes of feeding ducks*

Marinette *stares at B unimpressed*:huh

Bruce *really trying*: the ducks are hungry?

I love the idea that Dick just walks around target like a basic white girl. Maybe a Starbucks frappe-chino (?) in his hand. Also just like the last Incorrect Quote I made this was inspired by a conversation I had with my dad.

Incorrect Quotes

Marinette: *in the group chat* This morning I helped Alfred take out the trash. Jason:Okay?Damian: ‘akhtaa why is this important Dick: where are you going with this Tim: *slurps coffee* Bruce:….Marinette: When I come back inside I decide that I want a Pop-Tart Marinette: *sends image of an opened unfrosted Pop-Tart* What kind of bullshit is this!!! I deserve a frosted Pop-Tart! Not this abomination!!! Jason: I have no words pix Damian: That was mine Dick:languageTim: of course that’s your’s brat Bruce: *So done with his kids antics*

Based on a true conversation I had with my dad