#polyamorous identity
Hello! I’m not sure if I qualify as poly and I guess I’m wondering what does or doesn’t. I’m happy in my current romantically monogamous relationship, but I’d be happy to try adding another person to make a throuple if it came to it and all three of us had feelings. My partner and I are also casually open sexually. What’s the line between ‘open relationship’ and polyamorous?
There is no high court that deems you worthy of “qualifying” for the label of polyamorous. There is no exact checklist of qualities you must measure up against in order to claim a certain term.
I think our current culture has gotten way too worried about how best to use these manufactured semantic tweezers and microscopes to try and define and categorize anything and everything. The purpose of language, including identity labels, is to serve us in finding tools to live healthy, happy, fulfilling lives. Period.
If identifying as polyamorous helps you in some way, if it gives you more access to resources that you need, if it allows you to more clearly communicate about your needs and desires, great! If not, great! Ultimately it doesn’t really matter what you call yourself as long as you’re able to effectively navigate the world and manage your relationships.
To actually answer your question, generally, people say that the line between an “open relationship” and “polyamory” is that an “open relationship” implies a central or primary relationship with casual sexual openness, while “polyamory” includes multiple committed relationships. But everyone has a different definition of what a “primary relationship” is, what it means to be in a “committed” relationship, what “casual sexual openness” looks like in practice, so it’s really a useless definition.
Read more on this subject here.
Hello! I am trying to find answers to my relationship preferences and thought you could help out! I have discovered that I prefer to be romantically and sexually involved with one person (my boyfriend) and only sexually involved with other people. Is there a term for this?
Whoever is responsible for this recent obsession with whether there is a specific term for something owes me a drink. And I don’t even drink.
To my knowledge, there is no specific noun or identity term you can use to say “I am a [person with these preferences].” You’re welcome to make one up that suits you, or combine existing concepts, but you have such a good handle on it already, you’re fine.
You know exactly what you want, and you articulated it pretty clearly here - so you don’t actually need a term for this, you can just be you!
However, you might be interested in the following concepts: open relationships,swinging, and hierarchical polyamory.
Can you be polyam in theory? What I mean is, I don’t think I could actually be in such a relationship because I get jealous too easily with only one partner but I really like the idea of having more than one. I’m so confused.
Absolutely!
If you’ll permit me to get on a bit of a soapbox, I think there has been a strange shift in the discourse around identities over the past few years, and people have become obsessed with pinning down the exact term for exactly who, and what, they are.
But it doesn’t really work that way. Plenty of people are “mono in theory,” in the sense that they like the idea of being in a committed relationship, but don’t currently feel ready for a relationship. Plenty of people think they could probably be happy living on an island off the coast of New England, but don’t have any plans to leave their whole life and move to one tomorrow.
If you’re happy with your relationships as they are right now, then you’re fine. If you like daydreaming or fantasizing about something but know that it wouldn’t work for you in reality, then you’re in good company with the rest of the human race!
You may want to do some self work or even therapeutic work to address your jealousy in relationships if it’s causing you distress or if you want to start exploring non-monogamy, but you’re not obligated to do that. You can see polyamory as “cool, but not for me” or even “cool, but not for me right now” - and that’s completely fine.
